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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

73 Comments

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If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

9bella
9bella posted in Friends:
"jordand08" wrote:Its up to you, but I wouldn't associate myself with that group. You don't want your reputation to be bad because of that. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
reply about 2 hours
9bella
9bella posted in Family Issues:
Have friends over. If you have a dog or cat you could spend time with it. be a girl do your own thing in your space. play with your brothers when you can.
reply about 2 hours
9bella
9bella posted in Friends:
Dont mind the if they bother you tell a teacher.
reply about 2 hours
9bella
9bella posted in Family Issues:
well you could try talking to your mom or dad about it. but what I think will work best is explain to your sister you have your space and she has hers and ask her how she would like it if you did that in her room. and finish with I would like for you to please stop coining in here. 
reply about 2 hours
9bella
9bella posted in Family Issues:
"Delancey" wrote:I think your parents are doing it for you! They want your bright future so they're doing so. But 30 Minutes in the internet isn't right , you can talk to them about it. I'm sure they'll listen you. Advance classes are good. :) they could have thought they were parenting wrong. also If you have a problem with the rules you should definetley talk to them to understand why they were created. 
reply about 3 hours

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