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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Dumped For No Reason?

Dear Dish-It,

I was with my boyfriend for 7 months and one day he just dumped me when I got to school in the morning. It was a total shock to me as I thought we were really happy. I feel really shocked and I don’t know how to deal. I asked him why but he won’t give me a straight answer and now he’s starting to ignore my calls and e-mails. I’m afraid I’ll never know why this happened so how can I get closure and move on? Trashed


Dear Trashed,


I’m so sorry to hear your news. Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it’s happened or not. I’m afraid there’s no easy way to deal with this and no advice I can give you will make you feel better about it. I promise time will heal you and make you feel better, but you need to be patient about that.


In terms of finding out the reason why he dumped you, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Sure, it would be nice to have a solid answer from him, but what you need to do is ask yourself: would it really make it any easier?


I think that by holding on to this lack of closure, what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. Trust me, you won’t be able to heal and move on until you let go.


The first thing I think you should do is accept the fact that your relationship is over. Mourn the loss and commit to moving on. Once you’ve done that (and be honest with yourself), if you still feel you must know the reason why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one more time to be brutally honest with you. But be prepared to hear whatever it is he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons from you in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by not being open with you and keeping you in the dark. Tell him you’d rather just know the truth.


If he doesn’t want to tell you anything at this point, I say drop it. And if he does decide to open up to you, you should know you are not going to like what he has to say. No matter what it is, it will be connected to his decision for breaking up with you – a decision that you never liked or agreed with. You will most likely not feel any better after confronting him. Even if you think that by knowing the real reason you will be able to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. If you think he can give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself or your future relationships, you’re very wrong. You need to let go and move on and forget about any tips he may have for you.


If this doesn’t make sense to you, think of it this way. If there really was anything he felt needed to be fixed and he wanted to stay with you, he would have come to you and you would have worked on those problems together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that, and you also need to come to terms with the fact that, just like you have the right to live your life any way you want to, he has the right to live his life as he wants to, even if that means living his life without you. That’s his decision to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could be, and move on. Let him go and focus your energy on finding someone who really wants to be with you – just the way you are.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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  • My BF Dumped Me, Kind Of
  • More Great Advice from Dish-It!
  • 7 Comments

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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    drowning
    drowning posted in Friends:
    @country_girl19, I agree with Athena. She might not realize how she's making you feel and it's best to talk to her about it, if not it could get worse. If nothing changes after talking with her, then I think you should rethink things. @WatermelonCurlz, I don't really think you should hang around them that much. They don't listen to you or seem to really care about the fact that you've talked about getting different friends. I'm not saying to just cut them off all together, but I wouldn't stray from the idea of slowly distancing yourself.
    reply about 4 hours
    JazzyRox
    JazzyRox posted in Friends:
    "WatermelonCurlz" wrote:OMG! OK so, I have a group to 3 friends (not including me) and they love this video game that I'm not allowed to play. And they know that, so they talk about it purposely around me. Omg, ikr.When I ask to talk about something else the ignore me. So I say, I'm going to go find real friends, and they say, OK, like me care. And that's all they want to talk about, at recess, lunch, secretly in class, you name it thye do it. How do I get them to stop?   You should probably just stop talking to them and stuff. don't sit by them at lunch and don't hang out with them at recess. they sound like they are not good friends. if it gets worse, just tell your parents if they don't already know. idk how good i am at advise. hope this helped.  ~JazzyRox
    reply about 4 hours
    WatermelonCurlz
    OMG!OK so, I have a group to 3 friends (not including me) and they love this video game that I'm not allowed to play. And they know that, so they talk about it purposely around me. Omg, ikr.When I ask to talk about something else the ignore me. So I say, I'm going to go find real friends, and they say, OK, like me care. And that's all they want to talk about, at recess, lunch, secretly in class, you name it thye do it. How do I get them to stop?
    reply about 5 hours
    Abbergrl
    Well I strongly agree with you all. It's like, wow I never knew so many people had this problem!
    reply 1 day
    Abbergrl
    Abbergrl posted in Friends:
    A perfect friend is one who respects your feelings and doesn't make fun of them but helps you feel better, who can drive you only slightly insane, and who will try to save you from embarrassing situations by making you see the funny side. :) :D
    reply 1 day