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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

Emma40

Emma40 wrote:

You need to tell her boyfriend that she is cheating.
commented: Thu Oct 23, 2014

prettyrose111

prettyrose111 wrote:

good store
commented: Tue Jun 24, 2014

-DareToDream-

-DareToDream- wrote:

He doesn't even love you he loves someone else
commented: Mon Jun 23, 2014

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If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

GlimmeringSky16
Break down her door, get all your stuff, smash a flower vase, trot out the door yelling "BYE FELICIA!" and don't forget the hair flip.  (: this is how I make friends and never lose any 
reply about 6 hours
Starflyamme
Starflyamme posted in Friends:
So I have been best friends with this girl for six years, after Halloween she has not called me, answered my calls, or come over to my house (we live close to each other and go over to our houses all the time). I don't know why she hasn't talked to me and shes the type of person if you did something to make her mad she would tell you.  I don't want to call her (it may seem needy) but I have a bunch of her stuff at my house and I really just don't want them there anymore but I don't want to call her have a huge fight and avoid each other ( which would be really hard) forever.
reply about 6 hours
staystrong123
staystrong123 posted in Friends:
This is really true and sad... Many teens, have a problem with this because of society. This post helps. I have had problem with suicide and bullying. Ive felt like I should just end it because I have no point to be here because I'm being told I'm worthless, to fat, to dumb, not pretty enough, all tons of lies and i got to the point that i believe them. I'm an outsider in my school. It fells like a lot of people leave me.  I fell pain a lot. and There is bullying going on in my school. Life fell mean less a lot. I have to remind myself that I do have a point and that people do love me.  I know know I do have a reason to live and so do you guys so  Don't ruin you're life. You're to young.  You're to worthy. The bully are just jealous of you. Don't self harm tonight. Don't comment suicide. You all are worth A lot I promise. People love you. Don't worry about hatters. The hatter are gonna hate but lovers are there to help you trough the pain and if you did comment suicide imagine how they'd fell. Thanks for posting this it really helped me and really could've saved a life:) :) Bullies are just having problems themselves remember that!!!! Stay strong everyone!!!
reply about 8 hours
jordand08
"supernaturalblackcat" wrote:I know i have depession and i have been to the doctor for it. It's starting to get to that point again for the 3rd time this year that i want to be alone. It feels like no one cares about me at school. I really can't trust anybody either. I started to quit eating at home and at school only eating snacks every now and then. I am also losing Weight. I used to get called fat and i wasn't even fat. I have been abused by people who say my butt is smexy and huge and it's not. I have even been slapped on by them. I tell my mom and dad that i've been called fat and my dad ignore's me and continues whatever he's doing. I'm getting to the point again where i'm losing my temper and emotions right on the spot. I can't be bipolar cause it has to run in the family and my mom says i don't have it. People get mad at me when i don't laugh at their jokes when they expect me too cause i really don't listen. But when i say something funny they roll their eyes and give me mean looks. I don't even want to be around people that much. I just want to be outside in the fresh air during school but it's high school so their's no outside time. I also fake smile's at people to make them happy. But i just hurt on the inside. I just want advice.  Hi there. I'm sure you have people who care about you at school, just sometimes it's hard to see it. Dear, you have to eat. I assure you, you're not fat. (smexy isn't necessarily a bad thing)  You have to understand, that people say things just because they can, or to make themselves feel better. Never give them that opportunity, just ignore them. When you're about to lose your temper, think of something that makes you really happy.  If you need someone to talk to, you have your guidance consular, trust me I have social anxiety, and reallly hate talking about my problems, I find it easier for me, to message them. It's their job to listen, but not only that, they really care for all of their students. Talking helps, believe me.
reply 1 day
jordand08
"lion2a3" wrote:its beacause well people at shcool act like your friends but know deep inside i just dont have friendsand then theres bullies some picks on me for no the only place i can be myself KW so should i do suidce also im 11 No Ma'am you shouldn't. Things happen for a reason, normally to make others stronger. Trust me, nothing is worth taking your own life. If you need to talk I'm here, however I would suggest you talking to an adult.  Friends come and go. you have family, and if not, you have me, Trust me, it's not worth it. please, don't. 
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