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Dear Dish-It: I Hate My Mom's BF

Dear Dish-It,


I don’t like my mum’s boyfriend. He is a tramp and all he does is sit around and do nothing. No one in my family likes him. How do I tell mum how I really feel about her boyfriend?


Mateymarcus


Dear Mateymarcus,


Sounds like you’re in a tough situation. While you have every right to let your mom know how you feel about the new man in her life, you have to make sure you do it in the right way. Remember, your mom is her own person and she is entitled to have her own thoughts and feelings and, to a certain point, make her own choices in life.


Rationalize Your Feelings

The first to do is put your own feelings and actions in perspective. Ask yourself, “Why do I hate my mom's boyfriend?” You may find your dislike for him is more about you and your feelings than about him and the things he does. For example:

  • Jealousy. You miss the attention and affection you got from your mom when there wasn’t anyone else in her life besides you.
  • Resentment. You’re mad at your mom for trying to replace your real dad with another guy.
  • Fear. You’re scared your mom is trying to make a new family for you – a family you don’t really feel you need that badly.

  • It's important to talk to your mom about the situation. Explain to her that while you're happy she's moving on with her life you feel a bit left out or neglected. Remind her that whatever decision she makes about her life directly affects your life, too.


    Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt

    Another important thing to remember is you can never be in control of your mom's feelings. You may not like the guy, but he's the man your mom loves. Whether you like it or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy. Your mom likely went through a lot to make sure you feel loved and are safe – now it's your turn to be supportive of her. The guy may really care for your mom, and you yourself may be the one blinded by jealousy or prejudice toward him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good partner to her. Never compare your mom's new boyfriend to your dad – they’re two different people.


    Get To Know His Real Motives

    Real love starts with genuine love, care and affection. Insincere love is the opposite. It may help if you could figure out your mom’s boyfriends true motives for being in the relationship. You can do that by getting to know really important things about him. Here are some questions to guide you:

  • Does he hold a steady job?
  • Does he have other girlfriends?
  • Does he treat other people well?
  • Does he treat you well?

  • If you find there’s something really wrong or sinister about your mom’s boyfriend’s personality or background, be sure to tell another family member or responsible adult about it so they can do the right thing with the information you give them. This is definitely not the time to take matters into your own hands.


    Write Your Mom A Letter

    If you find you can’t tell your mom how you feel, or she gets offended every time you try to talk to her about your dislike for her boyfriend, try writing her a letter. Don't worry so much about what she wants to hear – just write down what you have to say. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend and you think she deserves better. Don’t forget to tell her you love her and have her best interests at heart.


    If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Mom Doesn’t Listen To Me
  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won’t Listen!

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? It's really nice that your mother supports it, that always helps!! I'm glad that your family enjoys his company as well. Being 16 while he's 20 is alright. It's a slight odd age gap. But, I think as long as you both are ready, it's alright. Make sure you're mature and safe with your choices though. Personally, I think you should wait until you're closer to at least, 17. But, as long as you two are smart about what you're doing, it should be alright when it come around to it.
    reply about 23 hours
    fitta
    "Shygirl15" wrote:I really like this boy in my second period class but i dont know how to tell him because he knows that im transgender do whatever makes you feel comfortable or just wing it and tell him and if he tells you something because you're trans forget about him! He doesn't deserve you. But it's totally okay if you want to play it safe and not go up to him. You do you. :3 
    reply 1 day
    fitta
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? i suggest you wait i mean you are going to be 16 that's way too young to be dating someone who is 4/5 years older than you,no? You can still talk to him when it comes to your anxiety attacks and all of that because I have those too every night so I know how it feels, but maybe you should wait. But at the end of the day it's your decision I'm just here to give advice 
    reply 1 day
    SatanslilDemon
    Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice???
    reply 1 day
    SmartSunnyShadow
    I feel like that too. My best friend will always hang out with her 'new friends' that I have a really bad opinion about. My friend will treat me rudely all the time and sometimes make fun of me with her friends. But, when I needed her the most in my life, she was there for me, and I told her how I felt. She says that she just wants to hang out with more people and apologized, people can be a little teasy at times.  Also, after seeing each other for a long time, people make new friends and start hanging out with them more, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you.  This may be different for you, but just tell her about it, she will have to know you feelings at one point.  Hope I helped you. 
    reply 1 day