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Dear Dish-It: Why Did He Dump Me?

Dear Dish-It,

My BF recently dumped me for no reason, but we still see each other every day at school. When I asked if we could still be friends, he refused. What did I do wrong?

L8

Dear L8,

Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it happened or not. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to deal with a broken heart except to give it time. Believe it or not, you WILL feel better soon; just be patient.

In terms of trying to find out why he broke up with you, sure, it’d be nice to know the truth. But you need to ask yourself this question: would it really make it any easier? By holding on to this question – WHY did this happen? – what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. But you won’t be able to move on until you learn to let go.

First thing’s first: try to accept the fact that it’s over and commit to moving on. If you do that and STILL feel like you need to know why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one last time to be honest. But be prepared to hear whatever he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons a secret in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by keeping you in the dark, and that you’d rather know the truth.

If he still refuses to fill you in, DROP IT. Accept the fact that you’re not gonna get a reason for the breakup, and MOVE ON. If he does open up to you, I’m guessing you’re not gonna like what he has to say – whether it’s the truth or not. And I doubt you’ll feel any better for knowing. Even if you think it will help you not make the same “mistake” in your next relationship (and trust me, there WILL be a next relationship), you’re very wrong. If you think your ex will be able to give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself, forget it.

Think of it this way: if there really was anything your ex boyfriend thought needed to be fixed yet he wanted to stay with you, you would have worked on those issues together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that and come to terms with the fact that, just like you, he has the right to live his life however he wants, even if it’s without you as a girlfriend or even just a friend. Those are his decisions to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could have been, leave him alone, let him go and move on. Start focusing on loving yourself so that you can someday start a new relationship with someone who wants to be with you and likes you just the way you are!

How to Move On

There are plenty of things you can do once you commit to letting go of your ex and focusing on making yourself feel better again. Try burning off all that negative energy by exercising your body. You may also want to clean your room, getting rid of (or at least storing away) anything that reminds you of your ex. Now is also the perfect time to try something new, like learning to cook or running for class president. Getting involved in extracurricular activities will help keep your mind off your breakup and maybe even let you meet some new friends. It’s also important to be extra nice to yourself while you’re healing your broken heart – pamper yourself with a spa day at home or by splurging on a cute new outfit (just don’t break the bank doing it)! It’s also prime time to step it up and school, sports and any other activity you’re involved in – be the best you can be at whatever it is you do, and feel proud of your accomplishments. Love YOU!

Have Your Say

Got any good advice for L8? Leave your comment below!

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Have You Ever Been Dumped?

  • Yes - it sucks.
  • No - I'm always the one doing the dumping.

Dear Dish-It In The Forums

bffeaea
bffeaea posted in Friends:
I don't know you and I'm not exactly sure how you act, but being friendly is definitely the way to go. Don't change yourself for ANYBODY. Especially someone who you don't need to impress. Speaking of impressing, don't try, do. If you are telling a story and that happens to impress them than that's great! But don't go out of your way to try to make yourself look awesome because I'm sure you already are. Be yourself. But the most important thug now you can do is not try to make a million friends. Because personally I would rather have one AWESOME friend than a million ok friends. I hope this helped. :)
reply about 10 hours
HoneyHamstern
HoneyHamstern posted in Friends:
Be yourself and most important of all, be kind. You will get great friends by doing so. Being popular doesn't always mean being nice; sometimes people tend to be rude and bossy to be "popular" and that isn't good. But if you participate or even start a group at school, at the library or somewhere important in the community (community service like the Rotary Club is a good way to start for kids and teens) can be a great way to meet friends and share your happiness.
reply about 11 hours
esthery27
"f3rr3tgal" wrote:dear dish-it,        I absolutely love my family but... my dad has these headaches  where if they are really bad i can not say anything right he will get really mad. i don't know what to do i really hate being yelled at by my  dad and i love him soo much !!!! what do i do?  [s:sm3/1jvp]                                                       thanks,                                                            f3rr3tgal Tell him that you love him and you understand he's suffering but you really don't like it when he yells at you. You can write a note or a card to him. I'm sure he'll understand. And of course if needed see a doctor so that he'll know what to do to deal with those headaches.
reply about 11 hours
esthery27
esthery27 posted in Friends:
You won't want to be, it's exhausting. Just be happy the way you are and don't care about what others think or say about you.
reply about 12 hours
GiddyUpGecko
GiddyUpGecko posted in Friends:
What if you just aren't populr, and you want to be???  :(
reply 1 day