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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Friends Don't Blackmail Each Other

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


friends4life


Dear friends4life,


I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.


I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?


If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.


If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

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    Comments

    loveisthesea132
    Once I told my bff (now bff for NEVER) who I had a crush on, and then she ran into the ...
    commented: Thu Feb 06, 2014

    --Amy-Rose--Silver-Wolf--
    my bff once pranked me and faked jealousy of one of my new friend. we made up tho. this...
    commented: Thu Feb 06, 2014

    glittersilly01
    I would be very angry and i wouldn't be trying to get back friends with her i would ma...
    commented: Thu Feb 06, 2014

    there are 27 more comments

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    purplelou12
    purplelou12 posted in Friends:
     Sometimes, you don't always know, if your'e not being kind to each other she's probably not your friend, it doesn't mean either of you are bad people, it just means you guys aren't the best of friends.  I hope you figure things out with your friend.
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     Well, I would tell my dad that it's bothering me, that it's not good for him, and no one except for him is happy about him smoking. If he says he understands those points but isn't willing to quit, deal with it, don't tell your mother, and try to ignore it.  I hope you figure this out.
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    I do ask her but all she says in yes.Then she gets angry right after and we start yelling.
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    Babe_wolf posted in Friends:
    y dont u ask her?
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    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Family Issues:
    Im sorry for saying this but your Dads the adult. He knows what hes doing. Hopefully he will get through this phase fast.  Talk to him if you can and tell him how its upsetting you. But its not that serious unless he smokes for the long period of time and then theres the chance of getting cancer. 
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