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The Social Stress: Dear Dish-It Gives Advice on Relationships

Jun 21, 2017

The worst thing you can do is be mean to someone else. You have no idea how damaging this can be to one’s self-esteem. Kids and teens are writing in with questions asking how they can express the feeling of hate, and it is discouraging. These are not positive feelings to put out into the world. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. When you do things like tell people off or make fun of them, imagine how you would feel if that was you in the situation. Things can turn around at any minute so it is wise to treat everyone with respect, regardless of whether or not they are your friend. You never know where your life will take you or whose path you will cross. The world is actually pretty small so be courteous. Today on Dear-Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to be looking at questions from kids and teens who struggle in social situations. We will be addressing those who have difficulties in their relationships and experience the pains of trying to fit in.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

It's not easy to face people who make you feel bad about yourself.It's not easy to face people who make you feel bad about yourself.

Question by meangirlhater

Hi, I have some mean girls in my class and my mom is worried about me because I don't eat a lot. They stare at me and whisper things about me, and I am suicidal.

Insight/Advice:

Sorry to hear people are being mean to you. It’s not nice to feel like others are talking about you. Do what you can to ignore it. Don’t give them a reaction or let them know or think that they are getting to you. Distract yourself and focus on other things. Things that don’t eat at your self-esteem or make you feel down. Suicide is never the answer, and if you ever feel this way, you need to reach out for help. Tell someone how you are feeling and talk through your feelings. There is always a tomorrow, and sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come soon enough, but we have to try and keep our heads up in the hope that things will turn around. Sometimes life is work, and it feels like a struggle, but instead of giving into it and wanting to give up, allow it to make you stronger. You are stronger than you think and you can get through this. Take care of yourself, eat properly, stay active, do what you love and get enough rest. Don’t take these girls out on yourself, their cruelty is not your fault. You don’t need to blame yourself or feel bad about anything. Keep your attention where it is wanted and try to stay on the right path. The one that leads to you feeling good about yourself, and feeling happy. Talk to your parents, tell your mom what is going on so she knows what she really needs to be worried about. Don’t go through this alone. Don’t feel embarrassed. Having support is important. Don’t turn away from the people who care about you.  

Not everyone gets along, but you can always be civil.Not everyone gets along, but you can always be civil.

Question by lola.may66

I hate this person what do you say to them

Insight/Advice:

Dear-Dish-It doesn’t promote hate of any kind, so I am sorry that I can’t help you with that. It sounds like someone has upset you, irritated you or bothered you to a high degree. Try to label the feelings without using the word hate. If you think you will feel better by letting this person know how you feel then try talking to them or sending them a message online via email or social media. Try to articulate your feelings with class. Try to refrain from attacking this person. Let them know how you feel and why, but don’t be malicious because if you do go down that path then you are no better than this person. Use your wise mind. Show respect for yourself and retain your dignity by sending something that is wise. Words are powerful and you do not need to seek any other kind of vengeance. You don’t even have to do anything at all. You could also distance yourself from that person and take space. You can function by the “out of sight, out of mind” motto, and this decreases any further drama from occurring. Whatever you do, ensure that your best interest is met and that you feel good about your plan of execution.

Question by Turquoise34

One time, I was chatting with my friend. For the time following up to it, people have been telling me that I'm bi. Then I ended up believing it. Then when I asked her to be my girlfriend, she said no. Now our friendship is really messed up because of this. Also, whatever gesture I make might seem like a notion saying that I want her to reconsider when I don't. How can I help our friendship not seem so weird?

Insight/Advice:

You need to talk to your friend. Let her know that you are over it and really miss her as a friend. Tell her you realize you are better off as friends and will seek interest elsewhere. Communication is key to solving your problem. Also, talking to her about people you are interested in will help her get the idea that it was just a small, harmless crush.

Sometimes we confuse Sometimes we confuse "hurt" with "hate".

Question by divashygirl09

Well at school my friend likes somebody that is so mean to me I called her gabby which is a really mean girl at school and she told on me we had a big fight today. Should I still be friends with her or should I just move on and be sad without her. :(

Insight/Advice:

I think you should try not to fight with her. There are obviously things that you do see eye to eye on. Why not focus on those? If she can’t play nice, she’s not worthy of your friendship. If she cares about you, she shouldn’t be mean. Ask her why she does it, and why she would do it to a friend? It’s not right. See if it is possible for the three of you to hang out. If it is not, try to stay friends with your original friend. You shouldn’t have to lose her just because she is hanging out with someone mean. You don’t deserve cruelty of any kind so stand up for yourself. If things don’t change, separate yourself from the situation. You don’t need the negativity. Distance yourself from it. In time, it will all work out as it should.

