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Dear Dish-It: My BFF Is Trying To Blackmail Me

Dear Dish-It,

My BFF started spreading rumors about me. She told everyone I was dating my crush on my bus, which is a lie. Then, out of nowhere, she accused me of being a lying mean girl. I just walked away and ignored it. Should I be mad at her because she's constantly trying to blackmail me?


friends4life


Dear friends4life,


I’m sorry to hear that you and your BFF aren’t getting along right now. However, I don’t think getting mad at her is the right thing to do in this situation. Have you ever heard of the saying, “two wrongs don’t make a right?” It means that if she’s mad at you and you decide to get mad back at her, nothing will be solved or accomplished. Doing to her what she’s doing to you, or behaving the same way she is behaving won’t make you two best friends again.


I think you need to consider a few things before you decide what to do. From what you’ve said, it doesn’t really sound like this girl is a very good friend to you. Friends don’t start rumors about each other, and friends don’t call each other names. Ask yourself: Is this a person you really want or need in your life?


If the answer is yes, then I think the only thing to do is to talk to your friend. But you can’t confront her when you’re angry or defensive. You have to do in a very calm, neutral way. Make sure she knows you have no intention of attacking her – tell her you just really miss her as a friend and you want to sort things out. You can try asking her why she’s being so mean to you – maybe ask her if there’s something you’ve done wrong to make her feel bad. You should also find out if something else is bothering her and making her take her anger out on you. Let her know you truly care about her and are there to help her however you can. You also need to make sure she knows you forgive her for spreading rumors about you and calling you names – and you have to make sure you really mean it, and aren’t just saying it. You can’t be friends with someone while you’re holding a grudge against them. It just won’t work.


If, on the other hand, the answer is no, then you simply move on. It may be sad to lose someone who used to be a really good and close friend, but know that you are moving on from a relationship that is potentially toxic and damaging to you. In time you will meet and make a new BFF – someone who really cares about you and treats you the way a best friend should.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


More Dish-It Advice:

  • I’m Struggling With My Social Life
  • My Friends Are Mean
  • Should I Still Talk To Her?
  • It Really Hurt My Friend
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 28 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    StephRox
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    lion2a3
    lion2a3 posted in Family Issues:
    Well I say don't deal with your friend I mean comfort her and all but if she's doing all that I would leave her alone let her parents deal with it you guys are just kids ending your life isn't the solution and you seem like a really caring person but ####### help from the internet isn't to answer Tell her parents or let her see to see an therapist or something But don't let other people drag you down into depression 
    reply 1 day
    TJStar234
    TJStar234 posted in Friends:
    everybody at my school don't really like me! :( 
    reply 2 days
    cocopanda200
    cocopanda200 posted in Friends:
    I have 3 close friends at school. Outside of school I have one. I'm soon going up to Secondary school. 2 of my friends, Kathryn and Sophie, are quite mean to me and others in the class. They call me names and push me around. I don't like it but afraid to tell them. They are also quite rude to teachers. When it's just me and Kathryn it's fine and I am wondering if it's just Sophie making an impression. I go to a small school (81 pupils) and making friends is hard for me. Please help!!
    reply 2 days