-
x

Meet New Friends!

Recommended friends are based on your interests. Make sure they are up to date.

Friends ff8c072dd79a91c1300f032d674241a8d64367100ffb1f25fa3f9bec4a05319f
Kidzworld Logo

Dear Dish-It, I'm Struggling With My Social Life

Dear Dish-It,

My name is Misha and I'm a talented, poetic, musical, anti-cool, individualistic hard rocker who should have been a teen in the 70s. I'm in the 8th grade and am struggling with my social life. People I thought were my friends before this year have suddenly taken up a liking of making fun of me just for my reaction, especially since a new jerk, err, kid showed up. I used to have longer hair and people were always pressuring me to cut it, so I go and get it styled and they say it looks even stupider than before! I have said some really stupid things to them before that they use as blackmail, but these people in my school do not understand my social predicament. I had two best friends and they both moved away two years in a row - one after the other. I became really isolated and seemed to play video games all the time. After last year at summer camp, I became a rock and roll junkie and people were mad at that too. Even worse, one of my good friends is still hanging with those jerks I mentioned before. I have never had a girlfriend and to top that off, I have no idea who to ask to my school dance... I need some social help... What should I do?
PS. One of those guys at school is saying that I'm not an individual person and the music I write is terrible - yet he can't tell a note from a bottle of toothpaste!
Hardrockguitar


Dear Hardrockguitar,

Welcome to high school - a place where the people you thought were your friends a year ago probably won't give you the time of day and kids you never would have imagined talking to will become your life-long pals. Adjusting to life after elementary school is rarely easy for anyone - especially though for those of us who are a bit "different." You march to the beat of your own hard-rockin' drum while your classmates groove to their mainstream radio stations. And because of these differences in personality, there are bound to be clashes. It sounds like you are pretty comfortable in your own skin and know who you are. Don't let some former friends make you feel like you need to change in order to be cool enough to hang out with them. If they aren't willing to accept you for you, then they clearly aren't worthy of your friendship.


It is tough to find real, genuine friends, but as long as you stay true to yourself, other people who share your interests will recognize your confidence and will want to be around you. As for having a girlfriend - or even just getting a date to the dance - those things will happen for you when the time is right. If you're interested in a particular girl, just ask her to go with you. If she says no, don't let that discourage you from trying again with someone else in the future. Your social woes are not going to disappear over night, but if you just keep being you, and do your best to ignore the jerks that are just trying to bring you down, things will fall into place for you soon enough! Good Luck.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


Related Stories:

  • Dear Dish-It, I Want to Change My Image
  • Dear Dish-It, How Do I Update My Wardrobe?
  • Dear Dish-It, I'm in Love With a Goth
  • 9 Comments

    Related Stories

    I have a problem. I think I'm depressed. For the last two weeks I've been drinking vodka from the...
    F1151356255968

    Are You a Social Butterfly?

    • Yeah, I'm friends with all the crowds.
    • I've got a solid group of friends.
    • I'm not super social, but I have one or two close friends.
    • I tend to spend a lot of time by myself.

