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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Dear Dish-It in the forums

    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Family Issues:
    Talk to your parents about it. Tell them you didn't like your Christmas gift, and don't let your brother boss you around. Your parents can, your brother can't. Your parents gave you life, sorry to tell you but they can do anything they want if it's legal. But your brother can't. Let your parents know that you shouldn't have gotten in trouble for the stuff he doesn't. Tell them he makes you feel really awful and you don't like it. If they're good people they'll understand.
    reply about 22 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    I would stop being friends with her. I mean she should understand that it'd be mean to do that. It's hard to help your friend get through a breakup when you're dating the same person. Plus you don't even know if she was trying to break you guys up so she could be with him.
    reply about 22 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    You want to know if he likes you or not? Just ask him. It's not as bad as people say-I mean, it's a question. It looks like he does, so he probably does. It's not that big of a deal.
    reply about 22 hours
    HannahG
    HannahG posted in Friends:
    Talk to your friend. Tell her that this is the first guy that's ever liked you but you don't want her to get mad at you for stealing him from her. But understand she likes him too so don't get mad if she doesn't want you dating him. Nicely decide which of you should get him instead of the other. Chances are she might be thinking the same thing.
    reply about 22 hours
    Nisya-
    Nisya- posted in Style:
    messy bun. :3
    reply 1 day

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