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Dear Dish-It: I'm A Loner

Dear Dish-It,

For most of my school life, I have been a loner. In Grade 3 I became friends with someone just so I wouldn't be lonely. But she wasn’t as loyal to me as a true friend should be, leaving me alone at recess almost all the time and then asking if she could come over to my house after school. Now that I’m in Grade 7, I have actually started hanging out with the other girls in my class. They’re really nice to me but I'm starting to wonder if they just feel sorry for me? I’ll never know for sure unless I ask them about it, but if I do, they may be offended. Can you please help?

PartyGirl847


Dear PartyGirl847,


In my opinion, the friends you have made in Grade 7 are really your friends. They don’t pity you or feel sorry for you. They actually, genuinely and sincerely like you and want to hang out with you.


The problem here isn’t anyone else – it’s you. Not that you’re a bad person or anything – you’re not. But I think you have a low opinion of yourself – something called low self-esteem.


I think the best thing to do in this situation is to believe in yourself more. Think about all the good things there are about you – including the fact that you can be and are a great, true, loyal friend. Why would anyone not want to hang out with you and spend time with you? You’re a great person!


The more you believe this and other good things about yourself, the closer you’ll become with your new friends and the more good people and friends you will attract into your life. Start liking yourself more, and I guarantee other people will like you more and more, too.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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  • 34 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    ehmr
    ehmr posted in Family Issues:
    Uh okay, so I feel kind of stupid writing this here but I have nowhere else to go to about this. (I'm sorry if this is long). I just really need help with my life as a whole. Basically, I have extremely bad anxiety. It's gotten to the point where I cannot speak. At all. Every time I try to speak, I can never manage more than a few words before I clam up and start to cry. It feels like my IQ drops whenever someone tries to converse with me. I can't go into public either. The last time I did, my back and palms started sweating, my mouth went dry and I couldn't look up from the floor. And this wasn't even to a party or something, this was just the shopping centre. My mood is also extremely low. I feel both emotionally and physically drained which makes it hard to function sometimes. Some days I don't even have the motivation to get out of bed. I am sad 24/7. It is the most awful feeling in the world. Nothing interests me any more and I am so close to crying all the time, I dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like dying, but death is my biggest fear so I'm not sure if I could be considered suicidal. I am not sure if it is depression because I don't have access to a doctor who can check. More than anything, though, I just want to stop being sad My parents seem to take all of this personally for some reason. They think I am purposely being rude or ignoring them. This is not true, obviously. But I can't tell them that because, like I said, I can barely speak. They keep trying to get me help for THE WRONG THINGS and haven't even thought of getting me help for anxiety. It was the therapist who first suggested that I should get help for anxiety and low mood but my parents still won't even think about getting me help for that and keep trying the wrong things. ~~~ It doesn't help that my mother barely cares about me very much at all. I'm really sorry but this bit is gonna sound like I am whining. But put basically, I have no clothes, no education (she pulled me out of school 2 years ago), and am stuck in what is basically isolation. I have asked her multiple times for clothes but she never buys me any and continues to buy tons for herself. (Or at least tried to when I could speak a bit better, haha, I haven't done since my anxiety got worse). But this means I have to about in the same un-ironed and sometimes unwashed outfit every day and it's gross, really. And since I cannot go to school anymore I have absolutely no friends. None. I do not even have friends online anymore. This makes my mood even worse and I am so ######## lonely. I tried making online friends for a while but I couldn't and since then my laptop broke (I am having to use the mobile site rn) so it's near impossible to make friends anymore. And on the topic of school, I have not had any sort of education in the 2 years I have been out of school. I do not even have a tutor. It's awful, and I would be going into Year 10 next year so I really need education soon since I only have two years left. :/ I feel dumb because of this since I have not learnt to do anything above a Year 7 level. I just don't know what to do anymore!! I really just want to fall asleep and sleep for however long it takes for me to wake up to a better period in my life. TL;DR: I am not at the best point in my life right now and my anxiety and mood only keep getting worse and I'm not sure what to do. :(
    reply about 3 hours
    Hannah728
    Hannah728 posted in Friends:
    I have a big problem. Me and my best friend(BFF) have the same crush and i lovee him he is so cute! can you guys help me! plz. comment on my bio, reply here, or pm me plzzzzzzzz! I NEED HELP! have you guys had this problem!?
    reply about 4 hours
    simran88
    simran88 posted in Style:
    Clothes...
    reply about 5 hours
    simran88
    simran88 posted in Style:
    Great suggestions! I'll try the tape idea, have never done it before. 
    reply about 5 hours
    arthi
    arthi posted in Friends:
    "shae508" wrote: "classicalmusicisepic" wrote: my friends offline are having some relationship problems atm and there are just some things i want to mention on here, because i think they're relevant; some warning signs, etc and how to approach them. these not only apply to romantic relationships, but also friendships etc. physical harm - this might be an obvious one. but i just want to share some ways to approach the situation. this includes unwanted touching, hitting, kicking, etc. if your partner is doing this to you, you must report it to a trusted adult, teacher, counselor, close friend, or family member. this is one of the most serious abusive relationships- there are many resources online such as childline, etc, and hotlines you can call if you need to speak to someone about it. they may be able to help you get out of the relationship, and give you a shoulder to cry on. pressure into unwanted intimacy - this is also one of the big ones- your partner should never make you feel uncomfortable or otherwise. if they wish to stay with you, they will wait until you're ready to move onto that stage; if you even ever will be. if you feel pressured, or pushed into doing something you feel you'll regret, sit down and talk about it with your partner. you have a say in your relationship, too. control over your friends - if you feel like your partner has control over your friends- something is wrong. if they want you to dedicate every second of your life to them, with no other people, it's not right. your relationship not only affects the two people in it, (or more if it's polyamourous), but everyone around is affected by your relationship, too. again- you have a say in how your relationship is going, too!   criticizing you and your choices - relationships are about liking each other- if your partner is putting you down or demeaning you, it's a warning sign to get out of it. are they mocking you? or putting down your appearance, clothes, etc? Definite red flag; talk about it with him/her/them.  other signs, include: -being doted and adored one day, and the next being pushed away and ignored, -you're afraid of your partner -they obsess over and call/text you constantly -you may find you've lost your confidence -many ups and downs in the relationship, constant roller coaster -you aren't yourself. you change and adapt for them, drop hobbies if they're not into them, etc. -something tells you you cant trust them again, there are many resources out there if you need to talk. never be afraid to speak about it to someone- a family member, a teacher, a close friend, the police, a guidance counselor, etc.  I bolded that one part. The whole thread is great. And that one is a sign. But remember people with mental illness may also show signs like this to. If they have a good they they may spoil you and love you, and then the next day they're having a bad one. So they might push you away. They also may suddenly dote on you one day also to make up for a bad day. I'm not making an excuse, it's still a ver bad thing to do. I'm just putting it out there.
    reply about 7 hours

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