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All Things Friendship: Relationship Advice from Dear Dish-It

May 02, 2017

Relationship are a big part of our lives. When things aren’t going right with the people we care about we can become distracted and feel uneasy. Fighting with people is hard, but also learning our limits and boundaries with people. Today’s Dear Dish-It, “Let’s Talk About It Tuesday” is about all things friendship. It is a wonderful thing if you are able to get along with someone in harmony because that is the goal. It’s okay to be honest, as long as you are not hurting anyone’s feelings, but you should be constantly at battle with someone. Trust is important and if a person has proven to be untrustworthy that can be hard. Friends don’t “scold” each other, they look out for one another and tell each other the truth, but friends do not bully us, use us or put us down. A good friend doesn’t hang out with you out of convenience or when it works for them. A good friend enjoys your company, sees your strengths and wants you around. They will not compete with you, but instead be happy for you when you win. Making, maintaining and keeping friendships can be hard, but with self respect and self value you are bound to attract someone who truly understands you and will treat you like you deserve.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

It is Far Better to be Inclusive Than Exclusive.It is Far Better to be Inclusive Than Exclusive.

Question by confused

My best friends don't like each other and its a struggle to keep up with them. One of them doesn't talk to the other. The other one purposely makes her mad and calls her names. They want me to team up with them to keep one mad. All they do is fight over me. Please help! -From Confused

Insight/Advice:

I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m sure you’ve tried everything in order for them to be peaceful with each other. You have to decide what is best for you, as always, but if I were in this situation I would make it very clear to both friends that I don’t plan on turning my backs on either of them. Make it very clear that you care for them both and want to set aside time to enjoy with each of them, but that you want to do it peacefully. If your friends can’t respect this and continue to act this way, you might have to take a break from them until they come to their senses. What’s important is that you are okay, because it sounds like it is very hard to enjoy either one of your friends. You need to enforce some changes and set down some ground rules so that everyone can be happy. Nobody is benefiting from any of this fighting, and eventually, everyone is going to be angry. In life, it is very common to have friends that don’t get along. Unfortunately, your situation is challenged by the reality that you go to school with these people and see them every day, but in the real world people just see their friends on different days. Make it clear that you want to spend time with both of them, but they have to stop fighting because that is making hanging out really hard.

Dear-Dish-It Discusses All Things Friendship.Dear-Dish-It Discusses All Things Friendship.

Question by NeedHelp202

Question: Can u tell me or give me tips on making friends?

Insight/Advice: 

We never know when we will find our true friendships in life, but sometimes we have to wait for them. I suggest being your true self and attracting people who are on the same page as you. There are lots of things that you could do to try and make a friend, but every person you meet is different and therefore some of these suggestions won’t always work, but you should never give up on trying and you should always be a friendly person. Here's one suggestion that I have straight off the bat, try to be a little more outgoing. Talk to people, ask someone a question or pay someone a compliment. Being vocal will remind people that you are here, but also give them a dose of your personality. Other things you could try to make friends:

  • Join a school sports team or club
  • Join an outside of school sports team or club
  • Invite someone somewhere or ask to hang out with someone (there is no harm in asking even if people say no, it’s good you gave it a shot)
  • Sit somewhere different at lunch and see what happens
  • Do activates that you enjoy and see who wants to join in
  • Go to a school event and talk to people there
  • Attend a school or community dance
  • Take part in a school play or theater production
  • Get involved with student council and student affairs
  • Go to new places like the library and try to meet new people
  • Go to the park and try to join in with an activity

These are only a few suggestions, but there are many, many more. The truth is you never know when you are going to meet someone. Anticipation is the best thing about life because you never know what is going to happen next. Things change all the time. Sometimes you luck out and your new best friend happens to be the girl/guy who got kicked out of school and had to transfer to yours. It seems impossible, with low odds, but it’s true, at any time you can meet a friend so be patient and know that people make friends throughout their lives (at different times) so if you aren’t making a ton of friends now, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be in the future.

Friendship is about Having a Good Time. Friendship is about Having a Good Time.

Question by ConfusedCasie

So, My Best Friend was moved to the other class which was real impacting to us because we WERE inseparable. Then, now at recess, she always hangs with another girl but we still talk...I want to take all the time we have to be together and share laughs...What do I do Dish-It?

Insight/Advice: 

I don’t want to Dish-It to you straight, but I have to. In life, we cannot be “inseparable” with anyone. You have your variety of relationships and you see them all differently. Your friend has made a new bond and one day, you will too, but this doesn’t mean that your friend cares about you any less. It can be hard because you want her all to yourself, but it can’t be this way. You need to grow independently of your friend and discover things for yourself. You might find that you too want to extend friendship to another person. Anything is possible, so you have to try as hard as you can to accept this new friend without jealousy and try your hardest to be happy about her new friend. Who knows? Maybe one day all three of you can hang out because being inclusive is a great thing, but if your best friend wants to keep this friend to themselves then you have to respect it. Try to shift your mind onto other things, things that make you happy and feel good about yourself. Try not to dwell on this reality, even though it hurts, in time, it will get better. Things are constantly changing so try to keep your head up and your heart open, you never know what is coming your way.

