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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

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Comments

kitcat165

kitcat165 wrote:

you betta tell her bf its not right
commented: Sun Dec 21, 2014

miss micaiah

miss micaiah wrote:

she may be your besfriend but u also arefriends with her bf and it is ot right to be keeping secrets away from people so i think u should tell him
commented: Fri Dec 19, 2014

Emma40

Emma40 wrote:

You need to tell her boyfriend that she is cheating.
commented: Thu Oct 23, 2014

there are 73 more comments

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Poll-cheating

If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

lawliet16
lawliet16 posted in Friends:
You need to clear things up with your best friend, and express to her what you feel because friendship requires open communication for it to last. Likewise, you should also take into consideration that not because she`s your best friend and she knows that you like this guy, she`s not allowed to be friends and eventually have a romantic relationship with this guy. Love does not follow a first come first serve basis, that`s reality.  Now, if you really love or like that person then you should be happy for him. True love means putting someone else`s happiness before your own EVEN IF you`re not part of that happiness. There`s a reason for everything, someday this will all make sense. :)
reply 10 minutes
noordinarygirl
noordinarygirl posted in Style:
"rebelfeminist" wrote:I would suggest just asking. The worst she can do is say no. Also, if your eyebrows are already fine as is and not bushy or all over the place, you may not even need to. Don't do something just because everyone else does.
reply about 7 hours
rebelfeminist
rebelfeminist posted in Style:
I would suggest just asking. The worst she can do is say no.
reply about 7 hours
Its_skylar1
Hey love , I do the exact same thing as you , you aren't alone... if you ever need anyone , I am here , okay? 
reply about 10 hours
jordand08
Talk to someone, anyone you trust.
reply about 11 hours

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