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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    Why? You're worth so much more than that. You deserve to live, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. You're an amazing human being, you're capable of so much more than you think you are. You're special. I know you probably think you aren't but you must certainly are. The idiots who tell you to commit suicide, well, as I said, they're IDIOTS. I know life sucks sometimes with them but don't let that end your life. Don't let them win. Prove them wrong. They're not worth your thoughts, why bother letting them take your life? They're not worth the amazing person that you are. Don't let them stop you from living your dreams, because they aren't worth them. They're just a bunch of jerks who have no heart, the devil took theirs away, don't let them take yours. Thanks for reading this. You're a great person and I really hope you decide not to do that to yourself. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm always available for you. -HannahG
    reply about 1 hour
    Harmonia
    Harmonia posted in Family Issues:
    "HannahG" wrote:I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG Every parent needs to read this. From my personal experience, my parents are examples of a lot of the stuff you listed above. No one's parents have a complete idea of what is going on, and by one word or one action you could make everything worse. In fact, my parents were the reason I self-harmed for the first time... But that was in the past. No kid should ever have to be slaves, be punching bags of their parents that make them miserable. Parents need to care about their kids. Isn't that what a mom or dad is?
    reply about 2 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    I've honestly learned a lot with my parents, and with my experiences I'd like to share with you what I've learned so you don't make mistakes(although you will, I'm here to prevent as many as possible). So go grab your parents and your siblings, and listen to My Rant To Parents Across America(or mainly to my own parents, since this is what I'd tell mine). #1. The relationship between a child and his or her parent is NOT a dictatorship. Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not. See, dictators are cruel to prisoners of war or basically ANYONE and push them around in any way they want because their people should obey them. The dictator's people are his slaves. Because they should obey them, because he keeps them alive. In your case, you think that you should be the dictator because you gave them the gift of life, making them owe you themselves. Well, see, um, no. You gave them the gift of life because you LOVED them! You knew that your child may make mistakes, and you didn't care because you loved them more than anything else. You didn't give them life so they could be your slave, you gave them life because you loved them enough to let them live with you. Which brings me to my next point.... #2. Don't compare your child to other children. Don't tell them you like that person better. I thought that you loved them so much you wouldn't care about their mistakes, you gave them life knowing they may not be the best of the best, but you loved them so much you wouldn't care! Do you not have that unconditional love between a parent and their child now? Because if not, maybe you should leave yours at an adoption center and go adopt the child you're comparing them too, because they're OBVIOUSLY better. The second reason why you should never compare is because, see, I don't care if you are bff's with them on social media sites, or how often you speak to them, you probably don't know your child as good as you think. You may not know what they're going through. They may not have been the lead in the school play, but most of this generation can actually be really good at acting when you're around. So many parents think that they know their child so well, when they haven't a clue. You don't see what goes on outside that door of your house. They can hide it if they're being bullied. And you just made it worse by comparing them to someone else. This world will tear them APART. To pieces, until all that's left is a small atom left inside of them. They need to know that there's always gonna be someone there for them when they're hurting, when this world has crushed them to bits. Someone who loves them, who doesn't think anyone else in the world is better than them. You're not giving them that message when you compare them to another. And also, you don't even know the person you're comparing them to most of the time. That child could be screwed in the head and you'd have no idea. They could be a much worse child than yours is. #3. Yes, I WILL make mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. I wish I were too. But I'm not, and you need to accept that! It hurts me when you're insulting me. That stuff makes me feel bad. You don't even know the effect you have on me. I know I say I don't care. But guess what? I'm the best actor there is at saying that. I do care. And it really hurts me when you insult me. Like, seriously, I just got home after being bullied by a girl who called my fashion style stupid, and you're treating me worse than she did. You don't know what's going on in my life! Why do you hurt me? For all you know, I could be a suicidal who's cutting themselves every night(I'm not, just using it as an example. I love life. But what other way can I get to you than by lying?)! You don't know! What if that insult could be the one thing that leads me to suicide? What if I'm gone tomorrow? I bet you'll have wished you hadn't said that now. The parents, they probably know who they are, they go insulting their child and guess what happens the next day? They're bringing a knife to their heart! Those parents feel like absolute ####, and they wish they hadn't said that. I'm not suicidal or anything, but what if someone else is? What if you don't know who that person is? You probably don't know. You don't have any idea at all the effect you can have on people. If it were me, I'd want my effect to be good. Your compliment could mean the difference of a lifetime and you'd never know. You have no idea. Please take my word, and pass this on. And thank you for reading this. -HannahG
    reply about 2 hours
    Tech-King
    Tech-King posted in Friends:
    Just tell him, or do what my friend did, get someone to do it for him.
    reply about 2 hours
    Anonymous-
    Anonymous- posted in Style:
    Denim shorts and white floral tank top. 
    reply about 2 hours

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