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Dear Dish-It: We're Drifting Apart

Dear Dish-It,


My friend is turning into someone I don’t like. What should I do?


wanted2know


Dear W2K,


First, let me tell you that you are in a very common place. As we grow up we change and as this happens we often drift away from old friends. It is a normal part of life. For the most part, friendships drift apart so slowly that the break is virtually painless. These old friendships are replaced by fond memories of closer times and polite smiles as you pass each other in the halls at school. But sometimes the break is not so easy. If one friend is ready for a change in their life when the other’s not, the end result can be resentment and hurt feelings. I suspect this is what is happening to you.


If you are sure that you and your friend have really grown in different directions, the only way to keep things civil between you is by talking to her before your resentment deepens. Tell her you still value her despite your differences but be honest and tell her that it seems the two of you no longer share the same interests and that you think it would be a good idea if you each pursued new interests alone. Do not end the friendship completely and make your friend understand that you still intend to find time for her. Then stick by your word and still talk to her on the phone, make "dates" to see her, and hang with her at school. Just do these things less frequently. Encourage her to make new friends of her own or help her connect with other people in your new group with whom she may have more in common.


As you and she move on in your lives, never break the golden rule of friendship. Turning on an old friend almost always ends in regret, no matter what the short term social gains may be. It is never worth throwing away a childhood friendship just because she may not be the exact same person she used to be. The memories you and she share can't be erased by a few awkward years; it is best not to turn her into an enemy. Good friendships are hard to come by and should never be lightly dismissed.


If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    AnnaOfExquizurd
    1: A. It'd be rude to neglect her; I'm also a nerd, though, so no big deal at all. 2: A. I'm shy anyways, and most of the popular gals at my school are repulsive with how narcissistic they are o.o 3: Uh, my friends wouldn't bully a random second grader girl, but if they were, I'd tell them to stop. She's just a second grader, and she doesn't need to have real low self-esteem already, or ever! I do notice younger children tend to be way more sensitive than older ones, so I'd make sure she's okay afterwards. That'd be so sad if a second grader really was being bullied tho ;-;
    reply about 2 hours
    -Oracle-
    -Oracle- posted in Friends:
    "SmartSunnyShadow" wrote:Okay, thanks but will anyone else help me???  If they're as good friends as you're making them out to be then I'm sure they'll forgive and forget. Try not to over think the situation.
    reply about 4 hours
    AnnaOfExquizurd
    In the part where you said they started bullying you... what were some of the things they specifically said? If they were just calling you insensitive or racist, tell them it was an accident. You can apologize about the racist comment. If you show you really are sad about it, they'll know you mean it. I hope everything goes well and gets better ^-^
    reply about 4 hours
    SmartSunnyShadow
    Okay, thanks but will anyone else help me??? 
    reply about 4 hours
    Powerful_Minded_Girl
    Oh that sounds terrible! Everyone will have this moment once in their life. Ask some others for advice! 
    reply about 4 hours