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Dear Dish-It: I Hate Myself & My Mom Does Too

Dear Dish-It,

I hate myself and I feel like I want to kill myself! I’m fat and ugly! And to make matters worse my mom calls me fat and other names, too. She acts like she and her BF are perfect. She treats me like I’m not worth anything. And if I tell her something she gets all ghetto to impress her BF. Her BF just sits and sleeps in her bed all day. It’s summer and it’s not gonna last very long. We never ever go anywhere anymore. I know he makes her "happy" but still – go outside! Ever since school has finished we stay in our house all the time. I’m sick of it. Please help me!

Sick of my mom

Dear SOMM,

I truly hope you don’t mean the part about wanting to kill yourself. If you do feel really down and thoughts of harming yourself or committing suicide have crossed your mind, you need to get help immediately. It’s not a joke.

In terms of your relationship with your mom, I’m sorry things are so tense at your house. It seems like there has been a breakdown in communication between the two of you. I sense that you still love her and want her to be a mom to you again.

The truth is, your teen years can be really hard on both you and your parents. As you were describing, your body is going through a lot of changes at this time – inside and out. Your mom may also be feeling some of the stress of your going through puberty. I’m not saying it’s your fault, but since I don’t know your mom and I’ve only heard your side of the story, I’m going to give you some tips on the things you can do to make your relationship with your mom a little easier and, perhaps, better.

In order to communicate better with your mom, whether it’s about your feelings about yourself, your weight, her boyfriend or the fact that you’d like to spend more time doing things outside the home with her this summer, try the following tips:

  • Be honest with your feelings. Your mom can be a great resource of support and knowledge, but she can’t know what’s going on in your life if you don’t tell her.
  • If your mom upsets you by calling you names or taking sides with her boyfriend, don’t immediately take the defensive side. Make sure you talk to your mom when you’re not emotionally upset. If you start yelling or crying, you won’t be able to express your important feelings.
  • Calmly tell your mom what’s on your mind. Avoid “you” statements like, “You don’t give me enough freedom” or “You’re never happy with anything I do.” These types of accusation statements will only cause more friction. Instead use “I” statements such as “Sometimes I feel hurt when you don’t give me credit for trying to lose weight.” This method communicates your feelings without blaming your mom.
  • Listen to what your mom has to say. If you’re getting a chance to speak what’s on your mind, it’s only fair to give her same opportunity. If you listen to what she says, you may learn that you’ve been misinterpreting her feelings.
  • When you’re talking to your mom, if she says something you disagree with, don’t immediately overreact. Give her a chance to express her feelings and then calmly explain why you may disagree. Try to identify what you need from your mom and tell her (she may not know).

  • If you've got a burning question, need some love advice or find yourself thinking about things like sex, depression, self-esteem, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, bullying or peer pressure, don't hesitate to Dish-It here. Send your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com. And if you hang out in the chat rooms with other Kidzworld members who know you by your username, just send in your secret question using a different nickname if you want to stay anonymous – we promise that no one will ever know it's you. Remember: Dish-It gets a load of letters every day so it may take a while to reply to yours. Keep checking back for her reply, or watch for answered Dish-It questions that are similar to your own.

    More Dish-It Advice:

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