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Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!

  

288 Comments

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

FroggyBurton
FroggyBurton posted in Friends:
"drowning" wrote:I've met this predicament in the past myself. I still do. But, there's always little things you can do other than medications and doctors. Find others to talk too or even online services like imalive. They're lovely people to talk too; I had the pleasure of finding that out.Pull yourself to find little hobbies to do; even if it's not all the time and just sometimes. Try drawing, writing, reading. Exercise, even. Drink water, treat yourself. Walk more, keep your music updated. Rearrange things; move things. Keep your environment as up as you can. Get things done; make yourself feel accomplished. You don't always have to do big things and take different tests to make yourself feel better. It takes time; lots of it. I've dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 11; now I'm 17.And, you need to remember that it's okay to get sad and you're not always going to know what to do. But, that doesn't mean you won't figure it out. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be here today. I almost wasn't a few times. Now, I'm working on getting ready for college and I'm engaged. Things aren't going to always be great or perfect, even. But, that doesn't mean they won't be okay. I hope you the best of luck and I wish to tell you that you can come to me at any time.Honestly, it's just really hard for me to even wanna do something these days. Most of the things people wanna do, it involves having more people around to help you achieve it your goal(s). I do sketch, a lot. But all of my outcomes of my drawings end up being depressing and suicidal. I try doing things, but again, nothing seems to work. My family honestly would rather have me try for emancipation then want me to stay any longer. But the thing is, I can't do it in my state. I feel like I'm trapped here and there's no escape. I've been kicked out so many times. Slept underneath trees, etc. I don't have anybody, literally anybody to talk to anymore. It's lonely. It's great at times. But it's just really depressing when you look around in the hallways of your school and try to talk to someone, they just walk away from you...
reply about 6 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
I've met this predicament in the past myself. I still do. But, there's always little things you can do other than medications and doctors. Find others to talk too or even online services like imalive. They're lovely people to talk too; I had the pleasure of finding that out. Pull yourself to find little hobbies to do; even if it's not all the time and just sometimes. Try drawing, writing, reading. Exercise, even. Drink water, treat yourself. Walk more, keep your music updated. Rearrange things; move things. Keep your environment as up as you can. Get things done; make yourself feel accomplished. You don't always have to do big things and take different tests to make yourself feel better. It takes time; lots of it. I've dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 11; now I'm 17. And, you need to remember that it's okay to get sad and you're not always going to know what to do. But, that doesn't mean you won't figure it out. Honestly, I didn't think I'd be here today. I almost wasn't a few times. Now, I'm working on getting ready for college and I'm engaged. Things aren't going to always be great or perfect, even. But, that doesn't mean they won't be okay. I hope you the best of luck and I wish to tell you that you can come to me at any time.
reply about 14 hours
drowning
drowning posted in Family Issues:
If you need counseling, anti-depressants, and you're being abused verbally, mentally, and physically; you need to get immediate help. You are in an unhealthy environment and it shouldn't be normal to you. This isn't normal and it isn't okay. Call 911 and get yourself out of that household.
reply about 14 hours
FroggyBurton
FroggyBurton posted in Friends:
So, not too long ago, I tried talking to one of my best friends and I was severely depressed and just wanted to end my life. I really didn't know what to do and I felt like I was down on my knees. So, I messaged her and told her that I just really needed someone to talk to and that I haven't talked to her for almost a month and a half, or so. She instantly snapped on me and explained to me that I cannot rely on my friends for happiness, now, before I go any further, I don't rely on my friends for happiness. But it doesn't hurt to have somebody to talk to from time to time, right? Anyways, so, I told her that and she replied back saying that I'm just too much for her to handle and too depressing and then attacked me by calling me ugly names and involved my other friends into it and I lost them as well. I'm feeling horribly depressed even worse than I did that day (which was two days ago) and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I don't have any friends anymore. I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to. People are probably going to read this and either think that I'm just asking for attention (which is not what I want) or that I do have friends to talk to and that they are always here for me. But nobody understands that nobody is ever really going to be there for you 24/7 and it sucks, honestly. I feel really isolated from everybody, which is why I search on social media for friends and they all fail. I'm seriously begging for some advice on how to handle my depression because it's getting way out of hand and I'm only fifteen years young, going on sixteen in April. I'm running out of options. I've talked to therapists, left and right but nothing worked. I've taken medications but nothing has changed. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and wave the white flag...
reply about 18 hours
FroggyBurton
"IlikeGUYS20" wrote:Dear dish-it,I think I am bi! For the past few years I have been attracted to boys and girls. I think I am bi. But is it to early to come out and say this?xxIlikeGUYS20xxPS My friend wrote my username. I am not kidding. I think I am bi. You do not have to do anything that you don't wanna do.  Your sexuality what you feel.  It's what you believe that you are attracted to.  Bisexual or not.  There is nothing wrong with it.  I know a lot of bisexual people who still to this day haven't come out yet and said anything to their parents.  Whether or not your friends and family accept you, you still have a whole community that does 100%!
reply about 21 hours