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Dear Dish-It: I Have Anger Issues

Dear Dish-it,


OMG! I have the worst anger issues. I don’t like to admit it. I don’t wanna go to anger management because then I’ll have to admit it to a lot of people. What can I do?


Domo.Bby


Dear DB,


The first thing to understand is that everyone gets angry – anger can even be a good thing. If you’re being treated unfairly, anger can help you stand up for yourself (without harming anyone else, of course). The hard part about anger is knowing what to do when you’re feeling it.


When you get angry, the goal is to calm yourself down and try to solve whatever problem is bothering you. This is hard for some kids (and adults, too). Instead of calming down, some kids might keep getting more and more upset until they explode like a volcano! Maybe this sounds familiar to you?


Some kids get angry more often or more easily than some other kids. Their anger might be so strong that the feeling gets out of control and causes them to act in ways that are unacceptable and hurtful. People might say kids like this have a temper, which is a term for acting all angry and out of control. When people say that someone has trouble controlling their temper, they usually mean that a kid behaves badly when feeling angry or frustrated.


Some kids might get so angry that they scream at their mom or dad, punch the wall, slam doors, break something, or, worse yet, hit a brother or sister. Kids are allowed to express their feelings, even angry ones, but it's not OK for a kid to do any of those things. Kids don't want to (or mean to) act this way, but sometimes angry feelings can be hard to manage. So what do you do if you're a volcano kind of a kid and your temper is getting you into trouble?


Train Your Temper

You can train your temper the same way you might train a puppy. Imagine your temper as a puppy inside you that needs some training. The puppy is not bad; it will probably turn out to be a great dog. It just needs to learn some rules because, right now, that puppy is causing some problems for you. Here are steps to take anytime, even when you're not angry:

  • Get lots of physical activity: Play outside. Do sports you like. Any activity that gets your heart pumping can be good because it's a way of burning off energy and stress. It feels good to boot that soccer ball or smack that baseball!
  • Talk to your mom or dad: If you're having trouble with your temper, the time to talk about it is before you have another angry outburst. Tell your parents that you're trying to do a better job of controlling yourself. Ask for their help and ideas for how you could do this better. Let them know that if you do get really angry, you're going to ask for their help.
  • Put feelings into words: Get in the habit of saying what you're feeling and why. Using words might stop you from slamming the door, having a fit or doing something else that could get you in trouble. Using words helps people manage their strong feelings and behaviors.
  • Take control: Decide that you're going to be in charge. Don't let those angry feelings make you do stuff you don't want to do.

The real test comes the next time you get so mad you could just explode. But don't explode. Put a leash on that puppy with these four steps:

  1. Take a break from the situation: If you're in an argument with someone, go to another part of your house. Just say, "I want to be alone for a while so I can calm down."
  2. Put yourself in a timeout: If you're feeling angry and think you need a timeout to calm down, don't wait for a parent to tell you: go ahead and take a timeout for yourself. Let your family know that they need to respect your space and leave you alone to calm yourself down. Use the time to count to five, stretch your arms and take a nice deep breath.
  3. Get the anger out: Instead of punching walls, do a bunch of jumping jacks or dance around to your favorite music? Run around or do cartwheels across the lawn. Or pick up your pen and write it all down. What made you so upset? Keep writing until you've covered everything. If you don't like writing, just draw a picture that helps you express your feelings.
  4. Learn to shift: You'll have to work hard to do this. The idea is to shift from a really angry mood to a more in-control mood. Sometimes, when people are angry, they're not really thinking clearly. Only angry thoughts are flying around their brains. But you can replace those thoughts with better ones. You can say, "I lost my temper, but I'm going to get myself under control now." Instead of thinking of the person or situation you're angry with, think of something else. Think of something that will put you in a better mood.

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  • When she was given a traffic ticket by the cops.
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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

Abbergrl
Abbergrl posted in Friends:
I mean, not that I want to be perfect but I ust start calling myself too dum, dumb dumb dumb and yeah, the truth is  I am and not beating myself up about it exactly, but I just feel so, so dumb.
reply 41 minutes
Abbergrl
Abbergrl posted in Friends:
I don't know where else to post this, but note that this isn't related to my friends. In a small way it is but it isn't.. anyway, my problem is I've read a lot and observed people around me. I've realised the kind of mistakes they make and have learnt how to avoid some of them. I've learnt from my childhood stupidity and sillyness too, and from the past two years. But I did something that many others must have done. Problem is I feel dumb now. Not because I think myself to be superior to others but because, it's simple for them to get over it but for me it's hard. I don't want to mention what I did but I had really strong feelings and one slight word can ruin my mood in that case. I've realised my problem is that I want to be perfect and to not make mistakes. But I know that mistakes help us learn. And I just need to relax but don't know how to. I want to, unlike people who give up and submit to the darkness - no offsense. But I really, really want to. It's been tearing me apart. Please, if anyone can help me, please please help.
reply 43 minutes
Yoisho
I'm in 8th grade and I ride the bus with a friend of mine. He's in 6th grade. Recently, I've had all of these weird feelings and I think I like him. He's so young but he already has a girlfriend. I couldn't get in the way of that. PLUS, everyone would make fun of me. I can't tell anyone this because I know I'll be judged.  What do I do?  :rain  :mad
reply about 22 hours
hardworld
hardworld posted in Style:
find black trousers w a good drape, wear w plain white t shirt and converse and flexx on all of them and rule the school 
reply 1 day
AnnaOfExquizurd
AnnaOfExquizurd posted in Style:
"AnnaOfExquizurd" wrote:Assuming you're around the average height for a ten-year-old, you're probably not fat. My best friend's ten-year-old sister weighs close to that much, and she looks nowhere near fat. But even if you're shorter than most, I wouldn't worry about it until a lot later in your life, because kids tend to "grow into" their weight. BMI isn't always accurate, too, though; my BMI marks me as overweight, but I'm told by lots of people I'm average-looking.If you want to worry about it now anyways, I'd talk to a pediatrician or your parents or some other adult before taking action, and listen to any advice they may have. Made a typo first time around. Fixed it. First sentence said "weight" instead of "height".
reply 1 day