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All Things Go: Dear Dish-It Gives Advice on a Variety of Issues

October 17, 2017

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We all have different problems. Problems are something we all have in common. Some are relatable and some are unique to their own, but all problems are important. Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns regarding a variety of issues that come up for kids and teens. As we learn through the weeks, the same issues will often come up, but for a different person and of a different experience. This is because we do experience similar emotions to our peers and there is a common ground among us, which means there is support out there for anyone who is open to receive it. Be sure to check out the Afterthoughts and resources at the end of the article. 

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Everyone has got some problems.Everyone has got some problems.

Question from Confused.

Dear Dish-It, I feel like I'm an outsider even though I'm one of the kids everybody knows from last year (ran for student council and made a Lit poem for Pi day, a day celebrating pi or 3.14). These days people in schools "roast" each other, sometimes they are offensive and sometimes funny. Most of the offensive ones are at me because of my head size which is pretty big. Do I suck it up like a man or be a snitch like a baby?

Insight/Advice:

It all depends. Are you letting it get to you? I would say yes if you felt the need to write in about it, however, I can also sense that you feel being “a baby” will only make matters worse. Don’t give into the pressure that you have to be tough, or cool and roll with the punches. People should not be offensive towards you, especially regarding your appearance. So what if you have a big head, is that really such a bad thing, or a thing to bring up constantly. Is it even a fact? People just need a place to project their insecurities and might even feel that they should join in and make fun of you or else they might be next. People go along with the crowd because they fear being called out. Do what you feel is best in your gut, but do not call yourself a baby for standing up for yourself. People cross boundaries every day and often they need someone to remind them of when they do. Though, I understand kids and teens will find a way to put you down, especially if you got them in trouble. Have you ever tried telling the people making fun of you how you feel?

People joke around, but sometimes jokes go too far.People joke around, but sometimes jokes go too far.

Question from Anonymous

I'm not sure if I need to have an account with Kidzworld to submit anything, but I'm fifteen and I'm having some trouble with a really close friend of mine. I don't really want to be friends with her anymore, but I don't know how to tell her. A bit of background information: she's got really low self-esteem and I'm very certain she is suicidal. She has told me many times that I'm "the only reason she's alive" and I have done every possible thing I can do to for her to get help. But she said that the help isn't really doing anything. She's very manipulative and makes me feel bad if I do something that she doesn't want me to do, or she'll make me feel guilty when she talks about not having friends (although she does). She can also be super clingy. The friendship is starting to get really one sided and I feel like I'm only there to listen to how hard her life is and how nobody cares about her, even though she has a lot of love and support in her life. She's still a good person I believe so I'm afraid of what she'll do to herself if I tell her I don't want to be friends with her anymore; I don't want to be the reason she does anything bad to herself. This has been stressing me out for a while and I really need help with how to properly deal with this. If you could give me advice with how to deal with this, I would be extremely grateful.

Insight/Advice:

It sounds like your friend has mental health issues and needs real help. She probably isn’t aware of the impact that her negativity has upon you because she is so caught up in her own issues. I’m seeing that you feel maxed out and that you aren’t getting anything from the relationship. She is bringing you down with her negativity. You mentioned that she is a good person why not try focusing on what you like about her. I also suggest that you tell her how you feel. Let her know that you can’t be her therapist but you can be her friend. Let her know that what she is dealing with is too much for you to handle. There shouldn’t be pressure in relationships and maybe if you communicate how you feel, she will try to change. You can’t be someone’s friend out of obligation, but I can tell that you do care for this friend but you need some things to change. If your friend became happy she could be an awesome friend who is capable of being there for you. She needs to get help and work on her issues because it is really hard to be there for others when you yourself are going through something. I think it’s important to focus on the reality that your friend is going through a tough time. She would make a much better friend once she is happier. If this continues to persist I suggest talking to the girl’s parents and letting them know that you are worried for her. Let them know it is taking a lot out of you and you need some space. They should be in the known about these issues regardless as I see very concerning signs.

We can't save our friends from their issues.We can't save our friends from their issues.

Question from Anonymous

Dear Dish-It, I'm a 14-year-old girl and I know I'm fat, everyone knows I'm fat. There was this boy I liked and he liked me too but cheated on me with a skinny girl. She's a grade below me and she's completely perfect, she's better than me in every single way and for that reason makes me jealous and I don't like talking to him and I still dislike her. Whenever I do anything I make sure I look better than her, whether its clothes or anything and I don't like that. What should I do?

Insight/Advice:

Firstly, you need to move on from this boy. Boys at this age are hormonal and often don’t know what they want. They can be attracted to multiple girls at the same time. It’s probably not personal. Don’t think he cheated just because you think you are fat. You need to be comfortable in your own skin. Never compare yourself to anyone. Jealousy is the worst quality and looks terrible on everyone. The best form of revenge is the success. Put your mind onto something positive and do things that make you feel good about yourself. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t dress to impress others. Dress to impress yourself. Be yourself and I promise that you will attract the right people. Regardless, you need to free yourself from this situation. You want to be with someone who just wants you so don’t waste your energy on this boy or girl.

Don't pick on your outter image.Don't pick on your outter image.

Question by Pinky

Um, so. This is difficult to say but, in my religion when I go to church nobody looks like me. [Because] I know I am not really the healthy but one time I was at an activity and this girl came up to me and said: "How much do you weigh?". She only asked me. That [hurt] my feelings. Of course, I did not answer her. Then that was when I was like 9 know I am 10. I almost weigh 170 pounds. I want someone who can understand me. I don't want to tell my mom and dad. [Because] they might say it's my fault that I am overweight. I want to be normal like friends I have. But, I can't change. When I try I just get into the habit again of eating junk food. Please help me. I know I lead help and that I should be less fat. Should I just stop going to Church? Or change my religion??

Insight/Advice:

You can’t let the actions and opinions of one person kill your faith. I’m fairly certain that God would say you are beautiful just the way you are. If people are going to judge you on your appearance then they are shallow and not worth your time. Spend time with people who accept you for who you are and bring out the best in you. You can change and you will change, but only when you are ready. You can’t do it for anybody but yourself.

Sometimes we see things that aren't really there.Sometimes we see things that aren't really there.

Afterthoughts

I think we can conclude that everyone has problems, everyone faces struggles and hard times. It’s difficult because people can be cruel with their words. People can make it hard for us to enjoy our lives and be happy. We also put stress upon ourselves as we get crushed by insecurity and stuck in the mirror.

Remember, if you’re ugly inside, you’re ugly outside. Beauty is truly determined by character, not by vanity. It’s so hard not to get caught up in it, but it’s superficial matters that hold no importance at the end of the day. It’s who you are, not what you look like that matters. Even if kids and teens haven’t realized this yet, one day they will.

Beauty comes from within.Beauty comes from within.

Hang in there and be good to yourself. Surround yourself with positive things and create positive energy. Don’t obsess about the negative. Walk away from any person or situation which makes you question your worth.

Helplines & Resources: 

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – A helpline for kids and teens in Canada to call for help with any issue, including cutting and self-injury. Call 1-800-668-6868. (Kids Help Phone)
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline)

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-ItSimply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

What is your biggest problem? Do you have a way of solving it? Comment below.

 

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