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Dear Dish-it: Mom Won't Let Me Shave

Dear Dish-it,

I am almost 13 and I have neither bras nor do I shave my legs. I know I am ready for them both. I'm too afraid to bring it up with my mom. Whenever I try I chicken out. Do you think it would be a bad idea to start using them both without telling her? How can I make it easier to ask her?

Gettin' older

Dear Gettin' older,

It can be really tough when you know you're ready for things like shaving your legs and wearing a bra, but your mother just doesn't seem to understand. When it comes to wearing a bra, that's probably something you can go ahead and do on your own - you don't necessarily need your mom's permission because you're not doing anything that's changing your body at all by wearing an extra piece of clothing like a bra. But shaving your legs - that might not be something you want to do without her consent. If you do and she gets angry, then it may take a long time to gain her trust again, so you can keep growing up and experiencing new things in a healthy way - with your mom.

Luckily, we’ve got great tips on how to approach the topic of shaving your legs with your mom: what to say, and even how to take it if she says no!

Part 1: The Talk

If you’ve already asked your mom about shaving your legs and she’s said no, don’t bring it up every 5 minutes – she’ll just get frustrated. Instead, sit her down for a full conversation on the subject, and don’t bring it up again for a few months – no matter what the outcome. Here are some ways to talk to her about it so that things come out in your favor!

  1. Listen to Her: Tell your mom you want to start shaving, and acknowledge that she doesn’t approve. Then ask her to explain why. Really pay attention – she might actually have some good reasons.
  2. Explain Yourself: Politely tell her your reasons for wanting to shave. If other girls have made fun of you, or if it’s making you feel so uncomfortable that you won’t even wear shorts in 90-degree weather, she might be more likely to understand.
  3. Be Ready to Compromise: No matter what your mom’s reasons for saying no are, you have to let her know that you were listening, and you’re willing to meet her halfway. Offer a compromise: you’ll only shave below your knees, or you’ll use a hair removal cream instead of shaving (so you don’t run the risk of cutting yourself). Her decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing ... if you chat it out.
  4. Give Her Time: After the two of you have chatted, ask her to think it over before she makes a decision. Decide on a time when she’ll tell you, and (this part may be difficult) don’t ask her about it until then.

Part 1: The Decision

Now comes the (hopefully) good part: your mom will tell you whether or not you’re allowed to shave. If your conversation went well, you both listened to each other, and she understands that your reasons are good she’ll most likely let you. If she does, great! Make sure you include her in the process by asking for tips or a demo. If she says the dreaded “no,” here’s how to handle it.

  1. Accept It: Tell her you understand her decision, and while it isn’t what you wanted, you’ll respect it. That way, you’re showing her how mature you are by not whining.
  2. Try Again: After a month or two, approach the subject again. Make sure your mama knows that it’s a big deal to you and why. It also might help to gently remind her how mature you were about the rejection last time. You may have to repeat this cycle a few times, but be patient! She will eventually say yes.
  3. No Begging or Wining! Remember: If you handle the situation like the mature gal you are, she’ll be more likely to treat you like one.

Sound Off

What would you do if you wanted to do something and your mom said NO? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!

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How Often Do You Shave?

  • Daily.
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  • I don't shave yet.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

PerksBeingABookworm
Dear Dish-It:  I recently became friends with an upperclassman guy, Tom*, from my high school. We started hanging out about a month or so ago. To be honest, I thought the relationship was platonic: we've never flirted although we've bantered, I don't use flirty emojis with him and although I spend a lot of time with him, he has always said how much I remind him of my brother (who is the same age as me), and he's never stolen glances at me or given me the impression that he was into me that way. I rationalized that he saw me as a little sister the same way as I viewed him as an older brother, since he constantly made references to my brother and never attempted to flirt nor gave off any of the typical visual signals of attraction. I also don't see myself as someone who'd be attractive or crush-worthy from the perspective of a high school junior, since I'm a freshman in high school and definitely not modelesque, and we pretty much stuck to group outings. So when he asked me out 2 weeks ago, needless to say it came as a surprise. We decided to remain friends, but I'm having trouble establishing boundaries, especially since my sister informed me that one of his friends told her that Tom "wasn't going to give up on me" and that Tom was going to adhere to the "Three Strikes Rule": apparently, he can wait and ask me out 2 more times before giving up on pursuing me.  Dish-It, how do I remain friends with this guy without this becoming awkward? What do I do? Just this past weekend he wanted to s**pe call me and kept s.n.a.p.ch*tting me. I literally feigned accidentally sleeping in yesterday to avoid meeting up with him (he invited my siblings and I to go play tennis at our high school), and I haven't talked to him since Saturday (we do track together so it was kind of unavoidable). I need space, and I want to remain friends, but he's really making me feel uncomfortable.  Thanks, -Perks. P.S.: This is the second junior who has asked me out this year (and the second guy I've rejected). Maybe I'm just really naive and oblivious, but I genuinely don't see myself as attractive to guys...how do I stop accidentally leading them on? Because I'm not trying to, really-I'm not flirty or anything. I have no idea why they like me, I don't think I'm being overly nice and I'm not answering texts right away or anything. This guy didn't get my phone information from me, he got it from another person on our coed sports team and he originally texted me 2 months ago to tell me that he was worried about my brother so I didn't think he was making a move on me. *Names have been changed for privacy reasons. (Also: the chat filter keeps unnecessarily censoring my writing).
reply about 1 hour
Shadeleaf
Shadeleaf posted in Friends:
I'm actually already being made fun of for my interests in Undertale. i kinda don't see how playing DnD can be that bad... it's fine. Thx .
reply 4 days
Shadeleaf
"al######ote: i am in love with a boy ..and planning to marry him ..  [s:p/zwq] [s:p/oaq] [s:p/1koh] [s:p/1jn8] [s:p/1jks] Congrats! just hope he doesn't abandon you like mine terrible attempts at a relationship. You may be even luckier than me :3
reply 4 days
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
"Shadeleaf" wrote: I've been wondering. I got the  books and all i need would be extra graph paper and character sheets....  Anyways my dad gave me this idea on Friday and I was thinking of it today. Maybe find a few nerds like me... who knows. My dad told me people would make fun of me, but i don't care.... You will face a little making fun of, but as long as you can get past that and ignore others, I think you'll be just fine. If you're already aware of any others like you throughout the school, maybe you should look into making a group! Slip them a note or talk to them yourself, see if they're interested. Good luck!
reply 4 days
drowning
###### wrote: i am in love with a boy ..and planning to marry him ..  [s:p/zwq] [s:p/oaq] [s:p/1koh] [s:p/1jn8] [s:p/1jks] I realize that I got engaged young as well, but 10 is a tad different. :^)
reply 4 days