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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

73 Comments

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If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

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  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

DisneyanimeLover
"hugebear" wrote:Ello and me advise is1. Tell her the things what you doesnt like her doing and say this is the serious thing to you and its embarrassing and upsetting you. 2. And then tell her shes a really good friend and you wants her to show it by stopping doing. .If she doesnt understand your feelings then her angers her problem.  You has done nothing wrong saying you want it to stop. Good luck :angel Thanks Huge!
reply about 4 hours
hugebear
hugebear posted in Friends:
Ello and me advise is 1. Tell her the things what you doesnt like her doing and say this is the serious thing to you and its embarrassing and upsetting you.  2. And then tell her shes a really good friend and you wants her to show it by stopping doing. . If she doesnt understand your feelings then her angers her problem.  You has done nothing wrong saying you want it to stop.  Good luck :angel
reply about 4 hours
DisneyanimeLover
I have a really good friend, but she keeps humiliating me! First of all, she asked me something embarrassing, and I think some people heard... Secondly she told a few guys I liked them, and I wanted to be their friend..... She`s done way more, but I don`t want to get into details. How do I tell her to stop, without her getting angry, or acting like I`m wrong?
reply about 4 hours
KeepOnSmiling
KeepOnSmiling posted in Friends:
There is this guy at my school know my best friend likes, the problem is I like him as well and I think he may have been flirting with me. My friend says its okay but I don't think she's being honest. He's the first guy that I've liked that actually notices me. I like him but I don't want to lose my best friend. What do I do?
reply about 13 hours
KeepOnSmiling
KeepOnSmiling posted in Friends:
There is this guy at my school know my best friend likes, the problem is I like him as well and I think he may have been flirting with me. My friend says its okay but I don't think she's being honest. He's the first guy that I've liked that actually notices me. I like him but I don't want to lose my best friend. What do I do?
reply about 13 hours

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