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Dear Dish-It: My Dad Makes All My Decisions For Me

How To Get Along With Your Dad

Dear Dish-It,

My dad’s making my life miserable. He makes decisions for me without even asking. He’s making me go to church camp when I said I didn’t want to go! What should I do?!

true2myself


Dear true2myself,


If you feel you are old enough to make your own decisions – or, at least, old enough to have a say in the decisions your dad is making on your behalf – then you need to act in a mature (that is a calm, reasonable) way when you’re dealing with your dad or confronting him about some of the choices he’s been making for you. Here on some tips on how you can do that.


1. Make a list of the things you think you should have some control over when it comes to the decisions being made about your life.


2. Identify exactly what it is that makes you so upset. Are you mad because you really don’t want to go to church camp or are you mad because your dad made this decision without asking you?


3. Decide on a FAIR compromise – a resolution that you can live with and that you think your dad will accept. Remember, a compromise means you give up some of your demands – it does not mean that you get your way.


4. Write down your proposed compromise and read it aloud at least three times to see how it sounds.


5. Set up a time to talk to your dad; do not just bring it up over dinner but make an actual appointment and tell him that you have an important proposal to make.


6. Bring your notes with you to the meeting so you can stay on track if emotions get high. You may even want to consider reading the note to your dad like a speech.


7. Before talking to your dad, take a few deep breaths and think calming thoughts. Make a promise to yourself that you will not raise your voice or get angry even if he raises his voice.


8. When you have presented your case take another deep breath and let your dad talk. Really listen to what he has to say; even if you don’t like it, hold back your anger and keep your ears and mind open.


9. Avoid shutting down or growing frustrated. Avoid interrupting him or jumping in with a rebuttal. Just listen and absorb what he says.


10. If your dad rejects your proposal, stay focused and avoid getting emotional. Thank him for his time and express your disappointment that you could not reach a compromise.


11. If your dad accepts your proposal, be grateful and assure him that you will not let him down. Then do everything necessary to show him he made the right decision in going along with you.


12. Whatever the outcome, be sure to do what your dad asks of you. By going along with his wishes you build trust and show your maturity, which in turn may make him more willing to relax his stand at a future date.


13. If you still can't see eye to eye, ask your dad what he needs from you in order to consider your proposal.


14. Make a vow to give him what he needs and ask if you can agree to revisit the subject in a few weeks.


15. If the outcome disappoints you, do not throw a fit. Go to your room and write your feelings in a journal or go outside and ride your bike to blow off steam.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.




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    Comments

    maddisonmouse

    maddisonmouse wrote:

    I SO AGREE MY DAD HATES ME :sad
    commented: Sat Feb 04, 2012

    boorocks123

    boorocks123 wrote:

    Yes But Maybe She Isnt And if she is i am with you
    commented: Fri Feb 03, 2012

    boorocks123

    boorocks123 wrote:

    I Think You Should Express Your Feelings To Him Maybe he will understands then! Tell hi...
    commented: Fri Feb 03, 2012

    there are 4 more comments

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    BadwolfDW
    BadwolfDW posted in Friends:
    So i  agree with miley15 i think you guys should all meet up and tell them they can't leave or interrupt each other untill the issue is resolved let girl 2 know that the more she askes the less girl 1 will want to be her friend , also tell girl 1 that she shouldn't just run away.  Girl 1 is trying to be friends with girl2 but  i mean they dont need to bff's but they should not make a big deal of each other. 
    reply about 16 hours
    sugarpetals
    my parents would be around 7
    reply about 18 hours
    Pink_Kitty
    My parents are very lenient about chores and messing around but they are NOT lenient at all about lying, respect, homework or safety stuff.
    reply about 18 hours
    miley15
    miley15 posted in Friends:
    ahaaaa...that's sorta confusing and annoying at the same time...but don't u think if they were really your friends they would listen to u? if they are really interested in being friend with u so tell em that u cannot stand this situation anymore and ask them politely but firmly to try to understand each other...or ur friendship will be ruined...i'm sure talking always solves any problems...
    reply about 18 hours
    avatar-me
    avatar-me posted in Friends:
    Ok here's what's going on. Girl1 (my best friend) can't stand girl2 (my other friend). And girl2 wants to be friends with girl1 but girl1 doesn't want to be friends with girl2. And girl2 keeps messaging girl1 and girl1 keeps telling her she doesn't want to be her friend. got you confused yet?  So this is what is making me write this. My best friend said that if I keep hanging around my other friend she will try to be nice. But every time those two are in the same place girl2 asks girl1 why they can't be friends and that just sets girl1 off. And then I have to stop it. I love how my best friend is willing to hang around my other friend for me but I hate how my other friend won't stop bringing up why the two of them can't be friends. No matter how much girl1 and I tell her that girl1 doesn't want to be her friend she keeps asking. I like hanging out with both of them but not at the same time and when I hang out with one and not the other they ask why and I spending more time with the other one then with them. I can't take it anymore!!!  Please help me me before I loose it,              avatar-me
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