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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

78 Comments

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Poll-cheating

If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

donteatcarrots
donteatcarrots posted in Style:
lisp or not, i'm sure you're a nice person. i don't even know if you can get rid of this lisp- maybe practice speaking at home, try different movements with your lips or mouth, i don't know. don't let a lisp make you less confident, that doesn't change anything about you as a person. be yourself and be confident.
reply about 20 hours
Ezma
Ezma posted in Style:
Dear Dish it, Im already a grown teen but I don't think I am that easy to get along whem meeting new friends in school. And I think its because I lose my confidence cause I got some speech defect which called lisp. I often sometimes looks weird when theyre talking to me and It really affects me. What should I do? I have read and tried all the practice and therapy I read in the internet for a year but it doesnt make a change. I hope you help me
reply 1 day
inkdeath
inkdeath posted in Family Issues:
I always remind myself with this quote:This too, shall pass. 
reply 2 days
Cupcakesss123
I think your parents dont want u to be crazy like your friends n your friends arent bad so i guess u should talk to your friends parents over phone or sum n let them meet your parents :D 
reply 2 days
donteatcarrots
you really need to have a proper chat with your parents. you're doing really well in school, and seem to have a good set of friends, and tell them that you should be able to go out, i mean you've done nothing wrong and surely should be allowed a little freedom in return?
reply 2 days