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Dear Dish-It: I Hate My Mom's BF

Dear Dish-It,


I don’t like my mum’s boyfriend. He is a tramp and all he does is sit around and do nothing. No one in my family likes him. How do I tell mum how I really feel about her boyfriend?


Mateymarcus


Dear Mateymarcus,


Sounds like you’re in a tough situation. While you have every right to let your mom know how you feel about the new man in her life, you have to make sure you do it in the right way. Remember, your mom is her own person and she is entitled to have her own thoughts and feelings and, to a certain point, make her own choices in life.


Rationalize Your Feelings

The first to do is put your own feelings and actions in perspective. Ask yourself, “Why do I hate my mom's boyfriend?” You may find your dislike for him is more about you and your feelings than about him and the things he does. For example:

  • Jealousy. You miss the attention and affection you got from your mom when there wasn’t anyone else in her life besides you.
  • Resentment. You’re mad at your mom for trying to replace your real dad with another guy.
  • Fear. You’re scared your mom is trying to make a new family for you – a family you don’t really feel you need that badly.

  • It's important to talk to your mom about the situation. Explain to her that while you're happy she's moving on with her life you feel a bit left out or neglected. Remind her that whatever decision she makes about her life directly affects your life, too.


    Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt

    Another important thing to remember is you can never be in control of your mom's feelings. You may not like the guy, but he's the man your mom loves. Whether you like it or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy. Your mom likely went through a lot to make sure you feel loved and are safe – now it's your turn to be supportive of her. The guy may really care for your mom, and you yourself may be the one blinded by jealousy or prejudice toward him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good partner to her. Never compare your mom's new boyfriend to your dad – they’re two different people.


    Get To Know His Real Motives

    Real love starts with genuine love, care and affection. Insincere love is the opposite. It may help if you could figure out your mom’s boyfriends true motives for being in the relationship. You can do that by getting to know really important things about him. Here are some questions to guide you:

  • Does he hold a steady job?
  • Does he have other girlfriends?
  • Does he treat other people well?
  • Does he treat you well?

  • If you find there’s something really wrong or sinister about your mom’s boyfriend’s personality or background, be sure to tell another family member or responsible adult about it so they can do the right thing with the information you give them. This is definitely not the time to take matters into your own hands.


    Write Your Mom A Letter

    If you find you can’t tell your mom how you feel, or she gets offended every time you try to talk to her about your dislike for her boyfriend, try writing her a letter. Don't worry so much about what she wants to hear – just write down what you have to say. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend and you think she deserves better. Don’t forget to tell her you love her and have her best interests at heart.


    If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Mom Doesn’t Listen To Me
  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won’t Listen!

