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Dear Dish-It: My Dad Makes All My Decisions For Me

How To Get Along With Your Dad

Dear Dish-It,

My dad’s making my life miserable. He makes decisions for me without even asking. He’s making me go to church camp when I said I didn’t want to go! What should I do?!

true2myself


Dear true2myself,


If you feel you are old enough to make your own decisions – or, at least, old enough to have a say in the decisions your dad is making on your behalf – then you need to act in a mature (that is a calm, reasonable) way when you’re dealing with your dad or confronting him about some of the choices he’s been making for you. Here on some tips on how you can do that.


1. Make a list of the things you think you should have some control over when it comes to the decisions being made about your life.


2. Identify exactly what it is that makes you so upset. Are you mad because you really don’t want to go to church camp or are you mad because your dad made this decision without asking you?


3. Decide on a FAIR compromise – a resolution that you can live with and that you think your dad will accept. Remember, a compromise means you give up some of your demands – it does not mean that you get your way.


4. Write down your proposed compromise and read it aloud at least three times to see how it sounds.


5. Set up a time to talk to your dad; do not just bring it up over dinner but make an actual appointment and tell him that you have an important proposal to make.


6. Bring your notes with you to the meeting so you can stay on track if emotions get high. You may even want to consider reading the note to your dad like a speech.


7. Before talking to your dad, take a few deep breaths and think calming thoughts. Make a promise to yourself that you will not raise your voice or get angry even if he raises his voice.


8. When you have presented your case take another deep breath and let your dad talk. Really listen to what he has to say; even if you don’t like it, hold back your anger and keep your ears and mind open.


9. Avoid shutting down or growing frustrated. Avoid interrupting him or jumping in with a rebuttal. Just listen and absorb what he says.


10. If your dad rejects your proposal, stay focused and avoid getting emotional. Thank him for his time and express your disappointment that you could not reach a compromise.


11. If your dad accepts your proposal, be grateful and assure him that you will not let him down. Then do everything necessary to show him he made the right decision in going along with you.


12. Whatever the outcome, be sure to do what your dad asks of you. By going along with his wishes you build trust and show your maturity, which in turn may make him more willing to relax his stand at a future date.


13. If you still can't see eye to eye, ask your dad what he needs from you in order to consider your proposal.


14. Make a vow to give him what he needs and ask if you can agree to revisit the subject in a few weeks.


15. If the outcome disappoints you, do not throw a fit. Go to your room and write your feelings in a journal or go outside and ride your bike to blow off steam.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.




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    Comments

    maddisonmouse

    maddisonmouse wrote:

    I SO AGREE MY DAD HATES ME Sad
    commented: Sat Feb 04, 2012

    boorocks123

    boorocks123 wrote:

    Yes But Maybe She Isnt And if she is i am with you
    commented: Fri Feb 03, 2012

    boorocks123

    boorocks123 wrote:

    I Think You Should Express Your Feelings To Him Maybe he will understands then! Tell him some good reasons. Like As A Example If he says you cant have a party tell him can i at least have 1 friend over and that will make time fly since your with someone Clown
    commented: Fri Feb 03, 2012

    there are 4 more comments

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    lawliet16
    lawliet16 posted in Friends:
    Maybe your overrating her personality while underrating yourself. Girls extremely like confident men so start working on your self esteem first because it stimulates interest to get to know you more especially on the romantic context and don`t forget to just be yourself so that you will know if she accept you to who you are and don`t let the "ideal boy" standard of the society bring you down. Remember that real happiness can be achieve when you are true to yourself so don`t mind what other people think of you and stop comparing yourself to the boys around her. Embrace your imperfections and wash away your insecurities and maybe she`ll like you back ;)
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    lawliet16
    Considering your age, it is normal that your parents might not accept it in case he likes you and the feeling is mutual and you must understand them. This is time when you need to focus in your studies and prepare for your future career and not for your future husband. You are still very young and trust me, you are still emotionally unprepared for this one heck of a roller coaster ride of emotions. Know the difference between loving that person and loving the feeling that you are in love. ;)
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    peace16
    peace16 posted in Friends:
    Well I am happy that you off of them. 
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