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Dear Dish-It: It’s All My Fault

Dear Dish-it,

My parents got divorced and I still think it’s my fault. All my friends think it’s easy but it’s not. What should I do?

girlsrock678

Dear girlsrock678,

Believe it or not, lots of kids whose parents have split up feel the same way that you do. It’s also very hard for someone on the outside, like your friends, to understand why you feel that way. It seems crazy to them that you would think you could ever do anything to cause your parents to divorce. While they’re right in many ways, that doesn’t make your bad feelings go away.

It’s NOT Your Fault

I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT your fault that your parents got divorced. Please don’t blame yourself. Parents get divorced for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they first got married has changed. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.

Like I said before, it’s really common for kids to think their parents' split is somehow their fault. Just try to remember that your mom and dad’s decision has to do with issues between them, not something you might have done or not done. You may feel guilty about what happened, or wish you’d done a better job of stopping your parents from fighting by being a “better kid” – keeping your room clean, doing the dishes or getting better grades. But divorce is really about a grown-up couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.

Feel Better

Talking about your feelings with a friend who DOES understand (maybe you know someone who’s parents are also separated?), a family member who’s going through it with you (like a brother or sister) or an adult that you trust (like a school counselor or your doctor) can really help. You could also try talking to your parents about your feelings or, if that scares you, maybe try writing them a letter…

Your school counselor or doctor may also know of a local support group in your community for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences. The good news is, most kids that go through divorce eventually learn that they can make it through this difficult time in their lives. Just give it some time, let others be there for you and try and focus more on all the good things that happen in your life (getting an A on your next math test, or making a new friend) rather than the bad.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think girlsrock678 should do? Do you know just how she feels and have some advice for her? Leave your comment below!

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

partydiva01
partydiva01 posted in Friends:
Dear dish it, my friend first met eachother on the first day of kindergarten we sat next to one another and we became close. we were BFF's throughout 1st to 2nd grades. then, the second grade teacher realized there were alot of kids in the class. and same w the 3rd grade teacher. so, we had to have a split class. my friend was in the split. I was not. It all seemed like the teachers were doing somthing... weired. all the girls (well, almost there were only 6 girls on one half) were in the split. and all the boys were in regular . AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WAS WEIRED! :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( all the boy BFF's and the girl BFF's were SPLIT. me and my friend,kids named Nia & Georgia, Isaac& Ethan, and more. it was so sad for all of us.2 months later, I got homschooled. 2 years later im back in public with my 4th grade self. everything had changed. a bunch of people were obsessed w\ a girl my age named kassidy. im neighbors w\ kassidy and she is REALLY cool and nice. but the whole I  [s:sm3/1jw1] kassidy crew got mean. if I asked them to play they would say. "If Kassidy is playing I will" or I would want to be parteners with kassidy on something and they would freak out. anyway jasmine NEVER invited my to anything, and I am trying to be nice to her ( ice cream money, homework help, comfort when sad, ect.) And not to mention I invited her to 3 things!!! on the bright side she came to 2 :thumbsup :thumbsup she also embarassed me by saying that she was moving I freaked out  because I cared about her and I would cry all the time. I even held onto her and said sadly, "PLEASE DON'T GO!!  :sad :sad . later i found out that she was not moving, she was going to CA for a vacation. even the teacher was in on it!! :mad :mad anyways, my parents told me that i should just let go of her. But i am not ready. HELP??? :e :e :e :e :e
reply 4 days
PittsburghPenguinsFanatic
When I was a child I wanted glasses SOO bad, cuz I wanted to copy my mom and sister. And also, I thought they looked cool. I wear glasses now. I have had them for 2 years and honestly I don't mind them. Although, this year I am gonna pry get contacts for swimming better and stuff like that. But if you don't need glasses I wouldn't recommend wearing them. They're not bad, but trust me after a while you will pry not like them as much. But hey, that's my opinion. If you want to do it I'm not gonna stop you. Do what makes you happy in the long run. And tell your friends that they are non prescription if you don't need them, but still get some.
reply 5 days
Bratayley_Fan_7
She is not. I have faced this problem before so I know. You should make a new friend!
reply 5 days
ValenciaRose
ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
I agree I was afraid of that first too. Eventually I just began inviting my friends over and they don't use it/practically obsess over it like I do but they understood why I use kidzworld and not many other forms of social media. 
reply 5 days
ValenciaRose
ValenciaRose posted in Friends:
"btw_sports_rule" wrote:I really like a guy and people think he likes me. I like him but im really scared to tell anyone. I really need help but i don't know who to talk to. I can't talk to parents. They would put me in trouble for falling in love. They believe I can't date until age 20. Aw, well, my advice for you would be to talk to your parents about it. There's no point trying to sneak around like those films and it is better for your mind if you talk to them about it. It can be super difficult I know but if you and your parents get along really well then you guys can talk about it and make it work. On the other hand, if your parents ban you from falling in love as you put it, then I think it's better just to stay as friends with him. 
reply 5 days