You and Your True Friends Will Have Things in Common.You and Your True Friends Will Have Things in Common.

Question by Crazy girl

I really want to make more friends, but the problem is that I don't trust anyone. In the past friends have blabbed my secrets to the entire school and I don't know who to trust. I can be weird and crazy but I can be fun and I am a good friend. I think people don't really know how to talk to me because they think I'm weird. Anyway, How can I build my trust in people and make more friends? Please help.

Insight/Advice: 

Firstly, you are NOT weird so don’t put yourself down. Though, I will say that being “weird” isn’t always a bad thing. Have you ever heard the expression, “the weirder the better.” There is nothing wrong with being different. Sounds like you have some trust issues and have learned that you can’t trust everyone. That’s fine, you can play your cards close (keep things to yourself) while still being friendly. People will find it supportive that you listen well and don’t feel the need to take over with talk about you. Hang in there and eventually, you will meet someone you truly trust and you can open up to. I know it might be hard to believe, but just because your trust was broken once it doesn’t mean that this will always happen. Listen to your gut about people and who seems like the right company for you. You’ll find your way just believe in yourself and who you are and don’t be scared to show people what you have to offer.

Don't Feel Like You Have to Choose Between Friends. Don't Feel Like You Have to Choose Between Friends.

Afterthoughts

Relationships are not easy, sometimes they take work and the work can be worth it if the people are. True love generally forgives and doesn’t give up. In life, we may have many friends, some that we see one-on-one and some that we hang out with in groups. Some people like to have a lot of friends, while others prefer a close few, and some people prefer to be on their own. Everyone is different. We have to accept that our friends may make other friends and that the dynamic of a relationship can change. You might go from hanging out with someone every day to seeing them a few times a week. As people’s lives evolve and shift, aspects of friendships will change, but one thing remains for certain and that is the love. If you’re feeling lonely just remember the people who love you and remind yourself that no space or distance is going to change that. Friendships don’t always come quickly to everybody so take your time, hang in there, be yourself and be confident and eventually, you will meet the right people. 

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Do you find it hard to make friends? Have any tips on how to make new friends?

 

1 Comment

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Do You Ever Fight With Your Friends?

  • I never fight with my friends.
  • I occasionally fight with my friends.
  • My friends and I fight all the time.
  • I don't really have friends to fight with.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

