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Dear Dish-It: Frenemies

Dear Dish-It,

I’m not sure who’s my friend and who’s my enemy at school. Some kids act nice when they want something from me, but as soon as I give it to them they go behind my back and start acting mean again.

MzSmartii

FrenemiesFrenemies
 

Dear MzSmartii,

I’m sorry to hear about your problems with friends at school. It’s pretty obvious, but real friends wouldn’t use you and then turn around and betray you. You’re right to feel confused about who you can trust as a friend and who you can’t. Here’s my advice.

Try Talking it Out

If you can, ask these so-called friends of yours why they are doing what they’re doing. If you think that talking to them will help, that’s probably the best thing to do. Tell them that you would like to be friends with them, but that you expect to be treated a certain way in return. But be careful: some “frenemies” may not be interested in hearing what you have to say at all. Sometimes, you have to figure out on your own who is worth having as a friend and who is not.

Find New Friends

If talking doesn’t work or you don’t think that it would make any difference, it may be time to find some new friends – people at school that you can really trust to treat you the way that you treat them. This may mean going outside your own classroom and joining some new after-school groups or teams to find new pals with interests similar to your own.

Have Your Say

Has this ever happened to you? Got any good advice for MzSmartii? Leave your comment below!

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Ever Been Ditched By Your Friends?

  • Yeah, my friends ditch me all the time!
  • They ditched me once, but they apologized.
  • No way! My friends would never ditch me.
  • No, but I ditch my friends all the time.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

SmartSunnyShadow
Sorry for the late reply, but I'd love to help. If they don't want to talk to you, or don't like your jokes, don't talk to them. They probably don't like you, so you shouldn't try to make it better. You should hang out with your other friends. They'll make you feel better about yourself. If you don't have any friends in your class...that's the problem.  That's exactly what happened to me last year. But I started hanging out with the guys more, and they were really nice and had a lot in common with me. Maybe the guys will be nice to you and accept you. I hope I helped you. :)   
reply about 3 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Aw, that's sad. I know this is a late review, but I would love to help you make new friends. There are kids that do nasty things at every single school, trust me, you'll never find a perfect school, and if people are reporting this form of bullying, teachers are probably supervising children more, so don't worry about that. :) Now making new friends, ahh, that's very difficult. I can be shy myself, but it honestly depends. What I usually do is observe different groups of people, and see how they interact with each other. If the person seems nice, wait until the time is appropriate and greet them. A friendly "Hi, I'm new, could you maybe show me around, or help me with this, or tell me about this school?" That will start off a conversation. :)  As well, I tend to make jokes, or go to my funny side. I usually make way more friends that way. You could try to make slight jokes, and gradually make them less implied and more clear as you joke around.  If there are any other new kids, or shy kids, definitely talk to them. If there are any kids that look lonely, or sad, maybe take some time to approach them. If they look like the want to be left alone, leave them alone. If you're not sure, it's best if you see someone else interact with them first.  If you're bisexual, that doesn't really matter, and don't bring that fact up in a conversation. That's kind of personal, and when you get a little closer, you can say that. It's not really important, and necessary for people to know that. And it's personal too. So don't bring that up unless you really want to.  I hope i helped you! Sorry for the late advice. >_< 
reply about 3 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
Several people are having the same problem as you. Whether they're the same gender or not, many people crush on some of their closest friends. So don't feel alone, remember that. I know this is some late advice, but I hope so far things are going good. Many people are feeling the urge of confessing like you. Yes, I think you should confess to her clearly, but when the time is right. She may not like you, but if you really really like her, you should absolutely confess to her. But be aware that confessing to one of your friends can ruin your friendship. You have to be cautious, confess when the time is right. 5 months may be long for you, but honestly, that's a short-term crush. Don't rush your confession, and don't give up unless you think you should. Getting over someone can be incredibly hard too, but you're either going to get over her, or confess to her. When the time is right, confess. When the time never seems to come, I'm sorry, but unfortunately, I think it's best if you get over her, because you have to be 100% sure before you confess to someone. You're risking your friendship to, so think if it's really worth it.  I hope I helped you. :) 
reply about 3 hours
vwala_12
vwala_12 posted in Friends:
I guess I mean I have been in a lot of drama since the school year started I also recommend if the bullying gets worst tell someone and don’t just walk away it will be worst if you do and if there gonna beat you up just run and tell a teacher or tell your parent so always keep alert!
reply about 4 hours
SnowAngel15
SnowAngel15 posted in Friends:
Monday-Friday, I have to deal with this girl, now none of you know me, so you can't really say I don't do this, but I'll just say it anyway, I don't like being mean, and I HATE talking bad about people I rarely ever do it, but this is just something I can't even fathom. Two of my best friends just got hurt because of her. You'd think that being in an ONLINE SCHOOL this would never happen but it did and it did not go well. I'm a straight A student, I'm a sophomore and I take both 10th grade and 11th grade courses, I'm also doing Advanced Honors and next year I hope to be able to do college courses AND high school courses, anyway. This girl joined our school last year she acts cool like she does all this stuff and every guy falls for it but I've thrown little tests here and there and she's even admitted to me that most of the things she claims to do are lies. She always bullies my friends and I get involved but then my other classmates try to say "You're being mean to her leave her alone!" I of course don't care if she's mean to me but my friends are off limits. So then she starts asking me for help with her school because  I help other students in my free time she was refusing to listen and didn't do well on the quiz and she tells me "I THOUGHT you were supposed to help!?" So she kept asking me for help now I love my teachers and respect them she asked one of them to come into the room because she refused to listen to me, and I was polite and nice like usual and she said "You sure do like your teachers." I called her on it and she was shocked I did. Then I was helping two of my best friends. They are friends with her but I don't get involved, now this girl let's call her Maggie likes the guy let's call him John. John liked her and told me to tell Maggie and I did they were about to get together when this girl the bully begged him to date her instead. He said yes, now this bully has a new boyfriend every other week, and he started being mean to Maggie after he started dating the bully. She just dumped him when he tried to come back into Maggie's life I started snapping him out and being very crude towards him. Is what I did right?
reply about 8 hours