Kw-logo-smaller

Dear Dish-It: It’s All My Fault

Dear Dish-it,

My parents got divorced and I still think it’s my fault. All my friends think it’s easy but it’s not. What should I do?

girlsrock678

Dear girlsrock678,

Believe it or not, lots of kids whose parents have split up feel the same way that you do. It’s also very hard for someone on the outside, like your friends, to understand why you feel that way. It seems crazy to them that you would think you could ever do anything to cause your parents to divorce. While they’re right in many ways, that doesn’t make your bad feelings go away.

It’s NOT Your Fault

I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT your fault that your parents got divorced. Please don’t blame yourself. Parents get divorced for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they first got married has changed. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.

Like I said before, it’s really common for kids to think their parents' split is somehow their fault. Just try to remember that your mom and dad’s decision has to do with issues between them, not something you might have done or not done. You may feel guilty about what happened, or wish you’d done a better job of stopping your parents from fighting by being a “better kid” – keeping your room clean, doing the dishes or getting better grades. But divorce is really about a grown-up couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.

Feel Better

Talking about your feelings with a friend who DOES understand (maybe you know someone who’s parents are also separated?), a family member who’s going through it with you (like a brother or sister) or an adult that you trust (like a school counselor or your doctor) can really help. You could also try talking to your parents about your feelings or, if that scares you, maybe try writing them a letter…

Your school counselor or doctor may also know of a local support group in your community for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences. The good news is, most kids that go through divorce eventually learn that they can make it through this difficult time in their lives. Just give it some time, let others be there for you and try and focus more on all the good things that happen in your life (getting an A on your next math test, or making a new friend) rather than the bad.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think girlsrock678 should do? Do you know just how she feels and have some advice for her? Leave your comment below!

Related Stories
>
>

readers voted!

Comments

nyancat122

nyancat122 wrote:

but my dad got full custidy of us
commented: Tue Dec 03, 2013

nyancat122

nyancat122 wrote:

my parents got divorced when i was 6 because my dad abused my mom
commented: Tue Dec 03, 2013

schoolgirl987

schoolgirl987 wrote:

my parents divorced when I was 9
commented: Mon Dec 02, 2013

there are 125 more comments

Please login or register to add comments


like this article?
Sign up now to get more just like it!

latest videos

F1112037235765

Are Your 'Rents Divorced?

  • Yeah, my parents got divorced a long time ago.
  • No, but they are separated.
  • No, my parents are still together.

related stories

My mom and I don't have a great relationship. We fight a lot and it always seems to be my fault.....
I really need your help. My parents are getting a divorce and I cannot deal! I cry ...
I want to leave home but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings. Over a year ago, my mom and sist...

Dear Dish-It in the forums

MissD
MissD posted in Friends:
You are welcome & Good Luck!
reply about 1 hour
snikko
snikko posted in Friends:
A prefect friend is a person that is always with you when you need  them.  THey have you back and they don'bully ou. They hang out with you. THey treat you as an equal. They stand up for you. And they don't laugh at your tureself.
reply about 2 hours
GottaLoveDance
GottaLoveDance posted in Friends:
"MissD" wrote:This might seem obvious but is there anyone else you might be able to walk home with? I always try to solve problems simply first. If yes, than I encourage you to invite that person to walk home with you. If not - let's take a step back and figure our why you are feeling left out/ignored. Do your friends talk about things that you don't understand, do they block you from participating in the conversation? If you guys have to walk together and there is no choice in the matter - YOU be the initiator of great conversation. Confidently smile - and talk to BOTH of them at the same time. It's so helpful to be able to navigate a conversation generously. That means you be the one on the high road - ask questions, people love talking about things that are interesting to them. Ask questions and figure out what common things all three of you have together and before you know it your walk will be over. Hope this helps. Let us know what happens. Inclusivity totally kicks butt over exclusivity!  thank you soooo much for the amazing advice, unfortunately I don't really have a choice because my friend walks to my house where her mum picks her up so it would hurt her feelings if I said no to walking with her but ill definitely try yor suggestions in the second paragraph. Thanks
reply about 3 hours
MissD
MissD posted in Friends:
This might seem obvious but is there anyone else you might be able to walk home with? I always try to solve problems simply first. If yes, than I encourage you to invite that person to walk home with you. If not - let's take a step back and figure our why you are feeling left out/ignored.  Do your friends talk about things that you don't understand, do they block you from participating in the conversation? If you guys have to walk together and there is no choice in the matter - YOU be the initiator of great conversation. Confidently smile - and talk to BOTH of them at the same time. It's so helpful to be able to navigate a conversation generously. That means you be the one on the high road - ask questions, people love talking about things that are interesting to them. Ask questions and figure out what common things all three of you have together and before you know it your walk will be over.  Hope this helps. Let us know what happens.  Inclusivity totally kicks butt over exclusivity! 
reply about 4 hours
GottaLoveDance
GottaLoveDance posted in Friends:
I have this one best friend and she is wonderful. But two of my other friends are best friends with each other and when I walk home from school with them I feel really left out and ignored. I don't want to ruin their friendship but I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions?
reply about 7 hours

play online games

Candy-100

A great online version of the famous Candy Crush. This is the best game launched...

Big_icon_(7)

Have you ever fancied being a ranger like those fantasy characters you love so m...

Hour-of-code-tumb

Millions of Students will be doing an Hour of Code with Tynker December 8th-14th...

Big_icon_(4)

You run across the city in a car chase with the police officers.

Big_icon_(6)

The evil master kidnapped all of your friends!