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Dear Dish-it: Mom Won't Let Me Shave

Dear Dish-it,

I am almost 13 and I have neither bras nor do I shave my legs. I know I am ready for them both. I'm too afraid to bring it up with my mom. Whenever I try I chicken out. Do you think it would be a bad idea to start using them both without telling her? How can I make it easier to ask her?

Gettin' older

Dear Gettin' older,

It can be really tough when you know you're ready for things like shaving your legs and wearing a bra, but your mother just doesn't seem to understand. When it comes to wearing a bra, that's probably something you can go ahead and do on your own - you don't necessarily need your mom's permission because you're not doing anything that's changing your body at all by wearing an extra piece of clothing like a bra. But shaving your legs - that might not be something you want to do without her consent. If you do and she gets angry, then it may take a long time to gain her trust again, so you can keep growing up and experiencing new things in a healthy way - with your mom.

Luckily, we’ve got great tips on how to approach the topic of shaving your legs with your mom: what to say, and even how to take it if she says no!

Part 1: The Talk

If you’ve already asked your mom about shaving your legs and she’s said no, don’t bring it up every 5 minutes – she’ll just get frustrated. Instead, sit her down for a full conversation on the subject, and don’t bring it up again for a few months – no matter what the outcome. Here are some ways to talk to her about it so that things come out in your favor!

  1. Listen to Her: Tell your mom you want to start shaving, and acknowledge that she doesn’t approve. Then ask her to explain why. Really pay attention – she might actually have some good reasons.
  2. Explain Yourself: Politely tell her your reasons for wanting to shave. If other girls have made fun of you, or if it’s making you feel so uncomfortable that you won’t even wear shorts in 90-degree weather, she might be more likely to understand.
  3. Be Ready to Compromise: No matter what your mom’s reasons for saying no are, you have to let her know that you were listening, and you’re willing to meet her halfway. Offer a compromise: you’ll only shave below your knees, or you’ll use a hair removal cream instead of shaving (so you don’t run the risk of cutting yourself). Her decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing ... if you chat it out.
  4. Give Her Time: After the two of you have chatted, ask her to think it over before she makes a decision. Decide on a time when she’ll tell you, and (this part may be difficult) don’t ask her about it until then.

Part 1: The Decision

Now comes the (hopefully) good part: your mom will tell you whether or not you’re allowed to shave. If your conversation went well, you both listened to each other, and she understands that your reasons are good she’ll most likely let you. If she does, great! Make sure you include her in the process by asking for tips or a demo. If she says the dreaded “no,” here’s how to handle it.

  1. Accept It: Tell her you understand her decision, and while it isn’t what you wanted, you’ll respect it. That way, you’re showing her how mature you are by not whining.
  2. Try Again: After a month or two, approach the subject again. Make sure your mama knows that it’s a big deal to you and why. It also might help to gently remind her how mature you were about the rejection last time. You may have to repeat this cycle a few times, but be patient! She will eventually say yes.
  3. No Begging or Wining! Remember: If you handle the situation like the mature gal you are, she’ll be more likely to treat you like one.

Sound Off

What would you do if you wanted to do something and your mom said NO? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

JazzyRox
JazzyRox posted in Family Issues:
hi! this is "blonde"! i dont really care about this post and its not that offensive to me! i am trying to care about what others think and TBH i do....untill it comes to electronics...idk why but i dont really do well without electronics. i have good habits that include waiting untill 3:00 PM to get on screens and getting chores done before i get on screens, im much more...well....social than my sister (ill just call her "Red" xD) Red. plus im only 10. i probably will get better at habits when im older. P.S wow rainbowpoptart i dont think our pics are exactly the same xD
reply about 10 hours
blackveilbrides15
Always wears black so not much of a style 
reply about 16 hours
Kirsti
Kirsti posted in Style:
Your style is simply whatever you want to wear! Just wear whatever feels comfortable, or whatever you think looks good, and it is your style (: It doesn't matter if it's not entirely individual and unique, as long as it's what you feel happy wearing.
reply about 16 hours
Kirsti
Kirsti posted in Family Issues:
I love both my parents equally, but I prefer to spend time with my dad. My father works abroad so I see him a lot less than my mother, but it means that when I see him it feels more special :3 
reply about 16 hours
Kirsti
Kirsti posted in Family Issues:
To be honest, this is probably just something you have to bear. I know that sometimes relatives can be irritating, but they only visit often because they care about you and want to see you (: Unless there is a real reason you don't want them to visit - for example, if they are unkind to you - then you should just endure it.  Or you could mention it to your parents and see if they can sort it out? This is something lots of kids have to deal with, me included, and it's just part of life! You are lucky to have grandparents who care about you so much c:
reply about 17 hours