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Dear Dish-It: My Girlfriend Puts Herself Down

Jan 16, 2012

 

Dear Dish-It,

My girlfriend is the most amazing ever: she’s smart, funny and treats people really well. But she always puts herself down. If she gets a question wrong in math that only the class nerd got right, she’ll say, “Oh, I’m so thick!” In art if something is out of proportion she’ll think she’s rubbish. I think it’s driving us apart; what can I do?

TheBoyfriend

Dear TB,

Sounds like your girlfriend really IS down on herself – but she’s not al;one. Lots of people (and, for some weird reason), many girls suffer from something called low self-esteem, where no matter how amazing they are, they always think that they could be better. Either that, or your girl is a perfectionist – she feels that she always has to get everything 100% right and, if she doesn’t, she beats herself up for it and doesn’t give herself any credit for doing a great job.

Stronger Self-Esteem

You sounds like a really caring boyfriend but, apart from reassuring your girlfriend that she’s great and that you like her exactly the way she is, I’m afraid that this self-esteem issue is one that only she can improve – and only if she wants to. If you talk to her about how her negativity about herself is affecting your relationship, she may be motivated to make a change. If so, there are things she can do to build her self-esteem up, including being kinder to herself and giving herself credit for doing her best.

Have Your Say

Has this ever happened to you? Got any good advice for TheBoyfriend? Leave your comment below!

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Comments

lonnie123

lonnie123 wrote:

I do alot and I know that's not good but I'm trying not to and it's crazy when I do it ...
commented: Sat Aug 30, 2014

Disney_

Disney_ wrote:

Awh /.\ Chu Ish Beautiful ♥
commented: Sat Aug 30, 2014

skatebourder45
im just like the girl and that pic is how i feel about me
commented: Sun Oct 13, 2013

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

AlphaT
AlphaT posted in Style:
Wear bigger clothes. Heck, I wear a 2-3 X
reply about 9 hours
DisneyanimeLover
"ThunderSpirit" wrote:Wow. We have more in common than I thought.I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that. Thanks for the good advice! I don`t see her often so drifting away is the smartest idea. Although I see her at family parties and stuff cause she is a family friend. I`ll try and drift away from her. If she gets better at being kind I`ll be her friend again most likely. Thanks! 
reply about 12 hours
ThunderSpirit
ThunderSpirit posted in Friends:
Wow. We have more in common than I thought. I had the same problem [except she was a little less mean] and this is the advice I was given. Don't exactly go up to her and say, "I don't wanna be friends," because although she is mean, she still might be hurt. Just don't really make it official, but slowly drift apart from her. Try to meet new people, maybe there's someone great you just haven't met yet. And maybe she's having problems of her own, not like that's an excuse. But in the end, if she does apologize to you, she might be a friend worth keeping, but those insults were pretty serious, not something best friends would do, and you probably wouldn't forgive her. I get that.
reply about 12 hours
DisneyanimeLover
I have this friend who has been my friend for 6 years. And she is so RUDE. She says mean things about me and MY MOTHER. Seriously she says really awful things about my mom like this: "Her IQ is high? Oh she must have took the IDIOT test." And tells me "Eww you wear Disney Princess shirts? Eww you are so messed up!" She always acts better than me whether we are alone or with people. She tries to make people hate me and she tries to act mature and she alway tells me "You should respect your mom and do what she tells you" She is awful. I wanna tell her she is mean and I dont wanna be friends. But I can`t! Its hard to do that when you know someone for 7 years. HELP!
reply about 12 hours
Kirsteeeeen
Kirsteeeeen posted in Style:
As the previous person said, look online. There are very cute clothes available in bigger sizes! Also when you go shopping take a look in popular stores as well as less popular that might look as if they're for older people. Often they follow very similar trends but have bigger sizes!
reply about 16 hours

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