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Dear Dish-It, My Mom's an Attention Seeker


Dear Dish-It, is here to whisper "ttyl after I've thought about this some more".


Dear Dish-It,

My mom is a bit... odd when it comes to men. She dates a lot, and has gotten pregnant three times from three different guys - the results being me, my sister, and brother - or perhaps I should say half-sister and half-brother. I've never met my dad, my parents broke up when mom was still pregnant, and apparently by the time I was born she had another boyfriend. I don't really get to see my sister because her dad took her and moved all the way across the state. When my mom's single, she's really depressed. She'll grab the nearest person and chew their ear off about how she MUST be ugly and stupid if no guys are dating her and starts going on about how maybe this is someone's way of telling her she shouldn't be living. My grandmom and I try to talk to her, snap her out of it, but it never changes until she finds another guy (which tends to be after a week or two of whining) or gets back with a previous one. I love my mother dearly, but her depression bouts seem rather attention-seeky. What should I do? Is there anything I CAN do? If not, I at least feel kinda better that I could tell this to somebody. It's not like I'm suicidal over it or anything, but it's all so annoying!
IrkenWaffle


Dear IrkenWaffle,

Props to you for being very mature about this difficult situation. Your mom is definitely not being a very positive role model for you by putting men and her love life ahead of your happiness and safety. Not only do her actions affect your day-to-day life, they also affect how you must view love and relationships. It's important to remember, despite the example that your mom is giving you, that you do not need a guy in your life to make you happy or feel special. Love is great, but just being with someone for the sake of having someone there isn't good. It ends up making you feel worse about yourself, not better. There's not a whole lot you can do to make your mom change her ways. But you can tell her how you feel. It sounds like you are pretty close to your grandmother, so maybe you can talk to her about how you are feeling as well. There is not really an easy answer on how to remedy this situation, but maybe you can spend some time staying with your grandma while your mom sorts her messy love life out. Instead of worrying about hurting your mom's feelings, start putting your needs first. She is your mom and should be looking out for your well-being before hers or her boyfriends. I hope this has helped! Good luck.


So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to .


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    Dear Dish-It In The Forums

    rainbowpoptart
    Goodness... I see where your mother is coming from: if you eat too much, no matter how healthy the food is, and don't work off the calories, you're going to gain weight. But she's being very obsessive and dramatic about it. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza or a cookie every now and then, and there's nothing wrong with relaxing from time to time either. As long as you aren't constantly eating junk and not burning the calories, then you do not have a problem. Eating unhealthy things every now and then does not make you fat. EATING every now and then does not make you fat. Try explaining this to her, calmly and patiently. Tell her that you don't want to be forced to do all of this exercising - being forced to exercise makes it a lot less interesting. Do not take "This is for your own good" for an answer; if you do not want to do it, it is NOT for your good. (This, of course, would be a different story if you were actually fat.) ALSO tell her that exercising too much and not satiating your cravings is JUST AS UNHEALTHY AS BEING FAT IS. If you were to not eat healthful meals and not snack every now and then, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the food is, plus exercise so frequently, you would not be healthy.  Eating is good for you, even if the food isn't. Eating too little and eating too much is not healthy. Exercise is good for you. Not exercising enough and exercising too much is not good for you. If you talking to her doesn't help, try telling another adult how you feel, and maybe they can help get it through to her. Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Moderate how much you eat, but don't limit yourself to less than you feel you need. Exercise, but don't do something you don't want to; working out should be fun. Good luck with everything. I'm really sorry that she makes you feel so badly about this.
    reply about 19 hours
    jake495
    jake495 posted in Family Issues:
    Make sure she knows its your body not hers In a respectful way of course
    reply about 20 hours
    ThePaleWalker636
    I'm perfectly happy with myself. I'm around 5'6" and somewhere between 140-150 pounds, and I don't feel fat. But my mom is constantly telling me that I am, or, at least, that I'm going to be. She forces me to go to exercise classes because I don't like many sports, tries making me go on diets, but I don't want to. She tells me that if I continue the way I am, having an extra cookie once in a while and only eating cereal for breakfast, that I'll end up fat, and she makes sure to emphasize how horrible that is for a person to live with. She rolls her eyes and sighs whenever she sees me getting a snack, and just in general makes me feel awful for eating the things I like and for relaxing. I've told her that I don't want to do these things and that she makes me feel bad when she says things like that, but she swears it's for my own good and that I should never want to be fat, that it ruins people's lives. How should I deal with this?
    reply about 20 hours
    drowning
    drowning posted in Friends:
    "NS12" wrote: I meet this guy at a festival and we have been talking for the whole week and my mum has noticed I keep texting someone and I know I need to tell her but I don t know how I am going to tell her, I doubt she ll get angry or anything but he lives about 4/5 hours away from me. I know I need to tell her as I don t like keeping secrets from her. I know this was a bit ago, but I truly hope that you were able to be open with your mother. If you feel as if they won't get mad at you, then chances are that your guardian will not. Honesty is the best policy, and if you feel guilt keeping a secret, then it is one you probably shouldn't be keeping.
    reply 2 days
    drowning
    I agree with @rainbowpoptart. You really shouldn't worry about relationships that much given your age. I promise, they're better things to worry about than boys and more secure romances occur later on in life anyways. But, given the situation, you shouldn't worry about either. The boy is unfaithful and so is your friend. If your best friend really valued your friendship, she would not have put it in a position that could end it. Don't waste your time on those who will not put you first just as you do for them; better people will come into your life and they are the ones who you should really worry about.
    reply 2 days