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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Comments

    secretagentman
    Shut
    commented: Mon Aug 12, 2013

    wreastlingfan619
    give him a stunner lol
    commented: Mon Aug 12, 2013

    miss ray

    miss ray wrote:

    SHUT WAT
    commented: Fri Dec 28, 2012

    there are 24 more comments

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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    I'm really sorry you have to do through this and that you think you have to go through this alone. But I'm here. Maybe you should move with your dad. It would be safer for you there then with your mom. People say, that the people who you love are the one's who hurt you the most. But not in this case, your parents and the one's around you should be the reason you want to live. They should encourage you to do better, and not get mad when you don't succeed the first time. I understand what you're going through, and if you ever need me, I'm here. I am willing to talk, and sometimes, talking is all it needs to brighten someone's day. So please, come and talk to me. Just.. talk to your dad and see if you can move now, explain to him what's happening.
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    Anime_ posted in Family Issues:
    There are millions of things that she does to me to hurt me. She hits a lot for no reason, she always says I'm 'talking back' when I'm just trying to explain in a polite way. She takes sides. When I yell at my 5 year old sister, She freaks out and grounds me it even worse hits me. When my sister yells at me or hits me, all she says is 'sweetie don't hit that brat'. And I'm not exaggerating cause she always does these things. The list can go on and on. When My mom calls me names or hurts my feelings and then I start crying, she calls me 'bratty' and other mean words, and she wonders why I have low self-esteem. I mean, people have feelings too. She thinks the world revolves around her. And when she's sad or angry, she wants me to comfort her. She hurts my feelings so bad that I just want to die. And shell probably be mad at me for dying. I can't take it. Ugh. And I have to deal with her for one more year, then im moving with My dad. Not like she'll miss me.
    reply about 1 hour
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    viti posted in Style:
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