The creators of The Matrix give us a Cinderella-in-space story, Jupiter Ascending starring Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum. Is it hot, horrible or in between? Catch Kidzworld’s movie review!
By: Lynn Barker
If you were cleaning toilets for a living and a cute, buff but weird, humanoid, pointy-eared space alien literally swooped you up and told you you were royalty….on another planet, would you just pass out on the spot, laugh or go along for the ride?
Jupiter (Mila Kunis) before she knows she's royalCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Cinderella in Space
Unhappy Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) a product of English and Russian parents, lives in Chicago, cleans houses for room and board with her demanding Russian cousins and hates her life. Meanwhile, members of a royal race tour a planet they have “harvested”. We note that there isn’t a single living soul left on it. Next? Earth, only the royals argue over which one of them actually “owns” it. Rumors of the existence of a genetic match to their once powerful, murdered queen now living on Earth cause worry. Can she challenge for ownership?
Glam Queen JupiterCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Swept Away
A group of intergalactic bounty hunters arrives on Earth. They are all after Jupiter! A buff hottie with pointed ears named Caine (Channing Tatum), who wears cool anti-gravity boots that blast him off the ground and let him glide/skate all over, rescues Jupiter from those assigned to kill her. They end up at a farm where Caine’s fellow ex-soldier Stinger (Sean Bean) calls Jupiter “your majesty” and explains that she is heir to a rich off-world family and she is in danger. No s**t?!
Caine whisks Jupiter awayCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Royal Rivalry
Jupiter is snatched by the baddie bounty hunters and ends up on a mystery planet where we learn wazzup among the royals. Mentally-twisted oldest bro Balem (Eddie Redmayne) wants her dead, princess Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), reveals the family secret of eternal life and tries to get Jupiter to think royal. What do the peasants on these planets matter anyway? The youngest royal, handsome Titus (“Romeo and Juliet’s” Douglas Booth), schemes to get Jupiter to sign over Earth to him. Seems that the semi-eternal life of the clan comes from the humanoid populations they control and everybody wants to be head honcho of this lucrative “business”.
Jupiter with the princessCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Royal wacko Balem (Eddie Redmayne)Courtesy of Warner Bros.
Rescues
Jupiter is a pawn in a widespread power play and it’s up to Caine, who has fallen for her, his buddies and a helpful police force called the Aegis to do tons of last minute rescuing. As a planet is destroyed, will any of the royals or Jupiter survive? Will she do her queenly “thing” or go back home to Earth with her wolf-human hybrid boyfriend Caine in tow?
The royals discuss who owns EarthCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Jupiter, an Aegis captain, Caine and StingerCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Wrapping Up
Okay, Jupiter Ascending looks cool in 3-D. The production design (interesting weapons, sets, CGI planets and ships), costume design, make up and creature shop creations are all colorful, original for the most part and fun to see. If you love video game fight action, you’ll get into the many, many stunts and fight scenes. There is a funny scene in which Jupiter tries to “register” her queenly title in a bureaucratic government office that makes standing in line to get a driver’s license at the DMV seem like an easy no-brainer and…that’s about it for the pros. Now, the cons…
Jupiter about to be marriedCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Jupiter Ascending plays like it was much longer and got chopped up and edited down for time. Some explanation, character development and story got lost in the process. Some of what is going on is explained to Jupiter and thus, to the audience but much more is vaguely hinted at. There are so many aliens with so many agendas describing goings-on in words we never heard before that we are left befuddled.
Royal Titus (Douglas Booth)Courtesy of Warner Bros.
The plot is so repetitive that it’s always predictable. Jupiter is just about to die, get married, abdicate the throne, whatever and Caine and his buds swoop in to the rescue.. big battle ensues and on to the next damsel in distress scenario. What happened to strong women kicking butt and saving not only themselves but the guys in their life once in a while?
The bounty huntersCourtesy of Warner Bros.
There is a weird Dune meets Flash Gordon vibe that is an odd, uneasy combo but, if you are a Channing or Mila fan and just like a little romance (very little.. they finally kiss) mixed in with your video game sci-fi action, then you might enjoy the film. We go 3 stars.
Caine and Jupiter wonder where they go from hereCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Jupiter Ascending Movie Rating:
Jupiter Ascending PosterCourtesy of Warner Bros.
Jupiter Ascending is in theaters now!