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Castlemega
    Pm me (: i know how you feel
    reply about 15 hours
    GhettoFish
    Hey, I'm only 13 and I'm already sick of my life, and it's all because of my family, you'd think friends are likely to hurt your emotions some time and you have your family to love you and back you up, for me? No no that's not the case, I have by far the least caring family and that's that. I'm the youngest and my family all treat me like a slave. They don't let me sit at home and play on my PS4, my dad lives separate and my mum don't want me to go there and do nothing either. But they don't let me go out with my friends either not even see them, and I know my family deeply and I know it's cuz they don't want me to enjoy my self or have fun. My siblings will try to make my out as a bad person and a burden to the family. If I try explaining myself if they've got something wrong about me I get shouted out or ignored. And punished sometime for something that I probably didn't even do. And even if they can tell my bro or sis got something wrong about me the rest of the family still back them up to get me in the wrong. I have cried and cried at night hit myself and put physical pressure on my body because of the stress it gives me. I can't speak to my family about it because I'm not allowed my say in anything, I just get ignored or in trouble. I don't know what to do anymore and I think I am depressed because it hurts and what I'm going through stresses me and it gets really hard to try make myself feel happier and better, I am actually considering killing myself but I know it's not the right thing to do and just hurting myself is fine now. But I need your help now. What do I do for myself in this situation? Because I don't know what I can do myself right now. Help! Thanks
    reply about 19 hours
    Jesusboy03
    Jesusboy03 posted in Friends:
    Dear Dish-It,   There is this girl named Jozelyn. But let me start at the beginning. The very beginning. One day, I was born. Well, maybe not that much at the beginning. Okay, so I am part of this homeschool group, and I have been since I was around 6. I am 12 now. So there was this one girl in it named Rebecca. I liked her since I joined, and when I was around 8, since my sister is friends with Rebecca's sister, we were invited to her birthday party. Oh, and I had told my sister about how I liked Rebecca. So, we were going to go on a hay-ride, when my sister asked Rebecca, right in front of me, "So do you like Dean? Like like like Dean" (I'm Dean). Well, I was mortified, and it looked like Rebecca was too.    Fast forward.    I no longer like Rebecca. Now, I like this one girl named Jozelyn who is in my Sunday School class. I've liked her since I stopped liking Rebecca, which was about after that incident. So, I have been in the same Sunday School class with her since I joined this church. They have Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade, 3rd and 4th, 5th and 6th, and 7th and 8th. Even though I am in 7th grade, since last fall, I was in 5th and 6th. So is Jozelyn. So, in February, I decided to be brave. (I am normally an introvert) I made a beautiful origami rose, bought a small box of chocolates, and wrote a note the was signed, 'Your secret admirer'. I had an adult that I trusted give it to her with the clue, "The person who this is from shares his name with the first man to walk on the moon's brother". So, it wouldn't take long to find out, as well as the fact that she knows that I make origami. Oh, and luckily, at that time, instead of doing my Sunday School, I helped to teach the 3rd and 4th with my mom.   So, I kind of avoided her, except for times that we would catch eye contact, and we would both look away. (She's normally outgoing, but with this she's shy also) So it was like that for awhile, until, one time the 5th and 6th class were doing a bible trivia game. Due to my vast biblical knowledge, I was a lifeline. So, the one time, her team came into the 3rd and 4th classroom, and asked me a question. I kept my eyes on the floor the whole time. I accidentally got the answer wrong, and they left. Oh, and I decided to tell my sister all about it, because I needed to tell a kid around my age. But I made her promise not to tell anyone.   So meanwhile, it was now June. I still liked her just as much, if not more. So there is this thing that comes to our town twice every year. It's called Missoula Children's Theatre, and two tour actor/directors come to Thrasher Opera House (A place for plays in our town), and hold auditions on a Monday for a play, and perform on a Saturday. So I auditioned for Assistant Director. (They help get people ready backstage). You'll never guess who else was auditioning. Jozelyn. I tried to keep calm, and I did get to be one of the assistant directors. The play was Rumpelstiltskin, and she got villager.   Since she was part of a large group, I didn't have really any interaction with her. But sometimes, the girl next to her would look at me, and whisper to Jozelyn. So, other than awkward times when we would catch each other's eyes, it was mostly uneventful. Oh, and I should mention that the rehearsals were from 3:00 to 6:00, then there was a 30 minute dinner break, and then another practice from 6:30 to 8:30. The dinner break was when we would go downstairs, eat, and socialize. I do not socialize. So I just go into my tiny corner, and eat, and sit there. Oh, and on Thursday, and did a short magic show during dinner.    But on Friday, everything changed. I had some nerve again, and I made an origami tulip, and wrote a note that said, "I think that you did a great job this week! Good luck for tomorrow, and break a leg!", and then I signed it in calligraphy. I actually signed my name. No more secret admirer. I put it in a brown lunch bag that said, "To: Jozelyn" on it. Then I secretly put it on the chair that she normally sits at, and waited. Well, some people noticed that I looked very nervous, some said I was shaking, and they crowded around me. Well, Jozelyn came in, and she saw the bag. I missed part of it because of all of the people, but I saw her looking very happy, and running downstairs. Well, eventually, the people went away from me, and I continued to act like a statue. So rehearsal went well for the day, and I continued to avoid her.   On Saturday,  everybody comes at 11:00 AM, and we do a dress rehearsal. Well, I couldn't much avoid her then, so I acted like a statue. Oh, and my sister has this one friend, Iris, who I was also currently writing and directing a movie with, and we would often drive her there. So, we did the dress rehearsal without a hitch, and then had lunch. And at lunch, Iris was hiring people for our movie. Well, I suggested Jozelyn, and Iris asked her, and she said yes. Then we got ready for the first performance. So, it was going good, but then I needed to get Rumpelstiltskin ready, and there was a bunch of people in the way.   Jozelyn saw me struggling, and (Cue angel music :angel ), she asked, "Do you need help Dean?".THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME THAT WE HAD SPOKEN SINCE FEBRUARY! Okay, so I said. "Yes please, I need Rumpelstiltskin". And then she quickly got him for me!  So, then we finished, and went for dinner. We went to a place called goose blind, and I got gluten free pizza (dietary restriction). Oh, and Iris came with us. So, then my sister and Iris went to this place called Guth's that was a candy shop/cafe. I stayed outside. I thought that I heard Iris calling me in, but didn't think much of it.    So, we went inside, and did the second performance. At the end, everyone poses for photos in groups, while the other actors went to change into their clothes. So, the villagers were one of the first ones, and they went downstairs. Well, it was almost time for the assistant directors to go, when Jozelyn came up. She asked me, "Could I sign your shirt?" (It was a tradition for all of the cast members to sign each other's shirts from the play). Well, I had wanted her to sign it all week, then the shirt would be priceless, but of course, I didn't ask her to. Well, I was surprised, and said yes. I ran to grab my sharpies, but then we were called on for pictures. Well, when I returned, she was waiting for me. I gave her the sharpie, and tried to not tremble while she signed it.   Fast forward.   We were in the car going home, and I told my mom and sister about what happened. My mom remarked, "It's nice that she wanted to after what happened". "After what happened?" I asked. Well, my mom told how Jozelyn and her mom were in Guth's when Iris and my sister came in. Well, Iris had said in a loud voice, "Oh Jozelyn, you're here! I should get Dean!" Then she said. "You should really sign his shirt!" Well, then my mom had pulled her aside, and told her not to. Then Iris realized that she shouldn't have and was really sorry. Meanwhile, my sister had just been standing, watching, and not stopping her.   After my mom had said what happened, I asked how Iris knew. My sister said that she didn't know, but finally she admitted that she had told Iris. It was Rebecca all over again. I was really,  really, mad at my sister, but didn't say anything, lest I yell at her.       Well, that's all, except for that we also both were helping at our VBS a couple weeks later, but nothing big happened there. But Sunday School will be starting soon. Oh and the Missoula Children's Theatre happened from June ##-## ####. I am aware that it is not that well written. Mortified in the Midwest
    reply 1 day
    Emaans
    Emaans posted in Friends:
    ??
    reply 1 day
    Readingqueen
    Readingqueen posted in Friends:
    perfect friend would beFunnyKindSmartQuirkyAnd he/she would like to sing/write songs 
    reply 1 day