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Dear Dish-It: Am I Still in Love With My Ex?

Dear Dish-It, 

I have a new boyfriend who I like very much. But when I’m with him, I can’t help comparing everything he does to my ex-boyfriend. Is this normal? Does it mean I’m still in love with my ex?

Confused

Dear Confused,

Comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is completely normal! It doesn’t mean that you’re still in love with your ex at all. Comparing is our way of figuring out if our current partner is more suited to us than the one we left behind.

Growing From Every Relationship

Every relationship we have in life is truly important for our personal growth, whether it lasts a year or only a month. Sharing with another person on an intimate level teaches us many things. We learn what kind of person we are in a relationship, the kind of person we want to be in a relationship, and the kind of partner we do and don’t want.

Comparing Boyfriends

If you’re comparing things like their kissing expertise and your ex comes out on top, don’t write your new man off just yet. Kissing is a skill just like cooking or playing a sport. Maybe your new guy hasn’t had as much practice. Or maybe the two of you just haven’t found your groove yet. However, if you’re comparing things like how he makes you feel special, how he treats you around his friends, and how respectful or reliable he is and your ex still comes out on top, that may simply mean that your current bf isn’t a good match for you.

Mental Checklist

You may still have feelings for your ex, especially if he was your first love, but that’s something only your heart can tell you. Comparing him to your current bf has nothing to do with those feelings. It’s a mental checklist that comes naturally to everyone. How else would we know what we want without comparing to what we once had? So don’t feel guilty about it, girl! It's all part of the learning process.

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for Confused? Leave your comment below!

  

288 Comments

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

AlphaNino
AlphaNino posted in Friends:
Dear Dish-It Theres a girl in my class that always gives me hugs, When we play a game in class she always comes to sit next to me. Does She Like Me or is it just she's a really good friend? Please Help me .
reply about 1 hour
Valoniak34
this   ###.####################.###  has like sum good stories to,i read ur post here and im happy that ur not hushed about the subjet like sooo many 
reply about 4 hours
electricatheist
If you're willing to face the consequences, then yes. I know a lot of people say violence is never the answer, but in truth it sometimes is. If you really want somebody to leave you alone, then fight. If you win, it shows that you're dominant over that person and hopefully he/she will leave you alone.
reply about 9 hours
DisneyanimeLover
Lovely advice. Than you. I found this quite helpful.
reply about 10 hours
donteatcarrots
donteatcarrots posted in Friends:
Honestly, I think it's better to get your feelings out sooner rather than later- maybe ask him why he's being mean to you... Though, don't say it in such a way that annoys boys... If you know what I mean.
reply about 10 hours

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