Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-It: Can I Be Friends With My Ex?

How To Be Friends With An Ex

Dear Dish-It,

I was dating my best friend for about a week when she said I was too much like a brother to her and got her friend to dump me for her over the phone. The next day she asked one of my closest friends out. Now she barely talks to me – she won’t even sign the cast I had to have put on my hand! I’m trying to make things go back to normal but it doesn’t seem to be working. What should I do?

Broken


Dear Broken,


It seems like what you’re asking me is how to stay friends with your ex-girlfriend – something that isn’t always possible. Here are some tips you can try in order to be friends with an ex.


Make sure you're over them.

Even if you're going to be the best of friends, you both still need some time to collect yourself after breaking up.


Make sure your intentions are good.

Being "friends" with an ex just to torment them or to prevent them from dating other people doesn't help anyone in the long run. In fact, it makes you look really bad.


Check in on them.

Send a friendly text message or call them on their birthday. Ask them how things are going. Find out what's new in their life and how they've changed since you dated. Be supportive of their individuality.

Let them know that you feel positive about them as a person and that you'd like to be friends with them – real friends.

If you were there for them as a boyfriend, you can be there for them as a friend, too.


Tell them that you think they're great and that, for the most part, you wouldn't change a thing about them.

(Well, unless they're doing something really mean or stupid.) An ego boost can help mend some of the leftover wounds from the breakup.


Avoid romantic topics – and the temptation to flirt – especially when you're starting the friendship.

This can be tricky if you have been involved with someone romantically, but you can do it if you stay focused. You don't want to lead the other person on, and you certainly don't want them to lead you on either.


At first, keep your conversations and meetings short and, if possible, fun.

Remind them just how great you are to hang out with. However, set limits for how often you'll talk to them and hang out with them.


Keep working toward your own goals. Don't fall back into negative old patterns from the relationship.

Develop your own interests and encourage your ex to do the same.


If your ex doesn't seem interested in a friendship, you need to respect their wishes. It may be a possibility in the future but, for now, focus on your other friends.


Also, if your ex is not treating you with the same respect you expect of any other friend, it's not a good time to pursue a friendship with them.


More tips:

  • Tell a good friend about your efforts to be friends with your ex and ask them to look out for you. (Hopefully you won't need to ask!)
  • Be friendly, kind and consistent with your ex. Remind them often that you're glad they're a part of your life.
  • Don't blow them off to hang out with your new crush. In general, be aware that they might still be feeling a bit sensitive about some aspect of the breakup and feel weird about you seeing other people.
  • It's quite possible that your ex may not be up for a friendship. Be forgiving and move on if this is the case.

  • So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.




    More Dish-It Advice:

  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • How Do I Know If He Likes Me?
  • My BFF’s Ex Likes Me
  • I Cry Over Him
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • >
    >

    readers voted!

    Comments

    Kahalisia

    Kahalisia wrote:

    like ya i mean even if your not bf and gf and you guys just be friends but... depending...
    commented: Wed Jan 01, 2014

    diyarocks

    diyarocks wrote:

    i don't think u shut break up with some1 at all unless there is a gud reason... well da...
    commented: Mon Jun 17, 2013

    lilmiss kayla 101
    Of course
    commented: Sun Mar 24, 2013

    there are 20 more comments

    Please login or register to add comments


    like this article?
    Sign up now to get more just like it!

    latest videos

    Bridge-to-terabithia-poll

    Do You Have Friends of the Opposite Sex?

    • Yeah, lots.
    • Sure - one or two.
    • I have a BF/GF but all of my pals are the same gender as me.
    • No way!!!

    related stories

    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    MissD
    MissD posted in Friends:
    You are welcome & Good Luck!
    reply about 1 hour
    snikko
    snikko posted in Friends:
    A prefect friend is a person that is always with you when you need  them.  THey have you back and they don'bully ou. They hang out with you. THey treat you as an equal. They stand up for you. And they don't laugh at your tureself.
    reply about 2 hours
    GottaLoveDance
    GottaLoveDance posted in Friends:
    "MissD" wrote:This might seem obvious but is there anyone else you might be able to walk home with? I always try to solve problems simply first. If yes, than I encourage you to invite that person to walk home with you. If not - let's take a step back and figure our why you are feeling left out/ignored. Do your friends talk about things that you don't understand, do they block you from participating in the conversation? If you guys have to walk together and there is no choice in the matter - YOU be the initiator of great conversation. Confidently smile - and talk to BOTH of them at the same time. It's so helpful to be able to navigate a conversation generously. That means you be the one on the high road - ask questions, people love talking about things that are interesting to them. Ask questions and figure out what common things all three of you have together and before you know it your walk will be over. Hope this helps. Let us know what happens. Inclusivity totally kicks butt over exclusivity!  thank you soooo much for the amazing advice, unfortunately I don't really have a choice because my friend walks to my house where her mum picks her up so it would hurt her feelings if I said no to walking with her but ill definitely try yor suggestions in the second paragraph. Thanks
    reply about 3 hours
    MissD
    MissD posted in Friends:
    This might seem obvious but is there anyone else you might be able to walk home with? I always try to solve problems simply first. If yes, than I encourage you to invite that person to walk home with you. If not - let's take a step back and figure our why you are feeling left out/ignored.  Do your friends talk about things that you don't understand, do they block you from participating in the conversation? If you guys have to walk together and there is no choice in the matter - YOU be the initiator of great conversation. Confidently smile - and talk to BOTH of them at the same time. It's so helpful to be able to navigate a conversation generously. That means you be the one on the high road - ask questions, people love talking about things that are interesting to them. Ask questions and figure out what common things all three of you have together and before you know it your walk will be over.  Hope this helps. Let us know what happens.  Inclusivity totally kicks butt over exclusivity! 
    reply about 4 hours
    GottaLoveDance
    GottaLoveDance posted in Friends:
    I have this one best friend and she is wonderful. But two of my other friends are best friends with each other and when I walk home from school with them I feel really left out and ignored. I don't want to ruin their friendship but I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions?
    reply about 7 hours

    play online games

    Candy-100

    A great online version of the famous Candy Crush. This is the best game launched...

    Big_icon_(7)

    Have you ever fancied being a ranger like those fantasy characters you love so m...

    Hour-of-code-tumb

    Millions of Students will be doing an Hour of Code with Tynker December 8th-14th...

    Big_icon_(4)

    You run across the city in a car chase with the police officers.

    Big_icon_(6)

    The evil master kidnapped all of your friends!