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Dear Dish-It Answers New Questions - Rejection, Pain, and Insecurity

January 16, 2018

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Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns regarding a variety of issues that come up for kids and teens. Finding acceptance is always a hard thing, but getting along with people also is. We shouldn’t put ourselves down by going after people who have rejected us or people who treat us poorly. We need to be good to ourselves and make the right decisions, which will help us grow. Sometimes people get in the way, but we can never know how someone feels about us unless we ask. Rejection is a big painful part of life, but it builds your character and gives you the strength to deal with whatever comes your way. Regardless, this too shall pass and you will get through this. A change is always about to come, so hang in there and remember to never give up.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Some people take their insecurities out on others.Some people take their insecurities out on others.

Question from Anonymous

I have a friend who is like a bully to me and when I ask her a question, she eye rolls at me and doesn't speak to me. What should I do?

Insight/Advice:

Firstly, this person is NOT your friend. No friend should ever and would ever treat their friends like that. You should not be dominated by your friend and she should not be acting rudely towards you by rolling her eyes. Friends support each other, they love each other and they stand up for each other. The actions you are describing from this person do not sound friendly at all. I would tell her how you feel. If she’s really a friend she will try to change her behavior, if she’s not she’ll act mad at you or show rudeness. Do not tolerate poor treatment, especially from people who are supposed to be your “friends,” Where I come from, friends don’t treat each other like that. I would suggest focusing on your friends who treat you with love and respect. You deserve to be treated right and you deserve to be comfortable.

It's never easy trying to fit in.It's never easy trying to fit in.

Question from Anonymous

I met a guy who is in 8th grade and he goes to my school. We told each other we like each other and our relationship was perfect. Every day he would say something like "Good morning beautiful!" And throughout the day we would have fun, deep, and good conversations and he would say something like "Hey cutie WYD" and then we would chat until late at night where he would say "Goodnight beautiful" and we would send hearts. He even told me he loved me! Then the next day started how it usually is and then after is football practice over snap chat he told me he didn't like me anymore. I asked why he said he just didn't and then later I asked again and he said if we weren't gonna date then it's not worth and he continued to say he didn't want to date a 7th grader.  I always talked to my one best friend about our relationship and one night I cried at her house and then she told me to get over it and stop talking about it. Now me and the guy continue to talk as friends but it is way more awkward, different, and just plain boring. PLEASE HELP ME I STILL WANT HIM BACK!!!!

Insight/Advice:

Unfortunately, this is just the way things go sometimes. Our feelings can change at the drop of a hat. It’s hard because he was so into you and then suddenly, without reason went in the other direction. If this guy is so insecure that he can’t date “a seventh grader”, trust me, he is not worth your time. He’s clearly thinking with his head and not his heart. Personally, I would suggest cutting off all contact with this guy. Don’t give him any indication that you are still into him. Move on with confidence. Remember, success is the best revenge, which means you have to do you and excel in a capacity that is not about this guy. Boys come and go and eventually one will come along that wants to date you and isn’t insecure to do so. This boy sounds like he cares way too much what other people think and I don’t feel like he is following his true feelings. You have to ask yourself if this is really someone you want to be with. You deserve to be with someone who is sure about you and isn’t questioning the relationship.

You want to aim for mutual interest.You want to aim for mutual interest.

Question by Confused

Hello. I have so many hobbies and interests and not many of them last long. I get so into them, and then I don't like them anymore. This is annoying for me and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up because I want to be so many things. I want to pick one so that I can get good at it. How do I pick just 1 or 2 things to focus on?

Insight/Advice:

It can be really hard to know the answers to our own desires. It is totally natural to like more than one thing or wanting to do more than one thing. Why not shoot for the moon? It’s never too late in life. You can always hold down more than one job or have multiple professions in life. Not liking hobbies is simply the act of growing out of them. The things that really matter to you will stick and that will help you figure out what you want to do. What’s great is that you are thinking about your future just don’t stress about it. You’ll figure it out. One day, it’s just going to come to you. Keep in mind how young you are, and while it’s wonderful that you are thinking about this stuff, you don’t have to have it all set in stone. As you continue to grow up, you will know more and more of what you really want to do. Your calling is waiting for you and you will find it.

It's good to have interests. It's good to have interests.

Question by Anonymous

I had a crush on this guy, A, and he was in 6th class so he left, and now I have a crush on B but he's also a 6th classer so he'll be leaving the school soon, and then there's C who's my friend who I used to have a crush on but he has always had crushes on other girls...

Insight/Advice:

Sounds like you have a lot of crush trouble going on. If those boys are leaving there is no point in chasing after them. With the crush who is also a friend, I would tell him how you feel, maybe he feels the same way? Either way, I prefer knowing over wondering. If it doesn’t work out, don’t stress, there will be more crushes, just be patient and friendly and see what happens.

It's totally okay if your crush doesn't like you back.It's totally okay if your crush doesn't like you back.

Afterthoughts

We all want to be loved and accepted. We all want to feel like our actions are just. The truth is, you just have to do what’s best for you. If something isn’t serving you, move on from it. There is no point putting the added stress and pressure to yourself. You want to keep with having good self-care and looking out for your best interests. As we always say, life is full of ups and downs, but we need to figure out how we can take care of ourselves during the down periods.

Don't date people who are insecure.Don't date people who are insecure.

Life is unpredictable and you never know what is going to happen, which is why you need to hang in there and hold on. Even when it’s really tough and you never see things changing, anything is possible. Believing helps, you knowing it is going to be okay is key because you play the biggest part in all of this.  

Remember your friends are meant to treat you well. They are not meant to abuse you, and you should not tolerate abuse from friends. Don’t let anyone bully you, even if they claim to be your friend, no one who cares about you would treat you that way. Stand up for yourself and find friends who show you, unconditional love.

Helplines & Resources: 

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

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