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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Dumped For No Reason?

Dear Dish-It,

I was with my boyfriend for 7 months and one day he just dumped me when I got to school in the morning. It was a total shock to me as I thought we were really happy. I feel really shocked and I don’t know how to deal. I asked him why but he won’t give me a straight answer and now he’s starting to ignore my calls and e-mails. I’m afraid I’ll never know why this happened so how can I get closure and move on? Trashed


Dear Trashed,


I’m so sorry to hear your news. Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it’s happened or not. I’m afraid there’s no easy way to deal with this and no advice I can give you will make you feel better about it. I promise time will heal you and make you feel better, but you need to be patient about that.


In terms of finding out the reason why he dumped you, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Sure, it would be nice to have a solid answer from him, but what you need to do is ask yourself: would it really make it any easier?


I think that by holding on to this lack of closure, what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. Trust me, you won’t be able to heal and move on until you let go.


The first thing I think you should do is accept the fact that your relationship is over. Mourn the loss and commit to moving on. Once you’ve done that (and be honest with yourself), if you still feel you must know the reason why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one more time to be brutally honest with you. But be prepared to hear whatever it is he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons from you in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by not being open with you and keeping you in the dark. Tell him you’d rather just know the truth.


If he doesn’t want to tell you anything at this point, I say drop it. And if he does decide to open up to you, you should know you are not going to like what he has to say. No matter what it is, it will be connected to his decision for breaking up with you – a decision that you never liked or agreed with. You will most likely not feel any better after confronting him. Even if you think that by knowing the real reason you will be able to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. If you think he can give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself or your future relationships, you’re very wrong. You need to let go and move on and forget about any tips he may have for you.


If this doesn’t make sense to you, think of it this way. If there really was anything he felt needed to be fixed and he wanted to stay with you, he would have come to you and you would have worked on those problems together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that, and you also need to come to terms with the fact that, just like you have the right to live your life any way you want to, he has the right to live his life as he wants to, even if that means living his life without you. That’s his decision to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could be, and move on. Let him go and focus your energy on finding someone who really wants to be with you – just the way you are.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    donteatcarrots
    donteatcarrots posted in Friends:
    This is a really weird situation... Maybe she's feeling sorry for you?
    reply about 7 hours
    AnneS12
    AnneS12 posted in Family Issues:
    Well That is your choice who you want to stay with.Nobody can force you about it.When your parents see a family<a data-cke-saved-href=" lawyer, then he will ask you whom do you want to stay with and jury will decide.So dont worry .
    reply 1 day
    worldqweencc
    worldqweencc posted in Friends:
    I'm not quiet sure what's a real friend and what's a fake one anymore. I know when there's a friend who's only a school friend rather than an 'outside' friend as well, but at the same time it makes me so confused. Here's my story: There's a girl named Xian. We had a unique way of becoming friends ... but it clicked. For the whole year I've been trying to keep in contact with her ... but she's not very willing to try and put in any effort to stay in contact with me. Her personality is beyond sweet, and her skills at art are even better. If she was to have an award, it would be a giant trophy with her face plastered on it and big bold letters listing 'Nicest Girl In The World!' ... Its just ... she lied to me.  I was all about this friendship. I was ... i'll admit ... sort of a lost puppy following around her owner.  So, I got her this T-Shirt she really wanted for her birthday, and not long her birthday was mine, April First. I was expecting at least a letter, or maybe even something cheap. It didn't really matter to me.  But on my birthday she didn't even come to school. Nor when she got back did she ever say sorry, or give me any be-lated gift of any sort.  That should have been my first clue. Even my mother started catching on. My second clue was she even told me she was oblivious and wasn't good at keeping in contact. I thought she was joking. How could a friendship so sweet be tossed out just like that? My third one was near the end of school, one of her friends in elementary was bragging about the plushies she got from Xian. Apparently she had four from her.  Xian had originally told me it was AGAINST her religion to give out gifts to other people. I knew she wasn't lying about her religion in general, because I met her mom on a field trip and she was quiet ... different. But I didn't understand why Xian had gotten so many small plushies for her, and yet not a single small stamp for me? My last clue was the last day of school. She didn't even try to say good-bye or even hang out with me for that matter. I know what you're thinking. "Girl, you've gotta be kidding me if you can't see that she has no intention of being your friend!" But this girl was the nicest to me. She stood next to me during harsh times, and comforted me when I was down. She told me I was important.  And you don't get many friends to do those special things to you. It was rare to have a friend make me feel so tall and worthy.  ... So ... I can't understand ... why'd she do all that .... and suddenly ... just ... walk away ...
    reply 2 days
    catsandpizza
    catsandpizza posted in Style:
    American Apparel croptop, Juicy Couture velvet sweatpants and Uggs
    reply 2 days
    Heyyyyy_
    Heyyyyy_ posted in Friends:
    "donteatcarrots" wrote:I dunno, looks like something more than being friends is going on here. It's probably best to ask her face-to-face though, before jumping to conclusions. ^^^
    reply 2 days

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