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Dear Dish-It, Do I Tell My Parents I'm Gay?

Advice for teens who need help talking to their families, friends and loved-ones about their sexual orientation.
Advice on Family Problems

Dear Dish-It,

I'm having a problem with my parents. I'm starting to get older and soon I have to tell them that I'm gay. But it's been so long that I don't even feel like telling them. I feel like, if they don't know by now, they don't deserve to know at all. What do I do?
MusiqLuv


Dear MusiqLuv,

I think you're just saying "they don't deserve to know" cuz it's an easy way to not deal with telling them. Don't blame your 'rents just cuz they don't realize you are gay. Maybe they do know and they just haven't let on. Or maybe they are completely in the dark. Either way, you still need to tell 'em - straight-up - whenever you're ready. Are you ready? Think about it. It might not be the most smooth conversation you ever have with the 'rents (there's a chance it might be the most horrible,) but they deserve to know and they deserve to hear it from you. There's nothing wrong with being gay and there's nothing wrong with telling people either. Unfortunately, some people don't understand it and may not react well. Here are some Web sites that may be able to give you some advice on telling your 'rents:


  • Advice for Gay Teens
  • Gay and Lesbian National Hotline
  • Oasis Magazine

  • And here are some Web sites that may help your parents deal with the news:

  • PFLAG
  • The APA Answers Questions on Homosexualilty and Sexual Orientation
  • Remember, it's your sexual orientation and it's up to you to "come out" whenever the time feels right. Judging by your email, that time is here - or fast approaching. When you do share the news, remember to present it rationally and calmly. Stay calm and relaxed no matter what - their first reaction may be harsh, but give them time to digest it. They may come around. Most parents get upset because they realize that, because of the homophobia in our world, being gay is not an easy lifestyle to live. No one wants their kid to have a hard life. Also, some parents who think that having a gay child means that they won't have grandchildren to carry on their name, etc. (Given time, they'll come to realize that gay people can be 'rents too.) Then again, they may be okay with it from the start. You might know how they're gonna react already, since they are your parents.


    Good luck!


    Dear MusiqLuv,

    Well, I think you should let your parents know. Just because they don't know doesn't mean they can't or don't want to. Your 'rents may take it bad but they'll understand. Just talk to them. It'll make it a lot easier! Good Luck!!!

    Kidz Submit By:

    Nickname:LIL J-WEEZY
    Age:13

    Dear MusiqLuv,

    I think you've got guts for even thinkin' 'bout telling your 'rents. A lot of people live in fear of telling their parents tough stuff so you should get a hi-five for wanting to be honest. Don't get scared - just tell 'em. You'll feel better about it in the end. I'll be thinkin 'bout ya. Good Luck.

    Kidz Submit By:

    Nickname: Stars4eva
    Age: 15

    So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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    Comments

    Mrawsomegamer

    Mrawsomegamer wrote:

    Its wrong at all. As long as you beleive in God and the plans he has for you your ok. Y...
    commented: Mon Mar 25, 2013

    Ty luving purple
    who a les inbox me
    commented: Fri Mar 15, 2013

    HollieIsCrazy

    HollieIsCrazy wrote:

    I'm not gay or lesbian! But this really helped my friend!!! :)
    commented: Thu Jan 24, 2013

    there are 566 more comments

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    How Much Do U Tell the 'Rents?

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    • I don't tell my parents anything. They wouldn't understand.

