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Dear Dish-it: We're Always Fighting

Jun 13, 2010

Dear Dish-it,


I've liked this boy since the beginning of Grade 7 and I heard he liked me, too. We aren't going out and we're already fighting like we're a couple. We yell, hit and kick each other just so one of us can speak. I like him with all my heart , but i don't wanna fight all the time with him. I know that yelling and hurting each other is immature, but it's something we always do and have done.


confused


Dear confused,


When you like someone or have strong feelings for them, it's natural to feel a bit out of control when it comes to your emotions and being able to express them properly. However, arguing and fighting is absolutely the worst form of communication, and if you want your friendship or even relationship with this guy to change, then you're going to have to do some work on changing yourself, first.


The first step to change is wanting to do it. Since you wrote to me for advice, I'm guessing you already have this step covered. The next step is trying to understand why you're acting so silly. Well, lots of kids argue and fight with the people they are closest to. For some, the fighting even turns physical, meaning there's hitting and kicking involved. It's very important, though, to understand that it's never OK for any fight to turn physical, and this is something you need to stop doing immediately. (Basically, control yourself - never raise your hand to anyone, your crush included. You could get in BIG trouble and risk losing your relationship with him. Just remember that the next time you feel yourself about to hit or kick him.)

If you'd like to fight less with your crush, try following these three steps:

    1. Control your temper. This is one of the true secrets to arguing less. So often, kids (and adults) let their tempers take control. Before you know it, they've done or said something that they don't mean and wish they could take back. Staying calm and polite makes it easier to resolve conflicts and helps the other person stay in control, too.
    2. Seek out adults when you need them. It's great when kids can work out their differences without needing an adult to be the referee every time. But sometimes adults are helpful. They can enforce some basic rules, and can remind you to follow them during a fight.
    3. Try to see the other person's side. Everyone says to do this, but how? The next time you're arguing with your crush, take a time-out and switch sides. Try to put yourself in his shoes and see where he's coming from. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion - you just need to learn how to accept that his is often different from your own!

    You might be thinking that resolving an argument this way is going to take a lot of time. It can take a while, but it's well worth it. After all that talking it out and trying to understand each other, you'll probably see what your true relationship with your crush is - since it won't be all clouded up with silly arguments!


    Sound Off

    Is there someone in your life who you always seem to be arguing or fighting with? Have you ever felt so awkward around a crush that you couldn't do anything but argue with him or her? Got any great advice for confused? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!


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    Comments

    secretagentman
    Shut
    commented: Mon Aug 12, 2013

    wreastlingfan619
    give him a stunner lol
    commented: Mon Aug 12, 2013

    miss ray

    miss ray wrote:

    SHUT WAT
    commented: Fri Dec 28, 2012

    there are 24 more comments

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    Fight_poll

    Does fighting all the time mean you're in a good relationship?

    • Yes: It's natural to fight with other people a lot, even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
    • No: Healthy relationships means you work things out together, not get angry at each other all the time.
    • Maybe: Fighting a lot doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is bad or over, it just means you need to get some help or advice
    • I don't know

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    Boysrock50
    Boysrock50 posted in Friends:
    The perfect friend would always be there to support you when you have a problem, and will offer to help. The perfect friend is someone who guides you to doing the right things, not the wrong things. They would make the effort to talk to you, not wait for you to contact them first all the time, as friendship should be a 50-50 relationship. They would stay your friend for years, not leave you as soon as they find someone 'cooler'. They won't act different around others to impress them and leave you. They would listen to you just as much as they tell you things. They would turn to you as their first choice, not their reserve choice. But most importantly, the perfect friend would be someone who always makes you happy to be with.
    reply about 1 hour
    brunostar
    brunostar posted in Friends:
    You want someone who cares, understands and will be there for you, and not just when you're down. You want someone who makes you smile and laugh at 3 am and you have to try not to giggle in class because of something that happened a weeks ago. Everyone fights, but you don't want someone who you constantly fight with and who makes you feel down or drops your self-esteem. If someone bothers you to do bad stuff, walk the other direction and don't take in the negative force. I'm the type of person that takes people in for who they are, I care and listen and try my best to make them laugh and be happy. I have gotten mixed with bad friends as in talking me into negative things, constantly making me feel down, ditching for other people, insulting other friends. I need to change how I act, I seem to annoy and bother people a lot. And possibly I care too much, I also at times understand too little. I get attached to easily and hurt easily. I don't know what else you asked so imma end this now xD
    reply about 1 hour
    MissD
    MissD posted in Friends:
    Describe the perfect friend in your opinion.  In what ways are you a good friend? What do you need to do to become a better friend?  What do you think? 
    reply about 2 hours
    MissD
    MissD posted in Friends:
    Honestly? They aren't safe for you. Depression is difficult to overcome. Especially when people are negative about it around you. If they refuse to believe you, then there is no point trying to be friends with them again. Some people just don't accept mental problems or swear that they are being faked. I never quite understood why people don't acknowledge it, but whatever. Moving on from that, you should find friends that you don't need to pretend around - depression isn't too uncommon. Look and listen. You'll find the right people - they just proved that they weren't it. No one can go back and make a brand-new start, but anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending!  I really like the post above me, Huntress that was really good advice. I have a theory, there are two kinds of people in the world, Vampires and Sunshine. The vampires, take from us: they suck our self esteem, positive thoughts, smiles, energy.. YUCK. Sunshine on the other hand, gives and gives. You feel warmer just being around sunshine people, they lift you up, remind you about your good qualities, cheer for you and help you be your best most true self.  Here is the other thing about Vampires and Sunshine - Vampires tend to run in packs, they draw their power from taking other peoples away - and IMO they are insatiable. Sunshine people are awesome, even if you only have one in your life - it's enough.  I hope you will look around and see if you can spot the difference, I'd love to know if you have at least one Sunshine person in your life - let go of those horrible vampires, in the end you will feel much better for having made that empowered decision!!  Good Luck! 
    reply about 2 hours
    Huntress
    Huntress posted in Friends:
    Honestly? They aren't safe for you. Depression is difficult to overcome. Especially when people are negative about it around you. If they refuse to believe you, then there is no point trying to be friends with them again. Some people just don't accept mental problems or swear that they are being faked. I never quite understood why people don't acknowledge it, but whatever. Moving on from that, you should find friends that you don't need to pretend around - depression isn't too uncommon. Look and listen. You'll find the right people - they just proved that they weren't it.
    reply about 2 hours

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