Dear Dish-It, My BFF Won't Talk To Me
I have been feeling terribly upset about something that keeps bothering me so much. At school my best friend refuses to talk to me (we are not in the same class) and she keeps playing with these 2 girls in my class. Today I had a chance to sit with her and I was trying to get her to be my friend but all she ever said was 'OK' and 'whatever'. My friend thinks that she doesn't even want to know me any more. She has been my best friend ever since I moved to England and then every time I say hi she always just goes hi and then says bye. It is really getting on my nerves but I know that if I tell her she will be so mad that she really won't even speak to me. I had an opportunity to tell her what was going on and I met her at the toilets when I needed to go. She told me how she felt because she knew I was feeling angry that she refused to play with me now. She said that her mum told her to tell me that just because we aren't playing with each other doesn't mean we are not friends and I ignored her.
Today I asked to play with her and and her friends and she told me to go away then she went at lunchtime to me to ask how I was. I said I was fine then she went off angrily. Oh Dish-It, please help me because I am in the middle of a situation that no one will help me with. I am counting on you to give me advice.
It’s one of the worst feelings in the world when your best friend in the world stops talking to you or starts treating you differently than she used to. The sad truth is, friends sometimes grow apart for no reason. I think the best advice I can give you is to try and find out the root cause of why your BFF is treating you differently and acting strangely about you. Until you know whether or not there’s a reason, there’s not much you can do to help or heal the situation.
The best way to get your friend to open up to you is to ask her if she’d be willing to spend some time talking to you privately. It may sound a little formal, particularly between close friends, but if I were you I’d approach her and ask her if she’d like to come over on the weekend or after school one day, or if she has time at lunch or recess to speak to you alone. It’s important when you do this you don’t make her feel like she’s being targeted or anything. Tell her you miss her and you’d just like to spend some one-on-one time with her, like you used to.
When the two of you are alone and it’s time to talk, be careful not to get angry with her or to raise your voice. Remember, this is your best friend and you need to always treat her the way you yourself would like to be treated, no matter how angry or mean she has been at or to you in the past. Tell her again that you really miss her and you’re wondering if there’s something you did to make her act differently toward you. If she says there is, tell her you want to know what it was so you can make it better.
However, if you do all this and she continues to act mean or get angry with you for simply trying to make things better between the two of you, I think you’re going to have to face the fact that while she may have been your best friend and one point in time, she is no longer acting like a good friend to you at all. In which case, unless you feel there is something you can do that will right whatever wrongs have been caused between you, it’s probably time for you to move on and make some new friends of you own, as well.
I truly hope talking to her works out for you – it’s a shame when close friends grow apart. But should things not resolve themselves the way you hope, know that you tried your best and, in your own way, were the best friend to her that you could possibly be. This means you will find yourself surrounded by plenty of good and caring friends throughout your life, so long as you always treat them the way you yourself want to be treated in return.
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