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Dear Dish-It: It’s All My Fault

Dear Dish-it,

My parents got divorced and I still think it’s my fault. All my friends think it’s easy but it’s not. What should I do?

girlsrock678

Dear girlsrock678,

Believe it or not, lots of kids whose parents have split up feel the same way that you do. It’s also very hard for someone on the outside, like your friends, to understand why you feel that way. It seems crazy to them that you would think you could ever do anything to cause your parents to divorce. While they’re right in many ways, that doesn’t make your bad feelings go away.

It’s NOT Your Fault

I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT your fault that your parents got divorced. Please don’t blame yourself. Parents get divorced for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they first got married has changed. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.

Like I said before, it’s really common for kids to think their parents' split is somehow their fault. Just try to remember that your mom and dad’s decision has to do with issues between them, not something you might have done or not done. You may feel guilty about what happened, or wish you’d done a better job of stopping your parents from fighting by being a “better kid” – keeping your room clean, doing the dishes or getting better grades. But divorce is really about a grown-up couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.

Feel Better

Talking about your feelings with a friend who DOES understand (maybe you know someone who’s parents are also separated?), a family member who’s going through it with you (like a brother or sister) or an adult that you trust (like a school counselor or your doctor) can really help. You could also try talking to your parents about your feelings or, if that scares you, maybe try writing them a letter…

Your school counselor or doctor may also know of a local support group in your community for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences. The good news is, most kids that go through divorce eventually learn that they can make it through this difficult time in their lives. Just give it some time, let others be there for you and try and focus more on all the good things that happen in your life (getting an A on your next math test, or making a new friend) rather than the bad.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think girlsrock678 should do? Do you know just how she feels and have some advice for her? Leave your comment below!

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Dear Dish-It In The Forums

rainbowpoptart
rainbowpoptart posted in Style:
Hello Amelia! Fellow natural ginger here. Your hair is a gorgeous colour and I don't blame your parents for not wanting you to dye it. How about the dye only be temporary? It won't stay on forever, so you'll have your cool rainbow colours and still have your natural colour. I do need to warn you, though, don't dye your hair too much. It's not good for your scalp. Good luck. :)
reply about 5 hours
Pink_Cool_Girl
Pink_Cool_Girl posted in Style:
They know what is best for you. But if you really wanna dye your hair, you should compromise with them. Like for instance: tell them you can dye the bottom of your hair the color, and then when you get older, you could maybe dye a little more, and so on. But your parents know what's best for you, and they want you to look presentable.                       ~PCG :)
reply about 6 hours
PaytonTehPanda
PaytonTehPanda posted in Style:
Hello players of KidzWorld! I am Amelia, feel free to call me Payton or whatever you'd like! So, let us jump right into this! :D -=+=- I have natural ginger hair and really, REALLY strict parents. I would like to dye my hair this blue color called "Atomic Turquoise" by Maniac Panic :) However, my parents don't want me to dye my hair as they think that these colors look "trashy". Girls whom I know, have dyed hair. One of them even has piercings I want. Another has had her hair every color of the rainbow and more! So, my parents are very strict and quite... I don't even know. They won't allow me to do anything really... Does anyone have anything I can use to have my parents allow me to dye my hair? Thank you! :D <3 ~Payton
reply about 6 hours
donteatcarrots
donteatcarrots posted in Style:
lisp or not, i'm sure you're a nice person. i don't even know if you can get rid of this lisp- maybe practice speaking at home, try different movements with your lips or mouth, i don't know. don't let a lisp make you less confident, that doesn't change anything about you as a person. be yourself and be confident.
reply 1 day
Ezma
Ezma posted in Style:
Dear Dish it, Im already a grown teen but I don't think I am that easy to get along whem meeting new friends in school. And I think its because I lose my confidence cause I got some speech defect which called lisp. I often sometimes looks weird when theyre talking to me and It really affects me. What should I do? I have read and tried all the practice and therapy I read in the internet for a year but it doesnt make a change. I hope you help me
reply 2 days