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Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!

  

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

kittenkid
First: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T KILL YOUSELF! When you get past this you'll be glad. Well, this is just my opinion, but I think you should first find someone, anyone, even if you don't trust them, if there're your parents talk to them about it. I bet a bunch of people have already told you this but there're right. Before you walk up to them, write down what you're going to say and then think of a few questions they might ask and write down the answers to them. Remember to tell them that it might take you a minute to think of an answer. Before you answer, think of the exact words you will say  before you say anything, and think in your mind about it. Think about wether it is a lie or not before you say it. If it gets out of you mouth before you realize it is a lie, don't be afraid to say so and just say the truth. Also, just try to find something you like to do that will take your mind off everything. If you really can't think of anything, try just practicing saying your feelings to yourself, or a pillow or something.  Hope this helps!
reply 4 minutes
horroranimegirl
i need help.   i have really bad anxiety and im depressed all the time.   i dont have anyone that im close to.  its just hard for me to trust people      im really bad at comveying my feelings    id ask someone for help but as i said i dont really get close to anyone     i almost never talk and when i do i say few words and act happy    i also compulively lie so no one knows what im really feeling  i cant express my feelings        i dont have anyone that i trust and its really hard       i thought about killing myself but im afraid to die so i never do anything      since i cant ask anyone in real life im hoping that someone on here can help me           i dont have any interests and im depressed and its almost impossible for me to tell people about it      what do i do?
reply about 15 hours
-Karpov-
-Karpov- posted in Friends:
It's normal to feel jealousy, and it's not really too bad a thing unless you let it get to you and cause problems. I get jealous as hell but I try to avoid letting it affect the way I hold a conversation, for example. 
reply about 15 hours
SydneyWavsYou
SydneyWavsYou posted in Friends:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a week now (It's a week today ♥) and I've noticed how Jealous I get... I trust him, but I don't trust girls... Is that a bad thing? He's my first actual boyfriend so I'm not use to this. 
reply about 16 hours
shygirl03
shygirl03 posted in Friends:
So there's this guy in my class and he sits next to me. Correction he HAS to sit next to me, So my classroom as a table with 2 desks connected to make a huge desk but separated holders things to put our stuff in. So this guy is really the class clown of the class and he can be a jerk when he wants to be but sometimes can be a really nice guy. He likes to talk to me and he "Occasionally" Touches my hand or arm in a friendly way.. I think :3 but anyways he teases me ... A LOT but he sometimes insults me but when he sees my face not cracking into a smile. he instantly says sorry or didnt mean it like that kind of way and i smile. So does he like me? Or he just being a regular guy? 
reply about 17 hours

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