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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    H3LLSCRIVVER
    H3LLSCRIVVER posted in Friends:
    If it's one thing I'm crap at its maintaining friendships. I need some tips please help!
    reply about 3 hours
    StephRox
    StephRox posted in Family Issues:
    Sometimes you feel annoyed with a sibling and you just don't know the RIGHT way to deal with it. I'm telling you right now that all that tension, the trouble, the annoyance can stop. But it's up to you.  LITTLE SIBS  [s:p/1koi] My BEST trick is to ignore. Act like  you have no problem with them. And move on, they'll EVENTually give up, TRUST ME. I've tried on my littles sisters.  BIG SIBS  [s:p/1jmr-en] They can be a bit... SASSY I am one anyway but you need to NOT mess with t hem. Even if this is coming from one herself, act like you have NO problem and be kind to them, surprise surprise! They might listen.   [s:p/1kka] Ya friend and Advisor
    reply about 22 hours
    StephRox
    StephRox posted in Style:
    If you've ever thought your style wasn't right or you needd a style change think about how YOU want the new you to be like. It YOU anyway. What do you ENJOY wearing? What do you think will be most trendy? And maybe your parents might be like mine and might not APPROVE of your outfit. Think about you. Don't try to change to someone else but the new you  [s:p/1kk9] Your friend and advisor, 
    reply about 22 hours
    lion2a3
    lion2a3 posted in Family Issues:
    Well I say don't deal with your friend I mean comfort her and all but if she's doing all that I would leave her alone let her parents deal with it you guys are just kids ending your life isn't the solution and you seem like a really caring person but ####### help from the internet isn't to answer Tell her parents or let her see to see an therapist or something But don't let other people drag you down into depression 
    reply 1 day
    TJStar234
    TJStar234 posted in Friends:
    everybody at my school don't really like me! :( 
    reply 2 days