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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Dumped For No Reason?

Dear Dish-It,

I was with my boyfriend for 7 months and one day he just dumped me when I got to school in the morning. It was a total shock to me as I thought we were really happy. I feel really shocked and I don’t know how to deal. I asked him why but he won’t give me a straight answer and now he’s starting to ignore my calls and e-mails. I’m afraid I’ll never know why this happened so how can I get closure and move on? Trashed


Dear Trashed,


I’m so sorry to hear your news. Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it’s happened or not. I’m afraid there’s no easy way to deal with this and no advice I can give you will make you feel better about it. I promise time will heal you and make you feel better, but you need to be patient about that.


In terms of finding out the reason why he dumped you, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Sure, it would be nice to have a solid answer from him, but what you need to do is ask yourself: would it really make it any easier?


I think that by holding on to this lack of closure, what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. Trust me, you won’t be able to heal and move on until you let go.


The first thing I think you should do is accept the fact that your relationship is over. Mourn the loss and commit to moving on. Once you’ve done that (and be honest with yourself), if you still feel you must know the reason why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one more time to be brutally honest with you. But be prepared to hear whatever it is he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons from you in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by not being open with you and keeping you in the dark. Tell him you’d rather just know the truth.


If he doesn’t want to tell you anything at this point, I say drop it. And if he does decide to open up to you, you should know you are not going to like what he has to say. No matter what it is, it will be connected to his decision for breaking up with you – a decision that you never liked or agreed with. You will most likely not feel any better after confronting him. Even if you think that by knowing the real reason you will be able to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. If you think he can give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself or your future relationships, you’re very wrong. You need to let go and move on and forget about any tips he may have for you.


If this doesn’t make sense to you, think of it this way. If there really was anything he felt needed to be fixed and he wanted to stay with you, he would have come to you and you would have worked on those problems together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that, and you also need to come to terms with the fact that, just like you have the right to live your life any way you want to, he has the right to live his life as he wants to, even if that means living his life without you. That’s his decision to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could be, and move on. Let him go and focus your energy on finding someone who really wants to be with you – just the way you are.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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  • 7 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    carolyna_03
    carolyna_03 posted in Friends:
    Dear dish it, plz help my friends treat me like a third wheel everyday I'm happy but then I'm ether getting left out pushed to the curb or something like that. I want to ditch them but I don't have anyone else to talk to or hang with, I was lonely at school because they weren't there help! Wat do I do
    reply about 11 hours
    Flamesword15
    Flamesword15 posted in Friends:
    Friends are hard to find, I will say that, but it's easy to make new friends:)<3
    reply about 15 hours
    Colorpaw
    Colorpaw posted in Family Issues:
      "Colorpaw" wrote: God yes! My mom would kill me if she found me on this site! -.- It gets annoying sometimes. My dad is strict too, but maybe not as much. I have to keep sites where I have any kind of interaction with people I haven't met face to face a secret, and it gets hard sometimes because I'm on quite a few roleplay sites which obviously involve chatting/interacting with people. I trust everybody on those sites though, but try telling my mom that.     My parents have gotten a lot better since then, but they're still strict about the chat sites and all. My mom is still very strict, but not nearly as much as then. I guess it's because I've gotten older. I'll be 13 in a few days. c: ALSO. If any of you saw my other post, pretend you didn't xD For some reason I thought I'd posted the original forum post. xDD I guess that's what happens when you haven't been on a site in a couple of years, you start forgetting things.  
    reply about 15 hours
    tweenblogger
    Thanks so much.  :love
    reply about 16 hours
    Shannyboo3
    I know exactly how you feel.  I'm going through the same thing. The thing to know is none of it's your fault.  And you can visit your mom or your dad.  You can try to get your mind of it by hanging out with your friends at school.  I feel your pain.   And I feel bad that this kind of stuff happens in life.  But god will make everything better. :)
    reply about 16 hours

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