    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Fun_125
    Fun_125 posted in Friends:
    I've had friends like this. The relationship made me unhappy so I took a step back. From what I think is that she isnt your real friend. This happens to the best of us. Does it suck? Yes. It does very much. When she grows up and realizes that you aren't there then she can be annoyed. But until then maybe stop spending a lot of time with her...
    reply about 2 hours
    Autonomy
    "Lulu335" wrote: I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!! Oh sweetheart, your situation is so, so very far from being complicated. In fact, it's actually, entirely simple. But I'm here to help you see that, because you can't see it yourself quite yet. Brace yourself, you may never hear such advice in your life ever again. Or you might, I can't predict the future. You're in sixth grade, you said. Assuming you live in the United states and weren't held back, you're probably 12, maybe 11. The problem is, the human brain isn't fully developed until a person hits the age of about 25. This means, without debate, that your brain unable to fully grasp what being in a relationship actually entails, what it means, what the consequences are, and so forth. You can't even fathom it, my dear. I couldn't at your age; no one can. You've just begun to hit puberty at this point in your very young, completely normal life. Certain hormones are now being developed by your body that, up until puberty began, your body did not produce. Let me explain, in simple terms, what this means: these new hormones are giving you fuzzy feelings for boys, but these feelings are not what people with fully developed brains call "love." Love means being self sacrificing, compromising, giving and taking, communicating clearly and honestly, and so much more. What you're feeling is a part of love-romance-but it's not all there is to love. It's actually just a few simple chemicals being released in your brain: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and few others. Your brain releases those chemicals when, say, you see a boy you like, and those chemicals make you feel all fuzzy inside. In fact, (brace yourself,) there's nothing inherently special about the boys you like, or the boys that like you; in fact, they're also, entirely normal, and aside from a few minor differences in character, completely like most other boys their age. Had you been born in another town, gone to another school, you would have gotten the same fuzzy feeling about whatever boy you thought you liked at that school. You see? I'm not saying this to make you feel insignificant, but perhaps the insight will make moving easier for you. The next place your militant parents settle down in will also have a middle school, with a bunch of normal 11-14 year old boys and girls, all doing the exact same things the kids at your school do right now. Does that put things in perspective for you? The world is a very, very big place, and it's home to billions upon billions of people. Your situation is far from being a needle in a hay stack; it's more like a blade of grass, in a vast field of foliage. The feelings you're feeling aren't uncommon or complicated, they just feel that way to you. (Now, really brace yourself, because this is going to get uncomfortable.) We, as people, tend to think that we're special. Each one of us a unique snowflake, drifting about in big blue sky, that exists solely to show the world how special we are. The problem is, the other seven billions snowflakes (people) think exactly like we do, and in this way, we are all the same. We think our problems are new problems that no one has ever dealt with before, and no one else could possibly understand the pain and suffering we're going through. We all think this way, by nature; but it's simply naive. Heartache and suffering have existed since people existed, and possibly before then. Your situation may not be ideal to you, but once you come to terms with the fact that life isn't ideal for anyone, you might actually feel comfort. The easiest way to cope with our many problems, is to accept them for what they are: a part of the human experience. Natural, normal, repeating generation after generation without end. Again, these are concepts that require some deep thought, and you might not fully grasp them quite yet. But remember them. With time, as you grow, think about them more, and you will find peace with your life. And remember this: although you're stuck (for now) on a giant rock hurling around the sun at an incredible speed, you're not alone. With billions of other people stuck here with you, you'll never be without friends.
    reply about 12 hours
    Fun_125
    I personally think that when you ARE ready then go for it! As long as the person you like isn't a jerk to anyone or you go for it! Just don't get too serious. It's middle school. Good luck!
    reply about 14 hours
    Error44
    "Lulu335" wrote:I live in a military family, which means we have to move A LOT. I'm halfway through 6th grade, and I'm really stressed out. The reason is because I have a guy who really likes me, and we liked each other back in the 5th grade, and he's even got me presents and everything, but now I'm starting to doubt whether I still like him or not. And he is a great guy; he's silly, funny, kind- but I just don't know if he's the right guy for me. Plus there's a friend of mine who I know likes me as more than a friend, and he's a great guy, too. I really need advise!!I know, it is too late but I think you should not go for a deeper relationship, don't make it hard for yourself and try to be his just friend because you are so young .
    reply about 17 hours
    Error44
    "queenslay173" wrote:I was at school when I noticed people started to tell me this boy liked me and I thought it was cool because I'm used to that type of stuff then we started to dated in October we broke up right before christmas and it was so strange. we got back together in the beginning of January and we broke up again on the 4 my friends are really mad at me and he seemed really upset I like him but I just don't want to be with him anymore what should I do ?- confused lover Tell him your reasons and make it clear for both of you
    reply about 17 hours