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Dear Dish-It, He Still Hasn't Asked Me Out


Dear Dish-It, is here to whisper "ttyl when I've thought about this some more".


Dear Dish-It,

I won't talk about me in this letter, but about my neighbor. Well, she liked a boy (now she's making one year) but he didn`t like her. He liked her (kinda) best friend. She cried all the time. (She's only 12.) They were in the same club and he seemed to hate her. He proposed to her "best friend" but her best friend loved another. My neighbor told her friend to say "ok" (cuz she didn't want the girl to suffer.) She didn't say ok. She's the best person I've ever met. She loved the guy and put her friend before her love!!!!!
Neighbor


Dear Neighbor,

Sorry, but I had to cut down the length of your story... it was a little wordy, girl. From what I can tell, your sweet neighbour has found herself true love and continues to be loyal to her friend. And she is in her girl's corner despite the first boy (she had the hots for) jonesing for the friend.


The prob is there are peeps at school who know everything about her and (it sounds like) every single feeling or crush she's ever had. And I think you said these peeps are hatin' on her. STOP! Your girl is strong and smart, as well as, heart-smart. Most peeps don't learn heart-smarts until they're much older... it's something that tends to come with experience. All she needs to do is toughen up her skin. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks? Ok, everyone cares a little, but the thing is you shouldn't. The only judgement that counts is personal judgement. If your girl can ask herself if she is a positive, thoughtful person (which according to you, she is) then that's all that counts. Peer pressure can be harsh and hurtful, but your friend shouldn't let it get her down. Pssst, I have a secret - you know those old sayings our 'rents come out with, like "You can't please everyone all of the time?" You know the ones we roll our eyes at. They're actually true. Disturbing but true - mom and dad may know a thing or two... their even worth talkin' to once in a while.


Dear Dish-It,

My friend, Jessica, told me that this guy liked me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. I said yes, so she phoned him that night and he said yes. So it was the next week - me and jessica went to the mall with him, but then he said that he wasn't going out with me. He said that he would but that he hadn't asked me out. That week we went to a Christmas party and he totally ignored me and was being mean. The next day he asked me to phone him and he said sorry. I see him two days a week at martial arts class. He still hasn't asked me out but he still flirts with me. PLEASE HELP !!!!!
Tif


Dear Tif,

What a buttmunch! This guy sounds like he thinks he's pretty much the hottie. If you're smart you'll back away quickly, but not before making him squirm. I say beat him at his own game. C'mon girls, don't think I'm evil... it's just that this guy is playin' games... so I say play this game and teach him a lesson.


First thing you have to do is blow him off. Totally ignore him. Don't be rude, just be zero degrees cool! And how about a pretend boy. Make up a boyfriend or tell him you like someone else. And be really all over it. (I recommend not using a real boy cuz you might send mixed signals. No point in hurting some poor guy.) The thing 'bout lots of boys is they want what they can't have. It's all part of their hunter/gather instincts... once they gotcha they go huntin' for someone or something else. (Note - not all boys are like this, just most.) I think you'll find that he'll become interested in you the moment you move on. But again, I strongly suggest you move along - cuz if he's actin' like this, it's cuz he's into the game , not you.


Dear Dish-It,

I'm 16 and I am seeing a guy... for about two months now. We haven't hooked up yet because he says that I should wait because he doesn't want to rush into things. How should I say this... well we are friends with BENEFITS. Ya'll know what I mean. I also give him money when he needs it. My sis and my gurls tell me to leave him because he is just using me. But I do like him and it seems like he likes me too. Holla back at yur gurl and give me advice about what I should do with this guy?
Angel


Dear Angel,

First thing girl, I'm sorry that this answer has taken so long. Loads of peeps have been dishing it up, and I'm still tryin' to catch up. Here are my thoughts - It sounds to me like you're a wallet with legs. Girl, this boy is takin' advantage of you. I mean if he doesn't want to hook up... hmmm, that's just not natural for a boy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging ya to hook up (and if you do - keep it controlled and safe. I recommend birth control and condoms.) But a guy that doesn't follow up on an open invite... odd! And the money thing. And your girls (sis too) sayin' he's usin' you. It sounds like food for thought. When friends warn you off a boy, it's cuz they can see stuff you can't see or don't want to see. So I say later to your boy. If you're not willin' to let go, at least put him to a test. Tie up those purse strings, then see what what he does. If he sticks with you and his principles, then you just might have a fairy tale in the makin'.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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  • Dear Dish-It, I Am Not Over Him
  • Dear Dish-It, How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
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    Would You Play a Player?

