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Problems with Parents: Dear Dish-It Answers Questions about Adults

Jul 04, 2017

It’s not always easy to deal with adults especially when we feel that they are disrespecting us. Parents aren’t always aware of how they affect their children, but they certainly do. Today on Dear-Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to be looking at questions from kids and teens who struggle with issues regarding parents or adults. Highlighting the need that everyone wants to be treated with respect.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Fighting with the people you love is frustrating.Fighting with the people you love is frustrating.

Question by missanonyomus

Ok, so my dad is very strict and he's been acting very different since he's dated my future step-mom. She's very nice but I think that she takes advantage of him sometimes for being nice. I feel sort of left out like I’m watching them with my step brother, in a perfect bubble. And I'm on the outside. Please help me.

Insight/Advice:

I highly suggest letting your Dad know how you feel. It’s great that you like your new step-mom, is there not a potential for everyone to get along? Let your dad know that you feel left out and maybe he will make some changes. Also, try to participate more and get involved. Sometimes we aren’t really left out, but we tend to make ourselves feel that way. Communicate your concerns and work on your behavior. Try to be pleasant and listen well. Sometimes we think our parents are being strict when they are just trying to teach us stuff like how to be responsible. Change the way you are looking at this situation and find a way that you can happily be a part of the picture.

Figuring out how to talk about your feelings is the hard part. Figuring out how to talk about your feelings is the hard part.

Question by Jake495

What do I do if my feelings show and I feel that I can't do anything right in my parent’s eyes? What if people say things that hurt my feelings? What to I do?

Insight/Advice:

You shouldn’t have to suffer and hurt alone. Have you tried talking to someone? It’s really difficult when we don’t feel recognized in our parent’s eyes, but we have to learn to give the self-esteem to our self. Build yourself up. Know who you are, stand by it and don’t let others put you down. The mean words and things that they say aren’t true, and you are a better person for ignoring it. Though if it gets out of hand, I would get the school involved and ask for some real help. You matter. Your well-being and state of mind matter. You’ve got to do everything you can to make sure that you are safe and well.

A lot of families struggle to get along.A lot of families struggle to get along.

Question by Applehead

If you wanted to tell your parents how you felt, no matter what how harsh it sounds or how sad it is, how can you tell whether or not your mom or dad care about what you are saying and they just want to judge you right off the bat and not really trying to reason with you and motivate you to not have these feelings again?

Insight/Advice:

Parents may judge, but it’s only out of love and concern. They can’t help but think of the million things that could have gone wrong. They worry about you and want the best for you. Sometimes we get tough love, but it is still love in the end. Your parents aren’t wasting their energy on you because they don’t care in fact, it’s quite the opposite. Talk to them, despite their reaction. It might be shocking at first, but in time they will come around because they love you and they aren’t going to deny you. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself or worry about getting in trouble. Tell the truth, it seems like you’ve got something to say and doing so might take a great weight off your shoulders.

Sometimes we can't provide someone with the support that they need.Sometimes we can't provide someone with the support that they need.

Afterthoughts

No one wants to upset their parents or seem poor in their eyes. This, however, is natural and despite what your parents say, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Learning how to communicate openly and honestly with your parents is key. You can’t be afraid of them and despite what you think they really are there to help you. They just want the best for you. This includes how you feel within the family and if you feel that dynamic has changed how you feel. It’s important that parents know how their choices might be affecting their kids and teens. If we don’t talk about something, it never gets resolved and it is never good to bury things or keep them to yourself. Remember, at this age, your parents are your support system and they are here to help. If talking to them really is too hard, talk to a guidance counselor, but talk to someone because your problems matter and so do you.

We don't always see eye to eye.We don't always see eye to eye.

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

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1 Comment

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Which Parent Do You Argue With Most?

  • Mostly my mom.
  • Mostly my dad.
  • I argue with them just as much.
  • I never argue with my parents.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

rainbowpoptart
Goodness... I see where your mother is coming from: if you eat too much, no matter how healthy the food is, and don't work off the calories, you're going to gain weight. But she's being very obsessive and dramatic about it. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza or a cookie every now and then, and there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time either. As long as you aren't constantly eating junk and not burning the calories, then you do not have a problem. Eating unhealthy things every now and then does not make you fat. EATING every now and then does not make you fat. Try explaining this to her, calmly and patiently. Tell her that you don't want to be forced to do all of this exercising - being forced to exercise makes it a lot less interesting. Do not take "This is for your own good" for an answer; if you do not want to do it, it is NOT for your good. (This, of course, would be a different story if you were actually fat.) ALSO tell her that exercising too much and not satiating your cravings is JUST AS UNHEALTHY AS BEING FAT IS. If you were to not eat healthful meals and not snack every now and then, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the food is, plus exercise so frequently, you would not be healthy.  Eating is good for you, even if the food isn't. Eating too little and eating too much is not healthy. Exercise is good for you. Not exercising enough and exercising too much is not good for you. If you talking to her doesn't help, try telling another adult how you feel, and maybe they can help get it through to her. Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Moderate how much you eat, but don't limit yourself to less than you feel you need. Exercise, but don't do something you don't want to; working out should be fun. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry that she makes you feel so badly about this.
reply about 23 hours
jake495
jake495 posted in Family Issues:
Make sure she knows its your body not hers In a respectful way of course
reply about 24 hours
ThePaleWalker636
I'm perfectly happy with myself. I'm around 5'6" and somewhere between 140-150 pounds, and I don't feel fat. But my mom is constantly telling me that I am, or, at least, that I'm going to be. She forces me to go to exercise classes because I don't like many sports, tries making me go on diets, but I don't want to. She tells me that if I continue the way I am, having an extra cookie once in a while and only eating cereal for breakfast, that I'll end up fat, and she makes sure to emphasize how horrible that is for a person to live with. She rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she sees me getting a snack, and just in general makes me feel awful for eating the things I like and for relaxing. I've told her that I don't want to do these things and that she makes me feel bad when she says things like that, but she swears it's for my own good and that I should never want to be fat, that it ruins people's lives. How should I deal with this?
reply 1 day
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
"NS12" wrote: I meet this guy at a festival and we have been talking for the whole week and my mum has noticed I keep texting someone and I know I need to tell her but I don t know how I am going to tell her, I doubt she ll get angry or anything but he lives about 4/5 hours away from me. I know I need to tell her as I don t like keeping secrets from her. I know this was a bit ago, but I truly hope that you were able to be open with your mother. If you feel as if they won't get mad at you, then chances are that your guardian will not. Honesty is the best policy, and if you feel guilt keeping a secret, then it is one you probably shouldn't be keeping.
reply 2 days
drowning
I agree with @rainbowpoptart. You really shouldn't worry about relationships that much given your age. I promise, they're better things to worry about than boys and more secure romances occur later on in life anyways. But, given the situation, you shouldn't worry about either. The boy is unfaithful and so is your friend. If your best friend really valued your friendship, she would not have put it in a position that could end it. Don't waste your time on those who will not put you first just as you do for them; better people will come into your life and they are the ones who you should really worry about.
reply 2 days