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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


friends4life


Dear friends4life,


I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.


I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?


If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.


If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I’m Struggling With My Social Life
  • My Friends Are Mean
  • Should I Still Talk To Her?
  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 28 Comments

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    "aftershock" wrote: "NicolletteA" wrote: no. and you sound like the marketing people that stop me at the mall.  :/ lol, I'm not, i just kno someone whos making a new app and wanted to see if any1 would use it.   BTW what do u say to the marketing people at the mall? No. I don't like those people at the mall. Sometimes, they ask my family and I (usually directed at my mom and sister, but sometimes at me, too. Even though I'm under 13. Not for long though.) if they want their hair done. And sometimes I'm so tempted to say, "No thank you. I did my hair today. Do you think I want it done?" But of course I never do. It's kinda disrespectful. So we just usually say No thank you. My mom, sister, and I now have a solution for that (my idea when I was maybe ages 9-11) Don't make eye contact with them and pretend that they aren't there.
    reply about 6 hours
    BookWorm86
    This is GREAT advice! Thx a lot StephRox!:) I have a younger brother & he can be EXASPERATING at times lol! Great advice!!:D
    reply about 7 hours
    Arenl
    Arenl posted in Family Issues:
    My little brother is annoying as ever, but I have to handle him. He is my brother after all.
    reply about 7 hours
    Arenl
    Arenl posted in Family Issues:
    @Sophieeee I definitely agree with you.
    reply about 7 hours
    Sophieeee
     Loosing a parent is hard, your dad knows that and I'm sure that he misses your mom just as much as you do. Whether you explain to him how you are feeling or not, you should know that your Dad will always love you and admitting to him how you feel isn't going to change that. Although it is completely understandable how you feel, you need to let your dad move one eventually. It's not fair to him if he has to spend the rest of his life alone. Even though you might not see it, its a good thin that your dad is finally feeling comfortable enough to date. It doesn't mean that he is letting go of your mom or that he will forget about her, it means that he is moving on with his life. You lost your mother and he lost the love of his life. Dating other people will probably start off being just as hard for him as it is for you. My advice is that you talk to your dad. Let him know how you feel in the most gentle and understanding way that you can. Don't flat out say that you don't want him dating anyone, tell him that you still miss your mom and its hard to see him with other people. Let me know how it goes, good luck. :)
    reply about 7 hours