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Friendships Come and Go And How the Best Friendships Continue to Grow

October 31, 2017

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There were a lot of questions regarding friendship so we decided to do a part II. Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns about relationships. Friendships can have their ups and down. It isn’t always easy to get along with someone, fights occur and sometimes we go our separate ways. You can always try to say sorry, or work to mend the situation, but some people are just done with you when they are done with you, which doesn’t make it any less painful. Trust is very important to people and not everyone gives second chances.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Having troube with friends?Having troube with friends?

Question by sad girl

Dear dish-it I recently quit a three-person dance that had my 2 best friends in it. Later I found out they had mocked me for “being scared to perform”, and my self-esteem has gone down a lot. For the year and a half I’ve been at that school they owe me SO MANY apologies that I haven’t got. (please ignore my bad spelling.) I talked to them and said I’m not giving them any more chances, and that they need to apologize. They yelled at me and said that I the one who did something wrong. WHAT DO I DO?????

Insight/Advice:

I could be wrong, but it sounds like they are upset you left the dance number. Have you talked to them about it? Asked them what it is that you did because you’re feeling really isolated and hurt. You didn’t mention it, but why did you leave the dance group? Maybe if you explain yourself to your friends, they will forgive you and everything can go back to normal. Do you even enjoy the company of these girls? You said that you’re not giving them any more chances, which makes me feel like this isn’t the first time, which they haven’t been supportive. Friends support each other’s decisions and they don’t mock or make fun of you in a serious way. I would just really consider if you want to be around this negativity. Are they good for your self-esteem? You mentioned their comments were making you feel worse about yourself, and in my opinion that is not what a friend does. A friend talks to you and makes you feel better. They should be understanding even if it puts them in a bad place, they shouldn’t be selfish and understand that you quit for a reason. I would suggest making new friends, but also that you should talk to them and find out why they are mad. Either way, I hope you get the resolution that you deserve and crave.

Try to get along with people, life is too short.Try to get along with people, life is too short.

Question from anonymous

I have a friend who teases me a lot and sometimes it hurts what should I do? Thank you

Insight/Advice: Communication is key. They can’t read your mind, especially if you’ve been tolerating this teasing the whole time, so they need to know how you feel. You need to talk to them, let them know it is getting to you. Tell them you are sensitive and want to be treated with respect. Friends can make fun of each other in a teasing, playful way, but both parties have to be on board. This is really getting to you and bothering you and you need to say something. For some reason it doesn’t stop, you need to find new friends because nobody should be subjected to bullying from someone they really care about.

It's nice when everyone can get along.It's nice when everyone can get along.

Question from anonymous

I have many friends but I think I'm just a third wheeler.  Also, they rarely talk to me. I have tried to talk to them but all I can say is the basic conversation. I really don't know what to do please help me.

Insight/Advice:

Speak up more. Draw more attention to yourself. Don’t allow yourself to feel left out. I know it’s hard now, especially at this age, but one day you will make a friend you can really connect with and have interesting conversations with. Don’t let yourself become a shadow. Let people know you exist and what you have to offer and maybe something will change. Either way, hang in there, it is never easy to feel invisible. You mentioned you have many friends so there must be a lot of good qualities about you, just try to be a bit more outgoing. Don’t think too much, especially if it’s going to hold you back from being your most awesome self. Work on being outgoing without doubting yourself. Confidence is key and I bet you’d be surprised by how many people want to know what’s on your mind.

We are stronger together.We are stronger together.

Question by Turquoise34

One time, I was chatting with my friend. For the time following up to it, people have been telling me that I'm bi. Then I ended up believing it. Then when I asked her to be my girlfriend, she said no. Now our friendship is really messed up because of this. Also, whatever gesture I make might seem like a notion saying that I want her to reconsider when I don't. How can I help our friendship not seem so weird?

Insight/Advice:

I think the best thing to do is talk to her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you would like things to go back to normal and that you’ve moved passed those desires, you just want your friend back. Also, you say that people tell you that you are bisexual, do you think you are bisexual or are you letting people into your head? Think it over and explain to your friend that you are just confused right now, but that your still you and she doesn’t have to act weird around. If she values you the friendship, she will listen and hopefully understand that you just want her in your life and that you have no hidden agenda.

If somone is meant to be in your life they will be.If somone is meant to be in your life they will be.

Question by Kerinafly4

What can a person like me do if a person does not like me or secretly hates me?

Advice/Insight:

In all honesty, there is nothing you can do. You can’t make people like you if they don’t, and you don’t want them to like you for the wrong reasons. Hate is a very strong word and I doubt anyone hates you. You need to spend your time around people who care about you. Never chase after someone trying to get them to like you. If they don’t, it’s their loss and you shouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who doesn’t want to hang out with you.

Don't let go of someone for the wrong reason.Don't let go of someone for the wrong reason.

Afterthoughts

The truth of the matter is, if someone is meant to be in your life, they will be. Even if they vanish for a really long time over an argument, if they care about you and love you, they will find their way back to you.

Don’t hang out with people who bully you, tease you or pick on you. Hang out with people who bring out the best in. Spend time with people that make you feel happy and good about yourself.

Try to be more outgoing if you are an introverted. Show people how awesome you are, and how you would make an excellent friend.

Friends are there through the good times and the bad times. If a friend leaves you because you are in trouble, they were never worth your time in the first place.

Friendships is forever, even if you haven't seen each other in awhile.Friendships is forever, even if you haven't seen each other in awhile.

Be loyal to your friends, don’t talk about them behind their back. Be open, communicate and let them know of your concerns. Talking truly does help, and maybe you can talk through it oppose to ignoring each other.

No one likes fighting with friends, so don’t be stubborn, and aim for resolution. Create positive memories and enjoy each other. Don’t put your friends down, instead, build them up.

Can’t stop thinking about it and need to talk? Here are some resources that might fit your situation.

Helplines & Resources: 

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say 

Are you having issues with friends? How are you coping through this? Comment below.