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Dear Dish-It: Another Dancer Is Jealous Of Me

Dear Dish-It,

I’m a dancer, and everyone in my level thinks I’m the best. I’m starting to take one of my classes at a higher level with two of my friends. This girl in my old level has started being really mean to us. I don’t know if I should be rude back or not. What should I do?

Confused Dancer

Dear CD,

You’re very lucky that you are such a talented and accomplished dancer! It sounds like dancing is something you truly love, and you pour a lot of hard work into it. And, congratulations on being accepted into a higher-level dance class. That’s great news, and I hope you continue working on your talent and growing as a dancer.

As for the girl you say is being mean to you . . . it seems pretty obvious that she is just jealous of you and your abilities in dancing. After all, you were accepted into a higher level, and she was left behind at the lower level. It’s a pretty common scenario – but, I know, an unpleasant situation to have to deal with.

Being rude back to this girl isn’t going to help. It’s going to make her angrier and she’s just going to resent you more and more – which likely means she’ll become meaner and meaner. Rather, you need to do something that a lot of people find really hard to do – you need to put yourself in her shoes.

Try it. If you were this girl, how would you feel seeing three of your friends advance to a higher level while you are left behind? How would you feel if the teacher was constantly congratulating other dancers in the class and only correcting you? How would you feel if you felt like other people were better than you?

If you can truly put yourself in her shoes and feel some of the things she might be feeling, you’ll be better able to understand why she’s being mean to you and how you can make the situation better. By understanding some of the bad things she feels, you may come up with some solutions to the problem.

While it’s obviously impossible for you to get her into the higher class (I’m guessing that’s up to the dance teacher to decide), maybe you and your other friends from dance can include her in some other activities you do. Maybe the four of you can go to the mall or have a sleepover or see a movie together – make her feel like she’s accepted among you, since she probably feels left out at dance. But whatever you do, don’t talk about things she’s not a part of when you’re all together. Leave the dance talk to another time.

If she’s open to it, you may want to offer her some help to improve her own dancing skills, so maybe she can advance to a higher level, too. She may not feel comfortable accepting help from anyone, though, so use your good judgment with this one.

The final suggestion I have for you is to simply be her friend. Don’t retaliate or be mean or rude back to her – even if she continues to do it to you. If she sees that you mean no harm and you like her and accept her and still want to be her friend, she may come around and stop acting the way she is toward you. There’s an old saying – “kill them with kindness" – that applies to this situation really well. The best thing you can do to someone who is being really mean to you is to be really nice to them – maybe, hopefully, eventually, it will rub off.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

More Dish-It Advice:

  • I Have A Jealous Friend
  • I Get Jealous When She’s With Other Guys
  • He Won’t Stop Calling Me
  • How Do I Win Her Back?
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
    Maybe he likes you, as a friend or as more.
    reply about 5 hours
    Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
    Friends grow apart as we grow up and change at different rates. It's fine to stop being friends, but it doesn't have to be in a mean way. The best thing to do is talk to her (nicely). You don't have to tell her she's being childish or you feel as if you've matured more. That would be terrible. Talk about things you guys like to do in common or make plans to try new things together. Or don't mention it at all, but don't just begin ignoring her. Eventually the friendship will fade the less time you spend together. 
    reply about 7 hours
    Amalegend20 posted in Friends:
    You should be nice to her. If you have to break the news gently don't make her feel bad just talk to her about and see what she says  
    reply about 21 hours
    hugebear posted in Friends:
    My bff and I were best friends but weve grown apart im getting older and she still wants to do kid stuff I have new friends now I feel like im being mean to her but like doesn't she get the memo I feel both guilty and mad:} Gosh.... put the shoe on  the other foot and see how would you feel if your bff done this on you. You has been bffs for the long time [Im guessing] and your maturing faster than her.  I agrees you are being mean to her if you doesnt discuss how your feeling with her and ignoring / avoiding her or whatever your doing.    She has been the good friend to you and she deserves to understand if you is growing up faster than her.  I really feels sad for how she could be feeling right now. She didnt do anything wrong.  You changed. Not her. Please be nice to your friend/ex friend and let her down gently [if you really has to] ^^ Me opinion  
    reply 1 day
    Desiixx posted in Friends:
    Don't worry about it. Friends grow apart. That's how things go. Just talk to her about it, she'll understand. 
    reply 1 day

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