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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

prettyrose111

prettyrose111 wrote:

good store
commented: Tue Jun 24, 2014

-DareToDream-

-DareToDream- wrote:

He doesn't even love you he loves someone else
commented: Mon Jun 23, 2014

-DareToDream-

-DareToDream- wrote:

DreamLND YOU HAVE ISSUES you cant force a guy to love you if he doesnt even love you . ...
commented: Mon Jun 23, 2014

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If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

Bunnoo
Bunnoo posted in Friends:
(There is no such thing as perfect.) Someone who loves you is perfect enough.
reply about 3 hours
Peppy.San
Peppy.San posted in Friends:
"Emma40" wrote:So my BFF is dating this guy that is so hot. He is so sweet and so is she I don't want too get in the middle of thier relationship.AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!What should I do?:love :love You don't want to cause drama, I think is what you're saying. I wouldn't worry about getting "in the middle of their relationship". If he makes a pass at someone else (you?) then that's HIS problem, not yours... and he probably wasn't worth your friends' time in the first place. Sorry, but you can't fix other people's stupid. And if it's you who's chasing, remember: friends are more important than some stupid/angsty short-term fling. Trust me-- I lost a few friends that way, and those relationships doesn't last very long afterwards. #TeenageWisdom
reply about 3 hours
shae508
shae508 posted in Friends:
I rather you tell them the truth.....It's better to get help during times like this.. But if you wanna go down THAT road. (which includes lying, deep guilt, and possibly more scars...just a warning.) Here's how. 1. Hide them, wear bracelets long sleeves, whatever. just do it. 2. LIE. say you cut your self from glass of a REALLY bad paper cut...anything. 3. STOP!. Don't cut, easiest thing to do. At least let the scars fade... Like I said, I don't really want to help you with this stuff. TALK to someone. I cannot stress this enough. Good Luck....
reply about 3 hours
daredog
daredog posted in Family Issues:
Thanks for being supportive also for not dissing me!! :D :D :D :D :D :D love your profile pic btw!! :D :D :D :D :D
reply about 4 hours
daredog
daredog posted in Family Issues:
I told them why b it ALOT of gay and lesbians say they lost there friends.. but I want to be myself and I think myself is a lesbian thanks for support from everyone! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
reply about 4 hours

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