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Dear Dish-It: I Have Anger Issues

Dear Dish-it,


OMG! I have the worst anger issues. I don’t like to admit it. I don’t wanna go to anger management because then I’ll have to admit it to a lot of people. What can I do?


Domo.Bby


Dear DB,


The first thing to understand is that everyone gets angry – anger can even be a good thing. If you’re being treated unfairly, anger can help you stand up for yourself (without harming anyone else, of course). The hard part about anger is knowing what to do when you’re feeling it.


When you get angry, the goal is to calm yourself down and try to solve whatever problem is bothering you. This is hard for some kids (and adults, too). Instead of calming down, some kids might keep getting more and more upset until they explode like a volcano! Maybe this sounds familiar to you?


Some kids get angry more often or more easily than some other kids. Their anger might be so strong that the feeling gets out of control and causes them to act in ways that are unacceptable and hurtful. People might say kids like this have a temper, which is a term for acting all angry and out of control. When people say that someone has trouble controlling their temper, they usually mean that a kid behaves badly when feeling angry or frustrated.


Some kids might get so angry that they scream at their mom or dad, punch the wall, slam doors, break something, or, worse yet, hit a brother or sister. Kids are allowed to express their feelings, even angry ones, but it's not OK for a kid to do any of those things. Kids don't want to (or mean to) act this way, but sometimes angry feelings can be hard to manage. So what do you do if you're a volcano kind of a kid and your temper is getting you into trouble?


Train Your Temper

You can train your temper the same way you might train a puppy. Imagine your temper as a puppy inside you that needs some training. The puppy is not bad; it will probably turn out to be a great dog. It just needs to learn some rules because, right now, that puppy is causing some problems for you. Here are steps to take anytime, even when you're not angry:

  • Get lots of physical activity: Play outside. Do sports you like. Any activity that gets your heart pumping can be good because it's a way of burning off energy and stress. It feels good to boot that soccer ball or smack that baseball!
  • Talk to your mom or dad: If you're having trouble with your temper, the time to talk about it is before you have another angry outburst. Tell your parents that you're trying to do a better job of controlling yourself. Ask for their help and ideas for how you could do this better. Let them know that if you do get really angry, you're going to ask for their help.
  • Put feelings into words: Get in the habit of saying what you're feeling and why. Using words might stop you from slamming the door, having a fit or doing something else that could get you in trouble. Using words helps people manage their strong feelings and behaviors.
  • Take control: Decide that you're going to be in charge. Don't let those angry feelings make you do stuff you don't want to do.

The real test comes the next time you get so mad you could just explode. But don't explode. Put a leash on that puppy with these four steps:

  1. Take a break from the situation: If you're in an argument with someone, go to another part of your house. Just say, "I want to be alone for a while so I can calm down."
  2. Put yourself in a timeout: If you're feeling angry and think you need a timeout to calm down, don't wait for a parent to tell you: go ahead and take a timeout for yourself. Let your family know that they need to respect your space and leave you alone to calm yourself down. Use the time to count to five, stretch your arms and take a nice deep breath.
  3. Get the anger out: Instead of punching walls, do a bunch of jumping jacks or dance around to your favorite music? Run around or do cartwheels across the lawn. Or pick up your pen and write it all down. What made you so upset? Keep writing until you've covered everything. If you don't like writing, just draw a picture that helps you express your feelings.
  4. Learn to shift: You'll have to work hard to do this. The idea is to shift from a really angry mood to a more in-control mood. Sometimes, when people are angry, they're not really thinking clearly. Only angry thoughts are flying around their brains. But you can replace those thoughts with better ones. You can say, "I lost my temper, but I'm going to get myself under control now." Instead of thinking of the person or situation you're angry with, think of something else. Think of something that will put you in a better mood.

