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Ten Things You Need to Have in Your Relationship

Jun 15, 2017

Dating at this age is complicated, new and evolving. Many people may crush in private, but there are many who seem to have found a connection with someone. Nobody knows the bond you share with you partner, and nobody should, that is an intimate understanding between you and your mate. We cannot predict why certain couples end up together and why others don’t. Relationships don’t need to make sense to us, as long as they make sense to the people involved. True chemistry is indefinable, and if you have it, you will know that it is not explainable. Regardless of what you share with your partner, there are some core things that every person needs from their partner in a relationship.

It is important that you and your partner value the same things.It is important that you and your partner value the same things.

In no particular order, here are ten things to consider about your relationship:


This is a very important in any relationship. Solid communication is the glue that keeps even the best of friendships together. Honesty is always the most important thing to utilize in a relationship. If you are keeping matters from your partner, suppressing things or speaking lies to them–you are being dishonest. If you feel like you can’t open up to your partner or talk about what is on your mind, this is a problem. If you are constantly shouting at them, or often sitting together in silence, you are not communicating effectively. In these cases, you have to ask yourself, is your partner really your best friend that you tell everything to? You should never be afraid to talk to your partner. Or would you prefer not to be this intimate with your partner, and save that kind of emotional closeness for a friend? We relate to people in different ways for different reasons, regardless, your ability to talk other openly and honestly and emotionally will only ensure that your partner is the one long-term.

2. Attraction

This means that you and your partner value each other from the inside out. There is a mental attraction as well as a physical one. Relationships can easily lose their flame once things become more stable and serious, but it is important that you and your partner keep the attraction strong. If you find yourself constantly emotionally flirting with other people this is a bad sign. This can mean something so simple as talking to old love interests from the past. This behavior indicates that you are not getting enough attention or the type of attention that you want in your current relationship, and therefore are seeking it elsewhere. Some of the worst types of betrayals are mental and emotional ones. All in all, if you aren’t into each other, in some regard, this should be a concern.

Opposition in relationships can be healthy.Opposition in relationships can be healthy.

3. Harmony

This will be something you struggle for and it will not always be easy, but harmony should be the goal.  Whether you’re bickering over what to watch on Netflix or what to do on Friday night, sometimes there are literally just too many cooks in the kitchen. Most of the time, there can be only one chef. You have to find a way to cook together that satisfies you both. This is not to say it’s impossible for couples to work together. It is possible, and if you are capable of this then this is an excellent sign. Power is always a struggle. Some people want to do it “this way” while others want to do it “that way”–and sometimes people can’t meet in the middle. Some people have to be in control and have things their way. In the end, true love figures it out and resides in a place of harmony. Fighting is normal. It is healthy, but it shouldn’t be a constant matter. We only fight with the people we love. We don’t waste that kind of energy on just anyone. The interest in each other should also be equal, having too much power in a relationship is never a good thing. Even if there is a person who tends to lead more. Love should always be and feel like a two-way street.

4. Equality

Equality stems from harmony as it ensures that everyone feels content. You need to know that while you require to get your needs met, so does your partner. Everyone wants to feel OK. It is important that you express kind and encouraging words to your partner. If they are dong a good job, tell them so. Tell them that you love them or that they look nice. Remember, you both have life and school stress, you both have things on your agenda, and you both need the support of each other to ensure that your needs are met. Try to work as a team. Healthy competition is good, as long as your end goal is to benefit both yourself and your partner. Sometimes you will have to be strong for your partner and vice versa. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice your own happiness for theirs, but it all balances out, if you have equality. The beauty of equality is that it compliments the function of unconditional love, in knowing that this person will always there for you.

Caring for someone and loving them is number one.Caring for someone and loving them is number one.

5. Honesty

The key to all arguments ending successfully in peace is usually honesty. Everyone has secrets, and things they keep to themselves, this is natural. There is no law that we have to tell each other everything, but it’s better if you can be as honest as possible. Not to say that you have to talk openly and intimately about lovers from your past, but, that yes, you should admit it, you did ditch class. No he/she doesn’t like it, but if they love you, they will accept it, and appreciate the honesty. Plain and simple. Even if you never stop skipping class, you will be kept around because you are loved, and with the right person who accepts you despite of your vices. It’s typical of people to be like “ssh don’t tell my boyfriend” because nobody wants to get in trouble with their significant other. I do think you’ll do better as a couple if you are open about each other’s vices. Being honest in general is a good idea. Don’t do things just because, don’t pretend you’re fine when you are not. Boys are not mind readers, they will apologize to you, you just need to tell them what for. Communicate. Don’t let things build up because one day, over something small, you will lose control and it won’t be worth it. You will regret it. Pick your battles, always, but know when you need to say something, otherwise it will only come back to haunt you. It is always better to speak the truth, because that’s what’s going to keep you feeling good in your relationships, lies only cause anxiety.

