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Dear Dish-It: We're Drifting Apart

Drifting Apart Is Natural

Dear Dish-It,


My friend is turning into someone I don’t like. What should I do?


wanted2know


Dear W2K,


First, let me tell you that you are in a very common place. As we grow up we change and as this happens we often drift away from old friends. It is a normal part of life. For the most part, friendships drift apart so slowly that the break is virtually painless. These old friendships are replaced by fond memories of closer times and polite smiles as you pass each other in the halls at school. But sometimes the break is not so easy. If one friend is ready for a change in their life when the other’s not, the end result can be resentment and hurt feelings. I suspect this is what is happening to you.


If you are sure that you and your friend have really grown in different directions, the only way to keep things civil between you is by talking to her before your resentment deepens. Tell her you still value her despite your differences but be honest and tell her that it seems the two of you no longer share the same interests and that you think it would be a good idea if you each pursued new interests alone. Do not end the friendship completely and make your friend understand that you still intend to find time for her. Then stick by your word and still talk to her on the phone, make "dates" to see her, and hang with her at school. Just do these things less frequently. Encourage her to make new friends of her own or help her connect with other people in your new group with whom she may have more in common.


As you and she move on in your lives, never break the golden rule of friendship. Turning on an old friend almost always ends in regret, no matter what the short term social gains may be. It is never worth throwing away a childhood friendship just because she may not be the exact same person she used to be. The memories you and she share can't be erased by a few awkward years; it is best not to turn her into an enemy. Good friendships are hard to come by and should never be lightly dismissed.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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    Comments

    tink23

    tink23 wrote:

    i tink you sould not hold in becase i said some think reely mean to her
    commented: Mon Jan 28, 2013

    cutie64

    cutie64 wrote:

    happend to me my friend turned really popular and became friends with a mean girl and i...
    commented: Sun Aug 21, 2011

    rock star 74

    rock star 74 wrote:

    all my friends at my old school went to defrent groups
    commented: Tue May 10, 2011

    there are 7 more comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    SelenaGomezFanGirl
    no you shouldn't!I bet, the friends that are pressuring you are girls only because they are jealous of your girl,because of her personality and style,and probably, most likely that they wanna be your girlfriend as well! ~~comment me back if you like!:)                                                          
    reply 3 minutes
    OptimisticJollygirl
    You are perfect the way you are.
    reply about 4 hours
    InternetOwl
    InternetOwl posted in Friends:
    I'm not sure whether you have actual depression or not (Ask your doctor if you feel you do, they'll be able to help. ^^), but I'm really sorry you feel depressed. I've been there too, and it really does feel like no one cares.   I know you said it's awkward, but try talking to your dad about it. You said he's the only one who seems to listen, so I'm sure he will listen and try to understand. If you start feeling really depressed every day, try doing things to make you feel happier. I don't know what you like to do, but you should do things like relaxing, reading, talking to people and spending more time outside. Smiling more often can help relieve stress and make you happier as well. c: Try meeting new people too. It seems as though your current friends are bringing you down, so you can try to talk to them if you like or find more friends who'll listen and care about you (however, try to keep your old friends as well. They are your friends after all, and it's hard being lonely). You've got friends on here too. But please don't think about doing anything harmful to yourself. You might not be thinking like that now, but being depressed can lead people to this and it's really not the answer.  Good luck! ^u^  
    reply about 8 hours
    FloraTheWolf
    FloraTheWolf posted in Friends:
    And you can add me as a friend if you want :D
    reply about 9 hours
    FloraTheWolf
    FloraTheWolf posted in Friends:
    I know what its like to feel depressed. And its hard to get out of it. Try thinking of good things, and if you are feeling lonely and have no friends around then you can talk to me if you want :3 When you start feeling depressed, try doing things you like, going out to a park or somewhere to be alone and just relax. Maybe go on walks once in a while. And even if people don't seem to care about you, I do :) So if you start feeling worse you can chat with me. Try not to think of dangerous things like suicide or cutting yourself or even running away though because it may sometimes seem like it could be the answer but it really isn't it'll make your life worse and more messed up. I hope you feel better soon! :D
    reply about 9 hours

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