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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Cheated On?

Dear Dish-It,

My last girlfriend cheated on me and it totally sucked. I know my new girlfriend would never cheat on me but I can’t seem to relax. I’m always analyzing the things she says and does because I’m still hurt about what happened with my ex and I don’t ever want to go through that again. The problem is I think I may be pushing my new girlfriend away with my attitude. What can I do to stop punishing my new girlfriend for things that my ex did to me in the past?

Just Can’t Forget


Dear JCF,

I feel for you – I really do! Few things hurt as much as being betrayed and cheating is definitely a big betrayal that can leave you feeling worthless and less confident about yourself. Cheating is an awful thing to do to someone you love and the effects of cheating can last for years and spill over into other, new relationships. It sounds like this has happened to you.

But there is good news in all of this. If you do want to heal you can – the key is to want to move on from the pain of your past experience and learn to put your trust and faith in love again.

The first thing I would do if I were you is tell your current girlfriend how you feel. Open up and share your pain with her. Tell her how your ex’s betrayal has left you emotionally scarred and let her know that even though you really don’t want to put up any walls between the two of you, you may be doing just that because you’re trying to keep those old wounds from opening up again.

If your new GF really cares about you and wants to be with you, she’ll understand and will want to help you work past your feelings of insecurity and betrayal – plus, she’ll really appreciate you being open and honest about your feelings with her, trust me!

The tricky part is, you can’t count on your new girlfriend to heal you – she’s not your personal emotional doctor. All you can do is count on her for support while you try and work through your issues on your own or with a professional.

The rest of the work is up to you.

Remind yourself that your new girlfriend is NOT your ex – they are two different people and whenever you feel yourself doubting your new girlfriend you need to remind yourself of this. It’s not fair of you to be punishing your new partner for what your ex did to you – she had nothing to do with it. So make a real effort to overcome your insecurity, or what you say is true – you might push your new girlfriend away for good, but for no good reason.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

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Would You Cheat? Vote!

  • Nope. Never! It's just wrong.
  • Maybe, if my BF/GF wasn't treating me right.
  • I have, but I felt really bad and wouldn't do it again.
  • Yeah, why not? If no one finds out, it's okay.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

drowning
drowning posted in Style:
  "imtcutiie" wrote: DONT DO IT JUST PLEASE #### #### #### ......... CHANGING EYE COLOR  JUST WRONG   Changing eye color isn't wrong. :^) But, you can't simply change it with "spells" or videos. To change your eye color, you will need to either wear contacts during the day to appear that you have different colored eyes than you truly have, or medically having a doctor perform surgical iris correction.
reply about 8 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
I hope you texted back if you felt that it would be the right thing to do for yourself. I did not have a good childhood due to my birthmother and father. But, in recent time, I have come to enjoy talking to my birthfather and completely cannot stand my birthmother or her new husband anymore. I plan to actually meet him for the first time in 16 years if I can join my fiancé's family vacation.  Point of the matter, do what you feel is right. If you want to talk to him; talk to him. If you don't, don't reply if you don't feel comfortable too. It is purely your choice who you allow in your life, even when it comes down to blood and family.
reply about 8 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
It isn't pathetic in the slightest to seek help. I don't think it is right for your mother and siblings to completely disown you over your choice of living arrangements. If they have pushed you away, remember that it is not your fault and it is purely theirs. You made a choice that you felt would benefit you, and judging from their behavior, it was a good choice. As for your father, I don't fight with my own very much, but when I do it tends to be pretty bad. My mother on the other hand, I fight with constantly so I understand where you're coming from. You shouldn't have to do anything. From the sound of it, it seems more like a personal issue going on with himself, especially a sense of shame or regret with his previous exes so he uses you as an outlet because you're the closest thing he has.  I say find an outlet, a healthy one. Sometimes it is best to let them ramble on until they wear themselves out, but remember that self-defense and "talking back" is not always a bad thing just because they are your guardian. It is important to take a stand for yourself. Be respectful, don't sink to their level.
reply about 9 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
I think it is very important to find a healthy outlet and someone to talk to whether it's a doctor, friend, family member, ect. You can even find a journal to write in, if it will help you. I promise you, it isn't worth it to let families opinions and views affect you. I let the same thing happen to me and I still struggle over things that I wish I didn't.
reply about 9 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
Personally, given your age, the idea of a crush is a bit cute, but you're a little young for anything serious. I would recommend waiting until you truly know what you're doing. (And, believe me, you may not see it now, but you will when you're older.) But, if you really do want to find out, you need to remember that boys and girls both feel things. Boys aren't aliens, they aren't emotionless, and they aren't always just  dumbieheads.  You'll find it funny later on in life from how nervous you had gotten over a crush So honestly, just be straight forward. If you need a topic starter to bring it up, joke about old rumors that used to spread about you both.
reply about 9 hours