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The Anxious and The Insecure: Dear Dish-It Weighs In

June 13, 2017

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There are lots of things that make us anxious. Sometimes we feel anxious and we don’t know why. Some things make our anxiety worse. You can have anxiety about a lot of things, but one thing certainly contributes to our anxiety and that’s our insecurities. Today on Dear Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About It Tuesday”, we are going to answer questions from kids and teens who are experiencing anxiety or difficulty with their appearance. Feeling like others like you and find you attractive are things we value, but they don’t always come easy. It’s best to figure out coping skills to help you get past your anxieties and insecurities. These things will only hold you back in life and keeping you from being the happy you that you deserve to be.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Everyone has insecurities, the trick is not to let them destroy you.Everyone has insecurities, the trick is not to let them destroy you.

Question by randomgirl

Ever since I was seven I've had major anxiety problems, I got bullied all the time. It's getting so bad that when I have to go to school I shake, sweat, and my heart beat goes crazy while I'm walking down to the bus stop. This is gross, but I have a very sick stomach in the morning too, I vomit almost every morning. I'm really clumsy, and have a hard time talking to people, I'm worried about what they'll think, I try to stop, but my body just keeps turning back. I'm too scared to do basic things like go to the skating rink, or anything like that. Anywhere I go I sweat, shake, and freak out. I can't get my dad to listen, or mom. I try to tell them that it's really bad, but all they say is that it's normal for me to be nervous, I just gotta speak up. It's so much harder than it looks. I can't speak when I'm in front of people, and my side starts to ache. Sometimes I have to ask my teacher if I can go to the bathroom just so I can breathe. I know I have anxiety problems, I just don't know how to stop it. It feels terrible, like there's someone constantly staring at me, pointing at my mistakes. I hate it. Please help me, randomgirl

Insight/Advice:

You said it perfectly yourself, “[you] just gotta speak up.” It sounds like you have a serious problem and may require medical attention. I would explain to your parents how you feel, maybe even share this post with them, and try to paint a better picture regarding what is going on. I am so sorry you are suffering and even more sorry that you are getting picked on, that can’t make anything any easier. Kids and teens at this age do not understand mental health, and they don't know the agony you are going through. Talk to your parents. If they won’t listen talk to a Guidance Counsellor at school, speak to whoever you need to in order to get the proper help because this is really affecting your life, well-being, and happiness. You can't go through this alone and need some real support.

Be confident in your execution. Don't doubt yourself.Be confident in your execution. Don't doubt yourself.

Question from Diamond Dazzle

Dear Dish-it, Lately I have felt highly depressed and have had symptoms of permanent anxiety. My parents always turn that into "You can't have that problem because when I was a kid, I thought I did but I didn’t. I would bring up how sad I always feel and how much anxiety I have felt, and then I am told to stop talking back, and go to my room. I really want to see a therapist, but my parents hate them. And why would pay for something they a) both hate, and b) say I don’t need. My school counselor makes me feel uncomfortable, and anyway, it's summer. I have nobody to talk to and I really need someone. How can get them to pay for a therapist?

Insight/Advice:

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how to get your parents to get you a therapist. I can suggest you writing them a letter and letting them know how severe the pain you are in is. Share this message with them, if it's easier. Remind your parents that mental health is serious, and just because it didn’t turn out to be anything for them, it doesn’t mean it’s not something for you. Communicate your feelings to them, like you did to me so well, and harp on your emotional pain. Ask them to at least let you see a therapist or get the proper help because these feeling are not going away and you are having a harder and harder time trying to cope. It’s really difficult when people minimize your pain, so I think they need to know how bad it is. I know it’s not easy to talk about it, which is why I suggest a letter, but regardless you have to get the help that you deserve. Even if this means going outside your parents and talking to someone trusted at school, it is absolutely imperative that someone takes your matter seriously. 

Try to be your own best friend not your own worst enemy.Try to be your own best friend not your own worst enemy.

Question by Starsfish111

The past few days I have had really bad anxiety attacks that left me not knowing what to do!! I have had 2 suicidal thoughts both did not work. I have cut myself several times before! Doesn't get rid of the pain in me! I use to be able to get through these attacks with courage and strength, but now I don't have that, I feel weaker and I just can't take it anymore. It alters my day by a lot by going to school, work, or even having fun when I have free time. I just want to be by myself lately, but not if I'm having an attack I like to be around the people that I trust and they are going to be there for me!!! I don't take any medication because for one I can't talk to my parents or doctors about it! I'm too scared and I have the fear of what they are going to think or say! I don't know how they will react and are they going to understand or think that I am lying because they don't see the episodes!!! I used to love hanging out in my room all the time and now it's my worst enemy. But I have to sleep in my bedroom which is one of the triggers!!!!!! have any ideas or tips that would help me???

