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Dear Dish-It, My Friends Are Mean

Dear Dish-It,

Last year, sometime, I found out that this guy was my cousin, and he's like really popular with all the girls in our class... he is a really distant cousin. He is my step, step, cousin, so it doesn't really mean we're cousins at all. Only the smallest bit. Now, I have never had a crush or anything on him, and I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for three months, but I just started to realize at camp (just a little while ago,) that I do have strong feelings for him... my cousin I mean. If I tell him, I think he'll start acting funny and reject me, but if I don't, I'll never know what he'll say. I don't wanna hurt my boyfriend either. What should I do? Please help!
skate


Dear skate,

Leave it alone girl. Just leave it alone. You got a hottie to keep you company. A hottie you like and don't wanna hurt. That's all I need to know. Never mind 'bout how your cousin will act if he finds out you've been thinkin' of him. You will hurt your boy if he finds out. And it's kinda dissing him if you start makin' like you've gotta thing for another. The answer, girl, is do not tell your cuz anything. You never know what could happen in the future. If it's meant to be, it will be.


Dear Dish-It,

(Click here to read LILBABYT's Dear Dish-It question.) I think you should ask Anthony if he likes you or his x. Then you should know what to do.
kz2kool


Dear kzkool,

Nice advice girl. The straight up approach is always good.


Dear Dish-It,

(Click here to read Anonymous's Dear Dish-It question.) Anonymous, are you serious? How old are you? Gosh, this is just my opinion, but that is as stupid as heck! Aren't you afraid of what it is gonna do to your rep and everything else? Anything like that can screw up your life in an instant!
RoxyGirl77077


Dear RoxyGirl77077,

Truth girl. You called it right!


Dear Dish-It,

My friends are sometimes mean to me. When I stand up for myself they (she) makes up a mean joke and then all my friends laugh. I can't do anything about this. Please don't put my e-mail on this or else, they will know and then get mad at me. I can't just stop being friends with them. It's hard to explain, but I'll try. I've been friends with them a long time and they were always a little mean, but it just keeps getting worse. Please, help me. I don't know what to do. You don't understand - I can't even say how bad it sometimes gets. They're funny and fun, but something always happens when I'm with them that makes me feel like crap. I'm going CRAZY.


Like, for instance, when I'm standing up for myself, she says that I'm on my period and the other two laugh. I need help. You probably don't care much for my situation. I'd be surprised if you have even read this far. If you have, thank you. You are the only person I have to talk to. And I don't think you care, but I'd just like to let you know that it makes me feel better just letting out all my pain... even if no one is listening. My parents aren't divorced or anything like that. I actually have a pretty good life, but I'm going to high school in 2 years and I'm scared. I think the high school I'm going to go to is pretty good... but I'm scared of new surroundings and new people and new teachers and everything. In away, I think it will be a good turning point in my life. I can start off brand new. I'm writing a really long e-mail, but I have so much to say. You don't have to answer me back, just the fact that I let that all out is good enough. Thanx. Your a giant help. It's 11:51, so I'll say good bye, good luck and good night.
Friend


Dear Friend,

Wow! You've gotta lot of feelings swirlin' around inside of ya. I'm glad you wrote to me, cuz believe it or not, I felt like that too. What's amazing is that the peeps around you probably have no idea about how stressed you are. It sounds like you're pretty sensitive and there's nuttin' wrong with that. Think 'bout all the cool things sensitive peeps grow up to do. They become artists, writers, musicians, doctors, psychologists and much more. Not only do they do totally cool things but they're totally cool peeps too. Did you know some of the most successful, cool and famous people felt exactly like you when they were in school. Check out these quotes:


"I was so happy and sunny at school that the other kids just hated me. I had to hide in the teacher's parking lot once because this huge group of girls wanted to beat me up - just for being so happy."
Brandy, to Jumpmagazine.


"Growing up, all the other girls at school were taking dance. They thought it was weird that I was into archery. But I didn't worry about what they thought. I went for what's important to me."
Karen Scavotto, to YM magazine. Karen was the youngest member of the US Olympic archery team at the Sydney games.


"Puberty was definitely awkward for me. I grew up in Oklahoma and I think I weighed a whopping 85 pounds in eighth grade. And in Oklahoma, if you don't play sports, they basically throw you in the trash."
James Marsden, (X-Men leader Cyclops,) on feeling like an outcast.


"When I was 8 years old, I went to camp. We had just come back from the pool and I had forgotten an extra pair of underwear, so I just put my shorts on. Later, during an assembly, this boy I had a crush on pulled my pants down and I had nothing on underneath. I was so mortified, I ran back to the pool and stayed there all day."
Pink to Teen People on her most embarrassing moment.


