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Dear Dish-It: I Don’t Want To Lose Either Of Them

Dear Dish-It,

I told my friend I liked him but it turned out he didn’t like me back. I was so embarrassed and it took a month for us to be friends again. Then I found out my friend Sam liked me and we went on date. I accidentally mentioned my old crush and Sam got all huffy and jealous. And when my former crush found out about the date, he said he hates Sam. I want us all to be friends, so I confronted him about it. But when I tried to find out what was wrong, he just said he’s been thinking about me. Now I’m really confused. Why didn’t he just say he likes me when I told him I liked him? And I’m scared of losing either of them.


Help!


Dear Help!


Sounds like you’ve found yourself smack-dab in the middle of a love triangle. Meaning, two guys like you and are vying for your attention and affection and, in the meantime, hating each other. It’s a tough situation to be in, especially if the three of you used to be good friends.


Unfortunately, love is a powerful feeling and emotion that can get in the way of everyday friendships. I totally understand that you don’t want to make anyone feel hurt or angry and that you want everyone to be nice to each other and be friends, but I’m afraid it isn’t up to you this time. In terms of the two guys in your life being friends, I’d forget about that for the timebeing. It’s something they will have to sort out themselves, without your help. It’s just not your responsibility to make everyone around you get along.


As for your feelings, you need to follow your heart. And when I say that, I don’t mean you should follow it blindly. Remember, the first guy you were crushing on told you he didn’t like you back when you first admitted to him that you had feelings for him. Is there any possibility he has changed his mind only because he sees you with another guy?


There’s an old saying that goes: “You always want what you can’t have.” I may be wrong, and he may have genuinely changed his mind about his feelings for you, but to me it sounds like your first crush only decided he wanted you when he could no longer have you – that is, when you started dating another guy. For this reason, I’d be careful if I were you. People don’t really change too often or too easily, and there’s a strong possibility that once he does have you again, he won’t want you any longer. He may just be one of those guys (and there are lots of them out there, and girls, too) who loves the thrill of the chase.


The other guy you went on a date with, according to you, is a really nice guy. But he said some pretty mean things about your old crush, didn’t he? Being jealous when it comes to boyfriend-girlfriend (romantic) relationships is pretty normal, but not necessarily a good sign for what’s ahead. He may not only get jealous when you simply mention another guy’s name, he may take it further in the future and not want you to hang out with any other guys, even if you’ve been friends with them for years. I’d ask him how he truly feels about this, and make it clear to him that, if the two of you do decide to stay to together, you will be keeping your friendships with other guys and he needs to be OK with that.


So I would be careful. Look into your heart and try to figure out what’s most important to you. Maybe neither of these guys is really the one for you. Maybe they’re really just friends, and someone else who has more of the qualities you are looking for an deserve will come along eventually. Also know that once you cross the romantic line with a friend, it’s very hard to go back. Dating either one of your friends may mean that, if you do break up in the future, you won’t be able to be friends anymore. You need to decide if that’s a chance you’re willing to take.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I Like Two Guys
  • I Like My Best Friend
  • I’m A Big Flirt
  • I’m Single And I Like It
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 2 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    EndlessDream
    EndlessDream posted in Style:
    You need breakfast and lunch. Starving yourself, even if you aren't hungry, makes you loose energy to the point you could pass out from not eating. Keep your diet healthy. For breakfast, at least have yogurt, fruit, and juice. Drink at least 4 full glasses of water a day. Trim down on the snacks. Everyone has different bodies and build. You may just be large-boned. And that's not bad! That makes you stronger and higher ability to gain muscle. Loosing weight doesn't happen over night. It can take months. 
    reply about 7 hours
    Nekogirl101
    Nekogirl101 posted in Style:
    For years my parents would tell me I'm skinny but compared to other people, my waist was bigger and I would always hide it. Though it was obvious I weighed more, I've only been doing this for a week and I didn't ever tell anyone what I was doing until my parents found out. I would skip lunch and breakfast and say I was full. I only ate a big dinner every night. Once my parents found out, they said it was unhealthy and if I didn't  stop, I would develop an eating disorder. I obviously listened to them, but I've tried as best as I can so far. I have barely lost any weight from exercise and my parents won't let me go on a diet because I already 'eat healthy enough'. I want to lose weight without exercising being 3/4s of my lifestyle. I know, I'm a lazy idiot for saying all this.
    reply about 8 hours
    rainbowpoptart
    Yes, purely for the fact that you should not "hate" your sister (or anyone, for that matter).  I'm guessing by "get in trouble for her", you mean she does something wrong and the blame is all put on you? Yeah, little siblings tend to do that a lot. My brother did for the longest time, until my parents found out how much a liar he is. She, hopefully, will grow out of this eventually. Either that, or your parent[s]/guardian[s] will eventually see through her. You lose your friends to her? By this do you mean your friends want to hang out with her and they want you to tag along and you don't? Or do you mean your friends chose your sister over you? If it's the latter, then perhaps you shouldn't have ever referred to those people as friends. You'll find friends who'll prefer you over your sister, I'm sure of it. The only thing I can tell you to do is try to get along with your sister. Every group of siblings has their cats and dogs moment in life, but they grow out of it (most of the time; there are, of course, circumstances where it doesn't work out that way). Please be grateful for your sister, even if you two fight a lot. You never know how much you need something until it's gone.
    reply 1 day
    liddielover
    i hate my little sister because i get introuble for her and lose my friends to her.is that wrong?
    reply 1 day
    skylar245
    skylar245 posted in Friends:
    "rainbowpoptart" wrote: "skylar245" wrote: Teacher said to wait for the Bus Driver and the counselor, she just talks to me and doesn't tell The Princible Then maybe try telling the principal yourself, and you should also report that the driver, teacher, and counselor haven't done anything to help you. If that fails, tell another trusted adult, like your mother. I'm sure someone you're close to would do their best to get justice. This is a major problem and it's a shame no one's done anything to help. ​No one listens to me anyway but my friends
    reply 3 days