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Dear Dish-It: Secret Santa

Dec 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,

In our class we do Secret Santa, where you buy gifts for someone. We had to pick names out of a hat; I got the school bully. I hate her. What do I do?

Unhappy Santa

Dear Unhappy Santa,

If you ask me (which you did), the holidays are a great time to try to love and forgive the people in your life – even those that haven’t been very nice to you all year. Have you ever heard the saying, “Kill them with kindness?” Basically, it means that in order to get someone to be nicer to you, being mean back to them doesn’t work as well as being extra super nice to them – essentially what you are doing is treating them the way you would want to be treated yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard of a second saying that goes: “Two wrong don’t make a right.” THAT means that being mean back to a bully usually doesn’t work. Better to fix the problem by being nice – especially at Christmas time.

So here’s what I think you should do. Since the whole idea behind Secret Santa is that the person you give a gift to will never know it’s from you (it’s supposed to stay a secret), I think you should get the school bully something really cool – something you know she’d like to have. And if you feel like you want to get your point across to her – that bullying is not nice – now’s your perfect chance! Write a card and attach it to the gift. Don’t be mean or try and teach her a lesson – rather, write something like, “Merry Christmas! I hope we can all be nice to each other this year. I think you’d be a great friend!” It doesn’t have to be exactly that, but you get the point. DON’T sign your name – just keep it a secret and she’ll never know who wrote it. But maybe it will get her thinking about being nicer to you and your classmates!

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What do you think Unhappy Santa should do? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
Maybe he likes you, as a friend or as more.
reply about 9 hours
Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
Friends grow apart as we grow up and change at different rates. It's fine to stop being friends, but it doesn't have to be in a mean way. The best thing to do is talk to her (nicely). You don't have to tell her she's being childish or you feel as if you've matured more. That would be terrible. Talk about things you guys like to do in common or make plans to try new things together. Or don't mention it at all, but don't just begin ignoring her. Eventually the friendship will fade the less time you spend together. 
reply about 11 hours
Amalegend20 posted in Friends:
You should be nice to her. If you have to break the news gently don't make her feel bad just talk to her about and see what she says  
reply 1 day
hugebear posted in Friends:
My bff and I were best friends but weve grown apart im getting older and she still wants to do kid stuff I have new friends now I feel like im being mean to her but like doesn't she get the memo I feel both guilty and mad:} Gosh.... put the shoe on  the other foot and see how would you feel if your bff done this on you. You has been bffs for the long time [Im guessing] and your maturing faster than her.  I agrees you are being mean to her if you doesnt discuss how your feeling with her and ignoring / avoiding her or whatever your doing.    She has been the good friend to you and she deserves to understand if you is growing up faster than her.  I really feels sad for how she could be feeling right now. She didnt do anything wrong.  You changed. Not her. Please be nice to your friend/ex friend and let her down gently [if you really has to] ^^ Me opinion  
reply 1 day
Desiixx posted in Friends:
Don't worry about it. Friends grow apart. That's how things go. Just talk to her about it, she'll understand. 
reply 1 day

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