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    Umbreontamer2
    Umbreontamer2 posted in Friends:
    i agree
    reply about 1 hour
    Yeliak
    Yeliak posted in Friends:
    "Stargirlxx" wrote:You should probably tell your friend because sooner or later she will find out, and she might (or might not..) be upset at you for not telling her. Guys come and go, but true friends will always stay. Well said.
    reply about 2 hours
    Yeliak
    Yeliak posted in Style:
    "Elegantgirl48" wrote:Start with sunscreen A dewy, fresh complexion is #### and youthful. Starting with a clean face, apply sunscreen to face and neck (see my list of the Top 10 Sunscreens). Rain or shine, you should get in the habit of applying sunscreen every day. I use a tinted moisturizer with SPF 50 (it's on my list) so I don't have to use foundation. Because I have dry skin, I apply moisturizer BEFORE my sunscreen. If you have oily skin, rinse face with warm water and pat dry before applying sunscreen. Apply concealer Dot concealer with your ring finger to the spots that need it most (under the eye, along the nose, on the chin). Blend in by patting in, never rubbing, the concealer (see How to Apply Concealer). Foundation is next Apply a tinted moisturizer or foundation to your face making sure to blend along the jawline so you don't have a tell-tale line. Few people need to apply foundation all over the face (see "How to Avoid Cake Face"). Simply apply where you have uneven skin tone (usually along your nose and on the skin). In wintertime, if your cheeks tend to get ruddy, apply there as well. For more sheer, natural coverage, consider a tinted moisturizer, which goes on much lighter than typical foundations. See my list of the Best Foundation. Blush, bronzer Apply blush on the apples of your cheeks (see How to Apply Blush). If you want to appear sun-kissed, apply a bronzer as well (see How to Apply Bronzer). At this point, I love to use a highlighter pen to brighten my face (see how in this review of Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat. Apply eyeliner Now that your face is set, it's time to make up your eyes. Apply eyeliner to lids. There are many different way to apply eyeliner. You can go for the basic eye, a smokey eye, a cat eye and much more. For a basic eye, simply apply liner to the upper lashes and the lower lashes, smudging along the lower so it doesn't look drawn on. For many more tips on eyeliner, see How to Apply Eyeliner. Apply concealerIf you wear eyeshadow, be sure to set the eye first with an eyeshadow primer, otherwise the shadow will melt into your eyelids. Next is the eyeshadow Just as there are many ways to apply eyeliner, there are many eyeshadow looks you can experiment with. For a basic eye, simply apply a base shade on the lid of the eye. Apply a darker contouring shadow in the crease. Make sure to blend it all in well. For many more tips, see How to Apply Eyeshadow. Curl those lashes Curl your lashes with an eyelash curler. You can blast your curler for 3 seconds with a hairdryer to make the curl hold better, just be sure to test the metal to ensure it's not too hot first. Moving on to mascara Apply mascara by wiggling the wand from the roots of your lashes on through to the ends. To perfect your mascara application, check out How to Apply Mascara. Leave your lips for last Once you have your face made up you can see exactly what type of lip treatment you need. You can either fill in lips with lip liner and apply lip balm or gloss over it, or you can line lips first then apply lipstick. Some women opt for just gloss or balm. For more tips on lips, see How to Apply Lipstick. Set your makeup Set your face with loose powder or a spritz of Evian spray. What You Need sunscreen concealer foundation eyeliner eyeshadow primer and eyeshadow bronzer and/or blush (or neither!) mascara and an eyelash curler lipstick, gloss or balm All that is good, but I think you mean you want to try new ideas. You can't exactly try anything new with foundations and concealers and such. This will sound weird, but go to the public library. They should have a section for beauty and hair and nails. You can check out some makeup books, I've learned a lot of new eyeshadow stuff from library books! Watch videos. Try buying bright eyeshadow and blush colors, and just experiment. I like to put an all over color to my eyes, then put little dots of color to the outside corners. Try gold eyeliners, or dark navy blue, or silver eyeliners. Try matte lipsicks, with a gloss over them. Try loose eyeshadow powder, try blush creams, try blush powders. Just look around the makeup aisle wherever you are, and see what kinda stuff they have. I really like BB creams right now, and the Beauty Blender sponge. Sponges work really well for foundations, just make sure to clean them. As for foundations, try powder, cream, foam, liquid, or other ones you see. Sorry I was all over the place, I was just trying to cover a lot.
    reply about 4 hours
    CookieZowik
    do. not. take it without them knowing. they might get REALLY MAD at you. so do not take it. just wait till they give it back. 
    reply about 5 hours
    CookieZowik
    First of all, how could it be all your brother's fault? Its my bros fault my mom and dad fight - maybe they just haven't been getting along lately.  its my bros fault my parents r almost divorced - not necessarily, how could your brother cause your parent's divorce? it's because they just haven't been getting along, not because of your brother's existence. its my bros fault that him and my grandpa have a bad relationship - maybe your grandpa and your brother have never really had a good relationship. its my bros fault my dad and my grandpa don't get along - maybe they just have never really gotten along, like my grandma and my dad, they argue sometimes but they still love each other.   its my bros fault the dogs r bad - did your brother abuse the dogs? if so, then you should probably tell your parents. if not ( or if he did abuse your #####, you should take your #### ## # ### trainer to help fight the aggression.  its my bros fault i get in trouble - well that seems logical, most siblings do tell on each other. so don't worry.my bros fault that everything bad happens ALL OF IT - it can't be all your brothers fault.
    reply about 5 hours

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