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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

78 Comments

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Poll-cheating

If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
"aftershock" wrote: "NicolletteA" wrote: no. and you sound like the marketing people that stop me at the mall.  :/ lol, I'm not, i just kno someone whos making a new app and wanted to see if any1 would use it.   BTW what do u say to the marketing people at the mall? No. I don't like those people at the mall. Sometimes, they ask my family and I (usually directed at my mom and sister, but sometimes at me, too. Even though I'm under 13. Not for long though.) if they want their hair done. And sometimes I'm so tempted to say, "No thank you. I did my hair today. Do you think I want it done?" But of course I never do. It's kinda disrespectful. So we just usually say No thank you. My mom, sister, and I now have a solution for that (my idea when I was maybe ages 9-11) Don't make eye contact with them and pretend that they aren't there.
reply about 6 hours
BookWorm86
This is GREAT advice! Thx a lot StephRox!:) I have a younger brother & he can be EXASPERATING at times lol! Great advice!!:D
reply about 7 hours
Arenl
Arenl posted in Family Issues:
My little brother is annoying as ever, but I have to handle him. He is my brother after all.
reply about 7 hours
Arenl
Arenl posted in Family Issues:
@Sophieeee I definitely agree with you.
reply about 7 hours
Sophieeee
 Loosing a parent is hard, your dad knows that and I'm sure that he misses your mom just as much as you do. Whether you explain to him how you are feeling or not, you should know that your Dad will always love you and admitting to him how you feel isn't going to change that. Although it is completely understandable how you feel, you need to let your dad move one eventually. It's not fair to him if he has to spend the rest of his life alone. Even though you might not see it, its a good thin that your dad is finally feeling comfortable enough to date. It doesn't mean that he is letting go of your mom or that he will forget about her, it means that he is moving on with his life. You lost your mother and he lost the love of his life. Dating other people will probably start off being just as hard for him as it is for you. My advice is that you talk to your dad. Let him know how you feel in the most gentle and understanding way that you can. Don't flat out say that you don't want him dating anyone, tell him that you still miss your mom and its hard to see him with other people. Let me know how it goes, good luck. :)
reply about 7 hours