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Dear Dish-it: Moral Dilemma

Aug 10, 2013

Dear Dish-it,

I'm facing a moral dilemma. My best friend told me that she's been cheating on her long-term boyfriend with our other guy friend. She made me promise not to tell, but I'm friends with her BF too. If he ever found out that I knew about the cheating and didn't tell him, I think he'd be mad. I want to tell him, but I don't want to betray my best friend. What should I do?!

Torn

Dear Torn, 

You're right, this is a big moral dilemma. Naturally, your best friend trusts you with her secrets. But just because you're best friends doesn't mean you share the same morals. Some people look at cheating as something minor and innocent, while others think it's unforgivable.

Talk to Your BFF

You need to tell your best friend how you feel about cheating so that she understands that you disagree with her actions. She shouldn't expect you to protect a secret that goes against your moral code. Particularly because this is an ongoing affair and not just a one-time slip up, you should tell your friend that she needs to confess the truth to her boyfriend. Make her understand how serious the situation is. Say that if she won't tell him, you will. Because you are friends with her boyfriend as well, you are essentially lying to him by protecting this secret.

Confessions

The ideal scenario is that your friend tell her boyfriend the truth. That's the best chance of saving their relationship, if that's what she wants. If she won't tell him, encourage your other guy friend to come forward and admit his mistake. The chance that they will remain friends, assuming they are, is slim. But sometimes the truth, over time, will earn him respect. The last thing you want is for your entire group of friends to find out about this affair. If everyone but the boyfriend knows and protects this secret, then the joke is on him. You're all making a fool of him. Put a stop to this cheating and get your BFF to confess before it's too late. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.

Have Your Say

Do you have any advice for Torn? Tell us in our comment section below!

 

75 Comments

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Poll-cheating

If you know someone who cheated, should you tell their boyfriend or girlfriend?

  • Absolutely! Their partner deserves to know who they're dating.
  • I'd tell the cheater to confess to their partner.
  • It's none of my business.
  • I'd try to get their partner to catch the cheater in the act.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

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hugebear
hugebear posted in Friends:
So basicall, i am changing. Your changing.. so possibly the way you view your friendship is changing too.. I am going into middle school. I am worried if my best freind is becoming a jerk.He has harrased me for not hanging out with him every recess. If you hung out with him before in every recess hes probably feeling like your moving away from him.. and you are since your following statement is He has been ungrateful everytime i did him a favor. Friends doesnt count favours - and what kind of favours do you think your doing for him that he doesnt and hasnt done for you over the years you has been best friends? He even went to do "magic" with his neighbor when i was over. He is also the type that could probably get in trouble the first day. Your making judgements about him and why does you think he is the type that is gonna get in trouble?  Your his friend.  Talk to him... Do you think I should ditch him?. No. Hes growing and changing too.  If he really is your best friend - talk to him.. tell him how your feeling and say what is bothering you and sorts it out. Good luck :love
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Ditch? Absolutely no. And..You should talk to him and ask him what's going on and why he's doing it. But you should ask him calmly or he will feel bad. All the best!!
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This is not something that I am at all proud of... I hate myself more everytime I look or even think about it... My wrist My Father My Depression My tears My scissors ......... That's all that I can think about...... All that's going through my head.... I've been dealing with depression ever since I can remember it's not at all something I am proud of....Espically since I get bullied and harassed a lot by classmates and others .......and ever since I've moved and changed schools my life has became my own hell...... And the only way I thought I could control my hell was to escape it...... Just for a while at least ......So I took the green scissors from the dresser and I took my right wrist and left.........I had disappeared.....My heart poured out as well as the blood from my wrist......And after I was finished....I asked for a bandaid ......and I cried harder knowing that no one cared......Oh I don't know where they are.......No why ifs or buts.........And they are the ones who say I was the crazy one as my eyes pleaded with them to understand how hurt I truly was behind those eyes ....The black eyes that disappeared to find help in her pain....... But they know now what I've done at least she knows .....he'll find out when he comes home .......heart broken he'll be .....he's tried several times to make me laugh smile be happy.......But I know he knew we both knew this wasn't working......When he asks to see the scars I'll show him....Knowing painfully Knowing I'm breaking the man who loves me the most...heart.....I guess I wait ...untill he shows ......there's nothing left to do but wait....... [s:sm3/1jw0]
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