Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-It: Can I Be Friends With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It,

I was dating my best friend for about a week when she said I was too much like a brother to her and got her friend to dump me for her over the phone. The next day she asked one of my closest friends out. Now she barely talks to me – she won’t even sign the cast I had to have put on my hand! I’m trying to make things go back to normal but it doesn’t seem to be working. What should I do?

Broken


Dear Broken,


It seems like what you’re asking me is how to stay friends with your ex-girlfriend – something that isn’t always possible. Here are some tips you can try in order to be friends with an ex.


Make sure you're over them.

Even if you're going to be the best of friends, you both still need some time to collect yourself after breaking up.


Make sure your intentions are good.

Being "friends" with an ex just to torment them or to prevent them from dating other people doesn't help anyone in the long run. In fact, it makes you look really bad.


Check in on them.

Send a friendly text message or call them on their birthday. Ask them how things are going. Find out what's new in their life and how they've changed since you dated. Be supportive of their individuality.

Let them know that you feel positive about them as a person and that you'd like to be friends with them – real friends.

If you were there for them as a boyfriend, you can be there for them as a friend, too.


Tell them that you think they're great and that, for the most part, you wouldn't change a thing about them.

(Well, unless they're doing something really mean or stupid.) An ego boost can help mend some of the leftover wounds from the breakup.


Avoid romantic topics – and the temptation to flirt – especially when you're starting the friendship.

This can be tricky if you have been involved with someone romantically, but you can do it if you stay focused. You don't want to lead the other person on, and you certainly don't want them to lead you on either.


At first, keep your conversations and meetings short and, if possible, fun.

Remind them just how great you are to hang out with. However, set limits for how often you'll talk to them and hang out with them.


Keep working toward your own goals. Don't fall back into negative old patterns from the relationship.

Develop your own interests and encourage your ex to do the same.


If your ex doesn't seem interested in a friendship, you need to respect their wishes. It may be a possibility in the future but, for now, focus on your other friends.


Also, if your ex is not treating you with the same respect you expect of any other friend, it's not a good time to pursue a friendship with them.


More tips:

  • Tell a good friend about your efforts to be friends with your ex and ask them to look out for you. (Hopefully you won't need to ask!)
  • Be friendly, kind and consistent with your ex. Remind them often that you're glad they're a part of your life.
  • Don't blow them off to hang out with your new crush. In general, be aware that they might still be feeling a bit sensitive about some aspect of the breakup and feel weird about you seeing other people.
  • It's quite possible that your ex may not be up for a friendship. Be forgiving and move on if this is the case.

  • So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.




    More Dish-It Advice:

  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
  • My BFF’s Ex Likes Me
  • I Cry Over Him
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 20 Comments

    latest videos

    Bridge-to-terabithia-poll

    Do You Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

    • Yeah, lots.
    • Sure - one or two.
    • I have a BF/GF but all of my pals are the same gender as me.
    • No way!!!

    related stories

    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    lolflowergirl
    lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
    i feel alone too
    reply about 1 hour
    kayme123
    kayme123 posted in Friends:
    i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
    reply about 10 hours
    Irene_love
    Irene_love posted in Style:
    "1.am.3m0" wrote:Hey. Im also turning 15 soon. So dont worry you arent alone hahah. Start dressing for your shape and also find whats comfortable.  Because if you wear something that is uncomfortable you wont be happy and happiness is the best look :) Most of the time I wear jeans with a graphic tshirt or singlet and a cardigan or light jacket. Hoodies are great for winter. And I wear combat boots like doc martins and converse. Hope I helped somehow! :)
    reply about 11 hours
    lion2a3
    lion2a3 posted in Friends:
    Um well I just lost two friends on another website because they weren't supposed to be on there so now I'm really depressed and scared to have friends again........ and school about to start soon so I wanna make sure that I'm happy then some I can make friends cause it's really hard for me to make friends because I can get really shy and stuff so someone help.......
    reply about 12 hours
    _Black♥and♥White_
    Maybe... But if I did have one and I had a choice I wouldn't mind to have a younger brother or Older one... SUCKS TO BE THE ONLY CHILD
    reply about 23 hours

    play online games