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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

prettyrose111

prettyrose111 wrote:

good store
commented: Tue Jun 24, 2014

-DareToDream-

-DareToDream- wrote:

He doesn't even love you he loves someone else
commented: Mon Jun 23, 2014

-DareToDream-

-DareToDream- wrote:

DreamLND YOU HAVE ISSUES you cant force a guy to love you if he doesnt even love you . ...
commented: Mon Jun 23, 2014

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  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

purplelou12
purplelou12 posted in Friends:
 Sometimes, you don't always know, if your'e not being kind to each other she's probably not your friend, it doesn't mean either of you are bad people, it just means you guys aren't the best of friends.  I hope you figure things out with your friend.
reply 7 minutes
purplelou12
 Well, I would tell my dad that it's bothering me, that it's not good for him, and no one except for him is happy about him smoking. If he says he understands those points but isn't willing to quit, deal with it, don't tell your mother, and try to ignore it.  I hope you figure this out.
reply 14 minutes
Gamergirl007
Gamergirl007 posted in Friends:
I do ask her but all she says in yes.Then she gets angry right after and we start yelling.
reply about 3 hours
Babe_wolf
Babe_wolf posted in Friends:
y dont u ask her?
reply about 15 hours
hugebear
hugebear posted in Family Issues:
Im sorry for saying this but your Dads the adult. He knows what hes doing. Hopefully he will get through this phase fast.  Talk to him if you can and tell him how its upsetting you. But its not that serious unless he smokes for the long period of time and then theres the chance of getting cancer. 
reply about 21 hours

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