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Dear Dish-It, How Do I Get Over Being Dumped For No Reason?

Being Dumped Always Hurts

Dear Dish-It,

I was with my boyfriend for 7 months and one day he just dumped me when I got to school in the morning. It was a total shock to me as I thought we were really happy. I feel really shocked and I don’t know how to deal. I asked him why but he won’t give me a straight answer and now he’s starting to ignore my calls and e-mails. I’m afraid I’ll never know why this happened so how can I get closure and move on? Trashed


Dear Trashed,


I’m so sorry to hear your news. Being dumped hurts, whether you know why it’s happened or not. I’m afraid there’s no easy way to deal with this and no advice I can give you will make you feel better about it. I promise time will heal you and make you feel better, but you need to be patient about that.


In terms of finding out the reason why he dumped you, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Sure, it would be nice to have a solid answer from him, but what you need to do is ask yourself: would it really make it any easier?


I think that by holding on to this lack of closure, what you’re actually doing is holding on to the relationship, even though it’s over. Trust me, you won’t be able to heal and move on until you let go.


The first thing I think you should do is accept the fact that your relationship is over. Mourn the loss and commit to moving on. Once you’ve done that (and be honest with yourself), if you still feel you must know the reason why he broke up with you, brace yourself and ask him one more time to be brutally honest with you. But be prepared to hear whatever it is he has to say. Chances are he’s keeping his reasons from you in order to spare your feelings. If that’s the case, try telling him he’s hurting you more by not being open with you and keeping you in the dark. Tell him you’d rather just know the truth.


If he doesn’t want to tell you anything at this point, I say drop it. And if he does decide to open up to you, you should know you are not going to like what he has to say. No matter what it is, it will be connected to his decision for breaking up with you – a decision that you never liked or agreed with. You will most likely not feel any better after confronting him. Even if you think that by knowing the real reason you will be able to prevent the same thing from happening in the future, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case. If you think he can give you any advice about what you need to “fix” about yourself or your future relationships, you’re very wrong. You need to let go and move on and forget about any tips he may have for you.


If this doesn’t make sense to you, think of it this way. If there really was anything he felt needed to be fixed and he wanted to stay with you, he would have come to you and you would have worked on those problems together. But he didn’t want to work anything out – he just wanted out. You need to accept that, and you also need to come to terms with the fact that, just like you have the right to live your life any way you want to, he has the right to live his life as he wants to, even if that means living his life without you. That’s his decision to make, not yours. So the best thing you can do now is forget about him, forget about what his reasons for dumping you could be, and move on. Let him go and focus your energy on finding someone who really wants to be with you – just the way you are.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.


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    Comments

    worlds_best_nerd601
    Ugh He blamed his freaking mom when Brett dumped me :*(
    commented: Sun Jul 27, 2014

    worlds_best_nerd601
    Ugh He blamed his freaking mom when Brett dumped me :*(
    commented: Sun Jul 27, 2014

    Realest_Brook

    Realest_Brook wrote:

    Cuss his azz out lol jp, if u really loved this person u can't get over it. :/
    commented: Sat Jun 07, 2014

    there are 6 more comments

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    AsianBeauty18
    AsianBeauty18 posted in Friends:
    The best thing to do is to be simple and direct in a nice and tactful way. You can start by saying, "I need to talk to you. I know you really believe we have a friendship, but I don't feel comfortable with you on that level yet. This doesn't mean we will never talk again, we can be nice to each other, just that we aren't friends like you think we are." Try to be as nice as possible!!!!
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    brunostar
    brunostar posted in Friends:
    more details please?
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    pinksaran
    pinksaran posted in Friends:
    One of the boys in my grade is telling that I'm his friend. But I know I'm not his friend. What should solve the problem?
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    hugebear
    hugebear posted in Family Issues:
    Ello Bun and Im sorry for saying this but your brothers been the brat and its normal though. Erm me suggestion is to keep the diary for one week of all the horrible things he done on you and then tell him and your Mum you want the family meeting about it and then show the list and make him explain each thing he done and say it has to stop. He probably wont listen but its worth trying and good luck :love [whispers I has other ideas too like hiding something of his and saying you will only give it back if he gives you back your whatever he has taken but Im not gonna give this advises ;-)]
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    AsianBeauty18
    It is normal behavior for a young teenage boy, but if it gets out of hand, your parents should have a private conversation with him or get a counselor.
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