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Dear Dish-It: My Friends Are Fighting

Dear Dish-It,

All my friends fight continuously and because of that we are not as close as before. My friends and I talked and decided our ex-friend was the cause of all the fighting. After a while my friends said they wanted to be friends with her again – but I still hate her. Help me.

Tensed Friend


Dear TF,


I’m sad and sorry to hear that you and your friends fight so much. Actually, when I read your letter it sort of sounded like these people weren’t your friends at all. Friends don’t fight like cats and dogs. Sure, there’s a misunderstanding or argument in every once in a while, but the way you describe your fighting it sounds much more serious than that.


I also want to say that it was wrong for you and some of your friends to decide behind the girl’s back that she was the cause of all the fighting. I mean, eventually, your friends decided they wanted to hang out with her again, so what was the point of talking behind her back like that? I don’t know if she really did cause all the fighting or not, but the rest of you should have been the better people and not turned around and ganged up on her like that. To me, it sounds a lot like bullying.


Now, there seem to be a couple of issues you need to sort out for yourself. Remember, I’m giving this advice to you, not to the rest of your group of friends, because you’re the one who wrote in to me for help. If the rest of your friends want to know what they should do, they can write to me, too, in their own words, with their own side of the story.


So in your case, you need to sit back and really think long and hard about these friendships of yours. Like I said at the beginning of this note, it really doesn’t sound like you guys are all good friends at all, fighting constantly and ganging up behind each other’s backs. Do these girls really bring out the best in you like real friends should? Or do they make you into someone who tries to blame her problems on someone else and who uses the word “hate” to describe a fellow human being?


I say let your “friends” be friends with whoever they want. If they fought once they’ll probably fight again and break up as friends and, who knows, maybe even make up again to start the vicious cycle all over again. I think the time is right for you as an individual person with her own mind to decide to look for better friends – friends who don’t fight and cause drama and stress. Friends you can say are truly there for you, who your truly admire as people – friends you would never say that you “hate.”


And if you still believe this group of girls are the right friends for you, then you need to quickly shed your attitude of hate and blame and start acting like a good friend to them. Have you ever heard of the saying “Do unto other as you would have them do unto you?” Well, it basically means you should treat others the way you want to be treated yourself. If you stop fighting with everyone and going around placing blame and spewing hatred, and instead act kind and friendly and nice to everyone around you (no matter what you think of them and no matter what they do) then you may be surprised to see that your friends will start treating you with the same kindness and respect. And if they don’t, well, I’ve proved my case – these aren’t your real friends at all.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Dish-It Advice:

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    partydiva01
    partydiva01 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, my friend first met eachother on the first day of kindergarten we sat next to one another and we became close. we were BFF's throughout 1st to 2nd grades. then, the second grade teacher realized there were alot of kids in the class. and same w the 3rd grade teacher. so, we had to have a split class. my friend was in the split. I was not. It all seemed like the teachers were doing somthing... weired. all the girls (well, almost there were only 6 girls on one half) were in the split. and all the boys were in regular . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS WEIRED! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( all the boy BFF's and the girl BFF's were SPLIT. me and my friend,kids named Nia & Georgia, Isaac& Ethan, and more. it was so sad for all of us.2 months later, I got homschooled. 2 years later im back in public with my 4th grade self. everything had changed. a bunch of people were obsessed w\ a girl my age named kassidy. im neighbors w\ kassidy and she is REALLY cool and nice. but the whole I  [s:sm3/1jw1] kassidy crew got mean. if I asked them to play they would say. "If Kassidy is playing I will" or I would want to be parteners with kassidy on something and they would freak out. anyway jasmine NEVER invited my to anything, and I am trying to be nice to her ( ice cream money, homework help, comfort when sad, ect.) And not to mention I invited her to 3 things!!! on the bright side she came to 2 :thumbsup :thumbsup she also embarassed me by saying that she was moving I freaked out  because I cared about her and I would cry all the time. I even held onto her and said sadly, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!  :sad :sad . later i found out that she was not moving, she was going to CA for a vacation. even the teacher was in on it!! :mad :mad anyways, my parents told me that i should just let go of her. But i am not ready. HELP??? :e :e :e :e :e
    reply 4 days
    PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
    When I was a child I wanted glasses SOO bad, cuz I wanted to copy my mom and sister. And also, I thought they looked cool. I wear glasses now. I have had them for 2 years and honestly I don't mind them. Although, this year I am gonna pry get contacts for swimming better and stuff like that. But if you don't need glasses I wouldn't recommend wearing them. They're not bad, but trust me after a while you will pry not like them as much. But hey, that's my opinion. If you want to do it I'm not gonna stop you. Do what makes you happy in the long run. And tell your friends that they are non prescription if you don't need them, but still get some.
    reply 4 days
    Bratayley_Fan_7
    She is not. I have faced this problem before so I know. You should make a new friend!
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    I agree I was afraid of that first too. Eventually I just began inviting my friends over and they don't use it/practically obsess over it like I do but they understood why I use kidzworld and not many other forms of social media. 
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    "btw_sports_rule" wrote:I really like a guy and people think he likes me. I like him but im really scared to tell anyone. I really need help but i don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to parents. They would put me in trouble for falling in love. They believe I can't date until age 20. Aw, well, my advice for you would be to talk to your parents about it. There's no point trying to sneak around like those films and it is better for your mind if you talk to them about it. It can be super difficult I know but if you and your parents get along really well then you guys can talk about it and make it work. On the other hand, if your parents ban you from falling in love as you put it, then I think it's better just to stay as friends with him. 
    reply 4 days