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Dear Dish-It: I Hate My Mom's BF

Dear Dish-It,


I don’t like my mum’s boyfriend. He is a tramp and all he does is sit around and do nothing. No one in my family likes him. How do I tell mum how I really feel about her boyfriend?


Mateymarcus


Dear Mateymarcus,


Sounds like you’re in a tough situation. While you have every right to let your mom know how you feel about the new man in her life, you have to make sure you do it in the right way. Remember, your mom is her own person and she is entitled to have her own thoughts and feelings and, to a certain point, make her own choices in life.


Rationalize Your Feelings

The first to do is put your own feelings and actions in perspective. Ask yourself, “Why do I hate my mom's boyfriend?” You may find your dislike for him is more about you and your feelings than about him and the things he does. For example:

  • Jealousy. You miss the attention and affection you got from your mom when there wasn’t anyone else in her life besides you.
  • Resentment. You’re mad at your mom for trying to replace your real dad with another guy.
  • Fear. You’re scared your mom is trying to make a new family for you – a family you don’t really feel you need that badly.

  • It's important to talk to your mom about the situation. Explain to her that while you're happy she's moving on with her life you feel a bit left out or neglected. Remind her that whatever decision she makes about her life directly affects your life, too.


    Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt

    Another important thing to remember is you can never be in control of your mom's feelings. You may not like the guy, but he's the man your mom loves. Whether you like it or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy. Your mom likely went through a lot to make sure you feel loved and are safe – now it's your turn to be supportive of her. The guy may really care for your mom, and you yourself may be the one blinded by jealousy or prejudice toward him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good partner to her. Never compare your mom's new boyfriend to your dad – they’re two different people.


    Get To Know His Real Motives

    Real love starts with genuine love, care and affection. Insincere love is the opposite. It may help if you could figure out your mom’s boyfriends true motives for being in the relationship. You can do that by getting to know really important things about him. Here are some questions to guide you:

  • Does he hold a steady job?
  • Does he have other girlfriends?
  • Does he treat other people well?
  • Does he treat you well?

  • If you find there’s something really wrong or sinister about your mom’s boyfriend’s personality or background, be sure to tell another family member or responsible adult about it so they can do the right thing with the information you give them. This is definitely not the time to take matters into your own hands.


    Write Your Mom A Letter

    If you find you can’t tell your mom how you feel, or she gets offended every time you try to talk to her about your dislike for her boyfriend, try writing her a letter. Don't worry so much about what she wants to hear – just write down what you have to say. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend and you think she deserves better. Don’t forget to tell her you love her and have her best interests at heart.


    If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Mom Doesn’t Listen To Me
  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won’t Listen!

  • 2 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    partydiva01
    partydiva01 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, my friend first met eachother on the first day of kindergarten we sat next to one another and we became close. we were BFF's throughout 1st to 2nd grades. then, the second grade teacher realized there were alot of kids in the class. and same w the 3rd grade teacher. so, we had to have a split class. my friend was in the split. I was not. It all seemed like the teachers were doing somthing... weired. all the girls (well, almost there were only 6 girls on one half) were in the split. and all the boys were in regular . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS WEIRED! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( all the boy BFF's and the girl BFF's were SPLIT. me and my friend,kids named Nia & Georgia, Isaac& Ethan, and more. it was so sad for all of us.2 months later, I got homschooled. 2 years later im back in public with my 4th grade self. everything had changed. a bunch of people were obsessed w\ a girl my age named kassidy. im neighbors w\ kassidy and she is REALLY cool and nice. but the whole I  [s:sm3/1jw1] kassidy crew got mean. if I asked them to play they would say. "If Kassidy is playing I will" or I would want to be parteners with kassidy on something and they would freak out. anyway jasmine NEVER invited my to anything, and I am trying to be nice to her ( ice cream money, homework help, comfort when sad, ect.) And not to mention I invited her to 3 things!!! on the bright side she came to 2 :thumbsup :thumbsup she also embarassed me by saying that she was moving I freaked out  because I cared about her and I would cry all the time. I even held onto her and said sadly, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!  :sad :sad . later i found out that she was not moving, she was going to CA for a vacation. even the teacher was in on it!! :mad :mad anyways, my parents told me that i should just let go of her. But i am not ready. HELP??? :e :e :e :e :e
    reply 3 days
    PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
    When I was a child I wanted glasses SOO bad, cuz I wanted to copy my mom and sister. And also, I thought they looked cool. I wear glasses now. I have had them for 2 years and honestly I don't mind them. Although, this year I am gonna pry get contacts for swimming better and stuff like that. But if you don't need glasses I wouldn't recommend wearing them. They're not bad, but trust me after a while you will pry not like them as much. But hey, that's my opinion. If you want to do it I'm not gonna stop you. Do what makes you happy in the long run. And tell your friends that they are non prescription if you don't need them, but still get some.
    reply 4 days
    Bratayley_Fan_7
    She is not. I have faced this problem before so I know. You should make a new friend!
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    I agree I was afraid of that first too. Eventually I just began inviting my friends over and they don't use it/practically obsess over it like I do but they understood why I use kidzworld and not many other forms of social media. 
    reply 4 days
    ValenciaRose
    ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
    "btw_sports_rule" wrote:I really like a guy and people think he likes me. I like him but im really scared to tell anyone. I really need help but i don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to parents. They would put me in trouble for falling in love. They believe I can't date until age 20. Aw, well, my advice for you would be to talk to your parents about it. There's no point trying to sneak around like those films and it is better for your mind if you talk to them about it. It can be super difficult I know but if you and your parents get along really well then you guys can talk about it and make it work. On the other hand, if your parents ban you from falling in love as you put it, then I think it's better just to stay as friends with him. 
    reply 4 days