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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    Abbergrl
    Abbergrl posted in Family Issues:
    Agreed. He was hiding for a reason, but noone except him knows what that is. It may have been good or bad. By telling the teacher you stopped anything bad from happening. Your grandfather was right too, but I think that telling the teacher was the right thing to do. Also, don't worry. I had an aunt who was very very close to me, but I was very small when she died and was actually laughing at those people crying their eyes out because I was little and didn't understand why they were crying so much. I didn't really feel anything right then. And now I reprimand myself for being such an idiot about it.
    reply about 8 hours
    awesomestream
    awesomestream posted in Friends:
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    reply about 10 hours
    TexLex152
    TexLex152 posted in Friends:
    I've liked the same guy for six years. I decided this year to finally get it off my chest and tell him. It took a lot of courage, and I was gonna do it the day before graduation... Except, little did I know, he went on a trip that day and I never got the chance. I then got his ######## and built up the nerve to add him. He hasn't added me back yet, and it's been a week! I shouldn't be as stressed out as I am. I can't stop thinking about him, but I'm not gonna see him for two months. Help?
    reply 1 day
    Anna13
    Anna13 posted in Family Issues:
    Appreciate you as you did the right things...dont bother other things...
    reply 1 day
    Anna13
    Anna13 posted in Family Issues:
    See, one important thing is you father eventhough missed your mummy he needs somebody in his life.Thats is the main reason. So its better  you as medium (its better if you could share to your family member who knows things well) talk to hiim to stick on to one women an marry her or Just keep silent keep him some time afterall at one point of time hwe will realise things Pray to god for his betterment.........:)
    reply 1 day