KayKayZ
KayKayZ posted in Friends:
Hmm, okay, well I'll try to give you the best advice that I can, Error. So you say you don't like your friend for a number of reasons: Liar, bad influence, uses swear words, too blunt, etc. I feel like some of these could be over-looked, such as the swearing and the 'bad influence' part. Really, all you have to do is just not copy her actions, and they won't be influential at all. If you disagree, it shouldn't be hard to just refuse to follow in her steps. However, lying isn't the best quality I would look for in a friend.  She doesn't seem like an enjoyable person to be around in general, which is why you are making this post, obviously. But I'm gonna ask you something here. Don't you think that, in a way, you're lying too? You're pretending to be her friend solely for purposes of monetary value because, I assume, your family cannot pay for or get you to gymnastic class themselves. If this is true, that's kind of bad, isn't it? It sounds like, to me, that your friendship isn't exactly a healthy relationship at all. But I'm gonna sympathize with you, since I know gymnastics must be important to you, and you wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have a good reason. So, what should you do about it? Well, personally I think there are a few things you could do. You could stop being her friend, therefore no longer having to deal with her; but in the process lose access to your gymnastics class and have to look for it in another way. On the flip side, you could continue to put up with her, which would probably not be in your best interests, but you'd still get to attend your class. Or, you could try talking to her about it. Ask her what she really thinks of your friendship, if she actually values you as her friend. Maybe you two can talk about problems that you're having with each other and work on fixing them. This option could have negative effects, since she might want to stop being your friend or things could become very awkward after that. But it's probably your best bet to be honest with her, as you'd hope she would be with you. How about if you tried being really nice to her? Kindness is contagious, and perhaps if you treat her well enough, she'll start doing the same to you. I feel like maybe if you complimented her, told her things that you really like about her, maybe even got her gifts or made her food once in a while, that she would come to appreciate you and all that you do for her. And in turn, she might start to respect you more herself, and become a good friend. That's about all I can say. If you're close enough with her mom, maybe you could even try asking her about her daughter and see if she can give you any advice. Hopefully that helped in some way, but if it didn't, maybe it at least made you think? I hope your problem gets resolved, Error, and you can be content with the outcome of it. :-)
reply 2 days
Error101
Error101 posted in Friends:
Okay so I have this friend and I don't like the type of person she is and I wouldn't be friends with her but her mom takes me to gymnastics every week.  I  had her over to spend the night and she lied about everything to me.  She kept telling me that she used to think I was weird and she didn't like me and it kind of hurt my feelings...  I would never tell someone that even if it was true.  She cusses and is a bad influence and she lies a ton.  There are a ton of bad qualities about her, and very few good ones.  I can't be mean to her because she is how I get to gymnastics but I don't really want to be her friend.  What should I do?  :(
reply 2 days
Wonderfulcalico
My parents have always been aggressive and abusive and I only just noticed it a couple months ago. Over time they've gotten worse (specifically my mother). Whenever she gets mad she'll yell at us and if she gets mad enough she'll hit and push us around. Whoever we get into arguments it's always one- sided and she always wins, even if she knows she is wrong. An argument we had not to long ago was about me not taking care of myself. She looked at my hair and started to touch it and told me "Your hair isn't soft why is it so dry, it's probably because you aren't taking care of your hair." Then she goes on to tell me that she's going to cut it and all of this other stuff when she knows I'm conscious about me looking like a boy ( Used to get called a boy for having short hair). As the argument goes on, I start to tell her things that she knows she is wrong about. She proceeds to yell at me then grabs me by the face and say "If you don't lower your tone and listen to what I'm saying I'm going to knock you in the head." Then she goes on to tell me she remembers nothing I was saying and that it's a lie. She also hit me when I didn't clean the laundry room correctly and whenever she gets fed up. I'm constantly having to watch what I say and do, because I'm scared that I'm going to end up hurt. She also likes to degrade me and tell how bad I'm doing. She's said plenty of thing like when I didn't have my bed covers tucked in she yelled at me and hit me and I said "Do you expect me to just stand here and take this", and she replied saying "That's what you are supposed to do you are the child and I am the adult, you take whatever I do until I'm done." Another time is when I had my band concert and I had to pick out the right attire. When we went shopping to get the clothing I chose slacks when she liked a skirt better, we went on to fight in the store and she bought the slacks. When we got home she said to me that real girls wear skirts and dresses and boys wear slacks and pants. This hurt me because she knows I have a past with people telling me I look like a boy etc. Another time I started to sleep on the floor, because I was practicing a minimalist life. When I left my pillows on the floor she found it and questioned me on why they were there. I told her it fell of my bed when really I left it there. Later when I told my dad, he told her and she got mad because I was getting cat hair on my pillows. She then proceeded to ask why I lied and I told her sometimes lying is better then the truth (I knew she would get mad that I was sleeping on the floor so I lied) then she told me that I was never going to have a relationship, a job, or friends ( This hurt me because I don't have friends now). She's also said that I don't take care of my body because I ate two sweets in one day which lead her to banning me from Doritos and now I have to ask to get chips and any other snack. She's told me I don't take care of my teeth because I have yellow spots from using whitening toothpaste with braces on. She's told me I don't take care of my hair so I can't wash it or do any hair style or then a bun. She had lead me to starving myself (Unless she makes me eat) and cutting myself. I've just stopped caring, because what ever I do is always wrong. I never get a choice in my activities, she controls my life in fact she me just in a different body. But what is even worse is that she's turning my dad into her. Now I have a scheduled time to eat breakfast and lunch, and to go onto my electronics. I feel like I'm in a prison with my parents constantly watching over me, in fact yesterday when I was pouring my milk my mom got out a measuring cup and poured my milk into the measuring cup and said "Why isn't this a full cup" and I replied saying "Because I don't measure my milk." Then she got angry at me. There's so much I could say about her, but I'll stop. Anyways my father is always sarcastic and he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Today I was cleaning out my bag for next school year and my dad came in and said, "Wow, you aren't even dress yet and I had to come up here to tell you how sad." Just little things like that hurt me. My little sister got mad at me last week for sitting in a certain area and she said " Why are you sitting there," and I didn't reply because I didn't want to speak to her and she then said, "Probably because you are too stupid to answer." I wanted to break down crying then and there, but I kept it in. I've limited my talking to her, because all she does is break me down. Like when there was a Proactive commercial and she said, "Ha, you need that." That hurt me because just the other my mom was telling me how I don't take care of my face and that's why I have acne. My older sister and I barely talk, because whenever I try to talk to her she's mad for what ever reason and when my parents were talking about hitting my sister she was in the corner laughing. My cat Preston is very young and I got hi,abo a year ago. I get very sad and often cry, because I've seen him turn out scared and aggressive just like me because he's been through what I have. One time he pooped in a clothes basket (It's right next to his litter box) my mom grabbed him by the neck and hit him while she smothered his face in his poop, all while yelling at him. I was going to call the Animal Protective Services, but I got too scared and I realized how lonely I would be. Please help me I'm not sure what to do anymore. Also sorry for the very long post!
reply 5 days
Error101
Error101 posted in Family Issues:
Dear Kkmr324, I hope you get to feeling better as time goes on.  It does get better but like you said you can't actually get over it.  Losing someone to cancer is awful and I have never lost a friend and I hope I never will and I am so sorry that you did, but I have lost family to cancer and it is horrible.  I hope your okay. :(
reply 7 days
Kkrmr324
Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
reply 9 days