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Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!

  

288 Comments

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

BeautifulBelle
I am so sorry for all the frustration and anger you're feeling, love. Have you tried talking to your mom? I can say I know a little of what you're feeling. Have you tried writing in a journal or talking to a friend? Just be there for your cousin if you can. That is not okay, just abandoning your family without a reason. Hang in there.
reply about 1 hour
american_brit
I'll say it again, it's not weird. I know plenty of guys who can't do those things and plenty of girls who can.  She's your sister. Your YOUNGER SISTER. Therefore, she must be inferior to you when it comes to this kind of thing, right? Nope. That's far from the truth. And you're not the only guy who experiences this kind of thing.
reply about 7 hours
Heyyyyy_
Heyyyyy_ posted in Family Issues:
its not weird, she juss wants to look good.  if u think tht its weird or ur envious of ur sisters look, then u should give it a try.
reply about 7 hours
sweettoothfan
"9bella" wrote:its not weird my yo more yunger sister can run far more pacers than me my younger sis can beat me in arm wrestling and can do push ups and chin ups while i can't. you gotta admit that makes it weird. i want to think its fine but its not. 
reply about 7 hours
momika45
momika45 posted in Family Issues:
I feel so unwanted.. My father is gone so I only have my mom and other family members.. Plus her stupid boyfriend. My mom has compleat lay disconnected from my family bc they all think her bf is bad for her. They were just looking out for her! So now I only have my siblings, friends, mother, and her STUPID BOYFRIEND!! And to top it all off, my uncle decided he no longer wanted a family, so he just packed up, and left. Just like that. He left my 7 yr old cousin, HIS DAUGHTER, at the age of SEVEN! For no absolute reason! What do I do now..?
reply about 8 hours

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