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Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!

  

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Comments

rescueheart

rescueheart wrote:

I just broke up with my boyfriend and i still love him
commented: Wed Jul 02, 2014

ilovejj99

ilovejj99 wrote:

I have a ex boyfriend and I love him too much.
commented: Sat Apr 26, 2014

AutumSwag

AutumSwag wrote:

Yeah, whenever i got a new bf. idk, y i compare him with my ex. i think its pretty norm...
commented: Sat Apr 26, 2014

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

jordand08
jordand08 posted in Friends:
"-Karpov-" wrote:I think jealousy would be if she were angry at you for being considered better than her. It sounds more like she's just disappointed, but it's impossible for you to know if you don't ask.  I agree here.
reply about 3 hours
-Karpov-
-Karpov- posted in Friends:
I think jealousy would be if she were angry at you for being considered better than her. It sounds more like she's just disappointed, but it's impossible for you to know if you don't ask. 
reply about 3 hours
B-who-u-r-and-SING
My best friend and I were really close before and hung out all the time, we were both in musicals and both got smaller parts, and if one of us got a bigger part, it was her. Then she took voice lessons with an amazing voice teacher and got a little better, she took lessons for about two weeks and then I decided to take lessons too. After about three weeks people were saying that I was an amazing singer and all of the sudden my maybe-best-friend hardly talks to me. She always seems really sad. (Keep in mind that my friend can't sing well) I don't know if she is jealous or what, and please don't think that i'm conceited by thinking she might be jealous I am just wondering. Please help!
reply about 3 hours
kaykay2002
"CocoC01" wrote: Sometimes things are n`t fair in life. Maybe you can try to find your cousin`s weakness or try your best to get along with her. After all, your cousin is still young. Grandparents tend to show more love to the younger ones because they are young and innocent.You`re 11 now, your grandmother might think that you`re more mature than your cousin: able to do whatever you want, able to make the right decision. Try to impress your grandmother with something that you`re good at ( I mean in the positive way) like joining debate/dancing/singing competitions--> try your best to achieve something and make them proud of you.   thanks but even when I was 5 6 and 7 she played favorites. I almost always get along with my cousin but sometimes I burst. my grandma always somehow finds out what I want and gives it my cousin and if my parents are around she treats us equally and that is another thing that makes me mad is she acts like the best grandma in front of my parents but the second they are gone she is a different person
reply about 5 hours
CocoC01
CocoC01 posted in Family Issues:
Sometimes things are n`t fair in life. Maybe you can try to find your cousin`s weakness or try your best to get along with her. After all, your cousin is still young. Grandparents tend to show more love to the younger ones because they are young and innocent.You`re 11 now, your grandmother might think that you`re more mature than your cousin: able to do whatever you want, able to make the right decision. Try to impress your grandmother with something that you`re good at ( I mean in the positive way) like joining debate/dancing/singing competitions--> try your best to achieve something and make them proud of you.
reply about 6 hours

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