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

astucieuse331
astucieuse331 posted in Friends:
I've always felt the same way. My one best friend gossiped behind my back, used me, all that girl stuff. She took me for advantage and we had a bunch of fights because of her finding a new friend and completely acting as if I didn't exist, and I told her to give me at least some attention every once in a while if she can't even continue to talk to me daily. And.. I lost her. Well, she lost me. We both lost each other. But then I realized.. it's the people that you least expect to be nice to you you'll find kindness in. Why? Based on personal experience, and I'll tell you the story: For my gym class, me and my peers were supposed to make a group for a dance. This was when my best friend had found a new friend already, and the time at which we had a few fights because of that. Of course, I relied on my best friend to count me in her dance group. At lunchtime, I sat together with my best friend, and we ate our lunches in silence. All of a sudden, I brought up the dance groups and asked her straightforwardly: "Can I join your group?" No reply. "Kelly, can I join your group?" No reply. "I mean, since our class is uneven, I found it fair that there'd be a group of five, you know?" None at all. Kelly ignored me straight off the bat, leaving me speechless. My mind raced with thoughts, and I thought, maybe it's not worth having Kelly as a friend. A few days later, we were playing Dodgeball for gym. I was on Kelly's team, and overheard her talking with her new friends about who to pick for the dance group. One of her friends mentioned me, and Kelly said: "Oh no, we shouldn't pick her because _____ (I don't know what she said then)." I was shocked, but was anticipating it, so when the time came to choose groups, I saw my friend, Luke, ask two girls, Cher and Bridgette, to join their group. Surprisingly, Cher and Bridgette actually accepted him, and so I thought, "Wow, if they accepted Luke, they might accept me aswell!" and so built up the courage to ask them if I could join. Even though Cher and Bridgette were mean to me sometimes, I knew that I had to risk it and see what'd happen. Afterall, rejection is just another opportunity to find a better group. Little did I know, it'd be the best choice of my life. They were so happy, and even thanked me for joining them! I was speechless once more; I never knew that the peers that I thought I would never be friends with would actually be my friends!  So yeah, that's what I learnt, and I never regretted learning that fact. Ever since then, though, I've learnt not to trust people as much as I used to anymore. I learnt that independency is what works for me, what I was meant for in terms of socializing or working. But, other things may work for you. If you still want a friend, you can be independent and wait for the right person. However, if you still want a real friend, you can wait, but still mingle (hang out) with other people! I I'm not going to make fun of you because I know how you've felt, just as I stated in my past problem before. But you can move on from those friends, they're not worth your time and certainly don't deserve you as a friend. Trust me, if it's meant to be, you'll definitely find a true friend. But if it's not, you may become like me, finding happiness in my own way. I want to remind you though-- you don't need someone to stay happy, or keep you company. This may sound silly, but you can even have your own invisible friends! I've had one, but that's very rarely for me. It's not silly though if you see the general idea; usually these friends are made from different dimensions of your personality or just because of will. There's a lot more fish in the sea, though, so I'm sure you'll find a true friend that's meant for you  :) Take care, and I hope you'll find a true friend soon!
reply about 18 hours
ts01
ts01 posted in Friends:
im so sorry you girls feel that way.true friends are there, its just easier to find users because they are more plentiful. dont give up, you will find real friends eventually
reply about 18 hours
lolflowergirl
lolflowergirl posted in Friends:
i feel alone too
reply about 20 hours
kayme123
kayme123 posted in Friends:
i know the feeling. but i got taken off a website instead of my friends. i can assure you they probably feel the same and are missing you, BUT its not worth dwelling over it. friends come and go without any choice in life and trust me, i lost the love of my life and my two of the best friends in the world. The thing is, you have to move on, because they wouldent want you feeling sad over them right? they'd want you to be the happy person you were when you were with them! for starters, i'll be your friend so your not scared to make some new ones. To be honest, i went through the exact same thing as you did and it DOES hurt very bad. But once you find some people that are willing to make you feel better, you know you've chosen the right friends again
reply 1 day
Irene_love
Irene_love posted in Style:
"1.am.3m0" wrote:Hey. Im also turning 15 soon. So dont worry you arent alone hahah. Start dressing for your shape and also find whats comfortable.  Because if you wear something that is uncomfortable you wont be happy and happiness is the best look :) Most of the time I wear jeans with a graphic tshirt or singlet and a cardigan or light jacket. Hoodies are great for winter. And I wear combat boots like doc martins and converse. Hope I helped somehow! :)
reply 1 day

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