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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


friends4life


Dear friends4life,


I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.


I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?


If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.


If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I’m Struggling With My Social Life
  • My Friends Are Mean
  • Should I Still Talk To Her?
  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 29 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? It's really nice that your mother supports it, that always helps!! I'm glad that your family enjoys his company as well. Being 16 while he's 20 is alright. It's a slight odd age gap. But, I think as long as you both are ready, it's alright. Make sure you're mature and safe with your choices though. Personally, I think you should wait until you're closer to at least, 17. But, as long as you two are smart about what you're doing, it should be alright when it come around to it.
    reply 2 days
    fitta
    "Shygirl15" wrote:I really like this boy in my second period class but i dont know how to tell him because he knows that im transgender do whatever makes you feel comfortable or just wing it and tell him and if he tells you something because you're trans forget about him! He doesn't deserve you. But it's totally okay if you want to play it safe and not go up to him. You do you. :3 
    reply 2 days
    fitta
    "SatanslilDemon" wrote: Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice??? i suggest you wait i mean you are going to be 16 that's way too young to be dating someone who is 4/5 years older than you,no? You can still talk to him when it comes to your anxiety attacks and all of that because I have those too every night so I know how it feels, but maybe you should wait. But at the end of the day it's your decision I'm just here to give advice 
    reply 2 days
    SatanslilDemon
    Ok so I have a dilemma. I really, and I mean really like this guy. He's considerate of my mental wellbeing and health, plus he's really funny and sweet. He's respectful, loyal, and his hugs are the best ever(he's like a foot and 4 inches taller than me). the dilemma is, he'stwentyandI'mfifteenturningsixteensoon.... I'm not gonna even ask about dating him until i'm sixteen but I've called him in total anxiety attack crying my eyes out and he calmed me down and made me laugh, and I invited him to come see a choir performance so he spent the day with me... My mom ships us... but I'm a little worried because of the age difference  and experience difference and just, I don't want to miss the chance of being with him because of it. ​  any advice???
    reply 2 days
    SmartSunnyShadow
    I feel like that too. My best friend will always hang out with her 'new friends' that I have a really bad opinion about. My friend will treat me rudely all the time and sometimes make fun of me with her friends. But, when I needed her the most in my life, she was there for me, and I told her how I felt. She says that she just wants to hang out with more people and apologized, people can be a little teasy at times.  Also, after seeing each other for a long time, people make new friends and start hanging out with them more, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you.  This may be different for you, but just tell her about it, she will have to know you feelings at one point.  Hope I helped you. 
    reply 2 days