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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


friends4life


Dear friends4life,


I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.


I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?


If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.


If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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  • 28 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    PotatoRainbows
    PotatoRainbows posted in Friends:
    My friend in real life sent me a message on the phone this summer saying that i'm not friends with her anymore. She didn't provide any details in her text or put any reasons why she decided to not be friends with me. I thought the reason why she wasn't friends with me was because I didn't plan anything to do with her during the summer, so I sent a text back saying that I had really missed her, and I was sorry for not planning to do anything with her. I didn't talk to her a lot on the phone during the summer and that was the first text i sent to her after she sent that text.   Do you think negligence is the reason why she isn't friends with me? What will happen when I enter 5th grade, and all of a sudden she doesn't talk to me anymore. How will i ever be friends with her again? What should I say to her at the beginning of 5th grade? Love, J.H
    reply about 7 hours
    prettypinkgirl333
    rumours are not good
    reply about 9 hours
    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Friends:
    So basicall, i am changing. Your changing.. so possibly the way you view your friendship is changing too.. I am going into middle school. I am worried if my best freind is becoming a jerk.He has harrased me for not hanging out with him every recess. If you hung out with him before in every recess hes probably feeling like your moving away from him.. and you are since your following statement is He has been ungrateful everytime i did him a favor. Friends doesnt count favours - and what kind of favours do you think your doing for him that he doesnt and hasnt done for you over the years you has been best friends? He even went to do "magic" with his neighbor when i was over. He is also the type that could probably get in trouble the first day. Your making judgements about him and why does you think he is the type that is gonna get in trouble?  Your his friend.  Talk to him... Do you think I should ditch him?. No. Hes growing and changing too.  If he really is your best friend - talk to him.. tell him how your feeling and say what is bothering you and sorts it out. Good luck :love
    reply about 11 hours
    Maiiin_Chick4u
    Maiiin_Chick4u posted in Style:
    jeans cause leggings show everything
    reply about 16 hours
    Delancey
    Delancey posted in Friends:
    Ditch? Absolutely no. And..You should talk to him and ask him what's going on and why he's doing it. But you should ask him calmly or he will feel bad. All the best!!
    reply about 19 hours

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