Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-It: I Hate My Mom's BF

Write Your Mom A Letter

Dear Dish-It,


I don’t like my mum’s boyfriend. He is a tramp and all he does is sit around and do nothing. No one in my family likes him. How do I tell mum how I really feel about her boyfriend?


Mateymarcus


Dear Mateymarcus,


Sounds like you’re in a tough situation. While you have every right to let your mom know how you feel about the new man in her life, you have to make sure you do it in the right way. Remember, your mom is her own person and she is entitled to have her own thoughts and feelings and, to a certain point, make her own choices in life.


Rationalize Your Feelings

The first to do is put your own feelings and actions in perspective. Ask yourself, “Why do I hate my mom's boyfriend?” You may find your dislike for him is more about you and your feelings than about him and the things he does. For example:

  • Jealousy. You miss the attention and affection you got from your mom when there wasn’t anyone else in her life besides you.
  • Resentment. You’re mad at your mom for trying to replace your real dad with another guy.
  • Fear. You’re scared your mom is trying to make a new family for you – a family you don’t really feel you need that badly.

  • It's important to talk to your mom about the situation. Explain to her that while you're happy she's moving on with her life you feel a bit left out or neglected. Remind her that whatever decision she makes about her life directly affects your life, too.


    Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt

    Another important thing to remember is you can never be in control of your mom's feelings. You may not like the guy, but he's the man your mom loves. Whether you like it or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy. Your mom likely went through a lot to make sure you feel loved and are safe – now it's your turn to be supportive of her. The guy may really care for your mom, and you yourself may be the one blinded by jealousy or prejudice toward him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good partner to her. Never compare your mom's new boyfriend to your dad – they’re two different people.


    Get To Know His Real Motives

    Real love starts with genuine love, care and affection. Insincere love is the opposite. It may help if you could figure out your mom’s boyfriends true motives for being in the relationship. You can do that by getting to know really important things about him. Here are some questions to guide you:

  • Does he hold a steady job?
  • Does he have other girlfriends?
  • Does he treat other people well?
  • Does he treat you well?

  • If you find there’s something really wrong or sinister about your mom’s boyfriend’s personality or background, be sure to tell another family member or responsible adult about it so they can do the right thing with the information you give them. This is definitely not the time to take matters into your own hands.


    Write Your Mom A Letter

    If you find you can’t tell your mom how you feel, or she gets offended every time you try to talk to her about your dislike for her boyfriend, try writing her a letter. Don't worry so much about what she wants to hear – just write down what you have to say. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend and you think she deserves better. Don’t forget to tell her you love her and have her best interests at heart.


    If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Mom Doesn’t Listen To Me
  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won’t Listen!

  • >
    >

    readers voted!

    Comments

    1Dgirl789

    1Dgirl789 wrote:

    you should talk to her. does you mom like him and does you mom know this?
    commented: Sat Nov 24, 2012

    miztricia23

    miztricia23 wrote:

    Girl why do you hate your mama boyfriend..
    commented: Sat Nov 24, 2012

    there are 2 more comments

    Please login or register to add comments

    share with your friends


    Twitter Facebook Myspace Digg


    like this article?
    get more just like it in your email

    Poll-4

    Do You Get Along With Your Parents?

    • Yeah, most of the time.
    • My parents don't get me - we never get along.
    • I get along with them more than my sibs do.
    • My parents are so unreasonable, I just don't talk to 'em.

    related stories

    latest videos

    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    John Appetite
    John Appetite posted in Friends:
    "FloraTheWolf" wrote:One thing that I have noticed is that a lot of people seem to think they should have a boyfriend or a girlfriend as soon as possible, but they don't need to until its the right time just for them. You don't have to be forced to fall in love with someone if you don't want to. Let love come in its own time.And to keep away from any problems with her if she may become mean, try just forgetting about what happened and treat her like a normal person you know, and try to avoid any arguments. If she becomes mean, maybe just walk away for a bit. And if she is still being mean, maybe confront her asking what you have ever done to make her this way towards you. If you have done nothing, then she will have no reason to be mad at you so its not your problem she is being mean so you don't have to be stressed about it.I hope this helps! :) Thanks for the advice. This takes a burden off of my head. "Bloody Wings" wrote:ignore her be the cool kind of guy dont talk to her even if she comes and talk with you.well thats my opinion Thanks for the advice. Now I know the appropriate reaction. "Dear Dish-It" wrote: Hi there! My most important advice would be to be yourself! live your life! do the things you want to do. If you've moved past what happened with your feelings for one another, just go and enjoy your time. If things are weird, it'll be because of her, not you. Stay positive and calm and I'm sure you'll have fun!   Hope you have a good time! Thanks for helping me out Dish-It. You did not only help me out, but also wished me well. You are more like a care-taker, and you made me feel good. Thank you. Moderators can now lock the topic please. 
    reply about 3 hours
    Dear Dish-It
    Dear Dish-It posted in Friends:
    Hi there! My most important advice would be to be yourself! live your life! do the things you want to do. If you've moved past what happened with your feelings for one another, just go and enjoy your time. If things are weird, it'll be because of her, not you. Stay positive and calm and I'm sure you'll have fun!   Hope you have a good time!
    reply about 10 hours
    cargirl296
    cargirl296 posted in Style:
    I think that rubber band bracelets are totally in right now. And they are easy to make on a loom! Head scarves are also in as well. Hope you found this helpful!
    reply about 13 hours
    Dear Dish-It
    Wow! This sounds so frustrating! Maybe talk to your mom about what's going on. Ask her why she's doing it. She might just be worried about your safety online. More and more there are unsafe people talking to kids on the internet. I'm sure your mom just has your best interest at heart. See if you two can agree on how to keep you safe online!   Good luck!
    reply about 13 hours
    Bloody Wings
    Bloody Wings posted in Friends:
    ignore her be the cool kind of guy dont talk to her even if she comes and talk with you. well thats my opinion
    reply about 17 hours

    play online games

    Candy-100

    A great online version of the famous Candy Crush. This is the best game launched...

    1515_gl_kidzworld_100x100_jpg_fz

    Intriguing planets, weird and wonderful characters; challenge friends and find a...

    100x100_ra_logo_girl

    Uncle George has left you his farm, but unfortunately it’s in pretty bad shape. ...

    _thumb_100x100

    Shoot blobs with different properies to merge yellow blobs. Your blobs can be re...

    _thumb_100x100

    We have all played the famous game Sudoku, now play it online with this Classic ...