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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


Dear friends4life,

I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.

I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?

If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.

If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.

More Dish-It Advice:

  • I’m Struggling With My Social Life
  • My Friends Are Mean
  • Should I Still Talk To Her?
  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning posted in Friends:
    I've been there when I was still in school. I don't personally have many friends now that I'm graduated, but that's more because the people here aren't worth being friends with. Off topic, my bad- Anyways, just try being a nice person. Sit with the other kid that's alone during lunch, find someone who needs someone to talk too, be open. I realize this can be difficult to do if you're shy, believe me, I've been there as well. Just remember that you need to stay yourself. I've lost friends because they turned out to be someone totally different than how they made themselves out to be. It's not worth it to pretend you're someone else. If it doesn't happen naturally after a little while, then you just have to keep in mind that it's your turn to put yourself out there. Remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I made a friend, that's pretty cool." But, also remember that, "hey, I put myself out there and I didn't make a friend, that's pretty okay too." If you put yourself out there and someone doesn't accept it, then that's okay. It just means they weren't meant to be your friend and someone else will come along much better for you.
    reply about 3 hours
    Powerslave posted in Friends:
    If most people from this generation don't want to be friends with you, you are doing something right.
    reply about 3 hours
    Be yourself,do what you like to do and people who like the same things will/should be attracted to you. Don't take to much thought to people who want to change you so then you can be their friend. as i said before just be yourself and people will like you and want to be your friend! TRUST ME ON THIS! :D :D :D :D
    reply about 5 hours
    jordand08 posted in Friends:
    Just be open, and talk to someone. I'm sure once someone starts talking to you they're find you cool, and other people might join in. (:
    reply about 6 hours
    reply about 9 hours