Meet New Friends!

Recommended friends are based on your interests. Make sure they are up to date.

Kidzworld Logo

Dear Dish-It: I Don’t Want To Lose Either Of Them

Dear Dish-It,

I told my friend I liked him but it turned out he didn’t like me back. I was so embarrassed and it took a month for us to be friends again. Then I found out my friend Sam liked me and we went on date. I accidentally mentioned my old crush and Sam got all huffy and jealous. And when my former crush found out about the date, he said he hates Sam. I want us all to be friends, so I confronted him about it. But when I tried to find out what was wrong, he just said he’s been thinking about me. Now I’m really confused. Why didn’t he just say he likes me when I told him I liked him? And I’m scared of losing either of them.


Dear Help!

Sounds like you’ve found yourself smack-dab in the middle of a love triangle. Meaning, two guys like you and are vying for your attention and affection and, in the meantime, hating each other. It’s a tough situation to be in, especially if the three of you used to be good friends.

Unfortunately, love is a powerful feeling and emotion that can get in the way of everyday friendships. I totally understand that you don’t want to make anyone feel hurt or angry and that you want everyone to be nice to each other and be friends, but I’m afraid it isn’t up to you this time. In terms of the two guys in your life being friends, I’d forget about that for the timebeing. It’s something they will have to sort out themselves, without your help. It’s just not your responsibility to make everyone around you get along.

As for your feelings, you need to follow your heart. And when I say that, I don’t mean you should follow it blindly. Remember, the first guy you were crushing on told you he didn’t like you back when you first admitted to him that you had feelings for him. Is there any possibility he has changed his mind only because he sees you with another guy?

There’s an old saying that goes: “You always want what you can’t have.” I may be wrong, and he may have genuinely changed his mind about his feelings for you, but to me it sounds like your first crush only decided he wanted you when he could no longer have you – that is, when you started dating another guy. For this reason, I’d be careful if I were you. People don’t really change too often or too easily, and there’s a strong possibility that once he does have you again, he won’t want you any longer. He may just be one of those guys (and there are lots of them out there, and girls, too) who loves the thrill of the chase.

The other guy you went on a date with, according to you, is a really nice guy. But he said some pretty mean things about your old crush, didn’t he? Being jealous when it comes to boyfriend-girlfriend (romantic) relationships is pretty normal, but not necessarily a good sign for what’s ahead. He may not only get jealous when you simply mention another guy’s name, he may take it further in the future and not want you to hang out with any other guys, even if you’ve been friends with them for years. I’d ask him how he truly feels about this, and make it clear to him that, if the two of you do decide to stay to together, you will be keeping your friendships with other guys and he needs to be OK with that.

So I would be careful. Look into your heart and try to figure out what’s most important to you. Maybe neither of these guys is really the one for you. Maybe they’re really just friends, and someone else who has more of the qualities you are looking for an deserve will come along eventually. Also know that once you cross the romantic line with a friend, it’s very hard to go back. Dating either one of your friends may mean that, if you do break up in the future, you won’t be able to be friends anymore. You need to decide if that’s a chance you’re willing to take.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

More Dish-It Advice:

  • I Like Two Guys
  • I Like My Best Friend
  • I’m A Big Flirt
  • I’m Single And I Like It
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!

    Related Stories

    There's this one guy I like and I'm willing to ask him out, but I'm afraid that everybody will fi...

    Who Should Rachel End Up With? Vote Here to Break the Love Triangle!

    • Rachel and Ross have to end up together. It's meant to be.
    • Rachel and Joey are great together. She should be with him!
    • Ross and Joey should both dump Rachel.

    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning posted in Friends:
    I've been there when I was still in school. I don't personally have many friends now that I'm graduated, but that's more because the people here aren't worth being friends with. Off topic, my bad- Anyways, just try being a nice person. Sit with the other kid that's alone during lunch, find someone who needs someone to talk too, be open. I realize this can be difficult to do if you're shy, believe me, I've been there as well. Just remember that you need to stay yourself. I've lost friends because they turned out to be someone totally different than how they made themselves out to be. It's not worth it to pretend you're someone else. If it doesn't happen naturally after a little while, then you just have to keep in mind that it's your turn to put yourself out there. Remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I made a friend, that's pretty cool." But, also remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I didn't make a friend, that's pretty okay too." If you put yourself out there and someone doesn't accept it, then that's okay. It just means they weren't meant to be your friend and someone else will come along much better for you.
    reply about 3 hours
    Powerslave posted in Friends:
    If most people from this generation don't want to be friends with you, you are doing something right.
    reply about 3 hours
    Be yourself,do what you like to do and people who like the same things will/should be attracted to you. Don't take to much thought to people who want to change you so then you can be their friend. as i said before just be yourself and people will like you and want to be your friend! TRUST ME ON THIS! :D :D :D :D
    reply about 5 hours
    jordand08 posted in Friends:
    Just be open, and talk to someone. I'm sure once someone starts talking to you they're find you cool, and other people might join in. (:
    reply about 6 hours
    reply about 9 hours