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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Things Back On Track?

Dear Dish-It,

When my GF and I first started dating everything was really exciting. We did tons of stuff together and we were never bored when we were around each other. We pretty much wanted to be together all the time. But lately things have been cooling off between us and I wonder if you could give me some help on how to get the excitement back like when we first met? Cooled Down


Dear Cool,


First thing’s first: few things in love are more exciting or intoxicating than the intense feelings that come at the very beginning of a relationship. These are the feelings that bond two people together and make them feel close when, in fact, they haven’t known each other long enough to feel that close at all. These first feelings of love are important to experience because they make you want to know more about the other person and be truly close to them. These intense feelings also drive you to spend lots of time together, which obviously brings you closer.


However, once this “honeymoon period” of a relationship is over, many couples feel let down and, like you, find themselves wishing for those happier times they felt when they first met each other. Trust me, this is totally normal! The reality is, as you get closer and closer to the person you are dating, you get to know more about them – the things you like and the things you don’t like, too. The good news is, you know your relationship has passed its first milestone when you get to the point of wanting to be together despite the things you don’t really love about each other. Most relationships fizzle out at this point, but the solid ones start to really build into something real and long-lasting after those raw first emotions wear out.


A lot of us confuse those intense first feelings of attraction for love. Sadly, they don’t mean love at all. Think about it. You can’t truly love someone you know nothing about. You can’t love someone based only on physical attraction, either. You have to know a person, inside and out, before you can really say you’re in love.


What you’re experience right now, CD, is a milestone moment in your relationship. You need to stop and ask yourself, “Do I really care about my girlfriend or was I only in it out of lust or physical attraction?” If you really care about her and you can get past the need to feel those intense feelings, I promise you’ll find that the next stage of your relationship is even better than the first. All you need to do is shift your expectations and start focusing on what you’ve gained by being with your girlfriend rather than what you feel you’ve lost.


And don’t be too down. Those intense, exciting feelings come and go in waves – not only will you feel them again, you’ll also see that they are even more satisfying when you’re with someone you truly know and love. My advice is give it some time, figure out your feelings and everything else will happen on its own.


And remember: love is always better than lust.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Autonomy
    Autonomy posted in Family Issues:
    "StarrChild" wrote: Two years ago my parents broke up. I was never really the same after that point. My mother she began to just not care about anything. She would go out clubbing every Friday and would yell at me for my attitude towards it. Why would I be okay with her doing that??? I didn't really realise it but I began feeling kind of depressed. Of course we didn't fight all the time but when we did I would always end up crying alone in my room. And it would be really painful. One time I cried every night for a week because of her. A week ago, I felt really sick at school so I went to the sick bay but my Mum refused to believe I was sick. She thought I was lying and being over dramatic as usual. I felt really horrible after that, that the teacher sent me to the guidance councellor and almost immediately I burst into tears. I didn't even know why I did but the councellor did a little test on me and came to the conclusion I was slightly depressed and had anxiety. It wasn't really surprising but hearing it out loud just felt really weird. Even after knowing that fact my mother doesn't really act any different. She's not a bad person I swear but she can just be really horrible at times. Anyways, that's technically whats been happening in my life lol. Nothing really interesting Oh dear, that sounds like a dreadful situation. I've lived through similar difficulties in my own life, and my heart goes out to you, truly. May I offer you some advice? I don't have the cure to your problems or a magic wand that can make them disappear, but I do believe that some good can come out of your living situation. The first thing I'd like to make note of, is that everyone makes mistakes. As human beings, we have to make mistakes. There's no way around it; it's how we learn and grow. And as we get older, we don't stop making mistakes. Your parents are no exception. Although we look to our parents for guidance, and direction, and support, we have to understand that they aren't perfect people, and they make mistakes. They may not always lead us in the right direction. They may not always set a good example. They may not always be there for us, to encourage us and support us when we need them most. And that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, and we have to accept that. But we can't let allow other people's mistakes to hurt us, my dear. And I know it hurts. Your mum might not understand how her actions make you feel. You said you haven't been the same since your parents divorced, and I know how challenging that can be to go through. But you know, some of the brightest, wisest, and happiest people I've met, are people who have dealt with difficult problems in their lives, and used them to grow as people. You can let your parents' mistakes get to you, and make you upset and depressed; or, you can accept that they aren't perfect people, accept that they make mistakes, and accept that their mistakes don't have anything to do with you. So here's what you do, friend: you can't stop your mum from going clubbing, and that's okay. Don't try to. Don't fight with her about it. You can let her know how it makes you feel, but don't get into an argument. Accept the situation for what it is. Your mother is her own person, and she is accountable for what she does; you aren't. Next time you start to get in a fight or an argument with her, just step back, and withdraw yourself. Try it, see what happens. Once you decide not to let other peoples' failings affect you--and you do have the power to do this--then you'll find a sense of peace you probably haven't felt before. And you'll learn from your mistakes, and the mistakes of your parents, and everyone around you, and you'll be a better person. Press on.
    reply about 4 hours
    Dounuts
    Dounuts posted in Family Issues:
    Go to your neighbor's house and ask him/her to call to police.Everything will be just fine.
    reply about 10 hours
    RavenClawRaina
    my ex is going through the same thing. Call the police now. Things will get out of hand. My brothers friend has been living with us for about 2 weeks becuz his dad punched him in the face. Call 911 now. They will help you. Just say you have been abused by your family member and they will take it from there. If you want, add me and we can talk
    reply about 11 hours
    XxRuby_PhoenixxX
    If you are getting abused to the point where you bleed, call the police immediately. This isn't acceptable behavior.
    reply about 11 hours
    MRAP
    MRAP posted in Family Issues:
    Hey, Just wanted some advice to help me on what to do on this. Ever since I was 3 I've been both Verbally, Mentally, And Physically abused. To me, this is normal since it's been happening for so long. But I just can't take this thing anymore. When I get home I always get yelled at for no reason. I have been on Anti-Depressants for the past 1-2 years. Been going to counseling for 6-7 years for family. Nothing has changed yet. I just need help on how to handle this. Thanks.
    reply about 11 hours