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When in Doubt Talk it Out: Communication is Key!

Aug 03, 2017

Most of the time, we have no idea what people think about us. It’s probably better this way, no one likes to hear negative comments about themselves. Though it is important to tell people how we feel especially if those people matter to us.

We long to be told that we are loved and are doing a good job. It’s natural for us to get down when we don’t hear these things. It can be hard to trust your own intuitions when they haven’t been validated. You want to have so much self-esteem, but sometimes it is others who boost it. Though we do need to learn to build ourselves back up when we feel broken.

Try to be as open and honest as possible regarding your communications. Try to be as open and honest as possible regarding your communications.

While we may dread knowing where we’ve gone wrong in life, it is still important that we know the truth. It is encouraged that you speak your mind and show honesty to others. You’d be surprised how freeing it feels to let something off your chest. As you hear the words come out of your mouth, you will feel empowered. It will be like letting go of something that you wrongfully hung onto.

Communication is key. If there’s one thing that saves relationships it is sound communications. Some of the best couples have solid communication and are able to talk through their problems. Without communication, things can turn from good to bad rather quickly. The things that people think, but don’t say become building blocks, that eventually will all come crashing down. Meaning that when we don’t talk about the facts we start to interpret them, and sometimes we make problems for ourselves just through our pattern of thinking. What we chose to believe can become our reality, but we could be telling ourselves the wrong thing to have faith in.

The ability to talk it out can be the biggest problem solver.The ability to talk it out can be the biggest problem solver.

You might be doing a number of things, which are pissing your friends off, or pissing your parents off, but they don’t talk to you about it. They wait until the moment something really big happens (or something small) and then they weight in on you in the worst day. This isn’t good. It isn’t good to let small things fester. While these things seem small at the time, they accumulate into larger problems and larger feelings. Try to address problems when they occur. This will decrease arguments and promote openness. People are wrong for keeping their issues within, it is always better to clear the air, and let it all out. Otherwise it just builds and builds until you explode. Talking about things leads to resolutions and helps to create solutions to problems. If peace is the goal, and it should be, a little healthy conversation can go a long way.

Honest communication is encouraged in school, or school functions, social events and in the home it is essential. If you can combine the two concepts (honesty and communication), and use honest communication, I can assure you that your life will become better. At the end of the day, you want to be true to who you are and you want to build relationships built on loyalty. As mentioned, the best pairings are those which can be totally real with each other. For example, if a friend tells you that dress doesn’t look good on you. She is not trying to hurt your feelings, she is looking out for your best interest and being a good friend. You trust her because you have honest communications between each other.

Communication is key in relationships of all kinds.Communication is key in relationships of all kinds.

This need for communication apples to your own concerns as well. Nobody is a mind reader. You need to speak up and express your issues. Don’t go silent and shut down. People will know something is bothering you and that you don’t want to talk about it. If you feel under-supported by your friends or family, you need to say something. If you don't like how a friend is treating you, tell them. Grated, your silence will only result in your unhappiness. Don’t be scared to speak your truth, there is a way to do it with tact, kindness and empathy. I know, people hate confrontation, but sometimes talking it out doesn’t have to feel that way.

Communicating simply is not as easy as it would appear to be. Sometimes we struggle to communicate with ourselves—sometimes we struggle to communicate with others. People always make the Astrology joke, “Mercury is in Retrograde”, but it appears that they don’t necessarily know what this means. They think this is a time for things to go wrong, as I’ve read slogans that say, “blame it on Mercury in Retrograde.” When in reality, Mercury in Retrograde is associated with communication, (Mercury is the planet of communication) and often expresses the inability to communicate with the self or others. When we don’t properly communicate our needs and concerns, we set ourselves up for disaster. This could be a time when you say something you don’t mean or a time when you failed to say something when you should have. It could involve talking to an authority figure in the wrong tone. Anything to do with communication, and as you can see, it affects a lot.

We might think a lot, but we need to learn to share what we are feeling.We might think a lot, but we need to learn to share what we are feeling.

It is important to remember that we all communicate in different ways and that it is important to focus on the facts. Like it was mentioned, don’t interpret people’s speech too much. Try to take words for what they are. Try to let cheap shots go and be the bigger person. Try to see the honesty in others, and allow people to feel comfortable opening up to you. Let your friends know that you are here to talk. Creating an environment with an open dialogue is imperative to creating a solid foundation in any relationship. What we suppress, will often come back to haunt us, and make matters worse. If you really want to give someone a fair shot, you need to let them know what they can improve on. You need to be honest. It’s okay to tell someone you care about what’s working for you and what’s not. You  deserve to have your needs met and your voice certainly deserves to be heard.