Learn to love your own sex. Be nice to other girls.Learn to love your own sex. Be nice to other girls.

Afterthoughts

Sometimes it can be so hard just to get through the day without experiencing any negativity. Kids and teens can be so mean and often the reason for this are not clear. It can be very hurtful to encounter mean people, especially if you are subjected to them every day. Try not to hate people or hate on people. If you don’t like them then give them their space and do your own thing. Don’t go out of your way to make people’s lives hell, it will only come back to haunt you. If you believe in karma, then you know that what goes around, comes around and how you treat people makes a big difference.

Also, try not to react to people who are being mean. If nothing comes out of their actions, their behavior will become pointless, and hopefully, they move on.

Not everyone is going to get along so focus on the people who have proven to be your true friend. Don’t subject yourself to cruelty just to be a part of the group. You need to be loved and respect by your friends, not put down by them. Your true friends will stick by you, even if they make new friends, they will still make time for you. In life, it is very common for people to have different friends and see them on different occasions. In a perfect world, we could all get along, but sadly it doesn’t work that way.

Determine how you want to be treated by others and don’t stray from this. Set self-standards and follow them. Don’t let people walk all over you, or abuse or treat you less than you deserve.

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Are people mean to you at school? How do you deal with social stress?

 

1 Comment

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

rainbowpoptart
Goodness... I see where your mother is coming from: if you eat too much, no matter how healthy the food is, and don't work off the calories, you're going to gain weight. But she's being very obsessive and dramatic about it. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza or a cookie every now and then, and there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time either. As long as you aren't constantly eating junk and not burning the calories, then you do not have a problem. Eating unhealthy things every now and then does not make you fat. EATING every now and then does not make you fat. Try explaining this to her, calmly and patiently. Tell her that you don't want to be forced to do all of this exercising - being forced to exercise makes it a lot less interesting. Do not take "This is for your own good" for an answer; if you do not want to do it, it is NOT for your good. (This, of course, would be a different story if you were actually fat.) ALSO tell her that exercising too much and not satiating your cravings is JUST AS UNHEALTHY AS BEING FAT IS. If you were to not eat healthful meals and not snack every now and then, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the food is, plus exercise so frequently, you would not be healthy.  Eating is good for you, even if the food isn't. Eating too little and eating too much is not healthy. Exercise is good for you. Not exercising enough and exercising too much is not good for you. If you talking to her doesn't help, try telling another adult how you feel, and maybe they can help get it through to her. Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Moderate how much you eat, but don't limit yourself to less than you feel you need. Exercise, but don't do something you don't want to; working out should be fun. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry that she makes you feel so badly about this.
reply about 23 hours
jake495
jake495 posted in Family Issues:
Make sure she knows its your body not hers In a respectful way of course
reply about 24 hours
ThePaleWalker636
I'm perfectly happy with myself. I'm around 5'6" and somewhere between 140-150 pounds, and I don't feel fat. But my mom is constantly telling me that I am, or, at least, that I'm going to be. She forces me to go to exercise classes because I don't like many sports, tries making me go on diets, but I don't want to. She tells me that if I continue the way I am, having an extra cookie once in a while and only eating cereal for breakfast, that I'll end up fat, and she makes sure to emphasize how horrible that is for a person to live with. She rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she sees me getting a snack, and just in general makes me feel awful for eating the things I like and for relaxing. I've told her that I don't want to do these things and that she makes me feel bad when she says things like that, but she swears it's for my own good and that I should never want to be fat, that it ruins people's lives. How should I deal with this?
reply 1 day
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
"NS12" wrote: I meet this guy at a festival and we have been talking for the whole week and my mum has noticed I keep texting someone and I know I need to tell her but I don t know how I am going to tell her, I doubt she ll get angry or anything but he lives about 4/5 hours away from me. I know I need to tell her as I don t like keeping secrets from her. I know this was a bit ago, but I truly hope that you were able to be open with your mother. If you feel as if they won't get mad at you, then chances are that your guardian will not. Honesty is the best policy, and if you feel guilt keeping a secret, then it is one you probably shouldn't be keeping.
reply 2 days
drowning
I agree with @rainbowpoptart. You really shouldn't worry about relationships that much given your age. I promise, they're better things to worry about than boys and more secure romances occur later on in life anyways. But, given the situation, you shouldn't worry about either. The boy is unfaithful and so is your friend. If your best friend really valued your friendship, she would not have put it in a position that could end it. Don't waste your time on those who will not put you first just as you do for them; better people will come into your life and they are the ones who you should really worry about.
reply 2 days