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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Deal With My Breakup?

Dear Dish-It,

My boyfriend just dumped me. I didn’t even see it coming. I don’t think anything was wrong. We went to see a movie on Saturday night and then the next day I called him and he told me he was breaking up with me. I asked him why and he said he wanted to be single again. I’m so heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him back because I don’t think it was nice of him to do that to me, but I want to feel better. Can you help?

Breaking Up Sux

Dear BUS,

Well, I feel for you. Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most of us would probably pick getting sat on by a sumo wrestler to feeling the pain and loneliness of heartbreak. But, even though a breakup can be sad and depressing, you life is far from over. It’s important to be able to see that the end of one relationship means the beginning of a new chapter in your life. I have a few tips for you (and other kids going through the same situation) on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.

Be Good to You

Breakups happen to the best of us (think of all the celebs that have recently broken up – if they can survive it, so can you!). In fact, breakups are a very normal part of being a teenager. It’s important to cut yourself some slack when you’re feeling down and dejected. Let yourself mourn the loss and remember that no one is asking you to be perfect all the time – or any of the time. No one is!

Accept Being Single

You’ll never get over your ex if you keep fantasizing about getting back together. It sounds like you’re already over that, BUS, which is good. It’s important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you try to start dating again.

Remember: being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie he never wanted to see with you. Switch of your cell at the time your ex used to call. Blast that song he always made fun of you for liking. Perform a cleansing ritual by throwing away his yearbook photo and deleting his mushy e-mails. You’ll be amazing how much better you feel.

Release Your Feelings

Breaking up may have caused you to feel a range of unpleasant feelings, from sadness to anger and everything in between. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. Identify what you’re feeling at any given moment, acknowledge that it hurts, and let it go.

If you’re struggling with the “letting go” part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper and then ripping it up. When you’re feeling really awful, a good nap is often the best cure. If you can’t sleep, go for a nice walk to help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.

In general, you should try to expel your demons in a constructive way like using all that energy to play sports, listen to music, create a beautiful work of art or writing in your journal. It’s definitely fine to scream, cry and complain about how bad you feel, but find a secret, secluded spot where you can be alone to release your nastiest feelings, then go to your friends or family for a shoulder to cry on.

Your Ex’s Flaws

It’s easy to idealize your ex – his brown eyes, his laugh, etc. But what about his less-than-perfect qualities. Remind yourself how boring, insensitive or annoying your ex could be, and you’ll soon be on your way to a full recovery.

Whatever You Do, Don’t Contact Your Ex!

This one’s a biggie. Even though one of the worst parts of a breakup can be the feeling of loneliness, you have to use all the willpower you can muster up to resist the urge to call your [KWLINK 1879]ex when you’re feeling lonely or sad. Even though he may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him for an ego boost will either totally backfire or make it harder for you to move on. Look for new sources of support among your friends, family, school counselor or online support groups.

Get a Hobby

Without the distraction of a boyfriend, you have a lot of freedom to try new things – things you’ve always thought of trying. Indulge in activities that didn’t interest your ex, whether it’s baseball, ballet or bird watching. Take an art class, start writing poetry or join a club at school. You’ll meet new people, keep busy and feel good about yourself – all three of which will help attract both friends and, maybe, a new admirer.

Obsess Not

Like yours, BUS, many breakups don’t have a specific cause. They just tend to happen when two people have grown apart. While it’s OK and a good learning experience to spend a little time reflecting on what you could have done differently in your relationship, it’s not helpful to dwell on why.

Rather than focusing on the past, live in the present moment and start dreaming about the future. I promise you will one day find a new boyfriend who will be at least as great as your ex, if not greater. You never know – that special someone could be right around the next corner.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

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Worst Way to Be Dumped?

  • The "Let's be friends" line.
  • Finding out your guy/girl is cheating on you.
  • In front of your whole history class.
  • On Valentine's Day.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

GlimmeringSky16
Shouldn't this be titled like, "Suicide Isn't the Answer" or something.
reply about 4 hours
HannahG
HannahG posted in Family Issues:
Why? You're worth so much more than that. You deserve to live, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You're an amazing human being, you're capable of so much more than you think you are. You're special. I know you probably think you aren't but you must certainly are. The idiots who tell you to commit suicide, well, as I said, they're IDIOTS. I know life sucks sometimes with them but don't let that end your life. Don't let them win. Prove them wrong. They're not worth your thoughts, why bother letting them take your life? They're not worth the amazing person that you are. Don't let them stop you from living your dreams, because they aren't worth them. They're just a bunch of jerks who have no heart, the devil took theirs away, don't let them take yours. Thanks for reading this. You're a great person and I really hope you decide not to do that to yourself. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always available for you. -HannahG
reply about 5 hours
Harmonia
Harmonia posted in Family Issues:
"HannahG" wrote:I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG Every parent needs to read this. From my personal experience, my parents are examples of a lot of the stuff you listed above. No one's parents have a complete idea of what is going on, and by one word or one action you could make everything worse. In fact, my parents were the reason I self-harmed for the first time... But that was in the past. No kid should ever have to be slaves, be punching bags of their parents that make them miserable. Parents need to care about their kids. Isn't that what a mom or dad is?
reply about 6 hours
HannahG
HannahG posted in Family Issues:
I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG
reply about 6 hours
Tech-King
Tech-King posted in Friends:
Just tell him, or do what my friend did, get someone to do it for him.
reply about 6 hours

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