    • Yup! They deserve a taste of their own medicine.
    • Nope. Just ignore 'em and move on.
    • Sure. It'd be kinda fun.
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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    KayKayZ
    KayKayZ posted in Friends:
    Hmm, okay, well I'll try to give you the best advice that I can, Error. So you say you don't like your friend for a number of reasons: Liar, bad influence, uses swear words, too blunt, etc. I feel like some of these could be over-looked, such as the swearing and the 'bad influence' part. Really, all you have to do is just not copy her actions, and they won't be influential at all. If you disagree, it shouldn't be hard to just refuse to follow in her steps. However, lying isn't the best quality I would look for in a friend.  She doesn't seem like an enjoyable person to be around in general, which is why you are making this post, obviously. But I'm gonna ask you something here. Don't you think that, in a way, you're lying too? You're pretending to be her friend solely for purposes of monetary value because, I assume, your family cannot pay for or get you to gymnastic class themselves. If this is true, that's kind of bad, isn't it? It sounds like, to me, that your friendship isn't exactly a healthy relationship at all. But I'm gonna sympathize with you, since I know gymnastics must be important to you, and you wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have a good reason. So, what should you do about it? Well, personally I think there are a few things you could do. You could stop being her friend, therefore no longer having to deal with her; but in the process lose access to your gymnastics class and have to look for it in another way. On the flip side, you could continue to put up with her, which would probably not be in your best interests, but you'd still get to attend your class. Or, you could try talking to her about it. Ask her what she really thinks of your friendship, if she actually values you as her friend. Maybe you two can talk about problems that you're having with each other and work on fixing them. This option could have negative effects, since she might want to stop being your friend or things could become very awkward after that. But it's probably your best bet to be honest with her, as you'd hope she would be with you. How about if you tried being really nice to her? Kindness is contagious, and perhaps if you treat her well enough, she'll start doing the same to you. I feel like maybe if you complimented her, told her things that you really like about her, maybe even got her gifts or made her food once in a while, that she would come to appreciate you and all that you do for her. And in turn, she might start to respect you more herself, and become a good friend. That's about all I can say. If you're close enough with her mom, maybe you could even try asking her about her daughter and see if she can give you any advice. Hopefully that helped in some way, but if it didn't, maybe it at least made you think? I hope your problem gets resolved, Error, and you can be content with the outcome of it. :-)
    reply 2 days
    Error101
    Error101 posted in Friends:
    Okay so I have this friend and I don't like the type of person she is and I wouldn't be friends with her but her mom takes me to gymnastics every week.  I  had her over to spend the night and she lied about everything to me.  She kept telling me that she used to think I was weird and she didn't like me and it kind of hurt my feelings...  I would never tell someone that even if it was true.  She cusses and is a bad influence and she lies a ton.  There are a ton of bad qualities about her, and very few good ones.  I can't be mean to her because she is how I get to gymnastics but I don't really want to be her friend.  What should I do?  :(
    reply 3 days
    Wonderfulcalico
    My parents have always been aggressive and abusive and I only just noticed it a couple months ago. Over time they've gotten worse (specifically my mother). Whenever she gets mad she'll yell at us and if she gets mad enough she'll hit and push us around. Whoever we get into arguments it's always one- sided and she always wins, even if she knows she is wrong. An argument we had not to long ago was about me not taking care of myself. She looked at my hair and started to touch it and told me "Your hair isn't soft why is it so dry, it's probably because you aren't taking care of your hair." Then she goes on to tell me that she's going to cut it and all of this other stuff when she knows I'm conscious about me looking like a boy ( Used to get called a boy for having short hair). As the argument goes on, I start to tell her things that she knows she is wrong about. She proceeds to yell at me then grabs me by the face and say "If you don't lower your tone and listen to what I'm saying I'm going to knock you in the head." Then she goes on to tell me she remembers nothing I was saying