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Dear Dish-It, My Parents Are Getting Divorced

Dear Dish-It,

I really need your help. My parents are getting a divorce and I cannot deal! I cry all day and night. I scream and plug my ears when they try to talk with me. I think my dad likes a girl named Tonya and I hate her guts for it. She doesn't like my dad, but I still hate her. I am really mean to her five kids who were my friends before all of this. My mom is moving out and I have to live with my dad because my mom is sick and can't take care of my brother and me. She just had surgery. I am 11, and my brother is 14. I don't want this to happen. I pray every night that it won't but god hates me and won't fix it.


When my dad was 17 he got in a drunk-driving car accident. The guy driving the car was drunk and hit a tree. My uncle was also in the car and was killed. My father has no legs and is in a wheelchair. We hardly have any money. I really need help. I told my best friend, but she can't really help because her 'rents are still together. My mom isn't gone yet, but is starting to pack. My brother doesn't care that they are splitting. My dad called my school's guidance counselor and made me go once. I didn't say a word. I hate the guidance counselor. I hate all counselors. My parents want me to go to one but I am NOT going. They CAN'T make me. THEY CANNOT SPLIT UP! Please, please, please help me! Thanks.
Kailin


Dear Kailin,

I'm sorry to hear about your 'rents splitting up - that's really got to be one of the toughest things to deal with when you're growing up. But you will get through it. Right now, your whole world has been turned upside down and it's going to take a while to adjust to your new way of life. As things settle down though, you'll find that your parents both still love you very much and only want what's best for you. Instead of constantly having to deal with your 'rents screaming at each other, you're going to get real, quality time with both your mom and dad. It's understandable that you'd be upset about your dad showing an interest in another woman, but again, as time goes by these things do get easier. While you may hate counselors, it's a good idea to talk to someone, other than your parents, about what you are going through. You'll be surprised how helpful just talking about stuff is. Give it time. It's going to take a while to adjust - but things will get better! Good Luck.


Dear Kalilin

I know what you are going through. I went through that when I was only 10. Now both of my parents are out of my life and I live with my aunt. Well, if you don't feel comfortable with your dad I say you should ask one of your family members that you trust if you could live with them.

Kidz Submit by:

Nickname: cheerqtpie6854
Age: 12

So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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  • 16 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Autonomy
    Autonomy posted in Family Issues:
    "StarrChild" wrote: Two years ago my parents broke up. I was never really the same after that point. My mother she began to just not care about anything. She would go out clubbing every Friday and would yell at me for my attitude towards it. Why would I be okay with her doing that??? I didn't really realise it but I began feeling kind of depressed. Of course we didn't fight all the time but when we did I would always end up crying alone in my room. And it would be really painful. One time I cried every night for a week because of her. A week ago, I felt really sick at school so I went to the sick bay but my Mum refused to believe I was sick. She thought I was lying and being over dramatic as usual. I felt really horrible after that, that the teacher sent me to the guidance councellor and almost immediately I burst into tears. I didn't even know why I did but the councellor did a little test on me and came to the conclusion I was slightly depressed and had anxiety. It wasn't really surprising but hearing it out loud just felt really weird. Even after knowing that fact my mother doesn't really act any different. She's not a bad person I swear but she can just be really horrible at times. Anyways, that's technically whats been happening in my life lol. Nothing really interesting Oh dear, that sounds like a dreadful situation. I've lived through similar difficulties in my own life, and my heart goes out to you, truly. May I offer you some advice? I don't have the cure to your problems or a magic wand that can make them disappear, but I do believe that some good can come out of your living situation. The first thing I'd like to make note of, is that everyone makes mistakes. As human beings, we have to make mistakes. There's no way around it; it's how we learn and grow. And as we get older, we don't stop making mistakes. Your parents are no exception. Although we look to our parents for guidance, and direction, and support, we have to understand that they aren't perfect people, and they make mistakes. They may not always lead us in the right direction. They may not always set a good example. They may not always be there for us, to encourage us and support us when we need them most. And that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, and we have to accept that. But we can't let allow other people's mistakes to hurt us, my dear. And I know it hurts. Your mum might not understand how her actions make you feel. You said you haven't been the same since your parents divorced, and I know how challenging that can be to go through. But you know, some of the brightest, wisest, and happiest people I've met, are people who have dealt with difficult problems in their lives, and used them to grow as people. You can let your parents' mistakes get to you, and make you upset and depressed; or, you can accept that they aren't perfect people, accept that they make mistakes, and accept that their mistakes don't have anything to do with you. So here's what you do, friend: you can't stop your mum from going clubbing, and that's okay. Don't try to. Don't fight with her about it. You can let her know how it makes you feel, but don't get into an argument. Accept the situation for what it is. Your mother is her own person, and she is accountable for what she does; you aren't. Next time you start to get in a fight or an argument with her, just step back, and withdraw yourself. Try it, see what happens. Once you decide not to let other peoples' failings affect you--and you do have the power to do this--then you'll find a sense of peace you probably haven't felt before. And you'll learn from your mistakes, and the mistakes of your parents, and everyone around you, and you'll be a better person. Press on.
    reply about 8 hours
    Dounuts
    Dounuts posted in Family Issues:
    Go to your neighbor's house and ask him/her to call to police.Everything will be just fine.
    reply about 14 hours
    RavenClawRaina
    my ex is going through the same thing. Call the police now. Things will get out of hand. My brothers friend has been living with us for about 2 weeks becuz his dad punched him in the face. Call 911 now. They will help you. Just say you have been abused by your family member and they will take it from there. If you want, add me and we can talk
    reply about 15 hours
    XxRuby_PhoenixxX
    If you are getting abused to the point where you bleed, call the police immediately. This isn't acceptable behavior.
    reply about 15 hours
    MRAP
    MRAP posted in Family Issues:
    Hey, Just wanted some advice to help me on what to do on this. Ever since I was 3 I've been both Verbally, Mentally, And Physically abused. To me, this is normal since it's been happening for so long. But I just can't take this thing anymore. When I get home I always get yelled at for no reason. I have been on Anti-Depressants for the past 1-2 years. Been going to counseling for 6-7 years for family. Nothing has changed yet. I just need help on how to handle this. Thanks.
    reply about 15 hours