Girl, the point is everyone feels like an outcast, or is shy, or gets totally abused by the peeps they go to school with. The trick is not to let it get to you. Even better, turn your negative feelings into your strength. Make them the engine that drives you forward to success. You are as great as you wanna be, so go for it! As for your friends... I'd chill on that front. Don't spend too much time with peeps who wanna knock you down.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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  • 31 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Fun_125
    Fun_125 posted in Friends:
    I've had friends like this. The relationship made me unhappy so I took a step back. From what I think is that she isnt your real friend. This happens to the best of us. Does it suck? Yes. It does very much. When she grows up and realizes that you aren't there then she can be annoyed. But until then maybe stop spending a lot of time with her...
    reply about 2 hours
    Autonomy
    "Lulu335" wrote: I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!! Oh sweetheart, your situation is so, so very far from being complicated. In fact, it's actually, entirely simple. But I'm here to help you see that, because you can't see it yourself quite yet. Brace yourself, you may never hear such advice in your life ever again. Or you might, I can't predict the future. You're in sixth grade, you said. Assuming you live in the United states and weren't held back, you're probably 12, maybe 11. The problem is, the human brain isn't fully developed until a person hits the age of about 25. This means, without debate, that your brain unable to fully grasp what being in a relationship actually entails, what it means, what the consequences are, and so forth. You can't even fathom it, my dear. I couldn't at your age; no one can. You've just begun to hit puberty at this point in your very young, completely normal life. Certain hormones are now being developed by your body that, up until puberty began, your body did not produce. Let me explain, in simple terms, what this means: these new hormones are giving you fuzzy feelings for boys, but these feelings are not what people with fully developed brains call "love." Love means being self sacrificing, compromising, giving and taking, communicating clearly and honestly, and so much more. What you're feeling is a part of love-romance-but it's not all there is to love. It's actually just a few simple chemicals being released in your brain: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and few others. Your brain releases those chemicals when, say, you see a boy you like, and those chemicals make you feel all fuzzy inside. In fact, (brace yourself,) there's nothing inherently special about the boys you like, or the boys that like you; in fact, they're also, entirely normal, and aside from a few minor differences in character, completely like most other boys their age. Had you been born in another town, gone to another school, you would have gotten the same fuzzy feeling about whatever boy you thought you liked at that school. You see? I'm not saying this to make you feel insignificant, but perhaps the insight will make moving easier for you. The next place your militant parents settle down in will also have a middle school, with a bunch of normal 11-14 year old boys and girls, all doing the exact same things the kids at your school do right now. Does that put things in perspective for you? The world is a very, very big place, and it's home to billions upon billions of people. Your situation is far from being a needle in a hay stack; it's more like a blade of grass, in a vast field of foliage. The feelings you're feeling aren't uncommon or complicated, they just feel that way to you. (Now, really brace yourself, because this is going to get uncomfortable.) We, as people, tend to think that we're special. Each one of us a unique snowflake, drifting about in big blue sky, that exists solely to show the world how special we are. The problem is, the other seven billions snowflakes (people) think exactly like we do, and in this way, we are all the same. We think our problems are new problems that no one has ever dealt with before, and no one else could possibly understand the pain and suffering we're going through. We all think this way, by nature; but it's simply naive. Heartache and suffering have existed since people existed, and possibly before then. Your situation may not be ideal to you, but once you come to terms with the fact that life isn't ideal for anyone, you might actually feel comfort. The easiest way to cope with our many problems, is to accept them for what they are: a part of the human experience. Natural, normal, repeating generation after generation without end. Again, these are concepts that require some deep thought, and you might not fully grasp them quite yet. But remember them. With time, as you grow, think about them more, and you will find peace with your life. And remember this: although you're stuck (for now) on a giant rock hurling around the sun at an incredible speed, you're not alone. With billions of other people stuck here with you, you'll never be without friends.
    reply about 12 hours
    Fun_125
    I personally think that when you ARE ready then go for it! As long as the person you like isn't a jerk to anyone or you go for it! Just don't get too serious. It's middle school. Good luck!
    reply about 14 hours
    Error44
    "Lulu335" wrote:I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!!I know, it is too late but I think you should not go for a deeper relationship, don't make it hard for yourself and try to be his just friend because you are so young .
    reply about 17 hours
    Error44
    "queenslay173" wrote:I was at school when I noticed people started to tell me this boy liked me and I thought it was cool because I'm used to that type of stuff then we started to dated in October we broke up right before christmas and it was so strange. we got back together in the beginning of January and we broke up again on the 4 my friends are really mad at me and he seemed really upset I like him but I just don't want to be with him anymore what should I do ?- confused lover Tell him your reasons and make it clear for both of you
    reply about 17 hours