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Dear Dish-It: Do I Do Long-Distance?

Dear Dish-It,


I've been going out with this AMAZING girl for about 4 months. She means the world to me. We clicked on the first day and are still going strong. We relate to each other well but something recently slowed our relationship. Two weeks ago she moved to Egypt with plans to stay there for a year. I was devastated, even though I knew of the move long before it came – it hit me all at once on that day. I’m lonely without her, as pitiful as it may sound. The situation has got me asking questions like are the 5-10 minute conversations per day enough to make it through the year? Is it worth the wait? Do long-distance relationships ever work? Can I trust her?


JustCurious


Dear JC,


I’m sorry to hear your love has left for a year. However, I don’t think the situation is as bad – or as difficult – as you are making it out to be. First and foremost, you need to remember how lucky you are to have already found someone you care about so much, and who seems to care about you a whole lot in return. Some people have a much harder time finding love – that’s something to feel good about, whether it is forever or not.


I’m sorry you feel so lonely without your girlfriend, but what happened to all your other friends, and your family? Did they go to Egypt, too? I’m guessing the answer to that is no, and this may be a good opportunity for you to reconnect with the other people in your life. It sounds like, while your girlfriend was close, you may have neglected your other relationships in favor of hanging out with and getting closer to her. But the truth is, no matter what kind of relationship you find yourself in, you need to keep a good support system of other people around you – you never know when you may need them.


In terms of the long-distance thing, you have to know that thinking about stereotypes and over-generalizing the situation is never a good idea. What may be true for others isn’t necessarily true for you. If you’re feeling like you want out of the relationship while it isn’t one you can experience in person, then I suggest you talk to your girlfriend about that and let her know that you may be willing to try and pick things up again where they left off once she returns home, but that it’s just too hard for you to have a relationship where you’re separated by an entire ocean. She may not understand where you’re coming from or feel the same way, but you need to do what’s best for you at this point in your life.


If you do want to be with her and continue trying to work on the relationship despite her being so far away, then that’s what you should do. In this case, only time will tell whether things will work out between the two of you or not. But if you love her and want to be with her, then isn’t it worth taking the chance to find out?


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • Can My Long-Distance Relationship Work?
  • My Girlfriend Moved Away
  • I Like A Girl In Another Country
  • Should I Just Forget Her?
  • 2 Comments

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    astucieuse331
    astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
    I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
    reply about 10 hours
    ts01
    ts01 posted in Friends:
    im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
    reply about 11 hours
    lolflowergirl
    lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
    i feel alone too
    reply about 13 hours
    kayme123
    kayme123 posted in Friends:
    i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
    reply about 22 hours
    Irene_love
    Irene_love posted in Style:
    "1.am.3m0" wrote:Hey. Im also turning 15 soon. So dont worry you arent alone hahah. Start dressing for your shape and also find whats comfortable.  Because if you wear something that is uncomfortable you wont be happy and happiness is the best look :) Most of the time I wear jeans with a graphic tshirt or singlet and a cardigan or light jacket. Hoodies are great for winter. And I wear combat boots like doc martins and converse. Hope I helped somehow! :)
    reply about 23 hours

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