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Dear Dish-It, I Have a Jealous Friend

Dear Dish-It,

I think my best friend is jealous of me. She is my best friend since we were really little because we always lived next door to each other but since we both started at a new school this year she seems like she’s jealous of me cause I made new friends and she didn’t. She also says mean things about my boyfriend and my other friends are telling me she’s just jealous. I want her to be my best friend but her jealousy is really bad and it makes me not wanna be her friend anymore. What should I do?

PB&Jelly


Dear PB&J,


Dealing with a jealous friend can be tough but I’ve got some tips that can help you make the best of the situation, be fair to yourself and your friend and save your friendship.


Why is She Jealous?

The first thing you need to do is stop listening to everyone else and go straight to the source – in other words, you need to really find out why your BFF is jealous. Even if you think you knew the reason, it’s important to find out the truth so you can work on fixing the real problem.


Be Sensitive to Her Feelings

Once you know where her jealousy comes from, try and see the situation from your friend’s point of view. Imagine you’re her and how you’d feel if you were in her shoes.


Boost Her Self-Confidence

If you talk to your friend and find out she’s jealous because you were able to make new friend faster than she has, or because you have a boyfriend and she doesn’t, help her to feel better by telling her that you believe in her and ask her what she would like you to do to help her get what she wants. You should also show interest and excitement about the good things that are going on in your BFF’s life. Ask her what is new or what she feels happy or excited about and support her in those things.


Never Brag

Don’t show off or do things to make your friend feel more frustrated or jealous. This is called rubbing salt in her wounds. Don’t exclude your friend when you are hanging out with your new friends at school or with your boyfriend. You don’t have to be together all the time, but invite her along when you can and make her feel included in your life.


What if it Doesn’t Help?

If the above techniques don’t help, don’t worry. Often jealousy is mixed in with anger. If you try and talk to your friend and encourage her kindly but it doesn’t work, back off and give her some time to cool down. She may need to work her feelings out alone or with someone other than you.


Extra Help

If you’re having bad or guilty feelings because of your friend’s jealousy, make sure you get some help and support for yourself so you can work out your feelings without taking them out on her, which will only make the situation worse. It’s easy to feel bad about making your close friend jealous, so be sure to remind yourself that you’re a good friend, too!


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    "classicalmusicisepic" wrote: "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote: Hello everybody! Please help me! So I am in grade 6, and I have none of my best friends in my class. It sucks so bad, and when I first came I had no friends either.  Now, though I'm over that and I have made some new "friends." They are really nice and helpful to me, well at least I thought. I think they are just like that because I'm smart. So I made 4 friends.  I'll give their fake names; Camila, Socccer Gal,Bubbly Princess, Harry Potter Fan123, and Shy Flower. So, today I got an A+, and Harry Potter Fan123 got an A++ since she did extra bonuses that I had no idea about. Whatever, I'm over that.  HERE IS THE REAL PROBLEM! So I have a guy in my class that I hate like hell, and my friends Camila, Soccer Gal, and Bubbly Princess told him that I  like him, and I was like EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Well then I blew out and made a racist comment that I am so sad about and my friends were like crazy! I have no idea what to do. Then, my friends started bullying me, and I was like so shocked, I told them to shut up. WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?!   what you're going through right now is actually a part of life, and I think a lot of people have been in similar situations, including myself. everyone is actually bound to come across fake friends in their life, and sometimes it gets quite difficult to manage. if you've said something particularly offensive, I would probably say sorry. I mean, at least you have your original best friends? If they're caring and supportive, they'll try and help you as much as they possibly can. But if you feel like you're not being cared about by these girls in your class, and if you feel inferior to them, I would try to drift away, they're nothing but bad energy for you. I hope I've helped in some way. Good luck! Yes, it's very lonely in my class without any close friends. I am going to say sorry, and thanks a lot! You've helped me a bunch! 
    reply about 2 hours
    classicalmusicisepic
    "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote:Hello everybody! Please help me!So I am in grade 6, and I have none of my best friends in my class. It sucks so bad, and when I first came I had no friends either.  Now, though I'm over that and I have made some new "friends." They are really nice and helpful to me, well at least I thought. I think they are just like that because I'm smart. So I made 4 friends.  I'll give their fake names; Camila, Socccer Gal,Bubbly Princess, Harry Potter Fan123, and Shy Flower. So, today I got an A+, and Harry Potter Fan123 got an A++ since she did extra bonuses that I had no idea about. Whatever, I'm over that.  HERE IS THE REAL PROBLEM!So I have a guy in my class that I hate like hell, and my friends Camila, Soccer Gal, and Bubbly Princess told him that I  like him, and I was like EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Well then I blew out and made a racist comment that I am so sad about and my friends were like crazy! I have no idea what to do. Then, my friends started bullying me, and I was like so shocked, I told them to shut up. WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?! what you're going through right now is actually a part of life, and I think a lot of people have been in similar situations, including myself. everyone is actually bound to come across fake friends in their life, and sometimes it gets quite difficult to manage. if you've said something particularly offensive, I would probably say sorry. I mean, at least you have your original best friends? If they're caring and supportive, they'll try and help you as much as they possibly can. But if you feel like you're not being cared about by these girls in your class, and if you feel inferior to them, I would try to drift away, they're nothing but bad energy for you. I hope I've helped in some way. Good luck!
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    "-Oracle-" wrote: "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote: Okay, thanks but will anyone else help me???  If they're as good friends as you're making them out to be then I'm sure they'll forgive and forget. Try not to over think the situation. Okay, thank you so much! 
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    "AnnaOfExquizurd" wrote:In the part where you said they started bullying you... what were some of the things they specifically said?If they were just calling you insensitive or racist, tell them it was an accident. You can apologize about the racist comment. If you show you really are sad about it, they'll know you mean it.I hope everything goes well and gets better ^-^ Thank you! They were bullying me about how I was so stupid and how no one liked me. I shall apologize, thank you again! 
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