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Dear Dish-It, Everyone Left My Dad and Me

Help for teens with family problems like divorce and broken homes.
Dealing with Family Problems

Dear Dish-It, is here to whisper "ttyl when I've thought about this some more".


Dear Dish-It,

I want to leave home but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings. Over a year ago, my mom moved out and so did my sister. It's just been me and my dad. Also, I've spent the past 27 weekends at someone else's house (my mom's or a friend's.) Most of the time though, I'm at my aunt and uncle's house. Sometimes my aunt and uncle and I brush on the topic of me staying there in the summer or something, but my cousins want me to stay all the time, not just during the summer and on weekends. I would love to do that. I know all the kids in the neighborhood and their parents. The thing is, I'm afraid it would destroy my dad. I try thinking that it would help him financially but I keep thinking how upset he was that mom left and that my sister wanted to live elsewhere (she's 17.) It makes me mad that she was selfish and only thinking of herself when she moved out. What should I do? Stay for four more years until university or move in with my relatives? (PS: I'm not very good with my communication skills when it comes to something that might hurt someone.)
Hockey_Chick9


Dear Hockey_Chick9,

This is a real dilemma. It must be very hard to be the only one left with your dad, if for no other reason than your family unit has totally disintegrated. It sounds like your dad has been through a lot - and so have you. There is no easy answer here - you've got to make your dad unhappy or be unhappy yourself.


There may be a bit of a compromise. Could you do what your aunt and uncle suggested and live with them on weekends and summers while staying with your dad during the week? At least start out like that so that your dad doesn't feel totally abandoned right away. Or you could do the opposite, ask to live with your aunt and uncle during the week, but tell your dad you want to see him on weekends.


Because I don't know exactly why you don't want to live with your dad, it's hard for me to say exactly what to do. You should definitely tell him you're not totally happy right now. Since you're not the best with words, try writing stuff down (to get the wording right) and then using it as a guide when you chat with him. Also, I think it's important you find support elsewhere. If talking to a counsellor (at school, etc) isn't your thing, then you could try some online resources. www.teenadvice.org is full of advice for all sorts of issues, including divorce and broken homes. There is also this site which has advice and help for both you and your dad. Maybe you two could explore it together. Your life has gone through some MAJOR changes and you've got a lot of emotions to deal with. It'll be very helpful to chat with someone who has an objective opinion. Hang in there and good luck!


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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    Comments

    Midapops

    Midapops wrote:

    I wish I lived with my dad. My mom treats me different from my siblings.
    commented: Thu Jan 02, 2014

    quandra*bhadd_2021551
    Yhuu Onee Luckyy Child
    commented: Mon Mar 26, 2012

    lexa996

    lexa996 wrote:

    mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
    commented: Sat Jan 14, 2012

    there are 7 more comments

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    Boysrock50
    Boysrock50 posted in Friends:
    Yeah I had a friend in the same situation as you, he was too scared to say anything so we spoke for him. Now the 'friend' has changed and hes our mate. Just tell her straight and firmly, its the only way
    reply 2 minutes
    kaykay2002
    kaykay2002 posted in Friends:
    "Boysrock50" wrote:She is obviously NOT your best friend.I wouldn't even call her a friendShe is a bully who thinks she can have her own wayShe thinks she can control you like you're her follower because she the truth is she needs youBe smart and leave her because she's only going to keep you down and then one day she will find  friends just like her and she will just ignore you forever, thinking shes too cool for you.I would either:Tell her straight that she needs to make her own friends because you don't want to be friends anymoreor:Tell her that you don't like what she does and either she changes her ways and acts more like a friend, or you cant be friends anymore.I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm being wise and you should be wise too. Thanks I actually might try that but she is really stubborn and will not take no for an answer I have tried just ignoring her but he will kick, hit, or punch me to get attention. my parents also don't like her bcuz she is bossy. I also have to go to summer camp with her for the next 2 weeks and w have to be buddies for it so i think i might die
    reply 6 minutes
    Boysrock50
    Boysrock50 posted in Friends:
    She is obviously NOT your best friend. I wouldn't even call her a friend She is a bully who thinks she can have her own way She thinks she can control you like you're her follower because she the truth is she needs you Be smart and leave her because she's only going to keep you down and then one day she will find  friends just like her and she will just ignore you forever, thinking shes too cool for you. I would either: Tell her straight that she needs to make her own friends because you don't want to be friends anymore or: Tell her that you don't like what she does and either she changes her ways and acts more like a friend, or you cant be friends anymore. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm being wise and you should be wise too.
    reply 19 minutes
    -Allie-
    -Allie- posted in Friends:
    I would drop her for two main reasons. One - guilt by association. Meaning people might be afraid to be your friend because they think you might bully them too like she does.  Two - Losing her "only friend" as you say may make her realize she needs to make a change on how she treats people. In any case, do it nicely if you do! HTH! 
    reply 25 minutes
    jordand08
    jordand08 posted in Friends:
    She's not a very good friend.
    reply 34 minutes

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