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Dear Dish-It: I Hate Myself & My Mom Does Too

Dear Dish-It,


I hate myself and I feel like I want to kill myself! I’m fat and ugly! And to make matters worse my mom calls me fat and other names, too. She acts like she and her BF are perfect. She treats me like I’m not worth anything. And if I tell her something she gets all ghetto to impress her BF. Her BF just sits and sleeps in her bed all day. It’s summer and it’s not gonna last very long. We never ever go anywhere anymore. I know he makes her "happy" but still – go outside! Ever since school has finished we stay in our house all the time. I’m sick of it. Please help me!


Sick of my mom


Dear SOMM,


I truly hope you don’t mean the part about wanting to kill yourself. If you do feel really down and thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide have crossed your mind, you need to get help immediately. It’s not a joke.


In terms of your relationship with your mom, I’m sorry things are so tense at your house. It seems like there has been a breakdown in communication between the two of you. I sense that you still love her and want her to be a mom to you again.


The truth is, your teen years can be really hard on both you and your parents. As you were describing, your body is going through a lot of changes at this time – inside and out. Your mom may also be feeling some of the stress of your going through puberty. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but since I don’t know your mom and I’ve only heard your side of the story, I’m going to give you some tips on the things you can do to make your relationship with your mom a little easier and, perhaps, better.


In order to communicate better with your mom, whether it’s about your feelings about yourself, your weight, her boyfriend or the fact that you’d like to spend more time doing things outside the home with her this summer, try the following tips:

  • Be honest with your feelings. Your mom can be a great resource of support and knowledge, but she can’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t tell her.
  • If your mom upsets you by calling you names or taking sides with her boyfriend, don’t immediately take the defensive side. Make sure you talk to your mom when you’re not emotionally upset. If you start yelling or crying, you won’t be able to express your important feelings.
  • Calmly tell your mom what’s on your mind. Avoid “you” statements like, “You don’t give me enough freedom” or “You’re never happy with anything I do.” These types of accusation statements will only cause more friction. Instead use “I” statements such as “Sometimes I feel hurt when you don’t give me credit for trying to lose weight.” This method communicates your feelings without blaming your mom.
  • Listen to what your mom has to say. If you’re getting a chance to speak what’s on your mind, it’s only fair to give her same opportunity. If you listen to what she says, you may learn that you’ve been misinterpreting her feelings.
  • When you’re talking to your mom, if she says something you disagree with, don’t immediately overreact. Give her a chance to express her feelings and then calmly explain why you may disagree. Try to identify what you need from your mom and tell her (she may not know).

  • If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.


    More Dish-It Advice:

  • My Parents Made Us Break Up
  • How Do I Get Over Being Cheated On?
  • How Do I Ask?
  • Am I In Love?
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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    SmartSunnyShadow
    I feel like that too. My best friend will always hang out with her 'new friends' that I have a really bad opinion about. My friend will treat me rudely all the time and sometimes make fun of me with her friends. But, when I needed her the most in my life, she was there for me, and I told her how I felt. She says that she just wants to hang out with more people and apologized, people can be a little teasy at times.  Also, after seeing each other for a long time, people make new friends and start hanging out with them more, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you.  This may be different for you, but just tell her about it, she will have to know you feelings at one point.  Hope I helped you. 
    reply about 2 hours
    country_girl19
    country_girl19 posted in Friends:
    Nothing happened between us. I just feel like I'm not important to her.
    reply about 3 hours
    drowning
    drowning posted in Friends:
    Did something happen between you two in the past? If so, I feel like she might have some unresolved issues with you that you need to discuss with her. And, time doesn't always mean a lot. I've gotten closer to someone before compared to someone whom I had known for 8 years.
    reply about 22 hours
    country_girl19
    country_girl19 posted in Friends:
    Dear Dish-it,                          Me and my friend just started talking again, and it seems like she regrets it. She'll leave me for the people she has only known for a couple of months, when I've been friends with her for a year. Also, she gets annoyed with me, and I don't know what to do.
    reply about 22 hours
    drowning
    drowning posted in Family Issues:
    I'll be honest, I don't think that it's very fair that you're placing so much blame on your mother. Cancer is very hard to heal in any animal or person. She may of been able to help one spot, but that doesn't mean that she was going to be able to heal the rest. There's a slim chance that they could of made it through, but it's probably for the best that she put him down. Cancer is a painful thing to go through for dogs and humans alike. It would of been worse to push it. As for the depression, I understand where you're coming from with it. It's a difficult thing to go through and it makes things hard to do. I've struggled with things in the past and sometimes still do, so take my word on this: Eat. What. You. Can. Don't starve yourself. Don't binge. Don't do anything. Keep eating. Your health matters too. You need to find things to do, like hobbies (drawing, reading, writing, ect.) and spend time with friends when you can. At least talk to your friends, don't push them away. They're there for you, even when they might not know how to be. Don't be ashamed to cry, it's perfectly fine too. It's a better alternative of getting things out than a lot of things you could be doing. Do not, under any circumstances, start cutting. Take it from someone who's dealt with it on a personal level in several ways, do not start it. It is not something you "won't get addicted too" and it will not be a "one time thing." Do not try it. Do not start it. Do not try to find "softer" alternatives to cutting. Self-harm is not a fixer, it does not help anything. It isn't something to be ashamed of. It's a personal issue along with mental illness. But it is a very big deal. "And to go and kill him like that instead of getting him help?" There isn't always a place to help. Sometimes it won't do the things we wish it would.
    reply 1 day