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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Deal With My Breakup?

Dear Dish-It,

My boyfriend just dumped me. I didn’t even see it coming. I don’t think anything was wrong. We went to see a movie on Saturday night and then the next day I called him and he told me he was breaking up with me. I asked him why and he said he wanted to be single again. I’m so heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him back because I don’t think it was nice of him to do that to me, but I want to feel better. Can you help?

Breaking Up Sux

Dear BUS,

Well, I feel for you. Few things hurt more than being dumped. In fact, most of us would probably pick getting sat on by a sumo wrestler to feeling the pain and loneliness of heartbreak. But, even though a breakup can be sad and depressing, you life is far from over. It’s important to be able to see that the end of one relationship means the beginning of a new chapter in your life. I have a few tips for you (and other kids going through the same situation) on how to let go of your ex and move on with your life.

Be Good to You

Breakups happen to the best of us (think of all the celebs that have recently broken up – if they can survive it, so can you!). In fact, breakups are a very normal part of being a teenager. It’s important to cut yourself some slack when you’re feeling down and dejected. Let yourself mourn the loss and remember that no one is asking you to be perfect all the time – or any of the time. No one is!

Accept Being Single

You’ll never get over your ex if you keep fantasizing about getting back together. It sounds like you’re already over that, BUS, which is good. It’s important to learn how to be happy as a single person before you try to start dating again.

Remember: being single gives you the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Watch a cheesy movie he never wanted to see with you. Switch of your cell at the time your ex used to call. Blast that song he always made fun of you for liking. Perform a cleansing ritual by throwing away his yearbook photo and deleting his mushy e-mails. You’ll be amazing how much better you feel.

Release Your Feelings

Breaking up may have caused you to feel a range of unpleasant feelings, from sadness to anger and everything in between. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. Identify what you’re feeling at any given moment, acknowledge that it hurts, and let it go.

If you’re struggling with the “letting go” part, try writing what you feel on a piece of paper and then ripping it up. When you’re feeling really awful, a good nap is often the best cure. If you can’t sleep, go for a nice walk to help ease the pain and break the cycle of negative thoughts.

In general, you should try to expel your demons in a constructive way like using all that energy to play sports, listen to music, create a beautiful work of art or writing in your journal. It’s definitely fine to scream, cry and complain about how bad you feel, but find a secret, secluded spot where you can be alone to release your nastiest feelings, then go to your friends or family for a shoulder to cry on.

Your Ex’s Flaws

It’s easy to idealize your ex – his brown eyes, his laugh, etc. But what about his less-than-perfect qualities. Remind yourself how boring, insensitive or annoying your ex could be, and you’ll soon be on your way to a full recovery.

Whatever You Do, Don’t Contact Your Ex!

This one’s a biggie. Even though one of the worst parts of a breakup can be the feeling of loneliness, you have to use all the willpower you can muster up to resist the urge to call your [KWLINK 1879]ex when you’re feeling lonely or sad. Even though he may have been a source of comfort in the past, calling him for an ego boost will either totally backfire or make it harder for you to move on. Look for new sources of support among your friends, family, school counselor or online support groups.

Get a Hobby

Without the distraction of a boyfriend, you have a lot of freedom to try new things – things you’ve always thought of trying. Indulge in activities that didn’t interest your ex, whether it’s baseball, ballet or bird watching. Take an art class, start writing poetry or join a club at school. You’ll meet new people, keep busy and feel good about yourself – all three of which will help attract both friends and, maybe, a new admirer.

Obsess Not

Like yours, BUS, many breakups don’t have a specific cause. They just tend to happen when two people have grown apart. While it’s OK and a good learning experience to spend a little time reflecting on what you could have done differently in your relationship, it’s not helpful to dwell on why.

Rather than focusing on the past, live in the present moment and start dreaming about the future. I promise you will one day find a new boyfriend who will be at least as great as your ex, if not greater. You never know – that special someone could be right around the next corner.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

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Worst Way to Be Dumped?

  • The "Let's be friends" line.
  • Finding out your guy/girl is cheating on you.
  • In front of your whole history class.
  • On Valentine's Day.

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

AlexJonesAJ
My mom and dad were supportive about me having a girlfriend. Tho they are indenial of me being male and refuse to use any male terms
reply 44 minutes
joshieboy24
How come all the original people are banned? The admins are crazy....
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Where did you guys find this thread?? It was posted 11 years ago lol xD
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Thorvald
Thorvald posted in Family Issues:
There's a rare disease which currently affects 80 individuals worldwide, called Progeria. A person who is born with this condition experiences rapid aging, and will live to be, on average, about 13 years old. ...how old are you? If you were born with this disease, how would you live differently? Are you older than 13? What would change in your life, if you knew you were living on borrowed time? Are you younger? How would you perceive the world differently, if you knew you only had a few years left? Life is the most precious gift a person can receive. Don't take yours for granted.
reply about 6 hours
EndlessDream
I've been through a heck of a lot too. I have severe health problems and there were so many times I have lain in a hospital bed thinking I was going to die. I deal with severe depression from that along with the matter of loneliness from not being able to leave the house a whole lot my whole life. I don't have any friends  or really anything to do. I almost - you know- did it once. But then after that I went through a chain of dark events ( that I would rather not say for the topic is too arguable on this place. However, in a Catholic way of speaking, I have met a group of Legion. :P ) That practically changed my mind around into a more depth view of life. We, as humans, take life too seriously. I mean it. Is your life really that bad? Really? Are you alive? Are you speaking to another human who might actually smile at you once in your life? Did you see that pretty butterfly that just went by? We are so used to seeing a better, pampered life that tv shows or someone we know has, and we get jealous. " My life is horrible". Oh really? Did you say hi to your dog today? He's happy to see you isn't he? Smell the rain coming? Doesn't it smell good? We fail to look at the small good things in life and concentrate on " Jim broke up with me. I'm never going to be happy again!" Well....maybe Jim wasn't the guy you are supposed to end up with. Ever think of that? Ever think " Well maybe there is an even better guy out there I am supposed to be with! I just have to try and find him!" Eh? I've also learned: Not everyone is going to like you. No matter how nice you are and how much you try to be friendly, Not everyone is going to like you. I just went through this a few days ago with someone on here. She didn't want to talk to me because I was friends with someone who does bad things. Now that is very stereotypical and not right. Just because she does bad things mean I do bad things too? No. It means I accept everyone. Does that mean I accept the bad things she does? NO. But does that mean I have to not like her because of the bad things she does? NO. I love the person, but not the actions, and it breaks my heart to see the person do these things but i still love them. Get it? It's like if your child does something bad. Does that mean you hate them forever? NO. I try to help people, and for some reason i am attracted to those who are wronged or in pain. Another thing, I love horror. Like a lot. I have it allll over my page. Sometimes that scares people and they might say to me " What do you want?" or " You scare me" before I even say hi. You know what else? There are SO many people here that have told me that I am the nicest person on here they have ever talked to. So, some more stereotypes for you. Main theme is, take a break ( seriously) stand outside or something and just look at the sky, breath in the air and watch that bird carry a worm to her nest. Don't judge others by passed on information. Life is good if you make it so.
reply about 6 hours