and that it's a lie. She also hit me when I didn't clean the laundry room correctly and whenever she gets fed up. I'm constantly having to watch what I say and do, because I'm scared that I'm going to end up hurt. She also likes to degrade me and tell how bad I'm doing. She's said plenty of thing like when I didn't have my bed covers tucked in she yelled at me and hit me and I said "Do you expect me to just stand here and take this", and she replied saying "That's what you are supposed to do you are the child and I am the adult, you take whatever I do until I'm done." Another time is when I had my band concert and I had to pick out the right attire. When we went shopping to get the clothing I chose slacks when she liked a skirt better, we went on to fight in the store and she bought the slacks. When we got home she said to me that real girls wear skirts and dresses and boys wear slacks and pants. This hurt me because she knows I have a past with people telling me I look like a boy etc. Another time I started to sleep on the floor, because I was practicing a minimalist life. When I left my pillows on the floor she found it and questioned me on why they were there. I told her it fell of my bed when really I left it there. Later when I told my dad, he told her and she got mad because I was getting cat hair on my pillows. She then proceeded to ask why I lied and I told her sometimes lying is better then the truth (I knew she would get mad that I was sleeping on the floor so I lied) then she told me that I was never going to have a relationship, a job, or friends ( This hurt me because I don't have friends now). She's also said that I don't take care of my body because I ate two sweets in one day which lead her to banning me from Doritos and now I have to ask to get chips and any other snack. She's told me I don't take care of my teeth because I have yellow spots from using whitening toothpaste with braces on. She's told me I don't take care of my hair so I can't wash it or do any hair style or then a bun. She had lead me to starving myself (Unless she makes me eat) and cutting myself. I've just stopped caring, because what ever I do is always wrong. I never get a choice in my activities, she controls my life in fact she me just in a different body. But what is even worse is that she's turning my dad into her. Now I have a scheduled time to eat breakfast and lunch, and to go onto my electronics. I feel like I'm in a prison with my parents constantly watching over me, in fact yesterday when I was pouring my milk my mom got out a measuring cup and poured my milk into the measuring cup and said "Why isn't this a full cup" and I replied saying "Because I don't measure my milk." Then she got angry at me. There's so much I could say about her, but I'll stop. Anyways my father is always sarcastic and he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Today I was cleaning out my bag for next school year and my dad came in and said, "Wow, you aren't even dress yet and I had to come up here to tell you how sad." Just little things like that hurt me. My little sister got mad at me last week for sitting in a certain area and she said " Why are you sitting there," and I didn't reply because I didn't want to speak to her and she then said, "Probably because you are too stupid to answer." I wanted to break down crying then and there, but I kept it in. I've limited my talking to her, because all she does is break me down. Like when there was a Proactive commercial and she said, "Ha, you need that." That hurt me because just the other my mom was telling me how I don't take care of my face and that's why I have acne. My older sister and I barely talk, because whenever I try to talk to her she's mad for what ever reason and when my parents were talking about hitting my sister she was in the corner laughing. My cat Preston is very young and I got hi,abo a year ago. I get very sad and often cry, because I've seen him turn out scared and aggressive just like me because he's been through what I have. One time he pooped in a clothes basket (It's right next to his litter box) my mom grabbed him by the neck and hit him while she smothered his face in his poop, all while yelling at him. I was going to call the Animal Protective Services, but I got too scared and I realized how lonely I would be. Please help me I'm not sure what to do anymore. Also sorry for the very long post!
    reply 6 days
    Error101
    Error101 posted in Family Issues:
    Dear Kkmr324, I hope you get to feeling better as time goes on.  It does get better but like you said you can't actually get over it.  Losing someone to cancer is awful and I have never lost a friend and I hope I never will and I am so sorry that you did, but I have lost family to cancer and it is horrible.  I hope your okay. :(
    reply 7 days
    Kkrmr324
    Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
    A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
    reply 10 days