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Dear Dish-It, I Have a Jealous Friend

Dear Dish-It,

I think my best friend is jealous of me. She is my best friend since we were really little because we always lived next door to each other but since we both started at a new school this year she seems like she’s jealous of me cause I made new friends and she didn’t. She also says mean things about my boyfriend and my other friends are telling me she’s just jealous. I want her to be my best friend but her jealousy is really bad and it makes me not wanna be her friend anymore. What should I do?

PB&Jelly


Dear PB&J,


Dealing with a jealous friend can be tough but I’ve got some tips that can help you make the best of the situation, be fair to yourself and your friend and save your friendship.


Why is She Jealous?

The first thing you need to do is stop listening to everyone else and go straight to the source – in other words, you need to really find out why your BFF is jealous. Even if you think you knew the reason, it’s important to find out the truth so you can work on fixing the real problem.


Be Sensitive to Her Feelings

Once you know where her jealousy comes from, try and see the situation from your friend’s point of view. Imagine you’re her and how you’d feel if you were in her shoes.


Boost Her Self-Confidence

If you talk to your friend and find out she’s jealous because you were able to make new friend faster than she has, or because you have a boyfriend and she doesn’t, help her to feel better by telling her that you believe in her and ask her what she would like you to do to help her get what she wants. You should also show interest and excitement about the good things that are going on in your BFF’s life. Ask her what is new or what she feels happy or excited about and support her in those things.


Never Brag

Don’t show off or do things to make your friend feel more frustrated or jealous. This is called rubbing salt in her wounds. Don’t exclude your friend when you are hanging out with your new friends at school or with your boyfriend. You don’t have to be together all the time, but invite her along when you can and make her feel included in your life.


What if it Doesn’t Help?

If the above techniques don’t help, don’t worry. Often jealousy is mixed in with anger. If you try and talk to your friend and encourage her kindly but it doesn’t work, back off and give her some time to cool down. She may need to work her feelings out alone or with someone other than you.


Extra Help

If you’re having bad or guilty feelings because of your friend’s jealousy, make sure you get some help and support for yourself so you can work out your feelings without taking them out on her, which will only make the situation worse. It’s easy to feel bad about making your close friend jealous, so be sure to remind yourself that you’re a good friend, too!


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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  • 23 Comments

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    Alois_Trancy_
    Alois_Trancy_ posted in Friends:
    "Rameza" wrote:My best friend just keeps back stabbing me.well to speak the truth we have been BFF's since 2nd Grade but when we reached into 5th grade she would talk all of these lies on me,once we had this big argument that we didn't speak to each other for 1 whole month.we forgived each other but now this group of girls would pick on me and #### ##### things about me behind my back.Now they treat me so nice and make all these jokes with me but at the end of the day it's the same routine over and over again.My mom tells me that their just jealous but it's making me drop back in my school work  now as usual I would probably say "kill them" but since this is correct grammar and punctuation I will take this seriously. Report them to the principal. Tell them how you feel. If it gets worse contact the police ( I've had to do this )
    reply about 8 hours
    jordand08
    jordand08 posted in Friends:
    When your friend starts to talk about you, and stabs you in the back. then maybe it's time to move on. In friendships, there will always be times when your friend hurt your feelings, but if it's being repeated, then maybe it's time to let go. Because some things aren't worth it.
    reply about 8 hours
    Alex227
    Alex227 posted in Friends:
    You should if you really want to, but I don't think it should matter the amount of knowledge you and your friends have, because friendship is merely friendship! :) Plus, when you tell them, it may come across as bragging and they would perceive you as a show-off. Hope this helps!
    reply about 11 hours
    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Friends:
    Congratulations on being gifted and getting all the opportunties what your getting :) You knows your friends better than any of us and how does you think they will react if you tell them?  Thinks about if one of your friends told you and how you would feel.  Be proud and enjoy your learning and you will meet other gifted people too in your classes and ask them their experiences too of how/if they told friends. If it was me then I probably wouldnt but thats just me personality. I wouldnt ever get in the gifted group anyway so I doesnt really have to think about this :)
    reply about 17 hours
    __dischic3__
    __dischic3__ posted in Style:
    today I got my hair down...chillin'
    reply 1 day

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