Dear Dish-It: I Don’t Want To Lose Either Of Them
I told my friend I liked him but it turned out he didn’t like me back. I was so embarrassed and it took a month for us to be friends again. Then I found out my friend Sam liked me and we went on date. I accidentally mentioned my old crush and Sam got all huffy and jealous. And when my former crush found out about the date, he said he hates Sam. I want us all to be friends, so I confronted him about it. But when I tried to find out what was wrong, he just said he’s been thinking about me. Now I’m really confused. Why didn’t he just say he likes me when I told him I liked him? And I’m scared of losing either of them.
Sounds like you’ve found yourself smack-dab in the middle of a love triangle. Meaning, two guys like you and are vying for your attention and affection and, in the meantime, hating each other. It’s a tough situation to be in, especially if the three of you used to be good friends.
Unfortunately, love is a powerful feeling and emotion that can get in the way of everyday friendships. I totally understand that you don’t want to make anyone feel hurt or angry and that you want everyone to be nice to each other and be friends, but I’m afraid it isn’t up to you this time. In terms of the two guys in your life being friends, I’d forget about that for the timebeing. It’s something they will have to sort out themselves, without your help. It’s just not your responsibility to make everyone around you get along.
As for your feelings, you need to follow your heart. And when I say that, I don’t mean you should follow it blindly. Remember, the first guy you were crushing on told you he didn’t like you back when you first admitted to him that you had feelings for him. Is there any possibility he has changed his mind only because he sees you with another guy?
There’s an old saying that goes: “You always want what you can’t have.” I may be wrong, and he may have genuinely changed his mind about his feelings for you, but to me it sounds like your first crush only decided he wanted you when he could no longer have you – that is, when you started dating another guy. For this reason, I’d be careful if I were you. People don’t really change too often or too easily, and there’s a strong possibility that once he does have you again, he won’t want you any longer. He may just be one of those guys (and there are lots of them out there, and girls, too) who loves the thrill of the chase.
The other guy you went on a date with, according to you, is a really nice guy. But he said some pretty mean things about your old crush, didn’t he? Being jealous when it comes to boyfriend-girlfriend (romantic) relationships is pretty normal, but not necessarily a good sign for what’s ahead. He may not only get jealous when you simply mention another guy’s name, he may take it further in the future and not want you to hang out with any other guys, even if you’ve been friends with them for years. I’d ask him how he truly feels about this, and make it clear to him that, if the two of you do decide to stay to together, you will be keeping your friendships with other guys and he needs to be OK with that.
So I would be careful. Look into your heart and try to figure out what’s most important to you. Maybe neither of these guys is really the one for you. Maybe they’re really just friends, and someone else who has more of the qualities you are looking for an deserve will come along eventually. Also know that once you cross the romantic line with a friend, it’s very hard to go back. Dating either one of your friends may mean that, if you do break up in the future, you won’t be able to be friends anymore. You need to decide if that’s a chance you’re willing to take.
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