Dear Dish-It, How Do I Deal With My Breakup?
My boyfriend just dumped me. I didn’t even see it coming. I don’t think anything was wrong. We went to see a movie on Saturday night and then the next day I called him and he told me he was breaking up with me. I asked him why and he said he wanted to be single again. I’m so heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him back because I don’t think it was nice of him to do that to me, but I want to feel better. Can you help?
Breaking Up Sux
Well, I feel for you. Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most of us would probably pick getting sat on by a sumo wrestler to feeling the pain and loneliness of heartbreak. But, even though a breakup can be sad and depressing, you life is far from over. It’s important to be able to see that the end of one relationship means the beginning of a new chapter in your life. I have a few tips for you (and other kids going through the same situation) on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.
Be Good to You
Breakups happen to the best of us (think of all the celebs that have recently broken up – if they can survive it, so can you!). In fact, breakups are a very normal part of being a teenager. It’s important to cut yourself some slack when you’re feeling down and dejected. Let yourself mourn the loss and remember that no one is asking you to be perfect all the time – or any of the time. No one is!
Accept Being Single
You’ll never get over your ex if you keep fantasizing about getting back together. It sounds like you’re already over that, BUS, which is good. It’s important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you try to start dating again.
Remember: being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie he never wanted to see with you. Switch of your cell at the time your ex used to call. Blast that song he always made fun of you for liking. Perform a cleansing ritual by throwing away his yearbook photo and deleting his mushy e-mails. You’ll be amazing how much better you feel.
Release Your Feelings
Breaking up may have caused you to feel a range of unpleasant feelings, from sadness to anger and everything in between. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. Identify what you’re feeling at any given moment, acknowledge that it hurts, and let it go.
If you’re struggling with the “letting go” part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper and then ripping it up. When you’re feeling really awful, a good nap is often the best cure. If you can’t sleep, go for a nice walk to help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.
In general, you should try to expel your demons in a constructive way like using all that energy to play sports, listen to music, create a beautiful work of art or writing in your journal. It’s definitely fine to scream, cry and complain about how bad you feel, but find a secret, secluded spot where you can be alone to release your nastiest feelings, then go to your friends or family for a shoulder to cry on.
Your Ex’s Flaws
It’s easy to idealize your ex – his brown eyes, his laugh, etc. But what about his less-than-perfect qualities. Remind yourself how boring, insensitive or annoying your ex could be, and you’ll soon be on your way to a full recovery.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Contact Your Ex!
This one’s a biggie. Even though one of the worst parts of a breakup can be the feeling of loneliness, you have to use all the willpower you can muster up to resist the urge to call your [KWLINK 1879]ex when you’re feeling lonely or sad. Even though he may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him for an ego boost will either totally backfire or make it harder for you to move on. Look for new sources of support among your friends, family, school counselor or online support groups.
Get a Hobby
Without the distraction of a boyfriend, you have a lot of freedom to try new things – things you’ve always thought of trying. Indulge in activities that didn’t interest your ex, whether it’s baseball, ballet or bird watching. Take an art class, start writing poetry or join a club at school. You’ll meet new people, keep busy and feel good about yourself – all three of which will help attract both friends and, maybe, a new admirer.
Like yours, BUS, many breakups don’t have a specific cause. They just tend to happen when two people have grown apart. While it’s OK and a good learning experience to spend a little time reflecting on what you could have done differently in your relationship, it’s not helpful to dwell on why.
Rather than focusing on the past, live in the present moment and start dreaming about the future. I promise you will one day find a new boyfriend who will be at least as great as your ex, if not greater. You never know – that special someone could be right around the next corner.
So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.