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Dear Dish-It: It’s All My Fault

Dear Dish-it,

My parents got divorced and I still think it’s my fault. All my friends think it’s easy but it’s not. What should I do?

girlsrock678

Dear girlsrock678,

Believe it or not, lots of kids whose parents have split up feel the same way that you do. It’s also very hard for someone on the outside, like your friends, to understand why you feel that way. It seems crazy to them that you would think you could ever do anything to cause your parents to divorce. While they’re right in many ways, that doesn’t make your bad feelings go away.

It’s NOT Your Fault

I’m here to tell you that it’s NOT your fault that your parents got divorced. Please don’t blame yourself. Parents get divorced for many reasons. Usually divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they first got married has changed. Sometimes nothing bad happens, but parents just decide to live apart.

Like I said before, it’s really common for kids to think their parents' split is somehow their fault. Just try to remember that your mom and dad’s decision has to do with issues between them, not something you might have done or not done. You may feel guilty about what happened, or wish you’d done a better job of stopping your parents from fighting by being a “better kid” – keeping your room clean, doing the dishes or getting better grades. But divorce is really about a grown-up couple's problems with each other, not with their kids. The decisions adults make about divorce are their own.

Feel Better

Talking about your feelings with a friend who DOES understand (maybe you know someone who’s parents are also separated?), a family member who’s going through it with you (like a brother or sister) or an adult that you trust (like a school counselor or your doctor) can really help. You could also try talking to your parents about your feelings or, if that scares you, maybe try writing them a letter…

Your school counselor or doctor may also know of a local support group in your community for kids and teens whose parents have divorced. It can really help to talk with other people your age who are going through similar experiences. The good news is, most kids that go through divorce eventually learn that they can make it through this difficult time in their lives. Just give it some time, let others be there for you and try and focus more on all the good things that happen in your life (getting an A on your next math test, or making a new friend) rather than the bad.

HAVE YOUR SAY: What do you think girlsrock678 should do? Do you know just how she feels and have some advice for her? Leave your comment below!

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Comments

nyancat122

nyancat122 wrote:

but my dad got full custidy of us
commented: Tue Dec 03, 2013

nyancat122

nyancat122 wrote:

my parents got divorced when i was 6 because my dad abused my mom
commented: Tue Dec 03, 2013

schoolgirl987

schoolgirl987 wrote:

my parents divorced when I was 9
commented: Mon Dec 02, 2013

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Dear Dish-It in the forums

Thranduil
That is the type of decision capable of changing your life. However, if you don't want to be part of it (And I highly recommend not engaging in that sort of lifestyle), then as hugebear said, you should sit your sister down and explain to her why you do not want to be part of a gang and maybe since you're afraid to lose her, explain that just because you want no part in it does not mean you want to lose her as well.
reply about 1 hour
hugebear
hugebear posted in Family Issues:
Me advices is talk to her.  Tell her exactly what your feeling and you doesnt want to join and ask her why she is joining.  Tell her why you think she shouldnt and also add that you feels that you will lose her if she does.
reply about 1 hour
Alsina
Alsina posted in Family Issues:
So my big sister just recently told me she was in a gang, I kinda already figured she was but I never asked. I don't really know how to feel about it. She's like my best friend, I can come to her for anything and I'd do anything for her! Anyways she asked me if I wanted to join the family, I haven't really given her an answer yet, and she keeps trying to pull one out of me so I jokingly asked what gang she was in and she told me she was a crip.Telling me that she and her boys will have my back and stuff... I don't want to lose her if i say no but I also don't want to be in a gang.  =(
reply about 1 hour
simran88
simran88 posted in Family Issues:
I guess you should give your parents some time to accept the fact. And don't worry... everyhing wil end up fine.... :)
reply about 2 hours
simran88
simran88 posted in Family Issues:
You should probably tell your mom or ny of your siblings about it (if you have any siblings)... or maybe you should just ask your dad about it when he's in a good mood. Hope I was of help.... :)
reply about 2 hours

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