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Dear Dish-It, My Parents Made Us Break Up

Dear Dish-It, is here to whisper "ttyl after I've thought about this some more".

Dear Dish-It,

Last year me and my BF had to break up cuz of letters my sister found that me and my BF wrote to each other. It's been a year now and I still can't stop thinking about him! We saw each other behind our parents' backs and then they found out and we lost their trust. Now I've got my 'rents trust back cuz he moved away. I talk bad about him around my Mom and Dad, but in my heart I love him. What can I do?
Babybluez


Dear Babybluez,

This is not lookin' good for you. You kinda handled the whole thing the wrong way, it seems. Well, here's what you gotta do: keep on crushin' on the ex, but try to move on at the same time. I have no idea what you two were writin' in those letters that your sis found but it musta been some big No-No for your 'rents to react so harshly. You've already lost their trust once, no need to up and do it again. Just keep your lingering feelings for this dude to yourself and move on. He's moved away, and it's probably for the best. Eventually you will get over him and one day you might even meet someone that your 'rents will approve of. But next time, axe the incriminating letter writing, k? Hang in there and good luck.


Dear Dish-It,

Well, to get to the point, I'm 12 and I'm going out with this 15 year-old guy. It feels like we're soulmates cuz we have A LOT in common. Well, I don't know how to tell my parents about it. I'm afraid they'll make us break up or something like that. What should I do?
Toxic_Dolphin69

Dear Toxic_Dolphin69,

That's a tough situation. If you think your parents will tell you to break up, then you probably know why they'll want you to do it too. Is it because they don't want you dating at 12? Is it because they'll object to the age difference? Before you tell your parents, think up some calm, rational responses to their potential concerns. If I were you, I'd also think up some compromises/solutions - like tell 'em, if they let you keep datin' him, you'll promise not to go out alone on dates with him, only group events. The solutions depend on your parents' issues, but you get the picture, right? The key here is to be calm and mature about this. No matter how rough this conversation may be, you gotta tell 'em. If they don't find out from you, but find out from the neighbor or some other random person, you'll not only lose your BF, you'll lose your parents' trust too.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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Would You Sneak Around?

  • Yeah, I date behind my parent's backs all the time!
  • I would never get involved with someone unless my parents were ok with it.
  • I don't date cuz my parents say I'm not old enough.
  • If I really liked someone, I would lie to my parents about seeing him/her.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

Autonomy
"Lulu335" wrote: I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!! Oh sweetheart, your situation is so, so very far from being complicated. In fact, it's actually, entirely simple. But I'm here to help you see that, because you can't see it yourself quite yet. Brace yourself, you may never hear such advice in your life ever again. Or you might, I can't predict the future. You're in sixth grade, you said. Assuming you live in the United states and weren't held back, you're probably 12, maybe 11. The problem is, the human brain isn't fully developed until a person hits the age of about 25. This means, without debate, that your brain unable to fully grasp what being in a relationship actually entails, what it means, what the consequences are, and so forth. You can't even fathom it, my dear. I couldn't at your age; no one can. You've just begun to hit puberty at this point in your very young, completely normal life. Certain hormones are now being developed by your body that, up until puberty began, your body did not produce. Let me explain, in simple terms, what this means: these new hormones are giving you fuzzy feelings for boys, but these feelings are not what people with fully developed brains call "love." Love means being self sacrificing, compromising, giving and taking, communicating clearly and honestly, and so much more. What you're feeling is a part of love-romance-but it's not all there is to love. It's actually just a few simple chemicals being released in your brain: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and few others. Your brain releases those chemicals when, say, you see a boy you like, and those chemicals make you feel all fuzzy inside. In fact, (brace yourself,) there's nothing inherently special about the boys you like, or the boys that like you; in fact, they're also, entirely normal, and aside from a few minor differences in character, completely like most other boys their age. Had you been born in another town, gone to another school, you would have gotten the same fuzzy feeling about whatever boy you thought you liked at that school. You see? I'm not saying this to make you feel insignificant, but perhaps the insight will make moving easier for you. The next place your militant parents settle down in will also have a middle school, with a bunch of normal 11-14 year old boys and girls, all doing the exact same things the kids at your school do right now. Does that put things in perspective for you? The world is a very, very big place, and it's home to billions upon billions of people. Your situation is far from being a needle in a hay stack; it's more like a blade of grass, in a vast field of foliage. The feelings you're feeling aren't uncommon or complicated, they just feel that way to you. (Now, really brace yourself, because this is going to get uncomfortable.) We, as people, tend to think that we're special. Each one of us a unique snowflake, drifting about in big blue sky, that exists solely to show the world how special we are. The problem is, the other seven billions snowflakes (people) think exactly like we do, and in this way, we are all the same. We think our problems are new problems that no one has ever dealt with before, and no one else could possibly understand the pain and suffering we're going through. We all think this way, by nature; but it's simply naive. Heartache and suffering have existed since people existed, and possibly before then. Your situation may not be ideal to you, but once you come to terms with the fact that life isn't ideal for anyone, you might actually feel comfort. The easiest way to cope with our many problems, is to accept them for what they are: a part of the human experience. Natural, normal, repeating generation after generation without end. Again, these are concepts that require some deep thought, and you might not fully grasp them quite yet. But remember them. With time, as you grow, think about them more, and you will find peace with your life. And remember this: although you're stuck (for now) on a giant rock hurling around the sun at an incredible speed, you're not alone. With billions of other people stuck here with you, you'll never be without friends.
reply about 4 hours
Fun_125
I personally think that when you ARE ready then go for it! As long as the person you like isn't a jerk to anyone or you go for it! Just don't get too serious. It's middle school. Good luck!
reply about 6 hours
Error44
"Lulu335" wrote:I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!!I know, it is too late but I think you should not go for a deeper relationship, don't make it hard for yourself and try to be his just friend because you are so young .
reply about 9 hours
Error44
"queenslay173" wrote:I was at school when I noticed people started to tell me this boy liked me and I thought it was cool because I'm used to that type of stuff then we started to dated in October we broke up right before christmas and it was so strange. we got back together in the beginning of January and we broke up again on the 4 my friends are really mad at me and he seemed really upset I like him but I just don't want to be with him anymore what should I do ?- confused lover Tell him your reasons and make it clear for both of you
reply about 9 hours
lottie_h141
lottie_h141 posted in Style:
thank u!!! acc helps so much. Obvs going to superstars aswell 
reply 3 days