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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Cheated On?

Dear Dish-It,

My last girlfriend cheated on me and it totally sucked. I know my new girlfriend would never cheat on me but I can’t seem to relax. I’m always analyzing the things she says and does because I’m still hurt about what happened with my ex and I don’t ever want to go through that again. The problem is I think I may be pushing my new girlfriend away with my attitude. What can I do to stop punishing my new girlfriend for things that my ex did to me in the past?

Just Can’t Forget


Dear JCF,

I feel for you – I really do! Few things hurt as much as being betrayed and cheating is definitely a big betrayal that can leave you feeling worthless and less confident about yourself. Cheating is an awful thing to do to someone you love and the effects of cheating can last for years and spill over into other, new relationships. It sounds like this has happened to you.

But there is good news in all of this. If you do want to heal you can – the key is to want to move on from the pain of your past experience and learn to put your trust and faith in love again.

The first thing I would do if I were you is tell your current girlfriend how you feel. Open up and share your pain with her. Tell her how your ex’s betrayal has left you emotionally scarred and let her know that even though you really don’t want to put up any walls between the two of you, you may be doing just that because you’re trying to keep those old wounds from opening up again.

If your new GF really cares about you and wants to be with you, she’ll understand and will want to help you work past your feelings of insecurity and betrayal – plus, she’ll really appreciate you being open and honest about your feelings with her, trust me!

The tricky part is, you can’t count on your new girlfriend to heal you – she’s not your personal emotional doctor. All you can do is count on her for support while you try and work through your issues on your own or with a professional.

The rest of the work is up to you.

Remind yourself that your new girlfriend is NOT your ex – they are two different people and whenever you feel yourself doubting your new girlfriend you need to remind yourself of this. It’s not fair of you to be punishing your new partner for what your ex did to you – she had nothing to do with it. So make a real effort to overcome your insecurity, or what you say is true – you might push your new girlfriend away for good, but for no good reason.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

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Would You Cheat? Vote!

  • Nope. Never! It's just wrong.
  • Maybe, if my BF/GF wasn't treating me right.
  • I have, but I felt really bad and wouldn't do it again.
  • Yeah, why not? If no one finds out, it's okay.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

ThePaleWalker636
So, my brother is kind of a jerk. I won't go into details about him, but now my mom has officially given up on him. She no longer gives him rules or punishes him as long as he isn't interfering with anyone else in my family. Now, it's entirely on my dad's shoulders to make sure he even goes to bed at all. I don't know how I could help, but I'm worried about what will become of my brother when he gets older. He's mean to me, but I really care about him, and I don't want him on the streets. Is there even anything I could do?
reply about 2 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
"classicalmusicisepic" wrote: "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote: Hello everybody! Please help me! So I am in grade 6, and I have none of my best friends in my class. It sucks so bad, and when I first came I had no friends either.  Now, though I'm over that and I have made some new "friends." They are really nice and helpful to me, well at least I thought. I think they are just like that because I'm smart. So I made 4 friends.  I'll give their fake names; Camila, Socccer Gal,Bubbly Princess, Harry Potter Fan123, and Shy Flower. So, today I got an A+, and Harry Potter Fan123 got an A++ since she did extra bonuses that I had no idea about. Whatever, I'm over that.  HERE IS THE REAL PROBLEM! So I have a guy in my class that I hate like hell, and my friends Camila, Soccer Gal, and Bubbly Princess told him that I  like him, and I was like EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Well then I blew out and made a racist comment that I am so sad about and my friends were like crazy! I have no idea what to do. Then, my friends started bullying me, and I was like so shocked, I told them to shut up. WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?!   what you're going through right now is actually a part of life, and I think a lot of people have been in similar situations, including myself. everyone is actually bound to come across fake friends in their life, and sometimes it gets quite difficult to manage. if you've said something particularly offensive, I would probably say sorry. I mean, at least you have your original best friends? If they're caring and supportive, they'll try and help you as much as they possibly can. But if you feel like you're not being cared about by these girls in your class, and if you feel inferior to them, I would try to drift away, they're nothing but bad energy for you. I hope I've helped in some way. Good luck! Yes, it's very lonely in my class without any close friends. I am going to say sorry, and thanks a lot! You've helped me a bunch! 
reply about 2 hours
classicalmusicisepic
"SmartSunnyShadow" wrote:Hello everybody! Please help me!So I am in grade 6, and I have none of my best friends in my class. It sucks so bad, and when I first came I had no friends either.  Now, though I'm over that and I have made some new "friends." They are really nice and helpful to me, well at least I thought. I think they are just like that because I'm smart. So I made 4 friends.  I'll give their fake names; Camila, Socccer Gal,Bubbly Princess, Harry Potter Fan123, and Shy Flower. So, today I got an A+, and Harry Potter Fan123 got an A++ since she did extra bonuses that I had no idea about. Whatever, I'm over that.  HERE IS THE REAL PROBLEM!So I have a guy in my class that I hate like hell, and my friends Camila, Soccer Gal, and Bubbly Princess told him that I  like him, and I was like EWWWWWWWWWW!!! Well then I blew out and made a racist comment that I am so sad about and my friends were like crazy! I have no idea what to do. Then, my friends started bullying me, and I was like so shocked, I told them to shut up. WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?! what you're going through right now is actually a part of life, and I think a lot of people have been in similar situations, including myself. everyone is actually bound to come across fake friends in their life, and sometimes it gets quite difficult to manage. if you've said something particularly offensive, I would probably say sorry. I mean, at least you have your original best friends? If they're caring and supportive, they'll try and help you as much as they possibly can. But if you feel like you're not being cared about by these girls in your class, and if you feel inferior to them, I would try to drift away, they're nothing but bad energy for you. I hope I've helped in some way. Good luck!
reply about 2 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
"-Oracle-" wrote: "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote: Okay, thanks but will anyone else help me???  If they're as good friends as you're making them out to be then I'm sure they'll forgive and forget. Try not to over think the situation. Okay, thank you so much! 
reply about 2 hours
SmartSunnyShadow
"AnnaOfExquizurd" wrote:In the part where you said they started bullying you... what were some of the things they specifically said?If they were just calling you insensitive or racist, tell them it was an accident. You can apologize about the racist comment. If you show you really are sad about it, they'll know you mean it.I hope everything goes well and gets better ^-^ Thank you! They were bullying me about how I was so stupid and how no one liked me. I shall apologize, thank you again! 
reply about 2 hours