Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

75 Comments

latest videos

Poll-cheating

If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

related stories

Micro_cheating_micro
DWC asks: “My friend always wants me to help him cheat on tests. Last time we had a math quiz, I ...
emochik1214 asks: my boyfriand hase cheated on me twice and i dont kno wat to do?
I asked out this girl, but she said she'd have to see. I get jealous every time I s...
After four months of trying to get back together with me, my ex-boyfriend gave up and is now dati...

Dear Dish-It in the forums

horroranimegirl
i need help.   i have really bad anxiety and im depressed all the time.   i dont have anyone that im close to.  its just hard for me to trust people      im really bad at comveying my feelings    id ask someone for help but as i said i dont really get close to anyone     i almost never talk and when i do i say few words and act happy    i also compulively lie so no one knows what im really feeling  i cant express my feelings        i dont have anyone that i trust and its really hard       i thought about killing myself but im afraid to die so i never do anything      since i cant ask anyone in real life im hoping that someone on here can help me           i dont have any interests and im depressed and its almost impossible for me to tell people about it      what do i do?
reply about 11 hours
-Karpov-
-Karpov- posted in Friends:
It's normal to feel jealousy, and it's not really too bad a thing unless you let it get to you and cause problems. I get jealous as hell but I try to avoid letting it affect the way I hold a conversation, for example. 
reply about 11 hours
SydneyWavsYou
SydneyWavsYou posted in Friends:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a week now (It's a week today ♥) and I've noticed how Jealous I get... I trust him, but I don't trust girls... Is that a bad thing? He's my first actual boyfriend so I'm not use to this. 
reply about 12 hours
shygirl03
shygirl03 posted in Friends:
So there's this guy in my class and he sits next to me. Correction he HAS to sit next to me, So my classroom as a table with 2 desks connected to make a huge desk but separated holders things to put our stuff in. So this guy is really the class clown of the class and he can be a jerk when he wants to be but sometimes can be a really nice guy. He likes to talk to me and he "Occasionally" Touches my hand or arm in a friendly way.. I think :3 but anyways he teases me ... A LOT but he sometimes insults me but when he sees my face not cracking into a smile. he instantly says sorry or didnt mean it like that kind of way and i smile. So does he like me? Or he just being a regular guy? 
reply about 13 hours
Mrawsomegamer
My best friend is autistic and mild to moderate on the spectrum. He has a daily routine and obviously keeps to it.  His sister who's 18 told me about his condition. And she spoke to me about how much help he needs around the house. My friend doesn't actually need all that much help, as his autism isn't that bad compared to others I know. He mainly suffers reading people's emotions, and having the confidence to make friends and talk aloud. But his sister did complain that he was always the needy one around the house when she was younger.  What you've got to understand is that autism affects people in different ways, no autistic person is the same, and so requires a different level of work and help towards them. Your brothers didn't ask for this. They were born like that. I know how it feels though, feeling left out. And feeling like your parents don't love you. They really do. They just don't have time to express that love, which is kinda sad really.  Maybe you could get involved in helping your brothers out. Depending on how old they are, you can educate them on reading emotions, and things like that. They're great life skills. Or simply just being there for them is something you can do. Autism itself is a pretty frustrating thing for the person who has it. My friend hates it, but tries to live with it as a gift. Just a little support can go a long way.
reply about 15 hours

play online games