6. Loyalty

Loyalty is not the opposite of jealousy, but it is an extension of trust. Loyalty, doesn’t mean that you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. It just means that you can’t cross the line with them. You can’t be afraid to love again if you lose love, even if it feels like there could be no one else. There is, you are so young and the moment you are ready to open up to love again that person will come along. You have to know that you deserve loyalty from your partner, and that they should in turn have your back. Being loyal comes in all kinds of shapes and forms, for some it is the loyalty to take care of the other when they are sick, for others it’s not flirting with your friends. Loyalty is like trust, without it, you can’t build a true and solid relationship.

Ensure that you are geting the things you need in your relationship. Ensure that you are geting the things you need in your relationship.

7. Laughter

This is an important one if you plan to grow old together. As a couple, you need to be making a lifetime of inside jokes. Jokes that only you two would understand. You need to know how to make each other laugh, even in the middle of an argument.  If you can’t laugh with your partner than you are truly missing out. Arguably, you likely are not with the right person if you don’t find yourself laughing with them. Unless dealing with unique circumstances, in which laughing seems inappropriate, having laughter in your relationship is a huge benefit. Laughter and love are the best medicines and they go hand and hand. You need to be able to cheer your partner up. It is important to make each other laugh and smile as much as possible.


This can only be described as that indescribable feeling that gives you butterflies. It’s that feeling that you simply have no words for. At times, it can make your heart race. This person just gets you on every level. To the point, where simply the thought of them can render a smile. You feel a connection with this person and it is unlike any other. They just jive with you. You vibe so well with this person, and share an unspoken bond of quality and greatness in your relationship that makes it totally unique. Nobody else has to understand it. Chemistry also means that you are comfortable with this person. You can be at your worst and at your best around this person, and they still love you. This goes for appearances too. If you feel the constant need to be made up for your partner then this could be a concern. Being loved, accepted and desired for who you are naturally is key.

9. Opposition

This doesn’t mean you will be opposing energies, but rather that you will challenge each other. This person will make you want to be a better person and provide you with an alternative way of looking at things. They might introduce you to new things that you love, and could do together. Or you may establish activates that you like to do on your own or just with your friends. Having opposition is good because it is like having two powerful minds working together than other. It is okay if one partner is more dominant as some people are more submissive by nature. People need a different way of looking at things and it’s good to learn from your partner–it’s good to push them every once in awhile. As one guy put it, when speaking of his girlfriend, “she makes me better because she challenges me.” She helps drive him to be the best that he can be in many capacities. A partner who won’t let you lose fight is a partner who truly loves you. A good partner will want to see you succeed.

10. Love

This is the magical glue that holds it all together. You do not have to explain that you love someone, you just have to know in your heart that you do. Everyone needs to feel love in their relationship. This is not something you should ever question. Though some people may be too young to express it or say the words. Physically, mentally, verbally–love or affection needs to be felt on all levels. Kind words needs to be spoken and expressed. If you lack this with your partner, you should ask why. If this is your choice to refrain from sharing your feelings, then by all mean, this is fine, but love shows itself to others, even if you are not at at a place in your life to recognize it.

Love means loyalty, laughter, chemistry and communication.Love means loyalty, laughter, chemistry and communication.

Are you able to check off all ten of these things? I’m sure that no one is, but in a perfect world it would be nice to know you have the core of these elements in your relationship. If you are having doubts, that is perfectly normal. You are so young and will likely have multiple relationships in your life. If you are going to date at this age, make sure you are satisfied on every level. A lot of people are together, and a lot of people are happy, but sadly not all of this discovered love will last. We don’t live in a world where everything is forever, but some things will last for as long as they possibly can, and some things won’t. Sometimes you are shaken to your core by a kind of love or a particular crush that if you look for it, you will see it all the time. Every situation is different. If you have time to take a good look, I’m pretty certain you will see that true love is all around you.

Have Your Say

Do you agree that these ten things are important? What would you say are your top three priorities in a relationship?



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Is Having a BF Important?