Mindful communication is a great thing to exercise. It allows you to speak your truth in the moment, with compassion and kindness. It encourages you to think consciously about what you want to say and to really mean it. Wise mind is another great tool for this as you decide on what the best response is. Remember, "wise mind presses send". Read over your message, ensure that it is wise and then press send. Practicing, wise mind and mindful communication is a great way to stay present with your thoughts and expressions. It will help you reach the best outcome. It is a great way to let thoughts leave your mind, allowing you to whole-heartily and freely move onto the next life moment. 

Communicating isn't always easy, but it's worth a shot. Communicating isn't always easy, but it's worth a shot.

Communicating isn’t everyone’s strong suite, but everyone has things they need to talk about it. Be brave and show you’re not afraid to say what’s on your mind or what’s bothering you, be an influence to others. Talking crap about your friend is a lot less effective than talking to that friend about why they were bothering you. Don’t talk about people behind their backs, if you have a problem with them, confront them and work to resolve it. It’s so important to communicate effectively and wisely, so try to be mindful about situation and do your best to communicate in an admirable fashion.

If you want to communicate but you feel shy, you can always write in to Dear Dish-It, and she will do the best she can to answer your concern if it is in her power. 

Have Your Say

Do you think you say what's on your mind? Why is it so hard to talk directly about issues? 

 

 

3 Comments

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

rainbowpoptart
Goodness... I see where your mother is coming from: if you eat too much, no matter how healthy the food is, and don't work off the calories, you're going to gain weight. But she's being very obsessive and dramatic about it. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza or a cookie every now and then, and there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time either. As long as you aren't constantly eating junk and not burning the calories, then you do not have a problem. Eating unhealthy things every now and then does not make you fat. EATING every now and then does not make you fat. Try explaining this to her, calmly and patiently. Tell her that you don't want to be forced to do all of this exercising - being forced to exercise makes it a lot less interesting. Do not take "This is for your own good" for an answer; if you do not want to do it, it is NOT for your good. (This, of course, would be a different story if you were actually fat.) ALSO tell her that exercising too much and not satiating your cravings is JUST AS UNHEALTHY AS BEING FAT IS. If you were to not eat healthful meals and not snack every now and then, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the food is, plus exercise so frequently, you would not be healthy.  Eating is good for you, even if the food isn't. Eating too little and eating too much is not healthy. Exercise is good for you. Not exercising enough and exercising too much is not good for you. If you talking to her doesn't help, try telling another adult how you feel, and maybe they can help get it through to her. Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Moderate how much you eat, but don't limit yourself to less than you feel you need. Exercise, but don't do something you don't want to; working out should be fun. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry that she makes you feel so badly about this.
reply about 23 hours
jake495
jake495 posted in Family Issues:
Make sure she knows its your body not hers In a respectful way of course
reply about 24 hours
ThePaleWalker636
I'm perfectly happy with myself. I'm around 5'6" and somewhere between 140-150 pounds, and I don't feel fat. But my mom is constantly telling me that I am, or, at least, that I'm going to be. She forces me to go to exercise classes because I don't like many sports, tries making me go on diets, but I don't want to. She tells me that if I continue the way I am, having an extra cookie once in a while and only eating cereal for breakfast, that I'll end up fat, and she makes sure to emphasize how horrible that is for a person to live with. She rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she sees me getting a snack, and just in general makes me feel awful for eating the things I like and for relaxing. I've told her that I don't want to do these things and that she makes me feel bad when she says things like that, but she swears it's for my own good and that I should never want to be fat, that it ruins people's lives. How should I deal with this?
reply 1 day
drowning
drowning posted in Friends:
"NS12" wrote: I meet this guy at a festival and we have been talking for the whole week and my mum has noticed I keep texting someone and I know I need to tell her but I don t know how I am going to tell her, I doubt she ll get angry or anything but he lives about 4/5 hours away from me. I know I need to tell her as I don t like keeping secrets from her. I know this was a bit ago, but I truly hope that you were able to be open with your mother. If you feel as if they won't get mad at you, then chances are that your guardian will not. Honesty is the best policy, and if you feel guilt keeping a secret, then it is one you probably shouldn't be keeping.
reply 2 days
drowning
I agree with @rainbowpoptart. You really shouldn't worry about relationships that much given your age. I promise, they're better things to worry about than boys and more secure romances occur later on in life anyways. But, given the situation, you shouldn't worry about either. The boy is unfaithful and so is your friend. If your best friend really valued your friendship, she would not have put it in a position that could end it. Don't waste your time on those who will not put you first just as you do for them; better people will come into your life and they are the ones who you should really worry about.
reply 2 days