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Dear Dish-it: Mom Won't Let Me Shave

Dear Dish-it,

I am almost 13 and I have neither bras nor do I shave my legs. I know I am ready for them both. I'm too afraid to bring it up with my mom. Whenever I try I chicken out. Do you think it would be a bad idea to start using them both without telling her? How can I make it easier to ask her?

Gettin' older

Dear Gettin' older,

It can be really tough when you know you're ready for things like shaving your legs and wearing a bra, but your mother just doesn't seem to understand. When it comes to wearing a bra, that's probably something you can go ahead and do on your own - you don't necessarily need your mom's permission because you're not doing anything that's changing your body at all by wearing an extra piece of clothing like a bra. But shaving your legs - that might not be something you want to do without her consent. If you do and she gets angry, then it may take a long time to gain her trust again, so you can keep growing up and experiencing new things in a healthy way - with your mom.

Luckily, we’ve got great tips on how to approach the topic of shaving your legs with your mom: what to say, and even how to take it if she says no!

Part 1: The Talk

If you’ve already asked your mom about shaving your legs and she’s said no, don’t bring it up every 5 minutes – she’ll just get frustrated. Instead, sit her down for a full conversation on the subject, and don’t bring it up again for a few months – no matter what the outcome. Here are some ways to talk to her about it so that things come out in your favor!

  1. Listen to Her: Tell your mom you want to start shaving, and acknowledge that she doesn’t approve. Then ask her to explain why. Really pay attention – she might actually have some good reasons.
  2. Explain Yourself: Politely tell her your reasons for wanting to shave. If other girls have made fun of you, or if it’s making you feel so uncomfortable that you won’t even wear shorts in 90-degree weather, she might be more likely to understand.
  3. Be Ready to Compromise: No matter what your mom’s reasons for saying no are, you have to let her know that you were listening, and you’re willing to meet her halfway. Offer a compromise: you’ll only shave below your knees, or you’ll use a hair removal cream instead of shaving (so you don’t run the risk of cutting yourself). Her decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing ... if you chat it out.
  4. Give Her Time: After the two of you have chatted, ask her to think it over before she makes a decision. Decide on a time when she’ll tell you, and (this part may be difficult) don’t ask her about it until then.

Part 1: The Decision

Now comes the (hopefully) good part: your mom will tell you whether or not you’re allowed to shave. If your conversation went well, you both listened to each other, and she understands that your reasons are good she’ll most likely let you. If she does, great! Make sure you include her in the process by asking for tips or a demo. If she says the dreaded “no,” here’s how to handle it.

  1. Accept It: Tell her you understand her decision, and while it isn’t what you wanted, you’ll respect it. That way, you’re showing her how mature you are by not whining.
  2. Try Again: After a month or two, approach the subject again. Make sure your mama knows that it’s a big deal to you and why. It also might help to gently remind her how mature you were about the rejection last time. You may have to repeat this cycle a few times, but be patient! She will eventually say yes.
  3. No Begging or Wining! Remember: If you handle the situation like the mature gal you are, she’ll be more likely to treat you like one.

Sound Off

What would you do if you wanted to do something and your mom said NO? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!

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How Often Do You Shave?

  • Daily.
  • Weekly.
  • A couple of times a month.
  • I don't shave yet.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

GirLovesPiggy
GirLovesPiggy posted in Style:
This thread has been moved. Click here to see the new thread.
reply 2 days
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
@rainbowpoptart  When I originally talked to my father, I was given the opportunity of good timing to bring it up. Luckily, there was no anger like I was partially expecting and I remained calm, which I definitely wasn't expecting. My fathers main concern was just worry and having seen other teens run away from something later getting themselves in trouble. He even brought up how he had run off at 18 and joined the Air Force, which I already knew. But, with this round, there is no perfect time to bring it up and he's always busy or we're having to do something so it's just very frustrating to find at least alright timing to bring it up, if that makes sense.
reply 6 days
rainbowpoptart
My advice on this may not be the best because I haven't personally dealt with this yet, but... Parents, or guardians, get used to having their children around. You're [usually] with them for 18 years, which is a long time, so of course they - or in this case, your father - is going to feel like he's lost something very dear to him once you move out. To me it seems like he does truly understand that you're growing up. He just doesn't want it to happen. He knows that you're leaving soon - he just doesn't want it to be soon. Parents/guardians who are close to the children usually feel that way. If you're really so concerned, talk to him about it again, in a similar way you have done already. Or perhaps just a "Wow, my birthday is just around the corner". Once you do move out, visit him as frequently as you're able to and feel like. I'm sure he'll appreciate it, and it'll help you maintain a close relationship with him.
reply 7 days
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
Usually I wouldn't come here for advice, but I am really needing it. To sum it up, my birthday is in 21 days. Not only will I be leaving KW, but home as well. My mother has made it to where I have had plans to leave since I was around 11 or 12; so about 7 to 8 years. I won't get into everything, but we'll just say that my mother and I do not have a good relationship at all. My father on the other hand, I am very attached too and always scared of upsetting him. Things are not always very good between us at times, but we rarely fight. When we do, it is always bad nor ends well. So, having plans to move out are very scary to me and causes me plenty of anxiety that fights are going to break out when I have my help to get my belongings out.   For the record, I have talked to my father about leaving, why I want too, etc. But, more in the sense of that I want too, not that I am. Which, in a way, my parents understand I'm moving out as well as already pretty much know where I'm going without my mention. But, I don't think they, my father especially, understands how soon that is despite my saying of I want too when I'm 18 or when I say, "Soon." It doesn't help that my father told another that his "little girl is growing up" on him and that he is scared of the day I go because he will be alone. Which makes me feel guilty despite the fact I won't even be that far away. How should I talk to him once more and go about this or even when? I really want him to understand that I have thought everything through and that I will be in safe hands.
reply 7 days
-Oracle-
-Oracle- posted in Friends:
Preferably non human.
reply 7 days