  • Yeah, having a BF is totally important.
  • It's not that important, but I usually have one.
  • No way. I don't need a BF to make me feel good about myself.
  • It's important to me, but my 'rents won't let me date.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

My parents have always been aggressive and abusive and I only just noticed it a couple months ago. Over time they've gotten worse (specifically my mother). Whenever she gets mad she'll yell at us and if she gets mad enough she'll hit and push us around. Whoever we get into arguments it's always one- sided and she always wins, even if she knows she is wrong. An argument we had not to long ago was about me not taking care of myself. She looked at my hair and started to touch it and told me "Your hair isn't soft why is it so dry, it's probably because you aren't taking care of your hair." Then she goes on to tell me that she's going to cut it and all of this other stuff when she knows I'm conscious about me looking like a boy ( Used to get called a boy for having short hair). As the argument goes on, I start to tell her things that she knows she is wrong about. She proceeds to yell at me then grabs me by the face and say "If you don't lower your tone and listen to what I'm saying I'm going to knock you in the head." Then she goes on to tell me she remembers nothing I was saying and that it's a lie. She also hit me when I didn't clean the laundry room correctly and whenever she gets fed up. I'm constantly having to watch what I say and do, because I'm scared that I'm going to end up hurt. She also likes to degrade me and tell how bad I'm doing. She's said plenty of thing like when I didn't have my bed covers tucked in she yelled at me and hit me and I said "Do you expect me to just stand here and take this", and she replied saying "That's what you are supposed to do you are the child and I am the adult, you take whatever I do until I'm done." Another time is when I had my band concert and I had to pick out the right attire. When we went shopping to get the clothing I chose slacks when she liked a skirt better, we went on to fight in the store and she bought the slacks. When we got home she said to me that real girls wear skirts and dresses and boys wear slacks and pants. This hurt me because she knows I have a past with people telling me I look like a boy etc. Another time I started to sleep on the floor, because I was practicing a minimalist life. When I left my pillows on the floor she found it and questioned me on why they were there. I told her it fell of my bed when really I left it there. Later when I told my dad, he told her and she got mad because I was getting cat hair on my pillows. She then proceeded to ask why I lied and I told her sometimes lying is better then the truth (I knew she would get mad that I was sleeping on the floor so I lied) then she told me that I was never going to have a relationship, a job, or friends ( This hurt me because I don't have friends now). She's also said that I don't take care of my body because I ate two sweets in one day which lead her to banning me from Doritos and now I have to ask to get chips and any other snack. She's told me I don't take care of my teeth because I have yellow spots from using whitening toothpaste with braces on. She's told me I don't take care of my hair so I can't wash it or do any hair style or then a bun. She had lead me to starving myself (Unless she makes me eat) and cutting myself. I've just stopped caring, because what ever I do is always wrong. I never get a choice in my activities, she controls my life in fact she me just in a different body. But what is even worse is that she's turning my dad into her. Now I have a scheduled time to eat breakfast and lunch, and to go onto my electronics. I feel like I'm in a prison with my parents constantly watching over me, in fact yesterday when I was pouring my milk my mom got out a measuring cup and poured my milk into the measuring cup and said "Why isn't this a full cup" and I replied saying "Because I don't measure my milk." Then she got angry at me. There's so much I could say about her, but I'll stop. Anyways my father is always sarcastic and he doesn't realize how much it hurts me. Today I was cleaning out my bag for next school year and my dad came in and said, "Wow, you aren't even dress yet and I had to come up here to tell you how sad." Just little things like that hurt me. My little sister got mad at me last week for sitting in a certain area and she said " Why are you sitting there," and I didn't reply because I didn't want to speak to her and she then said, "Probably because you are too stupid to answer." I wanted to break down crying then and there, but I kept it in. I've limited my talking to her, because all she does is break me down. Like when there was a Proactive commercial and she said, "Ha, you need that." That hurt me because just the other my mom was telling me how I don't take care of my face and that's why I have acne. My older sister and I barely talk, because whenever I try to talk to her she's mad for what ever reason and when my parents were talking about hitting my sister she was in the corner laughing. My cat Preston is very young and I got hi,abo a year ago. I get very sad and often cry, because I've seen him turn out scared and aggressive just like me because he's been through what I have. One time he pooped in a clothes basket (It's right next to his litter box) my mom grabbed him by the neck and hit him while she smothered his face in his poop, all while yelling at him. I was going to call the Animal Protective Services, but I got too scared and I realized how lonely I would be. Please help me I'm not sure what to do anymore. Also sorry for the very long post!
reply 2 days
Error101 posted in Family Issues:
Dear Kkmr324, I hope you get to feeling better as time goes on.  It does get better but like you said you can't actually get over it.  Losing someone to cancer is awful and I have never lost a friend and I hope I never will and I am so sorry that you did, but I have lost family to cancer and it is horrible.  I hope your okay. :(
reply 4 days
Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
reply 6 days
Kkrmr324 posted in Family Issues:
A few months ago,my friend Kendall died of cancer. It was really hard to "get over it"; because really you dont just get over it. One thing i did was find a bunch of pictures of me and Kendall and remembered all the fun we had together. And it helped! I still miss her, but good friends and family helped with that.
reply 6 days
why are you allowing that to control your happiness? why can't you have true happiness instead of chasing some dream for momentary satisfaction? You're 12. This is when your core beliefs, values, and outlooks on life start. Don't mess it up choosing to be sad over something like that.
reply 7 days