Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?


Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!



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Dear Dish-It in the forums

XxIHateMathxX posted in Friends:
My friend problem: Get ready 'cause this'll be long. Problem = ... Okay, so I know this girl, Amelia. Last year when I was new at school she invited me to sit with her and her friends on the second day. Since then, we've been 'best friends'. Throughout the whole of last year she was really great. Now, it's been a few weeks since the first day of school - 5th grade. On the first day she was really happy to see me and we did all that normal BFF stuff. We even traced one of each of our hands and wrote 'BFFs' at the top. It all started with this.                                                   HOW IT HAPPENED One day we were sitting in the cafeteria. Her: Hey, what should we do during recess today? Another Friend Who Doesn't Like Amelia: Hey, do you want to do ______________? Me: Ummmmmmmmmmmm ......... errrrrrrrr .............. Me: (Thinking of Plan) Me: Eureka! Me: Hey, Amelia, I have this idea. Since you don't like Belen .... (this is other friend's name)  and you don't like her, I was thinking: Maybe on Monday I could hang out with you and Tuesday with her ... etc. Her: Cool. Well ... okay. Note: Well, I was feeling pretty bad, because she'd been a really great friend, but then I thought: Hey, it's only one day! It's not like I told her "Hey, I'm going to ditch you!" So then I went off with Belen. Well, the next day, or maybe a few days later - I don't remember - she told me during recess again: Her: Hey, do you want to go hang out with them over there? Points Me: Sure ... why not? Then we went on over there. During the whole of that recess, she didn't pay much attention to me. That was when I got suspicious. Now, it's been, like, 4 weeks since the first day of school. I decided to hang out with Belen during recess on Friday. Tomorrow is Monday, btw. Belen: Are you going to hang out with me during recess today? Me: Yeah. I would've wanted to go off with Amelia, but she was blowing me off lately. Last year a lot of people weren't her friends and she wasn't that social. Now, I see her flirting with _ _ _ _ _ _ easily and everyone (even people who left her out of their groups last year) is crowding around her while she talks about her big party. Last time, she even asked me if I wanted to go away with Belen, because she wasn't there either. Maybe I'm overreacting and she's just getting to be friends with a lot more people. I dunno. Should I be happy for her? Like I said, Belen and Amelia kinda hate each other, which is pretty inconvenient because they're both my best friends. So, you know that 'big party' Amelia is hosting? Belen's not invited and I don't know about myself, either. During yet ANOTHER recess Belen was talking about planning her birthday party. Now it's October 4th and her birthday is actually on January 21. Weird. I think she means this as a revenge party, because she is NOT inviting Amelia. Am I overreacting and taking this too seriously? Maybe I'm not and Amelia really isn't a good friend. But if I go to Belen's party and have an awesome time, Amelia (if I was overreacting) would be really upset. Then she would ditch me - FOR REAL. If I AM invited to Amelia's party, then what if she started blowing me off there? I don't want to look like a pesky little 'friend', clinging onto her. I NEED HELP. P.S. I have another problem caused by the first problem. I am crushing really hard on My Crush. I'm sure boys like fun, bouncy, happy, perky girls. He usually sees me during recess, where Amelia is usually blowing me off. Then, I start acting really sluggish and moody. Basically downright not-in-the-fun-mood. What would he think? Thank you for your help. P.P.S. PLEASE DO help me. This is an emergency. Thank you very much for your help (if you do help, that is.)
reply 17 minutes
XxIHateMathxX posted in Friends:
Perfect Friend: Someone who will support you when you fail. Someone who encourages you. Someone who sticks with you. Someone who comforts you when things go wrong. Someone who is funny and makes you laugh. Someone who tells you the answers in class ... Someone who would wait for you after detention. Someone who would buy you great presents for your birthday. Someone who you know you can always count on. Someone nice (obvious). Someone who never fights with you. Someone who would always be a good friend, even if you weren't. Someone who is loyal. Someone who'd never go off with some other person. Someone who would read all this stuff without telling me they were bored.
reply about 1 hour
XxIHateMathxX posted in Friends:
This thing happened in kindergarten ... too embarrassing to even talk about it now ... so bye.
reply about 6 hours
"CountessElectra" wrote:The loss of my grandad was horrible. I felt so sad at the time. I felt like i would never stop crying when my parents told me. It still makes me sad today... aww. i hope everything's okay :(
reply about 7 hours
"hugebear" wrote:This is the awesome thread and thank you for posting it manu [stickied] :) thank you huge :) 
reply about 7 hours

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