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Not Everyone is Happy Around the Holidays

December 12, 2017

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Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns regarding a variety of issues and matters that come up for kids and teens. Home life can be very hard for some people just like others struggle with identity issues and whether or not to be yourself. The most important thing is that you feel loved and safe.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

The holidays are not a happy time for everyone.The holidays are not a happy time for everyone.

Question by Shrimpo.

So around Christmas my sister who lives in California decided to come home. Just for a few weeks. And my mom dosn't always get along with my sis but she put that aside for a week or so. After Christmas we came down to to see my other sister, brother-in-law and niece. This is where he sad part comes in. My brother in law drinks a lot. Like a lot, he leaves beer cans allover the house. My niece is 2 now. And one night he started getting really bad. And he kicked me (I am 11) my mom (she's 51) out of the house. It's a very long story and I don't really like talking about it. So I am really depressed because I may never see my sister, brother in law and niece. I cry a lot at weird moments. Actually, I am starting to cry now... It has been a really rough few months. And I have never really talked about it to anyone.

Insight/Advice:

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. You need to hang in there and keep going. It’s okay to cry, this is a really rough situation. Maybe try talking to your family and tell them how important it is that you see all of them. Remind them that you are 11 and can’t cope under these conditions. You need help and you need to get it. These are not safe living conditions for an 11-year-old.

Sometimes you have to tune out the noise.Sometimes you have to tune out the noise.

Question by Raindrops and tears

Dear dish-it, Okay so, this is about my mom... I can really HATE HER A LOT! She's soooo mean to me for the very little things! (Now people, don't begin saying stuff like,"You shouldn't hate your mom, SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOU!!you should be ashamed of yourself!" Or, "Ooohh! Why do you hate your mom? I LOVE MY MOM VERY MUCH" I'm being serious here...) So like, here's an example of why I dislike my mom so much: Me and my mom went shopping to Target and my mom forgot her receipt, and she blamed ME. She said I'm suppose to keep an eye out, but I just didn't know! When ever we go shopping, my mom always gets her receipt, so I thought it was fine for me to examine some candy products that were near by. As soon as we got home, she found out about the receipt and blames + cussed me like crazy, saying I was a no good (Cuss word, not going to say) I told her I was SO sorry, next time, I promise to keep an eye out, but she kept cussing me! I was so upset,I just kept crying! Then another time, she just RIPPED my best friends' Christmas gift I was going to give her! She then said she was going to return it, then cussed me some more! (Trust me, you may say that she had a bad day, or something is bugging her, but no, NOTHING was bugging her. She even wished I DIED! I just feel so upset right now! I love her and everything, but right now, I just hate her! (I know hate is a MEAN word, and I'm sorry I'm using it, but I just can't help it!)Can you please give me some advice? :( Thanks, sincerely, Candifloss

Insight/Advice:

I think that your mom is going through something and needs help. Sooner than later. Is there any way you could try talking to her or writing her a letter? She may not be aware of how she is affecting you. She might also be hurting and taking her frustrations out on you. Regardless, I hope something changes soon, especially for your safety. You shouldn’t have to put up with any of that.

Not every household is a happy one.Not every household is a happy one.

Question by Answer me plzl

My mum will let my dye the ends if my hair but not all of it? This is normal I guess but read the rest of it it will explain. It is in the school holidays she lets me and anyway I won't be seeing anyone important so it doesn't matter if it gets messed up. I've read lots and I mean LOTS of articles to bleach dark hair and I think if you do it a specific way, and it won't snap off. That's what my mum thinks WILL happen. I told her that if it turns out badly, I will know not to do it in the future. I've done lots of jobs to prove I am responsible. She dyes her hair but won't let me? Plz reply! Ps: she doesn't think I'll turn into a punk or anything and most other people in my year are allowed to dye their hair!

Insight/Advice:

If your mom says you can only dye the ends of your hair, you have to listen to her. Even if you have research saying it will be okay, you are too young not to listen to her. When you’re older you can do whatever you want with your hair.

Be yourself no matter what.Be yourself no matter what.

Question by ScaredOfRejection

Soon the half term break is over and I start year 8 soon. Through the summer holidays all my interests and looks have changed. Practically my whole personality is completely changed. But know I am worried that when I got back to school my group (which is know as the most popular ones) may reject the change. So what I am really asking is, should I go back to the old me?

Insight/Advice:

I think it’s important that you be yourself. Otherwise, what would you be “fake”, that’s not the type of person you want to be.

You are the most important thing in your life.You are the most important thing in your life.

Afterthoughts

Talking about your problems is key, just like you do with me. Otherwise, we live in pain, pain that we don’t deal with. Deal with your pain.

Your home life should be a happy one, an if it’s not you need to get help. Your safety is the most important thing. If you don’t feel safe you have to do something about it.

Regardless, of trying to fit in, I encourage you to always be yourself. Your true friends will love you just the way you are.

Helplines & Resources: 

  • TeenMentalHealth.org
  • KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
  • Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
  • Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
  • Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
  • Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Do you think you are your true self? When is it hard to be you?