Insight/Advice:

Suicide is not the solution to your problem so don’t even go there, and if you do feel like you are there, call someone. Reach out for help or call a crisis line in your area. Rid your mind of negative, self-harming thoughts, and don’t cut. Don’t take things out on yourself. Do not harm yourself. Find an alternative way of expressing your emotional pain. One that is healthy for you and not dangerous. What your feeling is not your fault, and you need real help. In term of your room, maybe try moving things around, adding some new posters or furniture. Try to make your room into a new environment so it doesn’t trigger you so much. If this doesn’t help, ask your parents if you can sleep somewhere else in the house. You need to address your issues and this may require medication (as there are lots of commonly used anti-anxiety meds), but also therapy--you need to talk through what you are experiencing. You need to learn coping mechanism to deal with your anxiety. Professionals can help you stop it before it starts. They will help you pick up on cues and triggers for your anxiety, helping you to face the things that make you feel anxious in the first place. Breathing is a start, but it’s not a solution. You need to get past your nerves so that you can be heard. People deserve to get to know the real you. Don't let anxiety overpower your identity and desires, fight to exist past it, and do whatever you can to treat it. Mind you, many mental disorders are lifelong, but getting help with give you the opportunity to deal with it better, ensuring that it impacts your life less.

Question by Meow

I feel overweight because of my hips and behind being bigger than the rest of my body. My stomach seems a little chubby in my opinion but I feel incredibly overweight because of my hips. I work out pretty often, but my stomach is still round instead of flat. Am I in shape?

Insight/Advice:

You are at the stage in your life where your body is constantly changing. Don’t label yourself, or spend too much time in the mirror. Don't obsess about your appearance, and embrace these changes. Try to be comfortable in your own skin, and exude confidence, which attracts others to you despite your size. If it really bothers you, you can always eat healthier and try to be more active. This could help clear some of the anxieties that you feel about your body, and you will feel good knowing you were productive about the matter. Learn to love yourself, inside and out because other people will pick up on your insecurities and they will be turned off by them. Regardless of your size, your attitude will dictate how things go and how you feel about yourself. It’s this simple: if you can’t love yourself how do you expect anyone else to?

Participate with others when you get stuck in your head.Participate with others when you get stuck in your head.

Question by Amster101

I think I'm ugly. When I was in the Sixth grade (in Eighth now) I liked this boy. I told my friends and one of them told everyone. It soon got around to the guy I liked. He told me that he would never like me and he said I looked liked a gorilla. That brought my whole self-esteem down. Until this day I still think about it and call myself ugly all the time. Dish-it what can I do????

Insight/Advice:

Boys can be cruel, especially at this stage in life. They don’t mind their manners about a female’s self-esteem and put “looking cool” above all else. What this boy called you is terrible, and by no means is it true. Sometimes people are hurtful on purpose to get a laugh or appease others, but you know better than that. That boy is not worth it, and his wrong words about you do not make you ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and one day someone you like will be attracted to you back, but in-between that we often experience a lot of rejection. We have to get used to this and know that it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us. We can’t force attraction, but just because someone isn’t interested it doesn’t make us unattractive. I will be surprised if there doesn’t come a day when this boy changes his mind, and then you can put him in his place if you want you. Be powerful, and don’t show weakness. Don’t give him the reaction that he wants. Don’t stoop to his level. Rise above this and let it make you even stronger. The only person in control of your self-esteem is you, you decide who you let affect it, and only you can know how much it is worth. It is your job to keep your self-esteem high, high enough that you don’t let rude boys belittle you.

Afterthoughts

Anxiety. It’s evil, and we’ve all been there. That feeling like you can’t say hello to someone in the room. Telling yourself you can’t when you can. Breaking down to the point of pure silence. Feeling nervous about facing situations and particular moments. That icky feeling in your stomach where you feel like you need to vomit, that you need to get rid of it so bad, but you can’t breath. A lot of things can make us anxious, confronting people, confronting ourselves and feeling confident in who we are. Anxiety is very much like a monster that creeps over you, making you feel like you need to be worried about something. You feel unfinished, like an incomplete puzzle you feel so far away from the missing pieces. You need relief from these feelings, from these racy thoughts, from this scary place that is your mind. When you get to this place, try to use wise mind to sort your thoughts. Establish a focal point and try to stick your attention there. Strive to be mindful, focus on doing one thing mindfully, which means you keep your attention on one activity. If you feel anxious or negative thoughts creep in, bring yourself back to the activity. Participate in life, interact with people in participation or do something to distract yourself like go for a walk, write in your journal or listen to music. Figure out what works for you, whether it’s medication, or breathing in and out of a paper bag (working with various breathing exercises), or even talking yourself out of it using your wise mind skills. Whatever the tactic is, use it, but if you find nothing is helping you cope, that you’ve researched tactics and still feel plagued by anxiety. See your doctor. It might be that you need the option of taking medication when you have an anxiety attack. There are different degrees of anxiety, but when it is very severe it needs to be properly treated. Talking about what makes us anxious is also helpful, getting a therapist can be very useful towards your recovery. Your therapist will be there to listen but also can provide you with additional skills that you can use to help with your anxiety.

Insecurites can make us feel anxious.Insecurites can make us feel anxious.

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say: Have you ever experienced anxiety before? What would you say is your biggest insecurity?