Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-It: I Have Anger Issues

Dear Dish-it,


OMG! I have the worst anger issues. I don’t like to admit it. I don’t wanna go to anger management because then I’ll have to admit it to a lot of people. What can I do?


Domo.Bby


Dear DB,


The first thing to understand is that everyone gets angry – anger can even be a good thing. If you’re being treated unfairly, anger can help you stand up for yourself (without harming anyone else, of course). The hard part about anger is knowing what to do when you’re feeling it.


When you get angry, the goal is to calm yourself down and try to solve whatever problem is bothering you. This is hard for some kids (and adults, too). Instead of calming down, some kids might keep getting more and more upset until they explode like a volcano! Maybe this sounds familiar to you?


Some kids get angry more often or more easily than some other kids. Their anger might be so strong that the feeling gets out of control and causes them to act in ways that are unacceptable and hurtful. People might say kids like this have a temper, which is a term for acting all angry and out of control. When people say that someone has trouble controlling their temper, they usually mean that a kid behaves badly when feeling angry or frustrated.


Some kids might get so angry that they scream at their mom or dad, punch the wall, slam doors, break something, or, worse yet, hit a brother or sister. Kids are allowed to express their feelings, even angry ones, but it's not OK for a kid to do any of those things. Kids don't want to (or mean to) act this way, but sometimes angry feelings can be hard to manage. So what do you do if you're a volcano kind of a kid and your temper is getting you into trouble?


Train Your Temper

You can train your temper the same way you might train a puppy. Imagine your temper as a puppy inside you that needs some training. The puppy is not bad; it will probably turn out to be a great dog. It just needs to learn some rules because, right now, that puppy is causing some problems for you. Here are steps to take anytime, even when you're not angry:

  • Get lots of physical activity: Play outside. Do sports you like. Any activity that gets your heart pumping can be good because it's a way of burning off energy and stress. It feels good to boot that soccer ball or smack that baseball!
  • Talk to your mom or dad: If you're having trouble with your temper, the time to talk about it is before you have another angry outburst. Tell your parents that you're trying to do a better job of controlling yourself. Ask for their help and ideas for how you could do this better. Let them know that if you do get really angry, you're going to ask for their help.
  • Put feelings into words: Get in the habit of saying what you're feeling and why. Using words might stop you from slamming the door, having a fit or doing something else that could get you in trouble. Using words helps people manage their strong feelings and behaviors.
  • Take control: Decide that you're going to be in charge. Don't let those angry feelings make you do stuff you don't want to do.

The real test comes the next time you get so mad you could just explode. But don't explode. Put a leash on that puppy with these four steps:

  1. Take a break from the situation: If you're in an argument with someone, go to another part of your house. Just say, "I want to be alone for a while so I can calm down."
  2. Put yourself in a timeout: If you're feeling angry and think you need a timeout to calm down, don't wait for a parent to tell you: go ahead and take a timeout for yourself. Let your family know that they need to respect your space and leave you alone to calm yourself down. Use the time to count to five, stretch your arms and take a nice deep breath.
  3. Get the anger out: Instead of punching walls, do a bunch of jumping jacks or dance around to your favorite music? Run around or do cartwheels across the lawn. Or pick up your pen and write it all down. What made you so upset? Keep writing until you've covered everything. If you don't like writing, just draw a picture that helps you express your feelings.
  4. Learn to shift: You'll have to work hard to do this. The idea is to shift from a really angry mood to a more in-control mood. Sometimes, when people are angry, they're not really thinking clearly. Only angry thoughts are flying around their brains. But you can replace those thoughts with better ones. You can say, "I lost my temper, but I'm going to get myself under control now." Instead of thinking of the person or situation you're angry with, think of something else. Think of something that will put you in a better mood.

Related Stories:

38 Comments

latest videos

F993066168375

What's Your Favorite Lois Moment?

  • When she was given a traffic ticket by the cops.
  • When everyone forgot her birthday.
  • When her parents came over and almost blew up the house.

related stories

scared and annoyed asks: "My dad is awesome! But sometimes I wish he would stop overreacting abou...
I'm scared to say anything to my boyfriend cuz I don't want to make him mad or make...
Do you ever crave chocolate, particularly when you're sad? Feelin' mad at the world? Can't figure...

Dear Dish-It in the forums

AnneS12
AnneS12 posted in Family Issues:
Well That is your choice who you want to stay with.Nobody can force you about it.When your parents see a family<a data-cke-saved-href=" lawyer, then he will ask you whom do you want to stay with and jury will decide.So dont worry .
reply about 3 hours
hugsntugs5
hugsntugs5 posted in Style:
There are many other websites, where you can purchase latest and best designs of cheap clothes like - flipkart, snapdeal, amazon,etc. why you are not using these sites????
reply about 8 hours
worldqweencc
worldqweencc posted in Friends:
I'm not quiet sure what's a real friend and what's a fake one anymore. I know when there's a friend who's only a school friend rather than an 'outside' friend as well, but at the same time it makes me so confused. Here's my story: There's a girl named Xian. We had a unique way of becoming friends ... but it clicked. For the whole year I've been trying to keep in contact with her ... but she's not very willing to try and put in any effort to stay in contact with me. Her personality is beyond sweet, and her skills at art are even better. If she was to have an award, it would be a giant trophy with her face plastered on it and big bold letters listing 'Nicest Girl In The World!' ... Its just ... she lied to me.  I was all about this friendship. I was ... i'll admit ... sort of a lost puppy following around her owner.  So, I got her this T-Shirt she really wanted for her birthday, and not long her birthday was mine, April First. I was expecting at least a letter, or maybe even something cheap. It didn't really matter to me.  But on my birthday she didn't even come to school. Nor when she got back did she ever say sorry, or give me any be-lated gift of any sort.  That should have been my first clue. Even my mother started catching on. My second clue was she even told me she was oblivious and wasn't good at keeping in contact. I thought she was joking. How could a friendship so sweet be tossed out just like that? My third one was near the end of school, one of her friends in elementary was bragging about the plushies she got from Xian. Apparently she had four from her.  Xian had originally told me it was AGAINST her religion to give out gifts to other people. I knew she wasn't lying about her religion in general, because I met her mom on a field trip and she was quiet ... different. But I didn't understand why Xian had gotten so many small plushies for her, and yet not a single small stamp for me? My last clue was the last day of school. She didn't even try to say good-bye or even hang out with me for that matter. I know what you're thinking. "Girl, you've gotta be kidding me if you can't see that she has no intention of being your friend!" But this girl was the nicest to me. She stood next to me during harsh times, and comforted me when I was down. She told me I was important.  And you don't get many friends to do those special things to you. It was rare to have a friend make me feel so tall and worthy.  ... So ... I can't understand ... why'd she do all that .... and suddenly ... just ... walk away ...
reply about 18 hours
catsandpizza
catsandpizza posted in Style:
American Apparel croptop, Juicy Couture velvet sweatpants and Uggs
reply about 22 hours
Heyyyyy_
Heyyyyy_ posted in Friends:
"donteatcarrots" wrote:I dunno, looks like something more than being friends is going on here. It's probably best to ask her face-to-face though, before jumping to conclusions. ^^^
reply about 23 hours

play online games