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Dear Dish-It: Another Dancer Is Jealous Of Me

Dear Dish-It,

I’m a dancer, and everyone in my level thinks I’m the best. I’m starting to take one of my classes at a higher level with two of my friends. This girl in my old level has started being really mean to us. I don’t know if I should be rude back or not. What should I do?


Confused Dancer


Dear CD,


You’re very lucky that you are such a talented and accomplished dancer! It sounds like dancing is something you truly love, and you pour a lot of hard work into it. And, congratulations on being accepted into a higher-level dance class. That’s great news, and I hope you continue working on your talent and growing as a dancer.


As for the girl you say is being mean to you . . . it seems pretty obvious that she is just jealous of you and your abilities in dancing. After all, you were accepted into a higher level, and she was left behind at the lower level. It’s a pretty common scenario – but, I know, an unpleasant situation to have to deal with.


Being rude back to this girl isn’t going to help. It’s going to make her angrier and she’s just going to resent you more and more – which likely means she’ll become meaner and meaner. Rather, you need to do something that a lot of people find really hard to do – you need to put yourself in her shoes.


Try it. If you were this girl, how would you feel seeing three of your friends advance to a higher level while you are left behind? How would you feel if the teacher was constantly congratulating other dancers in the class and only correcting you? How would you feel if you felt like other people were better than you?


If you can truly put yourself in her shoes and feel some of the things she might be feeling, you’ll be better able to understand why she’s being mean to you and how you can make the situation better. By understanding some of the bad things she feels, you may come up with some solutions to the problem.


While it’s obviously impossible for you to get her into the higher class (I’m guessing that’s up to the dance teacher to decide), maybe you and your other friends from dance can include her in some other activities you do. Maybe the four of you can go to the mall or have a sleepover or see a movie together – make her feel like she’s accepted among you, since she probably feels left out at dance. But whatever you do, don’t talk about things she’s not a part of when you’re all together. Leave the dance talk to another time.


If she’s open to it, you may want to offer her some help to improve her own dancing skills, so maybe she can advance to a higher level, too. She may not feel comfortable accepting help from anyone, though, so use your good judgment with this one.


The final suggestion I have for you is to simply be her friend. Don’t retaliate or be mean or rude back to her – even if she continues to do it to you. If she sees that you mean no harm and you like her and accept her and still want to be her friend, she may come around and stop acting the way she is toward you. There’s an old saying – “kill them with kindness" – that applies to this situation really well. The best thing you can do to someone who is being really mean to you is to be really nice to them – maybe, hopefully, eventually, it will rub off.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I Have A Jealous Friend
  • I Get Jealous When She’s With Other Guys
  • He Won’t Stop Calling Me
  • How Do I Win Her Back?
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    vwala_12
    vwala_12 posted in Friends:
    I guess I mean I have been in a lot of drama since the school year started I also recommend if the bullying gets worst tell someone and don’t just walk away it will be worst if you do and if there gonna beat you up just run and tell a teacher or tell your parent so always keep alert!
    reply 16 minutes
    SnowAngel15
    SnowAngel15 posted in Friends:
    Monday-Friday, I have to deal with this girl, now none of you know me, so you can't really say I don't do this, but I'll just say it anyway, I don't like being mean, and I HATE talking bad about people I rarely ever do it, but this is just something I can't even fathom. Two of my best friends just got hurt because of her. You'd think that being in an ONLINE SCHOOL this would never happen but it did and it did not go well. I'm a straight A student, I'm a sophomore and I take both 10th grade and 11th grade courses, I'm also doing Advanced Honors and next year I hope to be able to do college courses AND high school courses, anyway. This girl joined our school last year she acts cool like she does all this stuff and every guy falls for it but I've thrown little tests here and there and she's even admitted to me that most of the things she claims to do are lies. She always bullies my friends and I get involved but then my other classmates try to say "You're being mean to her leave her alone!" I of course don't care if she's mean to me but my friends are off limits. So then she starts asking me for help with her school because  I help other students in my free time she was refusing to listen and didn't do well on the quiz and she tells me "I THOUGHT you were supposed to help!?" So she kept asking me for help now I love my teachers and respect them she asked one of them to come into the room because she refused to listen to me, and I was polite and nice like usual and she said "You sure do like your teachers." I called her on it and she was shocked I did. Then I was helping two of my best friends. They are friends with her but I don't get involved, now this girl let's call her Maggie likes the guy let's call him John. John liked her and told me to tell Maggie and I did they were about to get together when this girl the bully begged him to date her instead. He said yes, now this bully has a new boyfriend every other week, and he started being mean to Maggie after he started dating the bully. She just dumped him when he tried to come back into Maggie's life I started snapping him out and being very crude towards him. Is what I did right?
    reply about 4 hours
    vwala_12
    vwala_12 posted in Family Issues:
    They mean what does there family think about them
    reply 1 day
    vwala_12
    vwala_12 posted in Family Issues:
    I think you come out great even though I don’t have any you do you and people will love your personali
    reply 1 day
    NightSpoon
    Okay lots of fandoms out there going up to these forum posts above but, tell your family plenty of nice things out there with the fandom you're in. If they don't like it, its their lost. Their opinion is their lost woopdedoo. But if they're all disgusted and trying to force you to """""live like a normal being"""""(Realize everyone's different and I doubt this would happen), dont mind to them. You be you. Whatever makes you happy and joyful about something.
    reply 1 day