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Dear Dish-It: I Hate My Mom's BF

Dear Dish-It,


I don’t like my mum’s boyfriend. He is a tramp and all he does is sit around and do nothing. No one in my family likes him. How do I tell mum how I really feel about her boyfriend?


Mateymarcus


Dear Mateymarcus,


Sounds like you’re in a tough situation. While you have every right to let your mom know how you feel about the new man in her life, you have to make sure you do it in the right way. Remember, your mom is her own person and she is entitled to have her own thoughts and feelings and, to a certain point, make her own choices in life.


Rationalize Your Feelings

The first to do is put your own feelings and actions in perspective. Ask yourself, “Why do I hate my mom's boyfriend?” You may find your dislike for him is more about you and your feelings than about him and the things he does. For example:

  • Jealousy. You miss the attention and affection you got from your mom when there wasn’t anyone else in her life besides you.
  • Resentment. You’re mad at your mom for trying to replace your real dad with another guy.
  • Fear. You’re scared your mom is trying to make a new family for you – a family you don’t really feel you need that badly.

  • It's important to talk to your mom about the situation. Explain to her that while you're happy she's moving on with her life you feel a bit left out or neglected. Remind her that whatever decision she makes about her life directly affects your life, too.


    Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt

    Another important thing to remember is you can never be in control of your mom's feelings. You may not like the guy, but he's the man your mom loves. Whether you like it or not, you have to be happy for your mom since she found a way to move on and make herself happy. Your mom likely went through a lot to make sure you feel loved and are safe – now it's your turn to be supportive of her. The guy may really care for your mom, and you yourself may be the one blinded by jealousy or prejudice toward him. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he can be a good partner to her. Never compare your mom's new boyfriend to your dad – they’re two different people.


    Get To Know His Real Motives

    Real love starts with genuine love, care and affection. Insincere love is the opposite. It may help if you could figure out your mom’s boyfriends true motives for being in the relationship. You can do that by getting to know really important things about him. Here are some questions to guide you:

  • Does he hold a steady job?
  • Does he have other girlfriends?
  • Does he treat other people well?
  • Does he treat you well?

  • If you find there’s something really wrong or sinister about your mom’s boyfriend’s personality or background, be sure to tell another family member or responsible adult about it so they can do the right thing with the information you give them. This is definitely not the time to take matters into your own hands.


    Write Your Mom A Letter

    If you find you can’t tell your mom how you feel, or she gets offended every time you try to talk to her about your dislike for her boyfriend, try writing her a letter. Don't worry so much about what she wants to hear – just write down what you have to say. Tell her what you really feel about her boyfriend and you think she deserves better. Don’t forget to tell her you love her and have her best interests at heart.


    If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Mom Doesn’t Listen To Me
  • My Parents Are Ruining My Life
  • My Parents Are Crazy
  • My Parents Just Won’t Listen!

  • 2 Comments

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    Tati-00
    Tati-00 posted in Family Issues:
    I would also talk to them and tell them how you feel. If they still say they are signing you up for the membership as a 13 year old and it scares you that much I would just tell them to leave you off the membership until you do turn 13.
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    Tati-00
    Tati-00 posted in Family Issues:
    I think every house has some drama going on in it everyday. In my house my Mom is a divorced mother of 3 kids. My older sister is away at college but when she was here there were yelling matches between my mom and her about staying out too late and getting a speeding ticket. Also with my mom being the only one raising us she has to work full time leaving me to watch my little brother who is 10 after he gets home from school. There also can be some battles that go on there and my mom doesn't want to here it from me or him when she walks through the door after work. I just try to not make it all personal and chalk it up to the stress of everyday life.
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    american_brit
    "Tati-00" wrote:I would tell your mother no. I mean she shouldn't be like a dictator and force it on you. I hardly wear any make-up and my mom loves that.
    reply about 3 hours
    Tati-00
    Tati-00 posted in Family Issues:
    I would tell your mother No. I mean she shouldn't be like a dictator and force it on you. I hardly wear any make-up and my mom loves that.
    reply about 3 hours
    american_brit
    Hey! Yeah, I'm also one of those girls who doesn't wear makeup either... maybe on a rare occasion? Or if pestered into it.  I definitely understand where you're coming from with this. My mom doesn't exactly try to get me to wear it, but is she did, I wouldn't be to happy out this either. Don't feel bad. You're beautiful no matter what; makeup doesn't  define you -unless, of course you let it...  She probably wants you to feel "more grown up,"  or thinks it's nice for a "young lady," or that'll "boost your confidence." I don't know, there could be plenty of reasons.  If you feel uncomfortable the best thing to do would be to talk to her about it. Respectfully tell how you really feel and make sure she's listening. 
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