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Dear Dish-It: Why Did He Dump Me?

Dear Dish-It,

My BF recently dumped me for no reason, but we still see each other every day at school. When I asked if we could still be friends, he refused. What did I do wrong?

L8

Dear L8,

Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it happened or not. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to deal with a broken heart except to give it time. Believe it or not, you WILL feel better soon; just be patient.

In terms of trying to find out why he broke up with you, sure, it’d be nice to know the truth. But you need to ask yourself this question: would it really make it any easier? By holding on to this question – WHY did this happen? – what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. But you won’t be able to move on until you learn to let go.

First thing’s first: try to accept the fact that it’s over and commit to moving on. If you do that and STILL feel like you need to know why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one last time to be honest. But be prepared to hear whatever he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons a secret in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by keeping you in the dark, and that you’d rather know the truth.

If he still refuses to fill you in, DROP IT. Accept the fact that you’re not gonna get a reason for the breakup, and MOVE ON. If he does open up to you, I’m guessing you’re not gonna like what he has to say – whether it’s the truth or not. And I doubt you’ll feel any better for knowing. Even if you think it will help you not make the same “mistake” in your next relationship (and trust me, there WILL be a next relationship), you’re very wrong. If you think your ex will be able to give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself, forget it.

Think of it this way: if there really was anything your ex boyfriend thought needed to be fixed yet he wanted to stay with you, you would have worked on those issues together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that and come to terms with the fact that, just like you, he has the right to live his life however he wants, even if it’s without you as a girlfriend or even just a friend. Those are his decisions to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could have been, leave him alone, let him go and move on. Start focusing on loving yourself so that you can someday start a new relationship with someone who wants to be with you and likes you just the way you are!

How to Move On

There are plenty of things you can do once you commit to letting go of your ex and focusing on making yourself feel better again. Try burning off all that negative energy by exercising your body. You may also want to clean your room, getting rid of (or at least storing away) anything that reminds you of your ex. Now is also the perfect time to try something new, like learning to cook or running for class president. Getting involved in extracurricular activities will help keep your mind off your breakup and maybe even let you meet some new friends. It’s also important to be extra nice to yourself while you’re healing your broken heart – pamper yourself with a spa day at home or by splurging on a cute new outfit (just don’t break the bank doing it)! It’s also prime time to step it up and school, sports and any other activity you’re involved in – be the best you can be at whatever it is you do, and feel proud of your accomplishments. Love YOU!

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for L8? Leave your comment below!

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Have You Ever Been Dumped?

  • Yes - it sucks.
  • No - I'm always the one doing the dumping.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

CoolerThanMyself
I'm a 12 year old girl with really strict parents! I do chores( even handling BLEACH sometimes) , I take care of my little brother, I'm in top set for all my classes- even on the gifted and talented register and I've only ever had 1 detention- and that was their fault anyway bc I was late( they drive). But, I'm still NEVER allowed out with my friends! My friends are all in top sets as well, are well behaved and all we literally would do is window shopping. I mean, there are my age smoking shisha and doing #####- they should be lucky I'm not a delinquent! But my parents always say I can't hang out. Not because they're worried about my safety, they just dont want me to go out.! Even sleepovers, my parents always say no because they ' haven't met the parents" but they make NO effort to do so. I'm losing out on knowing my friends better and whilst they're all making best friends, at school I'm just the person in the background- the left out friend. It hurts and most of the time I wish I was fostered or something. How can I make them loosen up? ( don't say anything about sneaking out because I chose life)
reply 1 day
Corps
Corps posted in Style:
Thank You Mate :)
reply 1 day
Kirsteeeeen
Kirsteeeeen posted in Friends:
Is there a particular reason or situation causing you to feel this way? I can't provide much advice other than talk to them about it. Communication is important.
reply 2 days
Arenl
Arenl posted in Friends:
He is a jerk, but then what ?? He is your best friend . Maybe you should tell him to sleep for an extra hour. It may be a lack of sleep.
reply 2 days
KittyCheshire
KittyCheshire posted in Friends:
My BFFEL (best friend for eternal life) is being a jerk after we have been friends for a long time. What should I do?
reply 2 days